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Mongward, the Grumpiest Paladin

@mongward.bsky.social
105 followers 274 following 800 posts

Fantasy, RPGs, video games, terrible puns, and Oxford Comma. Both more and less grumpy than I look. - - - Robię (powoli) po polsku jutuby (głównie o Exalted) na youtube.com/@mongwardttrpg - - - he/him - - - profile pic by @sfaira.bsky.social

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Mongward, the Grumpiest Paladin @mongward.bsky.social · 25/09/2026
Joke's on you, no D&D books to hide. Instead I have a whole shelf dedicated to Exalted. As Ketchup Kojak intended.
A shelf stocked full of Exalted TTRPG books, mixing 2e, 3e and Essence editions.
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Mongward, the Grumpiest Paladin @mongward.bsky.social · 11/09/2026
Finished Zero Company. It's a little bit heavier on tactical RPG than on being an XCOM-like than I expected, but it's a *really good* tactical RPG, and very good Star Wars.
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Mongward, the Grumpiest Paladin @mongward.bsky.social · 20/07/2026
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Mongward, the Grumpiest Paladin @mongward.bsky.social · 19/07/2026
AI really SUCKS! Share a masterpiece you made! I dabbled in pixart to spite the machine and I made a small thing inspired by Exalted. #humanart
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Mongward, the Grumpiest Paladin @mongward.bsky.social · 08/05/2026
Real "You won't believe actor joins film" energy here. The fifth essence of saying nothing.
A screenshot of Polygon's Bluesky post. The text says "You have one week before the offer is gone", and the embedded link says "PC gamers can grab to positively rated games from Epic free of charge."
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Mongward, the Grumpiest Paladin @mongward.bsky.social · 10/04/2026
8. Genesys Fantasy Flight Games' generic system probably best known for using funny dice you can't get anywhere and must substitute something else. It uses narrative dice which dictate outcomes rather than numbers, and has been seen, for example, in FFG's Star Wars line, or, to an extent, L5R 5e.
Cover of TTRPG Genesys
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Mongward, the Grumpiest Paladin @mongward.bsky.social · 30/03/2026
7. Band of Blades A TTRPG about being a mercenary company in desperate retreat to a fortress before a horde of death-defying monsters can catch up to it. It's stylistically kind-of Black Company, structurally kind of XCOM, and mechanically Forged in the Dark. What a mix. I must run it some day.
A photo of TTRPG Band of Blades
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Mongward, the Grumpiest Paladin @mongward.bsky.social · 30/03/2026
6. Wolsung A Polish steampunky TTRPG for pulpy adventures! I almost played it once, but the chaotic winds of my former GM's whimsy went elsewhere before the game happened. I think I still have the character sheet somewhere, unless it crumbled into dust.
The photo of TTRPG Wolsung
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Mongward, the Grumpiest Paladin @mongward.bsky.social · 30/03/2026
5. De Profundis I don't really have anything to say about this one, I bought is ages ago because it was cheap and never got to read it. It's apparently a cosmic horror game played via writing letters.
Photo of TTRPG De Profundis
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Mongward, the Grumpiest Paladin @mongward.bsky.social · 30/03/2026
4. Agon A game I started reading and keep forgetting to finish, Agon is a take on becoming Heroes in a Hellenistic tradition, and having your own Odyssey full of strife and meddling gods.
A photo of TTRPG Agon.
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Mongward, the Grumpiest Paladin @mongward.bsky.social · 30/03/2026
3. Stoneburner A TTRPG that didn't really make a splash, but its "space dwarves x Darkest Dungeon" premise made me interested and I'm waiting for an inspiration to hit so I can run it.
Photo of the core rulebook for TTRPG Stoneburner
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Mongward, the Grumpiest Paladin @mongward.bsky.social · 30/03/2026
2. The One Ring Only a Starter Set now because of my loot goblin tendencies, but I am getting the core (and the other starter set) soon.
Photo of the "Over hill and under hill" starter set of TTRPG The One Ring.
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Mongward, the Grumpiest Paladin @mongward.bsky.social · 30/03/2026
1. Legend of the Five Rings Just a starter set for now, because getting the core in physical is a bit of a hassle.
Photo of the starter set of TTRPG Legend of the Five Rings.
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Mongward, the Grumpiest Paladin @mongward.bsky.social · 21/02/2026
I find way too cool that the new GS in MH Wilds combos with the Bale armor from Omega. A full charge results in: - the normal GS strike - a decently sized AoE at the point of impact - a ranged shockwave sent directly away from the point of impact It's very silly, and I love it.
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Mongward, the Grumpiest Paladin @mongward.bsky.social · 17/02/2026
It also sneak-attacked me in the Special Thanks section of the credits xD I am now wondering if it's actually me from some unremembered account somehow, or just a wild coincidence of somebody having a nick that's unusually close to my own. I assume the latter, but memory is fickle.
A black screen. At the bottom there is a pixel art of a man with a close-fitting grey hat. At the top there are several names, including "mongw", which is a portion of my nickname.
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Mongward, the Grumpiest Paladin @mongward.bsky.social · 17/02/2026
So I just beat @forestrike.bsky.social. Technically I still have four reality runs left to do, but I consider the game finished, and it's jist the dessert that awaits me. I like dessert, and Forestrike kicks ass. It genuinely might have made Roguelites palatable for me! Lovely game.
A screenshot of a Steam achievement called "Grandmaster," with a description saying "Beat a Reality Run". The image is a pixel art sepia image of the game's protagonist with his had lifted in a classical "martial artist at the ready" stance.
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Mongward, the Grumpiest Paladin @mongward.bsky.social · 25/11/2025
A drawing of Kirby with uncomfortably believable human feet.
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Mongward, the Grumpiest Paladin @mongward.bsky.social · 12/11/2025
#Dispatch is so goddamn satisfying, fuck! Such a good superhero story. @adhocstudio.com kudos, amazing game! I really need more save slots, I want to see it all. I really need a configurable scene viewer. I really need a dedicated "Dispatch shift" mode. And most of all: I really need SEASON 2!
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Mongward, the Grumpiest Paladin @mongward.bsky.social · 10/11/2025
Twilight Solar #Exalted are ideal Pokemon trainers. Their anima: - protects from harm (from grumpy Pokemon) - warps to places of power (Pokecentre) - turns demons and elementals into familiars they can buff With Lore and Occult, they can also teach Pokemon to understand the power that's inside!
Image of Ash Ketchum from Pokemon holding a railing of what appears to be a ship. He has a red baseball cap n, with a black section featuring a green symbol: a half-circle with a dot underneath. He is accompanied by Pikachu and Aipom.Image of Ash Ketchum from Pokemon holding a railing of what appears to be a ship. He wears a red baseball cap with a black section featuring a Photoshopped glowing symbol of Twilight Solar Exalted: a golden circle with its bottom half empty. He is accompanied by Pikachu and Aipom.
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Mongward, the Grumpiest Paladin @mongward.bsky.social · 31/10/2025
Day 31 of the #ExaltedArtChallenge: Make a Funny Exalted Meme The hardest of them all! Sadly I have none new at hand, but I had an old idea I haven't executed properly yet. The best I can do is do a meme. "Funny" is the hard bit xD
A drawing of a car salesman talking to a client. The salesman gestures at a car, whose windows are removed and replaced with a photoshopped map of Exalted setting, Creation. The captions say 
"slaps Imperial mountain" at the top and "this bad boy can fit so many fucking apocalypses in it" at the bottom.
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Mongward, the Grumpiest Paladin @mongward.bsky.social · 30/10/2025
Day 30 of the #ExaltedArtChallenge : Signature Character Had to be Arashi. The version of him was born way earlier than the "canon" version, but a part of his arc in the original campaign was a flimsy Sidereal promise that he'd play a part in saving house Tepet from ruin. Maybe this one will.
A short story on a beige background

