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Naomeatmybutt

@naomeatmybutt.bsky.social
287 followers 25 following 69 posts

She/Her. Co-founder/writer/art director for Commander's Herald. Former(?)writer for Hard Drive I mean I'm still in their Slack but don't really check it anymore. I don't use socal media much cuz it makes my brain sad. linktr.ee/growboobsownnoobs

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Naomeatmybutt @naomeatmybutt.bsky.social · 01/10/2026
Citadel’s last major acquisition before Card Kingdom was a company called Alchemy AI, two words all Magic players love to hear. commandersherald.com/private-equi...
commandersherald.com
Private Equity Firm That Bought Card Kingdom Still Hasn't Received Order | Commander's Herald
Citadel's last major acquisition before Card Kingdom was a company called Alchemy AI, two words all Magic players love to hear.
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Commander's Herald @commanders-herald.bsky.social · 01/10/2026
“We tried reaching out to customer service, but for some reason they were reluctant to help us gut their department like a fish. The best we got was a hand drawn Junk token of someone’s balls.”
commandersherald.com
Private Equity Firm That Bought Card Kingdom Still Hasn't Received Order | Commander's Herald
Citadel's last major acquisition before Card Kingdom was a company called Alchemy AI, two words all Magic players love to hear.
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Naomeatmybutt @naomeatmybutt.bsky.social · 22/09/2026
Wizards of the Coast & TCGplayer Host Charity Drive For Employees commandersherald.com/wizards-of-t...
commandersherald.com
Wizards of the Coast & TCGplayer Host Charity Drive For Employees | Commander's Herald
"With your help, we raised thousands for charity." said Hasbro CEO Chris Cocks after dumping $1.3 million into creating an AI Mr. Potato Head.
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Naomeatmybutt @naomeatmybutt.bsky.social · 24/08/2026
looking at dragon toys to use as d&d minis and this review is so sweet
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Commander's Herald @commanders-herald.bsky.social · 05/08/2026
Wizards of the Coast recently announced Dungeons and Dragons Universes Beyond, a product guaranteed to have fans Googling “what the hell are those Spider-Man D&D books called again?” We’ve got you covered with this clear and concise guide.
commandersherald.com
D&D Universes Beyond Not To Be Confused With Universes Beyond D&D or D&D Beyond | Commander's Herald
Wizards of the Coast recently announced Dungeons and Dragons Universes Beyond, a product guaranteed to have fans Googling “what the hell are those Spider-Man D&D books called again?” We’ve got you cov...
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Naomeatmybutt @naomeatmybutt.bsky.social · 10/07/2026
"Previous turns weren’t masterpieces or anything, but seriously please stop trying to get us excited by Life from the Loaming Multiversal Passage every turn. I promise that nobody on earth gives a shit."
commandersherald.com
Meandering Commander Opponent Not Sure What To Do After Playing Thanos  | Commander's Herald
Yue’s brother Deacon tried following in her footsteps before dropping his cards all over a weirdly religious emo toddler and letting him figure it out.
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Naomeatmybutt @naomeatmybutt.bsky.social · 01/07/2026
Omnath still “supports” all colors of mana, but only on certain planes where it’s financially viable. It remains strictly monocolored when traveling the omenpaths to Portal Three Kingdoms, any Universes Beyond product from the U.K., and of course Inndianastrad. commandersherald.com/omnath-back-...
commandersherald.com
Omnath Back To Mono Green Now That Pride Month Is Over | Commander's Herald
It remains strictly monocolored when traveling to Portal Three Kingdoms, any Universes Beyond product from the U.K., and of course Inndianastrad.
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Commander's Herald @commanders-herald.bsky.social · 17/06/2026
“My access to healthcare is inexorably tied to how many people click on my post of Hulk’s left testicle or whatever, so I’m fighting tooth and nail to get my meds. Haha wow what a funny satirical dystopian premise.” She said while shooting us finger guns between tears.
commandersherald.com
Blood-Soaked Content Creator Emerges From Thunderdome With Unplayable Spoiler Card | Commander's Herald
"People are still hung up on the ONE time we hired actual murderers to protect our trading cards, so I figured when in Rome, use the Colosseum.”
