iiinova — where your digital self keeps evolving

Logan | INACTIVE @meadows-boy.bsky.social · 06/11/2025

Sometimes I look at my coping mechanism and just have to tell myself “at least it’s not drugs” Cause if that’s the standard I’m doing amazing

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Logan | INACTIVE @meadows-boy.bsky.social · 06/11/2025

Having littles in the system means stuffed animals just got put on our “talk about in therapy today” list and it is 100% serious 😭😭

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Logan | INACTIVE @meadows-boy.bsky.social · 06/11/2025

On the topic of things I hate Speaking up for myself. It makes me wanna puke and die (probably at the same time)

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Logan | INACTIVE @meadows-boy.bsky.social · 06/11/2025

I hate being an adult. I had to wake up early to make some phone calls and I hate it. I want sleep. I want to not have to be responsible

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Logan | INACTIVE @meadows-boy.bsky.social · 05/11/2025

For once in my life I’d like to be wrong It seems as tho I may have accurately project another disorder/condition My doctor said the gallstones are likely not causing issues rn which means I was right 🫠🫩 I just wanna be wrong once and it actually be a tiny small fixable issue 😭😭

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Logan | INACTIVE @meadows-boy.bsky.social · 05/11/2025

It’s just hit me I’m going to have to tell another person about my father within the like next week ish And I’m not loving that I honestly try to forget he exists because talking about him comes with talking about one of the most sensitive topics probably ever and that isn’t fun

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Logan | INACTIVE @meadows-boy.bsky.social · 05/11/2025

I am so done with the constant appts I have one tomorrow One next week and One the week after that And just medical stuff not therapy or MH based treatment

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Logan | INACTIVE @meadows-boy.bsky.social · 05/11/2025

God I wanna be done with this all Free me from the hell that is GI complications

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Logan | INACTIVE @meadows-boy.bsky.social · 05/11/2025

After a little bit of googling idk if gallstones are the cause of my symptoms It’s mostly right side pain and upper abdominal pain according to the Mayo Clinic and that’s like 1% of my symptoms and not even full story of the 1% So either we ain’t got the full picture or the Mayo Clinic is wrong 🙃🫠

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Logan | INACTIVE @meadows-boy.bsky.social · 04/11/2025

It’s gonna be some sick and twisted joke if I have gallstones and delayed gastric emptying I’m considering finding god and fighting him if I have both cause he’s not as funny as he thinks he is

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Logan | INACTIVE @meadows-boy.bsky.social · 04/11/2025

Sometimes I forget how badly my dissociative disorder effects my pain tolerance, recognition of symptoms, and the normalization of symptoms Like wdym I’m supposed to be in excruciating pain from [insert issue]?? I barely feel it and even when I do its not even 10/10 pain

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Logan | INACTIVE @meadows-boy.bsky.social · 04/11/2025

I probably have gallstones 😀 No clue what that means but I can for sure say it isn’t fun

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Logan | INACTIVE @meadows-boy.bsky.social · 04/11/2025

Being the youngest in the waiting room is something I’ll never get over or stop being sad about in general Everyone is probably at least 50+ and I’m 22

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Logan | INACTIVE @meadows-boy.bsky.social · 04/11/2025

I just go “sorry my service is bad. I’m at a hospital” and then I don’t have the service to reassure him that it’s just a test/office located in a hospital 😭😭

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Logan | INACTIVE @meadows-boy.bsky.social · 04/11/2025

Being chronically ill and having a best friend is so weird sometimes I just had to text him and warn him about an ultrasound I’m getting so I didn’t scare him shitless when I randomly drop the info that I’m at a hospital tomorrow morning

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Logan | INACTIVE @meadows-boy.bsky.social · 03/11/2025

Like girl can you get your priorities straight???

