iiinova — where your digital self keeps evolving

moni @monimoni.bsky.social · 9h

you posted this the very minute someone sent this gif to a group chat im in

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moni @monimoni.bsky.social · 13/10/2026

im the neurodevelopmental disability moni

i used to think i would meet my end in some grisly self-inflicted manner. but then i transitioned and started to love myself. but loving myself is not enough it appears for i am lacking in something more functional. i will likely meet my end by withering from a neglect i could never overcome. hopefully not any time soon at least. maybe i need a caretaker.

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moni @monimoni.bsky.social · 13/10/2026

Imagining a French-speaking Lawrence Carr commentating here goin like C'es pas fini tant que c'est pas fini, c'est pas fini tant que c'est pas fini!!-- C'est Mahvel, baby!!!

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moni @monimoni.bsky.social · 08/10/2026

i took estrogen last night and feel better. i am now autistically nonverbal at an appointment

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moni @monimoni.bsky.social · 07/10/2026

translated the lyrics (my translation does not include the english-language refrain)

a pool-of-water sky,
toward a colorless sky,
a bird, a bird, up high!

a face peering down
as though to make itself smile
the cold cold sky beneath the heels
spreads out everywhere

at the corner of some park,
an upside-down merry-go-round:
spin, spin, spin quickly!

a blue wooden horse cries out softly
as though it saw a dream
the light filtered through the trees wavers at the bottom of the waters
the sky simply spreads out
up high, up high, up high...

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moni @monimoni.bsky.social · 06/10/2026

i love him so much you can tell he was drunk as hell and the kansaiben was itching to come out

@fullkawa_ryo (twitter)
自分が何をかっこいいと思うかなんか他人に認めてもらわんでも、AIに聞かんでもわかるじゃろ。ハートに聞けハートに。トークン使わんでも教えてくれるわい

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moni @monimoni.bsky.social · 06/10/2026

泳ぎ越えたいこの儚い夢を、「願ってるよ」の響き残りが消えた後で

君が言葉に触れた日々は
当たり前に消える
明日はどうやって
君を笑わせばいい？

「行かないで」
その後に答えが見えるはずも無く
泣き出した日々の後に、
君が笑うように言い聞かせ―――

貴方無し。では？
何も無い約束
言葉無し。では？
伝わるはずも無いんだ
君がそこにいない夜を
泳いでゆく

「行かないで」
その後に答えが見えるはずも無く
泣き出した日々の後に、
君が笑うように言い聞かせ―――

貴方無し。では？
何も無い約束
言葉無し。では？
伝わるはずもないんだ
僕はもう行かなくちゃ
春の終わりの夜に
君はどうする？
暖かいシーツの中？

お別れの日
また明日、を
願ってるよ。

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moni @monimoni.bsky.social · 05/10/2026

im crossfaded on adderall and corner store for-regulation-purposes-not-weed

basically what im saying is u gotta turn ur consciousness into a microcosm of communist society. ur mind is a headspace and in it resides an infinitude of different people with the same agency and spirit but their agencies are related to different abilities and their spirits are related to different needs. and they're all in this together cuz they're all stuck in the same body interacting with the same environment. they gotta help each other survive and be happy. if they start fighting each other or develop an ego or simply forget that other people exist they only hurt themselves in the end. it sabotages the headspace's ability to work harmoniously with the body in order to navigate reality, which can only be done collectively

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moni @monimoni.bsky.social · 05/10/2026

come to think of it this is basically the narrative structure of human history (except we still don't have the post-colombian exchange religious founder we're like 500 years late on this shit and way off course)

every religion is united in their origins being like, everyone does evil and has evil done to them and does evil in response, and nobody knows who did evil first but everyone assumes it was definitely not them. then some guy comes along and goes "hey has everyone tried not killing and raping each other like we're one people man" and everyone goes "wooooaaahhhh ive never thought of that before" and then the second that guy dies they start killing and raping in that guy's name and coming up with elaborate reasons as to why the killing and raping is actually justified and their chosen "stop killing and raping and love each other" guy would approve of it

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moni @monimoni.bsky.social · 04/10/2026

translated a song i love :D 森ゆに - バラの咲く庭で. the refrain makes me feel exactly like the lyrics it's so freeing and wonderful yay www.youtube.com/watch?v=v5iB...

