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Michael Delaporta

@mdelaporta.bsky.social
312 followers 97 following 1.3K posts

Who that hath a throne, or a gilded privilege not attainable by his neighbor, let him procure his slippers & get ready to dance, for there is going to be music.

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Michael Delaporta @mdelaporta.bsky.social · 18h
Some people say that it’s ok to wear tan shoes with a grey suit. Except if you’re a cunt.
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Michael Delaporta @mdelaporta.bsky.social · 23/09/2026
I genuinely hope this person never gets a illness that threatens his life and is difficult to treat. But if he does, and there’s an advanced therapy that’s in limited supply, this fucker gets a bag of magnets.
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Michael Delaporta @mdelaporta.bsky.social · 17/09/2026
If the Time Cube guy didn’t die 15 years ago, today, he’d be the head of NASA. Follow your dreams, imbeciles!!
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Michael Delaporta @mdelaporta.bsky.social · 17/09/2026
No self-respecting adult with even a second-grade understanding of math would ever…. Oh OK, I see.
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Michael Delaporta @mdelaporta.bsky.social · 11/09/2026
I never want to see your Pottery Barn return history.
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Michael Delaporta @mdelaporta.bsky.social · 01/09/2026
We shall… build! their nation! We shall engage in… <puts finger to earpiece…> hold up y’all…
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Michael Delaporta @mdelaporta.bsky.social · 19/08/2026
Ugh. 1: Shut up. 2: If these pink-haired college sophomore nut-bars manage to achieve a governing trifecta and generational control of the Supreme Court, I promise to start a web-zine called “The Girondin Evening Post” or some shit.
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Michael Delaporta @mdelaporta.bsky.social · 13/08/2026
Temu cenobite.
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Michael Delaporta @mdelaporta.bsky.social · 11/08/2026
Look, this is a gross thing to say, but: smart parents (generally) have smart children. Dumb parents have dumb ones. This “advice” will be much more followed by the dumb parents. This does not bode well for the future electoral coalition of the President’s preferred party.
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Michael Delaporta @mdelaporta.bsky.social · 03/08/2026
She wasn’t using it anyways.
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Michael Delaporta @mdelaporta.bsky.social · 30/07/2026
America: “We elected a dumb asshole, and it hasn’t worked.”
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Michael Delaporta @mdelaporta.bsky.social · 08/07/2026
Bernie: Is it fair that only billionaires and Senate Majority Leaders get access to our government’s best iridescent green reanimation serum?
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Michael Delaporta @mdelaporta.bsky.social · 26/06/2026
It was a mistake for America to allow Italians to become white.
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Michael Delaporta @mdelaporta.bsky.social · 25/06/2026
<scientist> we’ve isolated the new element Cuckmantium, but it’s unlikely that we’ll find it naturally occurring in the environment.
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Michael Delaporta @mdelaporta.bsky.social · 23/06/2026
Our virile President had to be granted access to retatrutide because it is the first GLP-1 that can be rolled up in a piece of cheese and hidden in a Filet-O-Fish.
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Michael Delaporta @mdelaporta.bsky.social · 20/06/2026
If you gaze long enough into the reflecting pool, the reflecting pool will gaze back into you.
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Michael Delaporta @mdelaporta.bsky.social · 13/06/2026
Talarico: Hi, I’m from Texas and things should be less shitty. TX GOP: omg he wants to suck dicks because his hot girlfriend likes vegetables. Electorate: Hmmmm…
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Michael Delaporta @mdelaporta.bsky.social · 12/06/2026
I’m listening…
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Michael Delaporta @mdelaporta.bsky.social · 11/06/2026
21 of the specialists were mortuary cosmetologists. www.washingtonpost.com/politics/202...
washingtonpost.com
Trump sees 22 medical specialists, appearing to set new bar for presidents
Trump saw about a dozen specialists for prior check-ups, per past statements. The White House has declined to identify which specialists assessed the president.
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Michael Delaporta @mdelaporta.bsky.social · 09/06/2026
Bro, it sounds like it’s hard to be racist in Minnesota. Bummer. In which parts of America is it easier to be racist?
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Michael Delaporta @mdelaporta.bsky.social · 09/06/2026
It’s like that famous saying “absence of evidence is evidence”.
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Michael Delaporta @mdelaporta.bsky.social · 04/06/2026
Trump is a size queen. It brings me no pleasure to bring you this information.
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Michael Delaporta @mdelaporta.bsky.social · 04/06/2026
Aside for how everything sucks, I love that Trump’s AG is “Todd Blanche” is French for “White Todd (feminine)”.
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Michael Delaporta @mdelaporta.bsky.social · 29/05/2026
“They were a gift from the Trojans, they love me very much.”