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Logan | INACTIVE @meadows-boy.bsky.social · 03/11/2025

I say this a lot but I can’t stand my mother Instead of being happy I was *finally* able to shower after like a month cause my chronic illnesses are causing too many issues to worry about hygiene She’s worried I’m going to wake up my uncle by tapping my conditioner bottle

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Logan | INACTIVE @meadows-boy.bsky.social · 03/11/2025

The need to take albuterol and nausea meds overlap ever so slightly so now Idk if I need one or both or neither The life of allergies ig

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Logan | INACTIVE @meadows-boy.bsky.social · 02/11/2025

I genuinely can’t stand my mother someday Instead of asking the pharmacy that has the information she came home and asked me with a fraction of the information I’d need to answer the question God forbid a man wants his mom to use her brain 🙄

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Logan | INACTIVE @meadows-boy.bsky.social · 01/11/2025

I genuinely have zero clue how I will be able to fix my sleep schedule in like a week and a half I have to go from 1:30pm wake up time to 7/7:30am wake up time 😭😭

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Logan | INACTIVE @meadows-boy.bsky.social · 01/11/2025

Being a system of “why do we need sleep that’s wasted time” and “it’s okay you’re allowed to rest” is the bane of all of our existence cause Then we just stay up all night and feel guilty about it

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Logan | INACTIVE @meadows-boy.bsky.social · 31/10/2025

A cycle we have been aware of for quite some time but no one will take the steps needed to get it on the right track Which is another cycle in itself

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Logan | INACTIVE @meadows-boy.bsky.social · 31/10/2025

Understaffing also commonly leads to over working which is bad for the provider because they are basically drowning and the patients cause they struggle to get consistent care

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Logan | INACTIVE @meadows-boy.bsky.social · 31/10/2025

Yeah and good help is so hard to find even if you have perfect access Mine is obviously less than stellar and it took like 15 years and like 7 counselors before I found my current therapist and really settled into treatment

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Logan | INACTIVE @meadows-boy.bsky.social · 31/10/2025

I just found out day light savings on Sunday I am so busy next week. I can’t be adjusting to a new schedule on top of the stress of next week 😭😭 Being and adult is NOT worth it

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Logan | INACTIVE @meadows-boy.bsky.social · 31/10/2025

It wouldn’t be as bad if I didn’t live in an area with virtually no trauma based care We dont have trauma therapy or EMDR within hours of my house. I’m lucky I found a trauma informed therapist (where I live it’s different from trauma therapy)

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Logan | INACTIVE @meadows-boy.bsky.social · 31/10/2025

It’s somewhat better now that I have a trauma informed care therapist so she knows where to poke per say But I’m still way to self aware about literally everything that happens in regards to mental health

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Logan | INACTIVE @meadows-boy.bsky.social · 30/10/2025

I just can’t heal via those things and lots of therapists don’t know what to do with the overly self aware unhealed patients

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Logan | INACTIVE @meadows-boy.bsky.social · 30/10/2025

Just some random thoughts about therapy I think I’m too self aware or too good at self therapizing. I do all the things that a therapist would recommend or want me to learn Self soothing, comfort items, safe exposures to triggers, recoding negative connotations, writing, etc.

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Logan | INACTIVE @meadows-boy.bsky.social · 30/10/2025

I’m tweaking over this whole not having access to my regular therapist for 6-8 weeks thing I’m praying to whatever higher power exists that I can just move my appointment to after program is over each day so there’s no scheduling conflict I need my weekly appt like I need air to breathe

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Logan | INACTIVE @meadows-boy.bsky.social · 30/10/2025

The ED clinic I will be receiving care at wants me to stop for 6-8 weeks and only see their therapists (aka a stranger) and I barely tolerate going two weeks without because of the attachment and routine I finally have a good trauma informed therapist so I‘m not looking to throw that all away

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Logan | INACTIVE @meadows-boy.bsky.social · 30/10/2025

The fatphobia in healthcare irritates me to no fucking end because it prevents me and many others from getting the respect, dignity, and treatment we deserve Our bigger bodies aren’t a failure or something to demonize Also I am very much midsize so they just pick any weight to have a problems with

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Logan | INACTIVE @meadows-boy.bsky.social · 30/10/2025

If one more doctor charts something I never said or calls me “Class three severe obese“ or whatever the proper term is I will loose my mind My weight was only ever a problem when I dropped like ten pounds from malnutrition and I‘ve been in absolute hell trying to maintain my body’s healthy weight

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Logan | INACTIVE @meadows-boy.bsky.social · 30/10/2025