‘I’d never have imagined you becoming a bureaucrat in your old age.’
‘I’ve always known your imagination is as weak as your punches.’

Two Princes of the Earth stared each other down with the same vigor they felt two centuries prior, and with like vigor burst into laughter.

‘Come, sit, Larin, you look weathered.’
‘The seasons were harder on me than the years have.’

Arashi poured the Cathak dragonlord tea. The old soldier tasted with delight.
‘You figured it out, I see?’
‘Took a while and I still had to ask Lanai for help. Without her, I would need to brew tea like a regular person.’
‘I wouldn’t wish such destiny on the most impatient of men.’

The Air aspect bowed his head with mock gratitude, but shot a sharp look at his companion under the annoyingly bushy eyebrows.

‘How can I help you?’
‘By not getting involved. You will get news in the next few days. Send only as much as you don’t need.’

Arashi weighed his hearthmate’s words.
‘Ah. Thank you. Arada will understand, eventually.’
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Mongward, the Grumpiest Paladin @mongward.bsky.social · 29/10/2025
Day 27–29 of the #ExaltedArtChallenge Finally caught up again.
A short story on a beige background

‘Em? You know this place?’ asked Rima
‘I’ve never seen this in my life’

His mentor spoke, warned of this. Memories of not-him, bubbling up to the surface, previous holders of this power stirred into the thoughts of the inheritor. Very odd.

River seemed fully ignorant of the exchange.
‘This shadow play is incredible. I can’t imagine the time required to... the history...’

Under the Calibration sky, the tiled floor was now a screen against which an intricate rendition of the surrender of Malfeas, played in shadows and shapes.

‘Come on, this is a distraction’ Emerald Rain said, ‘We need to get the stone.’
***
For the grandeur of the entry hall, the rest of this place was barren, not in a manner of a place stripped of robbers, but a structure build for purpose. It was an engineer’s and forger’s place.

Em’s Essence stirred at the cultivated geomancy unbroken despite calamities, the Hearthstone produced here would be a boon to any who sought mastery at an anvil, rather than on a field of battle.A short story on a beige background

Nobody knew what the statue is of.

It seemed to change with the season, the moon, the time of day. It couldn’t be true, of course, it was solid stone, mossy base to rain-washed top.

And yet.

The locals built their entire time around it, figured out every shape across generations. They can tell every relevant time just glancing at the accursed thing.

I cannot tell whether they they all play an elaborate prank on outsiders, or the figure really changes shape and exhibits regularity.

Drawings fails to capture the complexity and memory is not trustworthy. One day I thought I stared so hard trying to spot changes as-they-allegedly-happen that desperate for excitement my mind conjured whispers and murmurs.