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Naomeatmybutt @naomeatmybutt.bsky.social · 17/06/2026
"For some reason people are still hung up on the ONE time we hired actual murderers to protect our trading cards, so I figured–when in Rome, use the Colosseum." commandersherald.com/blood-soaked...
commandersherald.com
Blood-Soaked Content Creator Emerges From Thunderdome With Unplayable Spoiler Card | Commander's Herald
"People are still hung up on the ONE time we hired actual murderers to protect our trading cards, so I figured when in Rome, use the Colosseum.”
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Naomeatmybutt @naomeatmybutt.bsky.social · 15/06/2026
"Oh my god, I can’t believe you’re using Dragon Shields, you are so brave. If I were playing with those, I’d be sooooo embarrassed." commandersherald.com/mean-girl-in...
commandersherald.com
Mean Girl In Commander Pod Loves How You Just Play Anything | Commander's Herald
She proceeded to gush “Oh my god I can’t believe you’re using Dragon Shields, you are so brave. If I were playing with those, I'd be sooooo embarrassed.”
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Naomeatmybutt @naomeatmybutt.bsky.social · 28/05/2026
in high school the cool librarian and a kinda friend invited me to go to a roller rink with them and I said no. unironically one of my biggest regrets.
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Commander's Herald @commanders-herald.bsky.social · 27/05/2026
“Look, union dues are a lot.” said Cocks while wiping his ass with 2-ply $100 bills. “Imagine spending some of a resource now to ensure you get a lot more later. What kind of self respecting Magic player does that?”
commandersherald.com
Wizards Reminds Employees Instead Of Union Dues They Could Pay For Slightly Nicer Spot In Secret Lair Line | Commander's Herald
“Here at Wizards of the Coast, we’re like family, and family extorts each other all the time.” added Cocks with a tear running down his eye.
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Naomeatmybutt @naomeatmybutt.bsky.social · 27/05/2026
Wizards Reminds Employees Instead Of Union Dues They Could Pay For Slightly Nicer Spot In Secret Lair Line commandersherald.com/wizards-remi...
commandersherald.com
Wizards Reminds Employees Instead Of Union Dues They Could Pay For Slightly Nicer Spot In Secret Lair Line | Commander's Herald
“Here at Wizards of the Coast, we’re like family, and family extorts each other all the time.” added Cocks with a tear running down his eye.
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Naomeatmybutt @naomeatmybutt.bsky.social · 08/05/2026
Everyone mimicked me with a ‘Hi Horgath the Blood Augur’ in monotone before repeating the process for Rutabaga the Bard, Marigold the Sorcerer, and Mitch the Real Estate Agent. commandersherald.com/depressing-d...
commandersherald.com
Depressing D&D Campaign Begins With Characters Meeting In Church Basement | Commander's Herald
the cleric rewarded the others strange coins with differing lengths of time etched onto their faces. When the rogue asked how they might acquire such a treasure, they were politely informed it wasn’t ...
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Naomeatmybutt @naomeatmybutt.bsky.social · 03/05/2026
think i'm just gonna repost this every couple of weeks
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Naomeatmybutt @naomeatmybutt.bsky.social · 06/04/2026
redesigned the CH logo by using the old one and making it dumber cuz the site's art director (me) can't draw for shit :)
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Naomeatmybutt @naomeatmybutt.bsky.social · 05/04/2026
this isn't a CH thing i just really wanted to make this image
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Naomeatmybutt @naomeatmybutt.bsky.social · 04/03/2026
ty for the new catchphrase 🥰
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Naomeatmybutt @naomeatmybutt.bsky.social · 04/03/2026
I've known writers who use subtext and none of them can block warriors. commandersherald.com/trans-magic-...
commandersherald.com
Trans Magic Player With Empty Hand Thoughtseized Anyways | Commander's Herald
It's not about helping anyone, it's about sending a message. Not sure who originally said that, but I'm pretty sure it was the good guy."
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Commander's Herald @commanders-herald.bsky.social · 03/03/2026
"If your blood doesn’t run hot, I will make it run in the sands! Execution awaits the dissenter. Diplomacy has solved nothing. Only bloodspill can end this now. Call forth the warbringer!”
commandersherald.com
Latest Hegseth Speech Clearly Flavor Text from Red Magic Cards | Commander's Herald
WASHINGTON, D.C. – Spectators of a recent Pete Hegseth speech report that the high-ranking military official read his speech directly from the flavor text of Magic: The Gathering cards. The speech, pr...
