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Matt Olson

@metalson.bsky.social
689 followers 346 following 5.4K posts

Freelance marine biologist, stoner doom metal zealot. Parody account, not the real @metalson

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Matt Olson @metalson.bsky.social · 29/09/2026
Complaining about El Niño in english makes you sound like Homer Simpson.
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Matt Olson @metalson.bsky.social · 24/09/2026
I binged Slow Horses and the Steven Conrad tv show Patriot back to back, and I can’t stress enough what a terrible, uninspired and boring tv show Slow Horses is.
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Matt Olson @metalson.bsky.social · 24/09/2026
A nuclear apocalypse wouldn’t kill off the cockroaches, unless that nuclear apocalypse also somehow triggered a flood of slightly soapy water.
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Matt Olson @metalson.bsky.social · 23/09/2026
Guy who thinks it’s emasculating to poop sitting down.
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Matt Olson @metalson.bsky.social · 20/09/2026
I don’t think rich people should be allowed to play sports because they have an unfair advantage.
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Matt Olson @metalson.bsky.social · 15/09/2026
Men stop assuming that all women are from your 10⁻³⁷m planck length universe challenge: impossible.
Flyer on lamppost with a picture of the lady doctor who and a lady starfleet officer that reads: 
Media can be MISLEADING (A "female doctor" should be RESPECTED.)
"The pursuit of truth requires the ability to see beyond the appearance of things to the meaning and substance behind the forms."
—Dr. Steven Greer, Extraterrestrial Contact: The Evidence and Implications Above-left is the only realistic reference to and/or depiction of the
REAL "Galadriel" (actually a Reptilian named T'esi var) who entered our 10m collapsed Planck length universe along with other Reptilians from their 10-38m collapsed Planck length universe as "elf timelords" to preserve their race. Imagine the "female Doctor" from Doctor Who and Dr. Pulaski [depicted above-right] from Star Trek: The Next Generation with "elf ears." THAT IS the reality in this universe.
Imagine "Galadriel" (T'esi var) wearing a "ring of power" that is really a miniaturized tachyonic cyclotron that CERN (CERN-T soon?) is in danger of "becoming." There is no "time travel," but there is time-less-ness (and "exotic matter.")
Interconnectedness is the answer.
Expect Galactic Ascension soon.
Earth is leaving 3D/4D reality.
Be your realltotal CONSCIOUS SELF.
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Matt Olson @metalson.bsky.social · 14/09/2026
I’ve never hated a TV show’s theme song more than I hate Mick Jagger’s absolutely atrocious Slow Horses song.
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Matt Olson @metalson.bsky.social · 13/09/2026
You need clothes to buy clothes in this sad, mixed up world.
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Matt Olson @metalson.bsky.social · 13/09/2026
I always try to watch elephant graveyard videos but i never make it more than a few minutes in before i realize I’m exhausted and we still haven’t gotten past the cute little intro segment. I wish I could but I can’t.
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Matt Olson @metalson.bsky.social · 12/09/2026
This is what every scene in Reacher looks like.
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Matt Olson @metalson.bsky.social · 12/09/2026
25 years ago today, this happened. youtu.be/qJfWIFll_Y4?...
youtu.be
Leftöver Crack - Mediocre Generica Full Album HD
YouTube video by AceVenoms
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Matt Olson @metalson.bsky.social · 07/09/2026
NEW SLEEP IS GOOD 👍
youtu.be
SLEEP - Hempispheres (Full Album 2026)
YouTube video by WEEDIAN
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Matt Olson @metalson.bsky.social · 07/09/2026
Overheard outside the Grove AMC: “This is one of best movie theaters ever. They got popcorn… everything!”
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Matt Olson @metalson.bsky.social · 05/09/2026
It’s a difficult time for my family, we had to put down my childhood dog because he was woke.
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Reposted by Matt Olson
Matt Olson @metalson.bsky.social · 17/03/2026
cottage cheese is just feta that has already been partially digested and regurgitated by mother
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Matt Olson @metalson.bsky.social · 31/08/2026
Almost responded to someone’s engagement prompt then I realized I could just unfollow them instead.
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Matt Olson @metalson.bsky.social · 31/08/2026
(Tik Tok video of me holding my neighbors at gunpoint and forcing them into a crudely made wooden cage that is sort of shaped like a map of America) Lethargic Voice Over: Do you like America-shaped prisons? Let me know in the comments if you think it’s a good idea.