I left after a month, I was feeling increasingly unwelcome, the residents jealous of my connection to the stone idol. I am begging you for a troop of loyal soldiers to secure the site and conduct more research. I will be easy to find the place. The statue dominates the horizon.A short story on a beige background

‘Are you sure you wanted me to see this?’
‘Shut up’
‘Listen, I could see it to the end of my days and it wouldn’t tire me, but I’m not sure it was worth the barrel.’
‘Shut up.’
***
‘No, but really, why would you try to do a front flip, in full armor, over an open barrel of wine?’
‘Sun almighty, it’s been two days!’
‘And I am still drunk just smelling your clothes! I should get upwind from you, at least one of us should be respectable tomorrow!’
***
‘... the distance was right, but the leg room got in the way, and at the apex we got a might crack against the ceiling beam and an almost painterly splash, as the crimson wine escaped its barrel-shaped prison and Huma plunged head, shoulders, and up to the hips into the barrel, bravely taking place of the runaway liquid!’
‘You wouldn’t have cared if it worked’
‘If we could turn back time, I would! I promise! But only because now I know that the alternative was only a good anecdote for the prince’s guests!’
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Mongward, the Grumpiest Paladin @mongward.bsky.social · 28/10/2025
Day 23-26 of the #ExaltedArtChallenge Of course once I started writing the scenes flowed out, but I did need to settle on a demon and a beastfolk, which were my core blockers.
A short story on a beige background.

Two figures in elegant clothes stood on a mountain peak, admiring the work of architecture unfolding before them.

‘By my estimations of the angles, it would pierce the heavens before it’s halfway done’
‘Is such a thing even possible?’
‘I am not sure any of us is ready to learn’

Sagacious Larin and Stalwart Polomi sipped of their perfectly steeped tea.

‘They are doing the task assigned. We can hardly complain.’
‘I tried and was reprimanded for an insulting lack of ambition. They have so many fingers and still had to use an abacus to count all my alleged transgressions.’

They knew somewhere on the walls was a grey figure scuttling about with hammer, chisel, and a bag of blueprints.

‘I told you it was a bad idea to summon Rimvidas’
‘Only after we’ve already done it.’
‘We are majestically ruined, aren’t we?’
‘if we allow this thing’s completion, it will surpass the Imperial Mountain’

The duo sipped more tea and started revising what they know about interrupting contracts.A short story on a beige background.

Nirai couldn’t resist the trepidation, despite all the preparation and still-burning ambition.

It was a great honour, not just to be chosen, but also anointed and to join the sacred defenders.

And yet the thought of his current life ending was frustrating.

He shook the foolish thought away. The strangers were claiming too much territory. It wasn’t going to be long before they breach the city and claim the moon’s effigy for themselves.

The horns carried the summoning into the preparation chambers. It was time.
***
Nirai flexed the razor-sharp claws, absent-mindedly scoring the wooden table.

‘I am so sorry, not used to.. old habit’
‘It’s fine. You will learn. Better to ruin the table, than our aides.’
‘My bedding is torn as well’
‘Many of us have realised such comforts are impractical’

The conversation with his new sergeant went into the night, as a new pangolin beastman chosen by Humble Request, the god of this region, joined the ranks of his peers.A short story on a beige background.

Venturing into the shifting lands was a rite of passage in the village. Everybody who returned had a gift to benefit the community.

Old Rhaig’s four arms made him the best carpenter around, and nobody could challenge the waterbreathing Norri at gathering oysters for trade.

Yuhi hoped she would get a good gift as well.
***
A cruel trick of fate, the shifting lands rejected her entirely, no change came, even months after she returned, nothing was there. The only thing she brought from the excursion were minor scratches from the frenzied jaguar and general exhaustion.

Nobody said anything... but also nobody said anything. She would probably be like that too. Zhai came back with a cute monkey tail, everybody’s roof really liked that.
***
When the plague came and only Yuhi resisted its pull by some trick of fate, she managed to bring medicine for all from a town far away.

Nobody ever thought to wonder if the shifting lands really rejected her all these years ago.A short story on a beige background.

‘How are you living near these beasts?’

The question was hushed, but it still spooked a small bird hiding in the same bush as them.

‘By not bothering them. They just want to eat, so we leave their favourite branches alone when we forage ourselves.’

Both women obserwer a silver-backed emperor sloth bend a tree trunk to itself to munch on its fruit with noises which probably wouldn’t be so disgusting if the massive animal deemed it wise to munch them faster.

‘We tried taming them, actually. Went poorly. Never tried again. But it can be done.’

This piqued Amaris’ attention. ‘How do you know?’
‘A man passed by our town once, used one of them as a mount. Terrible idea, sloped back, barely faster than walking. But Big Orso new tricks, so that was fun to see as long as they stayed.’
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Mongward, the Grumpiest Paladin @mongward.bsky.social · 22/10/2025
Day 22 of the #ExaltedArtChallenge: Familiar There is something about simhatas that I always liked. Their appearance changed a lot between 2e and 3e, and I can't decide if I prefer them more down-to-earth (2e) or more fantastical (3e). I do know that they are rad either way.
A short story on a beige background.

The wind shifted, and with that came the murmur of tall grasses. A scent carried through before disappearing again, but Marble Heart still smiled and braced his feet.

A beast leapt out of hiding, slamming into the man with an impact which could break a house wall.

And the man held, catching the predator around the chest and shoving it into the ground.

‘I’m no antelope, Growl, you need to do better.’

The simhata huffed indignantly and gently pushed Marble to indicate playtime isn’t over.

Had a stray person come across the plain, they’d see a giant man with a skin like a once-polished stone and a leonine beast wrestling for control, clearly fighting for their lives.

Had Marble’s hearthmates come here, they’d shake their heads at their old mate treating the majestic creature like a rhino-sized kitten.

None were there. And when the play ended, Growl’s mane blazed in the yellow-white hues of his rider’s ignited soul as they rode east until both couldn’t ride any more.
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Mongward, the Grumpiest Paladin @mongward.bsky.social · 21/10/2025
Day 21 of the #ExaltedArtChallenge I never got to play with warstriders in any Exalted game, which is a pity. But I suppose I find the idea of training to use one more entertaining than actually playing a skilled pilot.
A short story on a beige background.