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Naomeatmybutt @naomeatmybutt.bsky.social · 03/03/2026
@andrewkmar.bsky.social except the copied token isn't legendary
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EEK! A Kiaayo! @kiaayomahkwa.itch.io · 24/02/2026
I don't know if Macaulay Culkin has a bsky account. Frankly, I don't want to know, so I'm not going to try and tag him and make him aware of my bullshit. commandersherald.com/macaulay-cul...
commandersherald.com
Macaulay Culkin's Weird Career Resurgence Continues As He's Announced To Be The New Silverquill Headmaster | Commander's Herald
Hollywood, CA — Former child star and current satirical news site owner Macaulay Culkin continues to make unexpected waves in both the pop culture and academic culture scenes as he’s announced to be t...
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Naomeatmybutt @naomeatmybutt.bsky.social · 12/02/2026
Romantic Tension Escalates As Two Commander Players Going To Cut Same Deck’s Hands Touch commandersherald.com/romantic-ten...
commandersherald.com
Romantic Tension Escalates As Two Commander Players Going To Cut Same Deck's Hands Touch | Commander's Herald
Some have criticized the couple for suddenly ramping into a relationship, somehow managing to move in together before turn 5,
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Commander's Herald @commanders-herald.bsky.social · 12/02/2026
Melissa Baker & Charlene Lawyerer, two members of the pod with different backgrounds (Baker with Master Chef and Lawyerer with $40k in student loan debt) first grazed each other’s fingertips above the oddly progressive anime titty playmat.
commandersherald.com
Romantic Tension Escalates As Two Commander Players Going To Cut Same Deck's Hands Touch | Commander's Herald
Some have criticized the couple for suddenly ramping into a relationship, somehow managing to move in together before turn 5,
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Commander's Herald @commanders-herald.bsky.social · 05/02/2026
“Magic players always struggle with two things, basic social etiquette and layers. So this was a tinderbox for conflict."
commandersherald.com
Judge Called To Magic Potluck Over 7-Layer Dip | Commander's Herald
SEATTLE, WA — Chaos and calamity struck a typically peaceful community potluck Wednesday evening when a food fight erupted amongst a group of local magic players confounded by the interaction of a 7-l...
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Commander's Herald @commanders-herald.bsky.social · 03/02/2026
commandersherald.com
Secret Lair x [REDACTED] Teased By Wizards Of The Coast | Commander's Herald
Once in a while, Wizards of the Coast teases something so wild that they have to keep us in the dark about it, like Secret Lair x [REDACTED].
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Commander's Herald @commanders-herald.bsky.social · 30/01/2026
“Our ideal recruit is a moron nobody likes with an inferiority complex who recklessly escalates every situation they’re in. Tell me you haven’t seen at least one of those at your LGS.”
commandersherald.com
Untapped Mountain Only Justification ICE Agent Needs | Commander's Herald
Our ideal recruit is a moron nobody likes who recklessly escalates every situation they're in. Tell me you haven't seen at least one of those at your LGS.
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Commander's Herald @commanders-herald.bsky.social · 20/01/2026
Several players were annoyed after getting something that has nothing to do with Lorwyn in their box of Lorwyn cards, while others were simply relieved to find the turtles weren’t sealed in plastic.
commandersherald.com
500 Lucky Lowryn Eclipsed Prerelease Attendants Unbox Serialized, Suffering Turtles | Commander's Herald
"When my Spider-Man kit was full of spiders, or my Duskmorne kit was full of spiders, or my bathtub was full of spiders, things made sense."
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Interesting MTG Art (scary version 💀) @interestingmtg.bsky.social · 20/01/2026
Evergreen line
An excerpt screenshot from the Commander's Herald satire article "500 Lucky Lorwyn Eclipsed Prerelease Attendants Unbox Serialized, Suffering Turtles" by Naomi Krause, which reads:

Chris Cox, head of stupid shit at Wizards, remains undeterred in the face of this criticism.
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Naomeatmybutt @naomeatmybutt.bsky.social · 20/01/2026
500 Lucky Lowryn Eclipsed Prerelease Attendants Unbox Serialized, Suffering Turtles commandersherald.com/500-lucky-lo...
commandersherald.com
500 Lucky Lowryn Eclipsed Prerelease Attendants Unbox Serialized, Suffering Turtles | Commander's Herald
"When my Spider-Man kit was full of spiders, or my Duskmorne kit was full of spiders, or my bathtub was full of spiders, things made sense."