Thinking about this because there’s a chance I will have to pause our sessions and it’s got me spun tf out I plan to advocate against the pause but the final decision isn’t in my hands (which I do not like either)

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Logan | INACTIVE @meadows-boy.bsky.social · 30/10/2025

I think ppl forget those who have attachment issues and really vulnerable things to talk about in therapy will get attached to their therapist I am very attached to mine because we have a rapport and I trust her and we’ve built our therapeutic relationship

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Logan | INACTIVE @meadows-boy.bsky.social · 29/10/2025

The ED clinic wants me to do partial hospitalization Which is just you go home after instead of living in I can do virtual so it’s not a big problem but damn I wasn’t expecting the big guns days one 😭😭

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Logan | INACTIVE @meadows-boy.bsky.social · 29/10/2025

I just remembered that account has no age It’s my alt so my age isn’t posted in my bio like my main which imo makes this weirder They looked at my pfp and name (cause they didn’t check my profile) and took a stab in the dark which like said said imo it’s weird

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Logan | INACTIVE @meadows-boy.bsky.social · 29/10/2025

If my bio says I am chronically ill maybe let’s not say shit like “just be glad you don’t have the lower back pain ppl in their 30s do” I actually developed my chronic back pain at 19/20 but I have had it off and on since I was a child due to said chronic illness and family history

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Logan | INACTIVE @meadows-boy.bsky.social · 28/10/2025

SEE HOW THAT DOESNT MAKE ANY FUCKING SENSE SEE HOW THATS HELPFUL TO NO ONE Gotta love the ableist American government

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Logan | INACTIVE @meadows-boy.bsky.social · 28/10/2025

Me: I struggle with sleeping, eating, talking, standing, walking, cognitive function, and have full body pain 24/7 that requires a mobility aid and all of this disables me and prevents me from having a job Government: are you really disabled tho cause according to our rules your perfectly fine

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Logan | INACTIVE @meadows-boy.bsky.social · 28/10/2025

The constant nausea ppl are so much better than me. I’m gonna crash out Instead of adnominal pain I’m getting discomfort and lots of nausea rn I think id rather have the pain tbh 😭😭

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Logan | INACTIVE @meadows-boy.bsky.social · 28/10/2025

Also I know I shouldn’t feel guilty cause I had no part in the decision but I kinda feel guilty that I will be able to eat without stress this month but so many other families in need won’t be able to because their benefits were the ones cut off

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Logan | INACTIVE @meadows-boy.bsky.social · 28/10/2025

I just went and looked at the Washington DSHS website (like the official .gov site) and as long as nothing changes from today to the first I should still get my benefits cause it isn’t food assistance I think I might pass out from relief (not literal)

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Logan | INACTIVE @meadows-boy.bsky.social · 28/10/2025

Just wanna warn any fandom accounts that have started following me here I don’t talk about that on this page. This is my “I have a shitty family and bad health“ vent page Feel free to stay if that’s your jam but if its not I promise you’ll have more fun on @logannotfound.bsky.social (my other page)

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Logan | INACTIVE @meadows-boy.bsky.social · 27/10/2025

I got my intake appt with the ED clinic but now I have to decide one if I tell them about my preferred name and pronouns and two if I tell them about my OSDD Both are important bits of info about me but *gestures to the current state of trans rights*

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Logan | INACTIVE @meadows-boy.bsky.social · 27/10/2025

Thinking about this cause my new med was picked up today and I was reading the label I have to avoid direct sunlight and the most offensive one imo is you have to potentially eat with it You may have to eat with the nausea/vomiting med. I think I’ll just take the headache at that point

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Logan | INACTIVE @meadows-boy.bsky.social · 27/10/2025

I had to ask my doctor for different nausea meds cause zofran was giving me headaches And originally I thought he was just being an ass about it cause he questioned how often I needed it but apparently other meds carry more risks(?) or at least that’s what I got from his tone reaction

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Logan | INACTIVE @meadows-boy.bsky.social · 27/10/2025

I thought I was just having a weird night. It happens during my period so this is totally normal for my body I just realized it was probably the brown rice I ate So guess who gets to add brown rice to their intolerance list 😀😭

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