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moni @monimoni.bsky.social · 02/10/2026

WOW the in app translation is terrible with Japanese-to-English. Google translate did a perfectly workable (albeit imperfect) job; trying to type out the in-app tl for the alt text was giving me an aneurysm

Google translate:
Iruma-kun is the best! ^_^ In the Misfit Class, the pure kindness within each of them resonates like clear seawater; it fills the very depths of my heart. :D

In-app translation:
I'm the best ^_^ The problem child class is that I feel the most interest of everyone is clear like a clear seawater, I feel the feing that the bottom of my heart is full.:D

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moni @monimoni.bsky.social · 25/09/2026

turned the posts i made these past few hours into a final first draft (aka the most intentionally annoying thing ive ever written)

When I write, it goes like this. First draft: I write what I'm thinking. Second draft: I think about my first draft, and write what I'm thinking. I repeat until satisfied. It's an exercise in recursion.
Once I'm satisfied, I do what any satisfied person does: I forget myself, reach outside, and let thoughts happen to me. Then, at last, I begin to truly write. I simply have thoughts and write them down. That is the first draft of my final thoughts (for now, until I am a different me). It comes out perfect the first time, every time.

And in writing on my writing, I think on my thinking. By way of example, some theses on theses:

The philosophical path to enlightenment is, as simply put as unsimply followed, the "hermeneutics of hermeneutics." If you attempt to think in this way, you will find the only reasonable way to go about it: to view one's hermeneutics in the light of lived experience. It is to know when words fail.
You will also find an imperative to forget philosophy and empathize. The hermeneutics of "the hermeneutics of hermeneutics" is to recognize the limitations of one's own lived experience, to consider the lived experience of others. To think is to empathize recursively.
To think well is to think before you think: to know when you think to think; and to do so, you must know when you know your knowing. You must feel when you feel, and you feel yourself when you know the feeling of another self feeling themselves know you.
To learn to think before you think is to learn to control yourself. Hasn't philosophy always been just the tradition we've built investigating into the logic of the hermeneutics of self-control? What about religion? Science? Ain't it all just growing up?
For those keeping score, that's "investigating into the logic of the hermeneutics of the hermeneutics of hermeneutics." And for those keeping score of the scorekeeping, I'm referring to the recursive application of the application of recursive empathy. Feel your feelings of the feelings of others as they feel others' feelings -- and so on.
And as I said, this process is equivalent to the hermeneutics of hermeneutics -- and repeat.

If this feels like a recipe for endless headache, that is the point. I wrote what I was thinking; thinking in such a recursive mode is indeed an endless headache. You will go crazy if you don't let yourself be satisfied. Anyone would go crazy if they never let themselves breathe. The satisfied breath is the sword that cuts the Gordian Knot, the sword bringing peace. Don't go crazy: just breathe.

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moni @monimoni.bsky.social · 19/09/2026

Shoutouts to Jailbreak out of History by Butch Lee for helping me think about this stuff. Great book

Guerrilla, farmhand, lumberjack, laundress and cook, refugee organizer, raid leader and Intelligence commander, nurse and healer, revival speaker, feminist and fundraiser. Harriet flowed, without fuss, from need to need, task to task. Having no power, she could live with immeasureable power. That's what makes her such a difficult model. You can’t get a grant to be Harriet. And while the capitalist patriarchy has a million schools, women still do not have even one school to teach what Harriet could do.

In her old age a newspaper reporter from the N.Y. Herald came to interview her, one of the last surviving heroines of the Anti-Slavery struggle:
-She looked musingly toward a nearby orchard, and she asked suddenly: "Do you like apples?" On being assured I did, she said: "Did you ever plant any apple trees?" With shame I confessed that I had not. "No," said she, "but somebody else planted them. I liked apples when I was young, and I said: 'Some day I’ll plant apples myself for other young folks to eat,' and I guess I did."