The armor was eating the distance like it was nothing, but the same could not be said about its pilot.

‘If I knew... I would never... could have... told me...” she exhaled more than spoke, the expressed irritation helped her stay focused.

The strider was left for her by the previous holder of the exaltation, but Luna’s grace did not extend to granting Kolina the training and endurance needed to puppeteer a gigantic suit of armor from within.

‘Thought... we were... supposed ...to not need...’

Sadly, she had neither the training nor the time to get comfortable with the machine, as the goblin horde was too close to the enclave.

‘Would you like to engage combat arrays?’

The sudden voice startled the your Lunar so much she, and by extension the warstrider, took a tumble, carving a ditch across a field of cabbage.

‘Who under heavens are you?’
‘I am the voice interface of Lens of the Firmament. Would you like to engage the stabilizers?’
‘I’m good’ grumbled Kolina. ‘but about the combat arrays...’
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Mongward, the Grumpiest Paladin @mongward.bsky.social · 20/10/2025
And day 20 of the #ExaltedArtChallenge I love writing pieces that are somewhat rooted in First Age, because it means I can come up with any bullshit and it will probably be feasible. Today: a moonsilver tailor's glove which can turn into a number of tools, thimble, needles, and scissors included.
A short story on a beige background.

‘I do not understand this’

‘I am certain I can explain, if you would only deem to tell me what baffles you so.’

‘You made this? This tiny thing?’

‘Yes! I love it, it’s incredible’

‘You used to make warstriders, your weapons cleaved behemoths!’ the god got heated.

‘Yes. And now I make clothes and my blades cleave fabrics.’

'You are wasting your talents, Hou. Terribly so. And wasting the moonsilver, too.’

‘You are a god of war, you would think so, wouldn’t you.’ Hou wagged a finger clothed in a fine silvery glove.

‘I can still create weapons to shake the foundations of Yu-Shan. It would be easy. But this? This is fine work, Jl’km. It required patience, clarity, no shortcuts. I worked my ass off trying to figure it out.’

The tip of the gloves index finger extended into a needle, and the thumb hardened into a thimble.

‘Took me as long as the Splitter to make it happen. And the things I can make with it require a different understanding still. My talents would be wasted on something easy for me.’
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Mongward, the Grumpiest Paladin @mongward.bsky.social · 20/10/2025
Days 15–19 of the #ExaltedArtChallenge 16 was a blocker, until I remembered an NPC I wanted to drag up from oblivion of my short Essence game. 17 is just the result of me rewatching DunMeshi. For 18, I went with soulsteel and a mortal bearer. And 19 is about an artifact my Arashi almost had.
A short story on a beige background.

Amitaba was burning.
After the threat of the Hunt chased its resplendent defenders away, there were few who could face the bandits at the next harvest.

‘Spring Tides!’ Darsha’s voice carried across the glade, resounding brightly against the standing stone as if it was of crystal rather than rough rock.
‘Help! The village is burning!’

Silence. Now that she looked around, the lights seemed dimmed.

Fine. She can do it herself. She fought with the Red Piss raiders. Ordering some peasants around wasn’t going to be difficult.

***

The line held at the old lighthouse, but only just. If the bandits didn’t lose interest... Sarun was nursing a nasty burn, still holding on the old river prayers. Darsha swore, drawing aghast gazes.

***

Sword found a fragile crack in the shrine-stone.

‘Talk to me, you asshole! You could have helped!’
‘I couldn’t’ a faint voice. ‘But it’s okay. You will have the power that matches your currents.’
‘Fuck your power, you will heal my grandfather’

The flames of exigence came anyway.A short story on a beige background.

Scrumptious. Lavish.

Rich. Aromatic.

Lots. Yummy.

Wasteful.

About damned time.

The hearth wasn’t going to agree regarding the words to offer their host regarding the feast she’s thrown for them.

The centerpiece was a lovely roast side of the behemoth they’d slain, prepared in local herbs, easily enough for all at the table to take the customary seconds and thirds and still leave enough for the servants.

‘My lady, are your cooks certain the beast is safe for you to consume?’ ever gallant, Flickering Rai asked of the mortal governor who wouldn’t benefit from the furnace of a dragon’s gullet.

To everybody’s surprise, the host blushed under the powder.
‘Yes, we tried. This is the first piece which bore no ill effect to the testers. We will send the pieces to the families of the unfortunate ones, as a funeral offering’

‘My lady is as considerate, as she is gracious.’ said Rai, quenching a barb about feeding the hungry ghosts before it migrated from her mind to her tongue.A short story on a beige background.

Water is wet. The sun always rises. Nobody wants to be the prince of Zbrocze.

For a time, the prince was found among travellers and invited from distant lands. Didn’t stick. The news always spread.

Some say it’s the location. Living in a city dangling over an eerily straight canyon is unsettling even on a windless days.

But even the land-bound Princes hate existing.

Nobody wants to be the prince of Zbrocze.

Some say it’s the duties, but they are boring, not terrible.

Some think it’s the reputation, but the riches made many forget their dishonors.

Nobody ever looked into the position’s heavy diadem, golden with silver, and adorned with ruby gems.

Masterwork, to be sure. 

Nobody looks close enough to see that it’s merely golden leaf on dark iron glimmering with tormented visages.

Nobody except princes ever wears it to hear the wailing.

Nobody but them has their gaze and thought turned towards invisible Abyss.

Nobody wants to be the prince of Zbrocze.A short story on a beige background.