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Commander's Herald @commanders-herald.bsky.social · 31/12/2025
It's the quiet comfort of knowing that nothing is ever truly gone. And, if we're honest, it's the sometimes problematic enjoyment of watching our friends squirm. Don't worry, I'm not here to shame you.
commandersherald.com
Do You ACTUALLY Like Reanimate, or Are You Just Terrified of Death and the Thought of Reanimation Calms Your Nerves? | Commander's Herald
Hi there, reader! I'm Dr. Foxglove, and I'm a new addition to the Commander's Herald. I talk about things like death, sex, and trauma; and I use Magic: the Gathering to help me do it. It would make se...
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Commander's Herald @commanders-herald.bsky.social · 18/12/2025
"Battling product fatigue for so long really took it out of him. A few years back, some other kid in his ward used their Make-A-Wish to ask them to make more Magic cards. Should've known it'd be a monkey's paw situation."
commandersherald.com
Doctors Inform Terminally Ill Magic Player He'll Only Live Through 178 More Spoiler Seasons | Commander's Herald
Oncologists at St. Traft General Hospital had the heartbreaking task of informing a patient's family that he has only months, or approximately 178 more seasons of Magic The Gathering Cards being spoil...
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Commander's Herald @commanders-herald.bsky.social · 12/12/2025
While cuffing is typically a term reserved for romantic couplings, experts say this type of pop-culture coupling during the winter season is increasingly common. Other examples include re-downloading Final Fantasy XIV or binge-watching critically acclaimed sitcoms from the 1970s.
commandersherald.com
Lonely Magic Player Commits to New Format in Cuffing Season | Commander's Herald
ST. CLOUD, MN - Cuffing season is upon us. The time of year when the nights grow longer and colder, pushing people to seek solace in romantic couplings. But one local man has found another way to cope...
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Commander's Herald @commanders-herald.bsky.social · 11/12/2025
"Mere hours after releasing their planned second chapter for Lorwyn Eclipsed, a multiversal sized shadow was cast over the set's moment when the first round of Marvel Super Heroes were spoiled."
commandersherald.com
Lorwyn Eclipsed Eclipsed | Commander's Herald
Mere hours after releasing their planned second chapter for Lorwyn Eclipsed, a multiversal sized shadow was cast over the set's moment
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Commander's Herald @commanders-herald.bsky.social · 10/12/2025
"The WOTC fix is in. This was always going to happen when Universes Beyond was allowed to go unchecked. I haven't been happy since 1996."
commandersherald.com
Magic Community Outraged at Show of Good Sportsmanship at Worlds | Commander's Herald
Manfield and Shibata were unavailable for comment due to being busy enjoying their successes this past weekend with their friends and loved ones.
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Commander's Herald @commanders-herald.bsky.social · 09/12/2025
"If you think about it, the King James Bible was the first errata. I see your Geralf's Messenger has undying, just like a certain friend of mine. Oh, Parallel Lives multiplies your Food tokens? Hmm, reminds me of some loaves and fishes."
commandersherald.com
Youth Pastor Knows a Super Cool Legendary Creature You Should Build Around | Commander's Herald
“If you think about it, the King James Bible was the first errata.” said Fyve between handing out fidget spinner crosses.
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Commander's Herald @commanders-herald.bsky.social · 08/12/2025
"Its rules are taken nearly verbatim from an older card game, known as Euchre, made for a subset of a standard deck of playing cards. This revelation was brought forward after Aunt Eileen offered to teach us the original game following Thanksgiving dinner."
commandersherald.com
New Fringe Magic Format Secretly Just Euchre | Commander's Herald
A new shared-deck round-based Magic format, has been gaining traction on social media over the past few months.
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Commander's Herald @commanders-herald.bsky.social · 05/12/2025
While it remains unclear how they mechanically fit into the new set's theme, there's no doubt Bullshit fits nicely with the overall direction of Standard.
commandersherald.com
New Artifact Token Does Some Bullshit | Commander's Herald
Leaks for the next Magic set reveal that a new artifact token does some bullshit. We break down all the details on the new token.