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moni @monimoni.bsky.social · 19/09/2026

Thoughts I had while meditating on, among other things, Harriet Tubman as a bodhisattva and a jihadist, and the nature of complexity as a function of freedom

The biggest rut I'm in, at this stage in my life, is that I lack energy to do things. So I need to know where my energy comes from. And I think it is my body and mind uniting under a common struggle. They work together to give each other what they need to do their respective jobs, and they move freely from job to job as the struggle demands. From each according to their abilities, to each according to their needs: the communism of the Self. In Islam they call it the Greater Jihad.

I have not been doing the things I need to make their jobs easier. And I haven't told them why their job is so important. And I haven't given them the freedom of movement and freedom of thought needed to be competent. And that is because I have not recognized my obligations to them, obligations which guarantee their liberties. And without such liberties, how could any mutual recognition ever occur? Without mutual recognition, how could either recognize the common struggle? Of course the whole system is ineffecient and directionless. It's like the mind is colonizing the body. It somehow gets shocked when the body rebels, and in its haughty dismissal of the ingenuity and agency of the body, the mind humiliates itself. The body outmaneuvers and harrasses the mind until it runs out of budget and public support. The best of us look on in awe and joy; the worst of us look on in horror: liberty.

And sometimes it's the other way, the body colonizing the mind. But when this happens the mind is often powerless against the onslaught; any resistence it tries seems only to embolden the body, until at last the body moves toward genocide, and the mind is frenzily wiped out. The best of us look on in horror; the worst of us look on in awe and joy: death.

But neither mind nor body are intrinsically colonizers. They are stuck with each other, neither able to escape this world they're on. And the distinctions drawn between them are arbitrary: what we typically call the body is perhaps better thought of as the mind; and what we call the mind is perhaps better thought of as the body. After all, in so patriarchal a civilization as ours, it is common for men to be associated with the mind, and women with the body. But we know it's the other way around. Men under patriarchy reduce the whole universe to bodies; women elevate the whole universe to minds. But why "reduce" or "elevate?" Why not "equivalate?" Because the fact of the matter is we live in a world that acts like it's body over mind and thinks it is mind over body. Neither are true. Nor is it that body and mind are equivalent, nor is it true that they are unequal. The duality itself is only an illusion caused by limited perception; perception is limited because it is not liberated. But the elevation of mind reveals this false duality. That is The Struggle.

Society grew so much bigger and more complex after slavery was abolished and the monarchy was abandoned. The freedom of movement and freedom of thought we enjoy is a direct result of the world's oppressed people fighting to liberate themselves. And it is that very freedom which allows for this kind of complexity. Complexity at the end of the day is simply a more liberated perception of reality. So much energy, so much information: to wield them efficiently is to express your freedom. And to express your freedom is to be beautiful. There is no beauty in colonialism.

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moni @monimoni.bsky.social · 18/09/2026

To be a little more direct in my wording:

What I'm saying is: piracy is guerilla action against the colonization of knowledge. It is right to be upset at what the tech industry is doing, because they are in fact committing the very evil pirates struggle against: so don't frame it as "intellectual property theft;" you reinforce the existing structure and shoot yourself in the foot. It's tepid, narrow-minded, ideologically cowardly. Plain old liberalism.

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moni @monimoni.bsky.social · 18/09/2026

By examination of the microcosm we come to know the macrocosm. And what microcosm more elemental?

Ignorance begets deception; delusion begets coercion; malice begets destruction: by increasingly coarser means are we raped: the false self, the "man," imposing on us, puffed up as to caricature bigness, as it continues not to take no for an answer, avoiding the vale of guilt by chasing the rush of murder. They do not know they are committing suicide. Be ready to die and be ready to kill: watch as they slink away, learning for the first time the fear of death, the fear of being small, that with which we've lived from the day we were born. The struggle for freedom is the struggle to survive.

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moni @monimoni.bsky.social · 18/09/2026

i need to study the underground railroad. slavery was abolished because the slaves freed themselves. they showed us the way and i need to learn. i just read this letter from frederick douglass to harriet tubman and i started tearing up.