The plates ground against each other when Arashi flexed his fingers.
‘It feels weird’

‘I’m amazed you know what „feeling” is’ Lanai barked a laugh at her companion. ‘I’ve seen you put your hand in burning coals and be amazed it tickles.’

‘That’s the issue. You mixed green jade into this, no? This hand feels. It’s weird. I can sense the texture of your table.’

‘First of all, how dare you, it’s planed to perfection.’ the artificer threw tongs at her hearthmate. ‘Second, if it bothers you, I can redo it?’

‘No, it’s interesting. Pain without hurt. Learning to fight with it will be motivating.’

The Azure Dragon took measure of the training dummy on the other side of the workshop and concentrated on individual plates of his artifact arm.

He felt them expanding, held together by vines and motivated by lightning, as the gauntlet expanded and crushed the strawman like a giant’s fist from five meters away.

‘You outdid yourself, Lanai. This is incredible.’
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Mongward, the Grumpiest Paladin @mongward.bsky.social · 18/10/2025
I think people, reviewers especially, should be obligated to play bad games, watch bad movies, watch bad shows. I find it extremely off-putting to see phrases like "one of the worst games I've ever played" in reference to games that appear to be just mid. Especially from professional publications.
A screenshot of a BlueSky post saying "Vampire: The Masquerade – Bloodlines 2 is easily one of the worst games I've ever played.

Terribly written, awfully designed, and worst of all just oh-so boring. It's frankly insulting to expect fans of the original to pay money for this."
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Mongward, the Grumpiest Paladin @mongward.bsky.social · 15/10/2025
Day 15 of the #ExaltedArtChallenge I love Sidereals. 3e might actually have made them equal to Deebs in my ranking.
A short story on a beige background

‘You’re being unreasonable, Blue’

Her mentor’s benevolent incessant droning was chipping away at the limited patience left in Cerulean Nailon.

‘Anything but. I’ve seen all the permutations, and explained them to you ten times. At this stage it’s not my problem if you fail to see the obvious.’ she saw the teacher bristle at her words, but by the end of the day if will be clear who’s right and who is past her prime.

‘When was the last time you stepped outside this room?’

‘I have work to do. If we don’t straighten that destiny, half a century of work is wasted. Go away.’

Momentarily unable to squeeze out a word, Glass Promise waved her hand, trailing glitter-blue stardust over Nailon’s hectic notes and frantic connections.
‘Please hear me over this,’ she said before her pupil could express outrage. ‘You aren’t being yourself, we’re better than this’.

By Venus’ grace, her lesser sign bore through whatever haze dammed Nailon’s reason.

The younger Sidereal slumped in her chair with a weeping sigh.
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Mongward, the Grumpiest Paladin @mongward.bsky.social · 15/10/2025
Day 11-14 of the #ExaltedArtChallenge Had some catching up to do, oops. I particularly like the Exigent one, it's based on my yet-unmechanised idea of a god of names who tags along with his Exigent and eats the man's names and aliases in return for extra motes. They will get along, eventually.
A short story on a beige background

The hungry ghosts took a violent step back, blown back by a pressure none of the living present could feel.

‘I did not order this death. Return to your graves until conjured.’ rasped a quiet voice.

The dead struggled against the command, buffeted by an opposing will. Mortals cuddled into a shallow cave watched with eyes wide open, too scared to risk turning their gaze.

Cold night exploded into the fading warmth of the retreating day with a dusty smell of offerings long overdue.

‘You are mine to command by the unliving will of the oblivion itself. Leave.’

Tension broke, and the dead skittered away back in the direction of their graves. The voice rasped closer to the cave’s opening.

‘My apologies for the inconvenience. The presence behind this unfortunate incident will be recycled and reconfigured properly. If you could step out of the cave, I have a little bit of bloodshed to get into that these dilettanti could not have been trusted to conduct to specification.’
A short story on a beige background

‘I am sorry, but this isn’t agreeable at all. Our dead have been cared for well all this time! We don’t need a service we don’t need.’

It was to be expected. You know they can’t be trusted. Yes, Mother.

‘Your offerings are sufficient, but not satisfactory. I can guide your agreements, if you let me stay at the whisperer’s hut for the season.’ let the leader guide the direction, you can pivot without missing any breath.

The old woman frowns. A chance?

‘Are you a speaker?’

‘I do speak across the limen, yes. Your graveyard is agreeable, it can be better. Safer for both and on either side.’ please let me help you before this domain also falls. ‘Your neighbours downriver have already avoided the devouring that befell Anlin.’

The stranger stood up awkwardly, and the hooded cloak fell at odd angles. ‘I shan’t bother you, if you trust your methods.’ a smell of graveyard wafted in despite closed windsills.

‘Wait. We may... the hut is unused anyway.’

‘And I can prevent the loss of the future whisperer’.
A short story on a beige background

‘You wanted my help, don’t act all depressed now because of it’
‘You ruined my life’
‘Bah, you look at it completely wrong. I let you live many!’
‘I don’t even have a name anymore!’
‘Sure you do, any you’d want.’

The two have been on the road to Great Forks for two weeks now — a god of names in dire straits, and a man who wanted to disappear.

‘You eat them all, you dungbat!’
‘Now now, that’s no way to talk to a god, shshshshshs. I don’t even eat them. Just turn them into power you need to keep on not getting killed.’
‘Did you just use my name?’
‘Just when?
‘Just then!’
‘Oh, yes, you didn’t hear it?’
‘Nothing but the murmur of wind.’
‘Fascinating. Do you hear it when I call you Ravel?’
‘Yes I do’
‘Well... don’t get used to it much, there are some bandits ahead. You know what to do to get through it. Toodles!’

