Michael Delaporta @mdelaporta.bsky.social · 18hSome people say that it’s ok to wear tan shoes with a grey suit. Except if you’re a cunt. 000
Michael Delaporta @mdelaporta.bsky.social · 23/09/2026I genuinely hope this person never gets a illness that threatens his life and is difficult to treat. But if he does, and there’s an advanced therapy that’s in limited supply, this fucker gets a bag of magnets. 010
Michael Delaporta @mdelaporta.bsky.social · 17/09/2026If the Time Cube guy didn’t die 15 years ago, today, he’d be the head of NASA. Follow your dreams, imbeciles!! 010
Michael Delaporta @mdelaporta.bsky.social · 17/09/2026No self-respecting adult with even a second-grade understanding of math would ever…. Oh OK, I see. 010
Michael Delaporta @mdelaporta.bsky.social · 11/09/2026I never want to see your Pottery Barn return history. 011
Michael Delaporta @mdelaporta.bsky.social · 01/09/2026We shall… build! their nation! We shall engage in… <puts finger to earpiece…> hold up y’all… 000
Michael Delaporta @mdelaporta.bsky.social · 19/08/2026Ugh. 1: Shut up. 2: If these pink-haired college sophomore nut-bars manage to achieve a governing trifecta and generational control of the Supreme Court, I promise to start a web-zine called “The Girondin Evening Post” or some shit. 110
Michael Delaporta @mdelaporta.bsky.social · 11/08/2026Look, this is a gross thing to say, but: smart parents (generally) have smart children. Dumb parents have dumb ones. This “advice” will be much more followed by the dumb parents. This does not bode well for the future electoral coalition of the President’s preferred party. 010
Michael Delaporta @mdelaporta.bsky.social · 30/07/2026America: “We elected a dumb asshole, and it hasn’t worked.” 000
Michael Delaporta @mdelaporta.bsky.social · 08/07/2026Bernie: Is it fair that only billionaires and Senate Majority Leaders get access to our government’s best iridescent green reanimation serum? 000
Michael Delaporta @mdelaporta.bsky.social · 26/06/2026It was a mistake for America to allow Italians to become white. 000
Michael Delaporta @mdelaporta.bsky.social · 25/06/2026<scientist> we’ve isolated the new element Cuckmantium, but it’s unlikely that we’ll find it naturally occurring in the environment. 010
Michael Delaporta @mdelaporta.bsky.social · 23/06/2026Our virile President had to be granted access to retatrutide because it is the first GLP-1 that can be rolled up in a piece of cheese and hidden in a Filet-O-Fish. 001
Michael Delaporta @mdelaporta.bsky.social · 20/06/2026If you gaze long enough into the reflecting pool, the reflecting pool will gaze back into you. 000
Michael Delaporta @mdelaporta.bsky.social · 13/06/2026Talarico: Hi, I’m from Texas and things should be less shitty. TX GOP: omg he wants to suck dicks because his hot girlfriend likes vegetables. Electorate: Hmmmm… 000
Michael Delaporta @mdelaporta.bsky.social · 11/06/202621 of the specialists were mortuary cosmetologists. www.washingtonpost.com/politics/202...washingtonpost.comTrump sees 22 medical specialists, appearing to set new bar for presidentsTrump saw about a dozen specialists for prior check-ups, per past statements. The White House has declined to identify which specialists assessed the president. 010
Michael Delaporta @mdelaporta.bsky.social · 09/06/2026Bro, it sounds like it’s hard to be racist in Minnesota. Bummer. In which parts of America is it easier to be racist? 000
Michael Delaporta @mdelaporta.bsky.social · 09/06/2026It’s like that famous saying “absence of evidence is evidence”. 000
Michael Delaporta @mdelaporta.bsky.social · 04/06/2026Trump is a size queen. It brings me no pleasure to bring you this information. 000
Michael Delaporta @mdelaporta.bsky.social · 04/06/2026Aside for how everything sucks, I love that Trump’s AG is “Todd Blanche” is French for “White Todd (feminine)”. 020