Rochester, August 29, 1868

Dear Harriet: I am glad to know that the story of your eventful life has been written by a kind lady, and that the same is soon to be published. You ask for what you do not need when you call upon me for a word of commendation. I need such words from you far more than you can need them from me, especially where your superior labors and devotion to the cause of the lately enslaved of our land are known as I know them.

The difference between us is very marked. Most that I have done and suffered in the service of our cause has been in public, and I have received much encouragement at every step of the way. You, on the other hand, have labored in a private way. I have wrought in the day – you in the night. I have had the applause of the crowd and the satisfaction that comes of being approved by the multitude, while the most that you have done has been witnessed by a few trembling, scarred, and foot-sore bondmen and women, whom you have led out of the house of bondage, and whose heartfelt, “God bless you,” has been your only reward.

The midnight sky and the silent stars have been the witnesses of your devotion to freedom and of your heroism. Excepting John Brown – of sacred memory – I know of no one who has willingly encountered more perils and hardships to serve our enslaved people than you have. Much that you have done would seem improbable to those who do not know you as I know you. It is to me a great pleasure and a great privilege to bear testimony for your character and your works, and to say to those to whom you may come, that I regard you in every way truthful and trustworthy.

Your friend,
Frederick Douglass.

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moni @monimoni.bsky.social · 13/09/2026

waow i ended up writing way more than i set out to my apologies

I see it as like, the logic that dictates their decisionmaking (which includes decisions on how they relate to matters of social justice) is the same, and that logic amounts to preserving The End of History. They're conservatives in the literal "I want to conserve the status quo" sense. And the guys in charge grew up during the cold war, so they see "The Left" as more fundamentally threatening to the status quo than "The Right" -- and this creates a disbalance in their willingness to negotiate (and a disbalance in willingness to listen) that undermines their ability to understand what being "moderate" even means. It begets a lack of self-awareness. And that lack of self-awareness begets a lack of imagination, which begets a lack of clear moral conviction. Their stance on the dignity and liberties of trans people is fundamentally liquid and subject to whether or not they see us as a threat to the status quo, and as The Right further radicalizes (and as they instinctively reject any possibility of working with leftists), they fail to recognize their own radicalization as their idea of "center" shifts further and further right. So we become more and more of a threat as the right makes us more and more of an issue. The difference imo is that Labour responds stronger and with shorter time-lags to the radicalizing right than the Dems, but ultimately it's a just a matter of amplitude and frequency. the direction is the same

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moni @monimoni.bsky.social · 08/09/2026

i saw the trailer for the remake in 360p while buffering every 2 seconds, which probably amounts to rose tinted glasses, but given that i enjoy the artsyle a lot it's exactly how they would've made it look in 1998 if they had the hardware

fun moni facts: i first played oot at my friend brian's house when i was 8 and i traded mario 64 for it and my entire family was Pissed at me for the rest of our childhoods. which fair, mario 64 has aged better in the fun department imo. but i also wasted all of my daily allotted computer time reading ocarina of time fanfics on fanfiction dot net so clearly it meant more to me than the running jump game. and yes i shipped link and saria. problematic in hindsight but look, i was 8 years old cut me some slack

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moni @monimoni.bsky.social · 06/09/2026

some excerpts from it it's called Neiye (内業, "inner training"), dated to the 4th Century BCE, and possibly influenced the Dao De Jing and Zhuangzi

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moni @monimoni.bsky.social · 04/09/2026

i have lived in the south my entire life btw

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moni @monimoni.bsky.social · 02/09/2026

(i actually do think there's somethin to it though, especially if you consider how these distinctions are ones of dominance and subordination, there's a sense the distinction is illusory and that violence and ignorance are ultimately what makes the illusion possible)

my most schizo crackhead thought rn is "the breath is the middle way of body/mind and the holy spirit is the middle way of god-the-father/god-the-son, so basically buddhist nondualism is secretly trinitarian and christian trinitarianism is secretly nondualist; both insert a third equally important yet conceptually distinct mediating process which if understood and followed correctly leads to liberation from suffering (aka salvation) (aka the endpoint of marxist dialectics)"