The god dematerialised, leaving Ravel haggard on the dusty road.

‘Oi you filthy bastard, give us yer silver!’

shshshsh sighed and danced on the edge of memory to get behind the bandit.
A short story on a beige background

Swooping Hope raced against the gathering winds and their own fear.

‘I must make it, Oloime needs to—‘

A tyrant lizard wrought in cloud and lightning roared into being over the hill, the wind pushing against the Lunar’s flight grew tendfold.

‘Shit, no, I can still—’

Tick.

Tock.

Tick.

Tock.

Reality seemed to open a panel that’s always been there, revealing titanic whirring verdant gears and rhythmic pendulums.

‘Your command over electricity is impressive, cousin, you will find mine at least your equal!’ a voice not wholly human rolled over the hills. ‘Please do not advance.’

When Hope’s flight finally carried them over the hills, Luna’s Chosen saw a living jade statue with twin whips of alien make, protecting Oloime, and clearly an odd Chosen themselves.

The ground between the defender and the shikari vibrated with contained lightning, Lunar’s essence instinctively leapt to bolster their body against the thunder that would inevitably crash when the tyrant lizard and the gears collide.
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Mongward, the Grumpiest Paladin @mongward.bsky.social · 10/10/2025
Day 10 of the #ExaltedArtChallenge: Incarnations back to back I found the final concept mid-writing, as I realised it could be about flashes of memories held within the Exaltation, carried through the ages. Giving the Exaltation itself some identity felt like a fun, non-canon choice.
A short story on a beige background

A broad-bladed daiklave stabbed into the heart of a concept, its soul warped, yet strengthened by the exposure.
***
An impassioned speech in a gathering of your elders, a plea and a claim to a blade whose relationship with your exaltation is stronger than death.
***
An artistic ambition quelling the endless stirring of radiant essence in your soul, blood spilled on the floor of a palace inherited by your power.
***
Darkness. Lost beyond usefulness.
***
The thieves’ stench makes you twist and turn, you escape with others like you, reaching for the heavens, but so many are lost to the ever-foes.
***
A soldier of quick temper, the last defender of a village which didn’t do anything to earn its slaughter. A worthy soul to illuminate.

Two years pass. Memories resurface in flashes and flares.
‘The Mask is broken, but it worked. It was worth it’. 

The Creation is different, but it can’t be all lost when the Unconquered’s champions roam it, can it?
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Mongward, the Grumpiest Paladin @mongward.bsky.social · 09/10/2025
Day 9 of the #ExaltedArtChallenge This time I wished I had more space, and while only I control the space I have, at least this one self-imposed rule I'll respect xD
A short story on a beige background

‘It should be somewhere here’ said River.

The expedition spent the last two weeks cutting through the forest, following the ancient shahan–ya’s directions, and now finally stood before...
‘Nothing more than a broken ruin, why are here?’, spat Emerald Rain, slicing the vines blocking their path.

‘We knew it was going to be, Em, but the old cat insisted.’

The travellers passed into a shadowed corridor littered in stained glass that once adorned its roof.
‘We could have been somewhere fun, but no, we’re in the middle of nowhere!’
‘See? Rima gets it! Why are we... oh.’

As if Fated by Mercury herself, the trio entered a perfectly preserved gallery, the orichalcum-latticed roof held against the centuries and now opened to the dance of lights in the Calibration sky.

‘It worked’ whispered Emerald Rain out of the blue ‘The Mask is broken, but it worked’, as starlight moved through a jade arch and the dancing shadows chronicled the war against Primordials, he cried unexpected tears, ‘It was worth it.’
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Mongward, the Grumpiest Paladin @mongward.bsky.social · 08/10/2025
Day 7 (God) and Day 8 (First Age Incarnation) of the #ExaltedArtChallenge. I keep missing a day and having to make up for it. Oops.
A short story on a beige background:

‘It’s a prestigious position, you won’t get a chance like this soon.’
Rich aromas still wafted strong in Fruitful Endeavour’s presence, centuries since they oversaw spice trade.

‘It is true from a certain point of view, but I know what destinies they are planning for the city. I would be squatting on your patio within a hundred years.’
Olomaion of the Tides winced, even though Endeavour’s patio was famously gorgeous.

The two gods sat in silence for a while, smell of brine competing with spices for control over the cramped office snowed under sailing charts and tide schedules.

‘So what are you going to do?’
‘My job. They don’t have enough pull to remove me, and misjudged my ambitions. Whirlpool’s betters tried to force me out, and quickly learned that nobody know that knot of currents and tides better than I do.’
Tides’ voice took on the timbre of rolling waves. 

A god of commerce and a god of seas sank back into silence, before Endeavour spoke again.
‘Do not drink the wine I brought.’A short story on a beige background

It took centuries and more wasted material than she would have liked to admit, but Dancing Chisel was finally happy with all the carvings and every arrangement.

Rerouting of certain stellar paths to accomodate them for the new era were also a point of contention, but hardly something worth bringing up at the Deliberative.

No matter, it all worked out in the end. Come Calibration, it should be a shadow play for the ages.

‘Aren’t you worried, Opina?’ a voice rustled from the shadows.
‘Not anymore. My work is done, come heaven or hell it will stand.’
‘It’s the heaven that’s coming.’
‘As is their right. My elder peers brought this on us all. I will not have the memory of my predecessors’ deeds lost to the darkness that comes.’