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Matt Olson @metalson.bsky.social · 30/08/2026
Europeans don’t use Miles as a unit of measurement, they use Kill My Self
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Matt Olson @metalson.bsky.social · 29/08/2026
I will breathe in while driving through a tunnel, but only because society forces me to do so.
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Matt Olson @metalson.bsky.social · 28/08/2026
I beleive it’s necessary to block on sight anyone who responds to posts with a Dan Levy reaction gif, regardless of their politics.
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Matt Olson @metalson.bsky.social · 28/08/2026
I care a lot about “traditional values” (I won’t smoke weed with a white lighter)
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Matt Olson @metalson.bsky.social · 28/08/2026
If Donald Trump really loved America he would change his name to Donald America
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Matt Olson @metalson.bsky.social · 27/08/2026
Say what you want about Rodd and Todd Flanders, their noah’s ark song really slaps.
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Reposted by Matt Olson
The Canary @thecanaryuk.bsky.social · 25/08/2026
Israel murders first child under 'kill for kites' order Within hours of the kill order, Israel's occupation forces slaughtered four-year-old Hassan Al-Qatraoui and other members of his family
thecanary.co
Israel murders first child under 'kill for kites' order
Within hours of the kill order, Israel's occupation forces slaughtered four-year-old Hassan Al-Qatraoui and other members of his family
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Matt Olson @metalson.bsky.social · 21/08/2026
“I don’t subscribe to any politcal ideology, I just use my own common sense” - Guy who is a libertarian. “I actually don’t bother with music genre classification, they’re just useless labels” - Guy who listens to metalcore.
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Matt Olson @metalson.bsky.social · 20/08/2026
The military is so cool they said active service members can watch Tung Tung Tung Sahur videos now, it just adds an extra year of service to their contract per video! 🙌
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Matt Olson @metalson.bsky.social · 20/08/2026
My leg hair in the sunlight looks like the shit Russel Crowe’d be waving his hands through at the beginning of Gladiator
Golden fields of leg hair.
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Matt Olson @metalson.bsky.social · 16/08/2026
Joe Pesci: Were you able to find me a role like we talked about? Where I play a mafia guy who’s really responsible and level-headed? Agent: Sorry Joe, I’ve got some bad news again…
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Matt Olson @metalson.bsky.social · 13/08/2026
I think this guy is taking my feedback and he’s starting to make these flyers more coherent.
Flyer: (CONTACT is normalcy.)
Close Encounters of the FIFTH Kind
In the dense urban environment of Los Angeles, children grow up not even able to "see the night sky" properly due to "light pollution" and other factors. There are (in reality) 100-400 bilion stars in the Milky Way Galaxy. We are NOT alone. Positive extraterrestrials want to make CONTACT with us. That is NOT based on monetary interest or power hierarchies. Wherever you are, know that. BEINGS exist who want to help YOU!
WAKE UP from sleeper ship realities soon! Prepare to recover from the GNOSTIC ERROR. Those who have direct experience of "the womb" as Al-compatible may need to recover MOST.
Interconnectedness is the answer.
Expect Galactic Ascension soon.
We are leaving 3D/4D reality.
Be your real/total CONSCIOUS SELF.
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Matt Olson @metalson.bsky.social · 06/08/2026
Ranting all day on the internet about how “THE JAB” was a satanic plot to destroy civilization but I’m talking about JibJab ecards.
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Matt Olson @metalson.bsky.social · 04/08/2026
You can tell the HotD intro tapestry isn’t being sewn by Helaena because it’s all battles and no bugs.
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Matt Olson @metalson.bsky.social · 01/08/2026
I’m not normally one to make political predictions, but Marisa Simonetti is going to be the first female president of this great nation 🙌
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Matt Olson @metalson.bsky.social · 31/07/2026
I know you’re only following me for updates on the ascension of global consciousness, so here you go. This one is of particular interest to those of you experienced in AI-compatible wombs.
Lamp post flyer that reads: WAKE UP! Sleeper Ship REALITIES Are ONLY for Problem-Solving (Use your sub-dimensional frequency band for
"Earth return.")