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Commander's Herald @commanders-herald.bsky.social · 29/11/2025
This Black Friday weekend, try and find as many sales as you can on this incredibly under-rated card, you (and I) won't be disappointed!
commandersherald.com
This Article Is Trying to Inflate The Price of Spellweaver Volute | Commander's Herald
Spellweaver Volute is flexible, unique, and if this article does what it's supposed to, it'll also be hard to find, so buy them now from me!
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Naomeatmybutt @naomeatmybutt.bsky.social · 29/11/2025
props to scg for taking out ad space to explain how to tap cards 😀
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Commander's Herald @commanders-herald.bsky.social · 25/11/2025
"The pony kicked him right in the ass, and he fell straight into the rest of the cake. Went right through the folding table WWE style. Everyone was laughing at this tiny, cute thing terrorizing him. Poor guy told the pony 'I yield! I yield!' I wanted to help, but I was just laughing too hard."
commandersherald.com
Local Man Realizes He's a CR 0 Encounter After Losing Fight With Son's Birthday Pony | Commander's Herald
OMAHA, NE - Local father and D&D player Phillip Grossman reportedly fell into a midlife crisis after an incident at his son's birthday. Suffering a humiliating defeat at the hooves of a pony rented fo...
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Commander's Herald @commanders-herald.bsky.social · 21/11/2025
"Nobody wants to buy anything except for rare cards, because they're starting to realize that Monopoly has never been fun to play and that the new generation of My Little Pony isn't as good as that other one. You know, the one with Rainbow Dash?"
commandersherald.com
Hasbro Executives Begin Burning Wizards of the Coast Office Furniture For Warmth | Commander's Herald
Renton, Washington -- As the harsh winter approaches, Hasbro's board of directors huddle around the burning desk of Carmen Klomparens, hoping to stave off a freezing death for another night. "The trek...
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EEK! A Kiaayo! @kiaayomahkwa.itch.io · 21/11/2025
commandersherald.com/hasbro-execu...
commandersherald.com
Hasbro Executives Begin Burning Wizards of the Coast Office Furniture For Warmth | Commander's Herald
Renton, Washington -- As the harsh winter approaches, Hasbro's board of directors huddle around the burning desk of Carmen Klomparens, hoping to stave off a freezing death for another night. "The trek...
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Commander's Herald @commanders-herald.bsky.social · 17/11/2025
"We can't do anything properly in this country without compromise, and I know you'll help me out even though you've never done so before. As a matter of fact, why don't I just give all of the cards to you, so you know how supportive I can be?"
commandersherald.com
Democrat Congressman Puts All Cards In One Pile For Opponent's Fact or Fiction | Commander's Herald
Washington, D.C. - As the government begins to return to work following the longest government shutdown on record, many returning politicians are starting up their Magic: The Gathering play groups aga...
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Naomeatmybutt @naomeatmybutt.bsky.social · 17/11/2025
my favorite fall header images :>
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Commander's Herald @commanders-herald.bsky.social · 12/11/2025
commandersherald.com
Magic: The Gathering Designers Forget To Remove iCarly Ad From Avatar Screenshot Card | Commander's Herald
using the old CRT TV in my mom's basement. Frankly, the fact that it isn't an in-between frame where Aang looks like a sleep paralysis demon is a miracle."
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Naomeatmybutt @naomeatmybutt.bsky.social · 12/11/2025
Magic: The Gathering Designers Forget To Remove iCarly Ad From Avatar Screenshot Card commandersherald.com/magic-the-ga...
commandersherald.com
Magic: The Gathering Designers Forget To Remove iCarly Ad From Avatar Screenshot Card | Commander's Herald
using the old CRT TV in my mom's basement. Frankly, the fact that it isn't an in-between frame where Aang looks like a sleep paralysis demon is a miracle."
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Commander's Herald @commanders-herald.bsky.social · 10/11/2025
commandersherald.com
Magic Players Angry Their Secret Lair Experience Went the Same Way It Did the Last 10 Times | Commander's Herald
THE INTERNET -- The latest Secret Lair Drop went live this week, and Magic: The Gathering players took to socials to report yet another frustrating experience that left them empty-handed, just as it h...
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Commander's Herald @commanders-herald.bsky.social · 03/11/2025
commandersherald.com
Commander Opponent With Ouija Board Playmat Swears They Aren't Targeting You | Commander's Herald
"I thought it was my grandma guiding me from above, but after spelling out 'p l a y  w a r p  w o r l d' , I'm pretty sure it's someone from the other place."
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