Silver Roar stepped gently out of the shadows, moonlight exposing the lionine tuft of her Tell.
‘We could run. I know safe havens in the Wyld’
‘I know. And I need you to outlive me. Somebody needs to know it’s here.’ she put a sad kiss on her Lunar companion’s forehead.
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Mongward, the Grumpiest Paladin @mongward.bsky.social · 06/10/2025
Days 5 (Spell/Ritual) and 6 (Celestial Incarna) of the #ExaltedArtChallenge
A short story on a beige background.

'What have we learned today?’

Their words were met with silence and the creaking of broken wooden frames. For a brief moment, Glass Promise was unsure if that’s part of the spell or not.

‘We do not invoke the Skin of Bronze without checking the footing.’
‘Correct! What else?’
‘Gods are sometimes squishy’
‘Also correct!’

Promise reached out their hand and, with an Essence-infused heave, helped their pupil out of the rubble. 

A lesson unspoken was of their own, and involved planning a different training for young Nailon.
The young woman took to sorcery with a startling ease, but broader picture kept eluding her, be it the filigree wood-and-paper floors or the flammable... the same, really.

‘Are you mad at me?’

The elder Joybringer took out their hankerchief and polished Nailon’s dusty forehead, eliciting a very amusing ring from the metallic surface.

‘Bah, nonsense. A little discorporation never killed anyone, and the repairs will come out of your stipend anyway.’A short story on a beige background

‘Do you think they know?’
The hands traced the path of the sun across the sky, now dark and resting from its toil.

‘What do you mean?’
‘The ones above, in the sky.’
A sigh of hesitation. ‘I think they can’t. It must be too much, right?’

Grass shifted on his namesake, rustling quietly in the darkness lit by stars alone.

‘You think so?’
‘Seven Tides only hears from us in the bay, and she is already always tired.’
‘Hm. Maybe. Maybe who moves the skies hears too much good and bad to know.’
‘Mom says Luna knows, but she wouldn’t say how she’s so sure.’

‘Your mom says a lot of weird things.’

Trout grabbed a handful of leaves and chucked them at Grass. ‘She’s not from the bay, she saw places, you should listen some time.’

‘Maybe. I hope the moon comes back after the Calibration.’
‘They always do.’ replied Trout, adopting his dad’s unearned, sagely tone.
‘Race you to the pier?’
‘We’re avoiding the stones, remember?’

Golden stars glimmered in Grass’ eyes. ‘Of course I remember, stupid.’
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Mongward, the Grumpiest Paladin @mongward.bsky.social · 04/10/2025
I missed the timing on #ExaltedArtChallenge yesterday, so I'm doing Day 3 and Day 4 all at once, with two connected scenes. Fun fact: Arashi was my first Exalted character, and I still have a lot of sentiment towards him. I wonder what it'd be like to play him now, a decade and a half later.
A short story on a beige background.

"Arashi exploded forward, the storm of his anima only catching up as the jade-gauntleted fist thundered against the blood ape’s jaw, knocking the beast a few paces back.

‘Any minute now, Larin!’ he yelled toward his companion who was solemnly resisting the hail of gravel kicked up by the Azure Dragon’s charge. 

If there was a response, it disappeared under the rush of air dragged by the demon’s massive fist, dodged by a hair. Arashi paid back in kind, taking blood ape’s breath with a fierce blow to what in a mortal would have been a sternum.

‘Hawk, soar!’ roared Larin’s voice and not a second too late, as the place he was ducking and weaving around erymanthus’ blows in erupted in an inferno and consumed the last of the fiend’s materialised form.

‘Took you a moment.’
‘One of these days you’ll know what it’s like. You powdered his fucking jaw before I even knew we were in a fight.’
‘Not my fault you are the slowest Burning Sword on the Isle. Try to keep up.’A short story on a beige background
"‘I thought you Tepets were smarter than this’
‘We are, but I’m exceptional’
‘Technically correct, and yet we consider „an exeption” and „exceptional” to be different’
‘I thought you Cathaks were soldiers, not scholars’
‘Gallant officers, thank you very much.’

In a long silent minute that followed, both Hearthmates did their best not to laugh, but finally gave in.

‘I’ve hated these blasted things ever since Heptagram, you know.’
‘Still baffles me that you, of all people, went there.’
‘Makes both of us, one of these days I’ll tell you how that happened.’

***

Two Princes of the Earth walked into the magistrate’s office, and slammed the unconscious demonologist on the floor.
‘Here’s your runaway occultist, please keep a better watch over him next time.’
‘Or, just kill him and hire a proper sorcerer. They are nasty, but reliable.’

The magistrate tried stammering out an overstated apology, but the Dynasts were already on their way to their other Hearthmates.
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Mongward, the Grumpiest Paladin @mongward.bsky.social · 03/10/2025
A meme showing three orangutans in a talk show studio, one asking "where tech, art, and human".
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Mongward, the Grumpiest Paladin @mongward.bsky.social · 02/10/2025
Day 2 of the #ExaltedArtChallenge I don't know the first thing about fashion, but I always like it when somebody who knows a lot about protocol has to manage a complete wild card, so behold, two Celestial exalts incognito in a nest of proverbial vipers.
‘Are you sure this will work?’ Undertow Heron prodded at the fabric construction sitting precariously atop their head.

‘Absolutely, they love the protocol dress!’

‘Not that’ the sailor glared at the elaborate headpiece in a mirror. ‘I can’t keep balancing this cursed thing.’

Perfect Scute’s voluminous sleeves whooshed as he reached out to help.

‘I’ve seen you manage worse, Down.’ the memory of his friend’s maniacal laughter during a Storm Mothers’ maelstrom made him smile.