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moni @monimoni.bsky.social · 01/09/2026

This is a manifesto for my politics in case that wasn't clear from the text

In this life I've come to understand some simple beautiful truths about us human beings, and I came to understand them precisely because I'm such a strange confusing thing to other people, and other people have my whole life been such a mystery to me. It has taken me so much work to truly understand any one person. When most people try and get along with others, the easiest thing is to assume they are the same as you and treat them as you do yourself; it's The Golden Rule, you know? But in my case, assuming someone is just like me only ends in hurting other people and getting hurt myself. So instead I need to assume that they are different. I need to identify those differences, and how they affect the way they truly wish to be treated. I need to do this just to get to the bare starting line of getting along with people; most people are privileged not to be challenged like this.
But by coming to know so many people this way, by understanding, on a deeper level than most ever really need to, the ways in which people differ and are their own unique persons, the things we all truly and universally do have in common make themselves perfectly self-evident to me: we all are programmed to feel most fulfilled when our relationships are built of honesty and care; we all find it easier to help other people than to help ourselves, and secretly we all want to be proud of this; we all find the happiest moments of our lives are when someone we love puts their ego aside and works to understand and accept what makes us different from them; and just as happy is when we do the same for them. It is precisely what I've had to do, whether I wanted to or not, that is what makes my life so meaningful. It is, in a word, empathy.

And I am not special for this. That's the simple beautiful truth: the way in which no one is special is that everyone can be special to someone. At the end of the day we all just want to hang out with our friends and help them whenever we can. That's all there really is to this life. Everything else is just a network of machinery, machines built by no one and for no one, that serve only to prevent people from allowing the full emotional weight of this truth to change them for the better -- machines to feed the ego. And so I am grateful to have been born and to forever be such a strange little weirdo. I doubt I would've developed such a love for the human spirit had my survival never depended on it.
The machines weren't designed to feed me. They were designed to kill me and swallow me whole. They never quite managed. And for that my love will never break.

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moni @monimoni.bsky.social · 01/09/2026

i like how every time i try to be charitable to rightwingers it basically still amounts to "no they still suck it's just that it's out of delusion rather than greed or hatred or ego" lol

idk maybe they've convinced themselves that at least the other justices think they're holding up to that false ideal of the selfless public servant working for higher principles. And so they put on the magic show of illusory mutual trust. Everyone's performing and no one realizes the trick only works on themselves, and the illusion would break the second the veil were lifted. At least that's the most charitable reason I can come up with lol. The only other reasons amount to a genuine total contempt for the people who are affected by their decisions

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moni @monimoni.bsky.social · 31/08/2026

why was young william penn giving Quaker Griffith

Portrait of William Penn, principle founder of Pennsylvania, at age 22. He is wearing a suit of armor and a cravat, with long hair (actually a wig, he went bald as a very young child from complications with smallpox (I'm serious)), and has an androgynously feminine-yet-stony face.

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moni @monimoni.bsky.social · 30/08/2026

I have managed to write a serious philosophical thesis that is also a poop joke ama

Were you to accept that Your Life's Purpose has a life of its own, that it, like you, is subject to change and wandering and wanting to be fed and clothed and wanting for companionship, subject to forget itself and subject to love and hate and, of course, subject to play and wonder and discovery -- you would find a most wondrous flowing stillness: a cool gentle stream that knows its delta, a flower-petal that chooses its winds. You would, simply, be.