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Michael Delaporta @mdelaporta.bsky.social · 28/05/2026
I have an idea…
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Michael Delaporta @mdelaporta.bsky.social · 28/05/2026
Taking my monthly cognitive exam, as is extremely normal. I’ve filled the room with sixty fat dudes in navy windbreakers and mirrored sunglasses, indoors. I identify the camel. The room fucking explodes.
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Michael Delaporta @mdelaporta.bsky.social · 27/05/2026
“Gotta correct you there, Bobby. The latest research from the Epstein Institute of Islandic Research suggest that the foreskin coefficient isn’t statistically significant.”
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Michael Delaporta @mdelaporta.bsky.social · 26/05/2026
“Doctors confirmed that he has an optimal level of formaldehyde for a corpse of his age.”
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Michael Delaporta @mdelaporta.bsky.social · 21/05/2026
Stephen Miller’s fucking rat face https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sudetenland
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Michael Delaporta @mdelaporta.bsky.social · 20/05/2026
This is laughably untrue, but even if it were true, confiscating billionaire money is a net public good *even if you don’t spend the money on anything*.
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Michael Delaporta @mdelaporta.bsky.social · 19/05/2026
Trump, waving two gangrenous stumps: Today, I shined a un xecutiv odor for GOD AND JESUS to open the straight… <walking-dead-strings begin…> Trump: BUT SLIPPY JOE never did the TOTAL WAR… <walking-dead-strings swell…>
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Michael Delaporta @mdelaporta.bsky.social · 14/05/2026
Absolutely can’t wait until this deeply unlikable chud comes in forth place in Iowa behind Majorie Taylor Green, Kid Rock, and Jefferson Davis (write-in)
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Michael Delaporta @mdelaporta.bsky.social · 13/05/2026
“🎶 People think I’m insane because I frowning all the time.” No, brother. We see… everything… too. Frowning is like the *mildest* of appropriate reactions…
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Michael Delaporta @mdelaporta.bsky.social · 11/05/2026
Honestly, if he stayed wide awake while Dr. Oz droned on about teenage boy’s sperm counts, it’d be more disturbing…
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Michael Delaporta @mdelaporta.bsky.social · 11/05/2026
Top marginal tax rates.
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Michael Delaporta @mdelaporta.bsky.social · 09/05/2026
<being administered the Voight-Kampff test> Everything is: 1. Exhausting? 2. Embarrassing? 3. Humiliating? 4. Intolerable? Me: can’t you just ask me the turtle thing again?
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Michael Delaporta @mdelaporta.bsky.social · 06/05/2026
I Got Brain Trauma and Became Republican: The John Fetterman Story
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Michael Delaporta @mdelaporta.bsky.social · 06/05/2026
Two-thirds of the Trump admin: I’m so tired of fucking these pale teens.
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Michael Delaporta @mdelaporta.bsky.social · 04/05/2026
The Chlamydilorean
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Michael Delaporta @mdelaporta.bsky.social · 04/05/2026
When Rudy dies, will CNN cut live to the 21-leaf-blower salute at Four Seasons Landscaping?
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Michael Delaporta @mdelaporta.bsky.social · 25/04/2026
bitch just did a “this meeting could have been an email” to peace talks
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Michael Delaporta @mdelaporta.bsky.social · 24/04/2026
If this sumbitch gets me to resume getting up early on a Sunday for the first time since 1981, imma be *furious*.
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Michael Delaporta @mdelaporta.bsky.social · 23/04/2026
“I shall return.” “We shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight on the landing grounds, we shall fight in the fields and in the streets, we shall fight in the hills; we shall never surrender...” “Don’t rush me, Jeff…”
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Michael Delaporta @mdelaporta.bsky.social · 23/04/2026
I heard a Trump cultist claim that Trump “was a real spreadsheet guy” and pictured Trump typing “=“ in Excel and immediately calling it the n-word…
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Michael Delaporta @mdelaporta.bsky.social · 23/04/2026
“Now, I don't *avoid* Russian or Canada, Mandrake, but I *do* deny them my essence!”
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Michael Delaporta @mdelaporta.bsky.social · 17/04/2026
Enthusiastically going on live TV to bear false witness is how I know you don’t believe in God and you think the bible is bullshit.
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Michael Delaporta @mdelaporta.bsky.social · 15/04/2026
Classic battle between an organization that shelters pedophiles and preys on children, and the Catholic Church.
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Michael Delaporta @mdelaporta.bsky.social · 09/04/2026
For $1.50, I will text a blurry picture of my most recent bowel movement. Your move, Bezos.
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Michael Delaporta @mdelaporta.bsky.social · 31/03/2026
<k.d. lang voice>
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Michael Delaporta @mdelaporta.bsky.social · 26/03/2026
JD Vance instructing the CIA to start scouting for property in Avignon.
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