David Icke, Greg Calise, Carla Fox and others have been warning humanity about technology, transhumanism and Singularity. The above image would be a futuristic office environment, but it does get the point across that it is time to REACH OUT to the genuine CES effort and prepare to participate in positive CONTACT on behalf of the environment, animal rights and the RESTORED EARTH.
WAKE UP from sleeper ship realities soon! Prepare to recover from the GNOSTIC ERROR. Those who have direct experience of the womb" as Al-compatible may need to recover MOST.
Interconnectedness is the answer.
Expect Galactic Ascension soon.
We are leaving 3D/4D reality.
Be your realitotal CONSCIOUS SELF.
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Matt Olson @metalson.bsky.social · 26/07/2026
Call it “unrealistic”, but beer you can smoke is inevitable, it is the future.
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Matt Olson @metalson.bsky.social · 25/07/2026
At 9:11 every day you can make a wish but the one rule is you can’t wish for more 9/11s.
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Matt Olson @metalson.bsky.social · 23/07/2026
Wanna see some stuff that burned in my neighborhood lately? I think it’s neat!
Burned out carburned out porta potty
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Matt Olson @metalson.bsky.social · 21/07/2026
Mamdani’s silence about the bad roommate in Bushwick has been deafening, btw.
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Matt Olson @metalson.bsky.social · 21/07/2026
So which is it? Did V step into the crowd, taking in live performances at Vogue World: Hollywood, or is Japan turning footsteps into electricity? Get your story straight motherfuckers.
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Matt Olson @metalson.bsky.social · 21/07/2026
The HotD ensemble is so good in this episode partly because everyone is split up into pairs: Rhaenyra/Daemon, Alicent/Halaena, Larys/Aegon, Ormund/Daeron, Alys/Aemond, Addam/Baela, Criston/Gawain, Oscar/Roddy, Torrhen/Sabbitha. Everyone’s got a cool buddy dynamic except for Tyland the 3rd wheel.
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Matt Olson @metalson.bsky.social · 14/07/2026
That’s a nice article you wrote there, it’d be a real shame if someone scrolled past the first several pages of navel-gazey anecdotes and started reading at the part where you get to the fucking point.
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Matt Olson @metalson.bsky.social · 14/07/2026
One of the biggest writing mistakes in TV history is how they named him “The Fonz” instead of “Mr Cool Guy”
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Matt Olson @metalson.bsky.social · 14/07/2026
If you liked season 7 of Thrones, you deserved season 8.
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Matt Olson @metalson.bsky.social · 13/07/2026
I’m waiting for just one liberal politician to say something nice about Sam Neill.
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Reposted by Matt Olson
CrimethInc. Ex-Workers' Collective @crimethinc.com · 13/07/2026
On July 13, 2019, Willem Van Spronsen was killed by police while taking action to disable the fleet of buses that serve the Northwest Detention Center, a private immigration detainment facility in Tacoma, Washington. Everyone should read or re-read his final statement today: crimethinc.com/willem
crimethinc.com
On Willem Van Spronsen’s Action against the Northwest Detention Center in Tacoma
We understand why Willem Van Spronsen decided to give his life to interrupt the violence that is perpetrated against undocumented people in the US.
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Matt Olson @metalson.bsky.social · 13/07/2026
Not to be a conspiracy guy but it really seems like Mitch drank Lindsey’s life force or something.
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Matt Olson @metalson.bsky.social · 12/07/2026
Hellraiser/Jackass crossover movie.
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Matt Olson @metalson.bsky.social · 12/07/2026
The Sopranos is an important cultural artifact because of the way it documents the advent of the Big Mouth Billy Bass, and the effect that it had on the world, what it meant for people.
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Matt Olson @metalson.bsky.social · 08/07/2026
GoT omitted the scene where Ned Tells Arya that she reminds him of Lyanna and that she looks like her, and didn’t get anything close to the smoke Dunk&Egg got for omitting the “Night who remembers his vows” line, and cutting Lady Stoneheart didn’t get half the smoke that HotD cutting Nettles did.
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Matt Olson @metalson.bsky.social · 08/07/2026
Why are people telling Graham Platner to drop out, he just stole the entire GOP electorate out from underneath Susan Collins!
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Matt Olson @metalson.bsky.social · 06/07/2026
If you were gonna do the clockwork orange procedure on Kash Patel, you wouldn’t have to put shit on his face.
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