You say your life's purpose is to be an artist maximizing beauty, or maybe a businesser maximizing bounty, and maybe you can allow yourself to keep those purposes close to your heart. Maybe you're even successful, though likely you never could convince yourself it's all enough. It's all huge and abstract, and you take a good look around and know if your chosen life's-purpose has some finality, some perfection, it's never in horizon's purview; you've chosen a purpose that assumes you'll never die. You've chosen it even as you know deep down that the only true finality is that you will die, guaranteed, even if you know not the day or the hour. So think back to the river that knows its delta and the flower-petal that chooses its winds. Your delta is known, now pick your wind.
I posit that, should one truly understand and love the notion of having a purpose, then in love and understanding of purpose's temporal, playful, longing, fickle, unfathomable nature, a nature shared with the very Self, one could recognize that Right Now their Life's Purpose is to take a shit, and they would plop on the toilet seat and put their body's, heart's, mind's, soul's absolutely-everythings into taking that shit. And no matter the ease or struggle -- through muddy waters and stimmying droughts; come bowels enraged in the civil war of an immunological house divided; come the hauntings of peppers fleetingly savored, some time that was not now -- that shall make a very fulfilling shit indeed. We do have to take a shit every now and then, whether we want to or not.

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moni @monimoni.bsky.social · 29/08/2026

Infodumping some more about this because I have free will and I can

In fact there's another couplet in this song that's genuinely profound but just cannot be translated into English without making it sound redundant and stupid:
「悲しいことは思い出せないこと
それも忘れてしまうこと」
"Sad things are the things we can't remember
And the things that we forget"

The best you could do is explain the semantic nuances of these two different words for forgetting, and the grammatical nuances of the way the verbs are inflected and the way the sentence is constructed: "omoida·su" does mean "to remember," but it carries a sense of being volitional. you have to will yourself to omoidasu a memory, so "omoida·senai" means something like "you're trying to remember, but you just can't for the life of you." the "-teshimau" suffix in "wasure·teshimau" indicates that something is done by mistake or accident; it indicates a lack of volition or intent; so it means something like "your memories faded like a dream, you forgot this thing without your ever having meant to."

As for "kanashii koto wa," the wa is a topic marker; Japanese sentences often follow a topic-comment structure, rather than a subject-predicate structure like in English, so the sentence establishes "sad things" as the topic and then comments on the topic by pointing out these two different nuances of failing memory. The previous sentence actually started with a topic-comment structure, which is typically done in english with "as for."
Hopefully that's enough explanation for any Japanese non-understanders out there to see that the couplet conveys a particular, universally experienced, sense of longing and regret that comes when our memories fail us. It's wise and kind and brilliant. I love Furukawa Honpo so much

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moni @monimoni.bsky.social · 29/08/2026

These sorts of interactions are what makes life so wonderful, I hope to someday be on the receiving end of this after I've come into my own as an artist

During a surprise livestream my favorite musician had on, I said in chat (in Japanese) "when I decided I was going to learn Japanese, wanting to better appreciate the beauty of your lyrics was my single biggest reason," which btw is 100% true. I have poured thousands of hours into acquiring a whole new language out of pure love of the language, and he's the one that planted that seed of love in me. He read it out loud and he very flusteringly said "thank you very much" in English. It so obviously made his day better that it's like a top 5 life moment for me.

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moni @monimoni.bsky.social · 22/08/2026

また作ることは行った。今回は先日のある神秘体験についての短歌です。不思議という言葉は足りないほど深い意味でした、あの体験。ま、どの言葉は決して届かないって気持ちだったのでこの短歌も足りないですw

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moni @monimoni.bsky.social · 17/08/2026

dw i also accidentally reinvented the concept of the holy trinity too i think lol

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moni @monimoni.bsky.social · 17/08/2026

Real depressing to know someone could be so engrained in an activist tradition and go Evil Mode the second they catch a whiff of success. Attachment to the Ego really is the root of suffering aint it

When I was a young teen, before her transphobic pivot (and before I critiqued her books), I saw a video of her giving a speech where she said something to the tune of "if there's one lesson I want the readers of Harry Potter to take, it's this: oppose bigotry wherever you see it." In another speech, she recounted how she spent her twenties working for an important NGO, one which exposed her constantly and with intensity to both the horrors that humans can inflict and the wonders we can work: an NGO called Amnesty International

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moni @monimoni.bsky.social · 16/08/2026

my UI is black so it looks like a duck w a big ol beak doin a lil curtsy

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moni @monimoni.bsky.social · 15/08/2026

anotha one (デッカい楽しいし)

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