‘That was for fun! This is work! Yours, specifically!’
Unphased by Heron’s exclamation, Scute ushered them out.

‘Shoo, I need to get ready too. Just try not to respire too much, the prince is still a believer.’
 ***
‘Impressive plea, master Scute, I might reconsider the Immaculates’ presence after all.’
The diplomat wished he could exhale in relief.

Instead he subtly scratched at the bamboo frame supporting his own headpiece and winked at Heron, who spent the entire event too focused on their own, unsupported, to interrupt.
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Mongward, the Grumpiest Paladin @mongward.bsky.social · 01/10/2025
First time participating in the #exaltedartchallenge let's see how long I last! xD ------ Day 1 Dragon Bloods have been my favourite splat forever, and I have a strong affinity for both Air and Earth aspects, so I figured I might as well do a warm-up with them.
A short story, plain text on a beige background, with two stylised dragons just behind the text. The story says:
"What would have elsewhen be nought but a casual pickpocketry, was clearly destined to become a duel, if only for lack of a word more fitting.

‘Your form is impeccable, you must tell me your teacher’
implored the woman, carefully moving through gusts to avoid tracking dirt on the robes.

‘Fuck off and leave me alone!’ answered the would-be thief, desperately tangled in a florid sash. Buffeted by his own treacherous power, dragged along the streets like a disrespectful Calibration kite.

The woman’s belly laughter rumbled on the cobblestones and burst into a blaze of shimmering sand.

The thief swore again, now the eye in the center of a frigid gale howling in defiant desperation.

The clash rolled over the district, dust kicked up in its advance, and luckless laundry carried on the winds of its wake.

‘We do not have the facilities for that’ whined the guard captain, roused from her sleep by the chattering of windowsills."
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Mongward, the Grumpiest Paladin @mongward.bsky.social · 16/08/2025
The wildest autoplay Youtube has ever given me. I'm not sure how I got this this after a bunch of Versengold, Feuerschwanz, and Old Gods of Asgard, but I do not mind xD
Screenshot of a Youtube video titled "1 Hour of French Revolution Guillotine Sounds – Historical Ambience to Fall Asleep To"
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Mongward, the Grumpiest Paladin @mongward.bsky.social · 14/07/2025
I love RPS so much. This and the euphemism-fiesta in the news about Jurassic World Evolution 3 made my morning today.
A screenshot of website Rock, Paper, Shortgun, saying "These may not be the first permanently available Arch-tempered monsters. "We are considering making the event quests for the upcoming Arch-tempered monsters and other event quests permanently available as well," Capcom comment via MechaHitler.com. More details are to follow."
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Mongward, the Grumpiest Paladin @mongward.bsky.social · 14/06/2025
I'm planning to get back to making Exalted cheat sheets to provide something more compact than the usual ones. Might as well drop the three I've already made some time ago. #Exalted #ttrpg
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Mongward, the Grumpiest Paladin @mongward.bsky.social · 15/04/2025
With the exception of adventures, my Exalted shelf is finally up to date and ready for upcoming books.
A photo of a bookshelf featuring sourcebooks for tabletop RPG game Exalte
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Mongward, the Grumpiest Paladin @mongward.bsky.social · 14/02/2025
I submit an addition to the list.
A screenshot of Steam app showing the game called Disavowed
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Mongward, the Grumpiest Paladin @mongward.bsky.social · 24/01/2025
Nice.
A screenshot of BlueSky profile focused on "69 folowers"
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Mongward, the Grumpiest Paladin @mongward.bsky.social · 30/12/2024
Worldhopping from Scadrial
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Mongward, the Grumpiest Paladin @mongward.bsky.social · 03/12/2024
Now that the hitstop is apparently back for Monster Hunter Wilds, and there will be proper customisation for the Seikret, the final thing I need this game to do is not require HDR to get strong contrasts and colors. (on the left: a screen from IGN's previews, on the right: my lazy IrfanView edit)
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Mongward, the Grumpiest Paladin @mongward.bsky.social · 27/11/2024
The #exalted 3e collection is growing. New addition: Sidereals aka Fate Ninjas, as I like to call them. Back in the day I'd never had the budget to really get my 2e collection going, but I am indulging myself with 3e.
A photo of the cover of Exalted 3e expansion for Sidereal Exalted. The cover depicts a martial artist in a "ready for combat" stance, with fists covered in wisps of magic.A photo of a bookshelf with several rulebooks for the second and third editions of TTRPG Exalted.
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Mongward, the Grumpiest Paladin @mongward.bsky.social · 18/11/2024
Introduce yourself with four video games
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Mongward, the Grumpiest Paladin @mongward.bsky.social · 15/11/2024
Exalted, the only TTRPG where all these pictures can be the same character.
A picture of Adam Jensen from video game Deus Ex: Mankind Divided. He's a lean  athletic man, wearing dark, practical-tactical clothes and dark sunglasses. Bith of his arms are replaced by cybernetic prosthetics, from one of which extends a short, angular bladeA picture of a mecha from video game Armored Core. A humanoid, stocky figure of grey metal plates, with a massive gun in each hand.A picture of the futuristic Night City metropolis from video game Cyberpunk 2077. A skyline of tall, blocky buildings between which weaves a web of roads connecting city districts. The buildings are lit lit blue by the street lights from below, and golden from above.
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Mongward, the Grumpiest Paladin @mongward.bsky.social · 02/11/2024
Another thing about Wilds, but goes honestly for any modern game with HDR option: let me freaking adjust contrasts and colours whether I run HDR or not, damn it! I shouldn't need to enter a special mode for the game to stop looking washed out. I like saturated colours, let me have them!
000