Michael Delaporta @mdelaporta.bsky.social · 29/05/2026“They were a gift from the Trojans, they love me very much.” 010
Michael Delaporta @mdelaporta.bsky.social · 28/05/2026Taking my monthly cognitive exam, as is extremely normal. I’ve filled the room with sixty fat dudes in navy windbreakers and mirrored sunglasses, indoors. I identify the camel. The room fucking explodes. 020
Michael Delaporta @mdelaporta.bsky.social · 27/05/2026“Gotta correct you there, Bobby. The latest research from the Epstein Institute of Islandic Research suggest that the foreskin coefficient isn’t statistically significant.” 010
Michael Delaporta @mdelaporta.bsky.social · 26/05/2026“Doctors confirmed that he has an optimal level of formaldehyde for a corpse of his age.” 130
Michael Delaporta @mdelaporta.bsky.social · 20/05/2026This is laughably untrue, but even if it were true, confiscating billionaire money is a net public good *even if you don’t spend the money on anything*. 062
Michael Delaporta @mdelaporta.bsky.social · 19/05/2026Trump, waving two gangrenous stumps: Today, I shined a un xecutiv odor for GOD AND JESUS to open the straight… <walking-dead-strings begin…> Trump: BUT SLIPPY JOE never did the TOTAL WAR… <walking-dead-strings swell…> 010
Michael Delaporta @mdelaporta.bsky.social · 14/05/2026Absolutely can’t wait until this deeply unlikable chud comes in forth place in Iowa behind Majorie Taylor Green, Kid Rock, and Jefferson Davis (write-in) 000
Michael Delaporta @mdelaporta.bsky.social · 13/05/2026“🎶 People think I’m insane because I frowning all the time.” No, brother. We see… everything… too. Frowning is like the *mildest* of appropriate reactions… 000
Michael Delaporta @mdelaporta.bsky.social · 11/05/2026Honestly, if he stayed wide awake while Dr. Oz droned on about teenage boy’s sperm counts, it’d be more disturbing… 000
Michael Delaporta @mdelaporta.bsky.social · 09/05/2026<being administered the Voight-Kampff test> Everything is: 1. Exhausting? 2. Embarrassing? 3. Humiliating? 4. Intolerable? Me: can’t you just ask me the turtle thing again? 010
Michael Delaporta @mdelaporta.bsky.social · 06/05/2026I Got Brain Trauma and Became Republican: The John Fetterman Story 000
Michael Delaporta @mdelaporta.bsky.social · 06/05/2026Two-thirds of the Trump admin: I’m so tired of fucking these pale teens. 000
Michael Delaporta @mdelaporta.bsky.social · 04/05/2026When Rudy dies, will CNN cut live to the 21-leaf-blower salute at Four Seasons Landscaping? 000
Michael Delaporta @mdelaporta.bsky.social · 25/04/2026bitch just did a “this meeting could have been an email” to peace talks 000
Michael Delaporta @mdelaporta.bsky.social · 24/04/2026If this sumbitch gets me to resume getting up early on a Sunday for the first time since 1981, imma be *furious*. 010
Michael Delaporta @mdelaporta.bsky.social · 23/04/2026“I shall return.” “We shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight on the landing grounds, we shall fight in the fields and in the streets, we shall fight in the hills; we shall never surrender...” “Don’t rush me, Jeff…” 000
Michael Delaporta @mdelaporta.bsky.social · 23/04/2026I heard a Trump cultist claim that Trump “was a real spreadsheet guy” and pictured Trump typing “=“ in Excel and immediately calling it the n-word… 000
Michael Delaporta @mdelaporta.bsky.social · 23/04/2026“Now, I don't *avoid* Russian or Canada, Mandrake, but I *do* deny them my essence!” 010
Michael Delaporta @mdelaporta.bsky.social · 17/04/2026Enthusiastically going on live TV to bear false witness is how I know you don’t believe in God and you think the bible is bullshit. 020
Michael Delaporta @mdelaporta.bsky.social · 15/04/2026Classic battle between an organization that shelters pedophiles and preys on children, and the Catholic Church. 053
Michael Delaporta @mdelaporta.bsky.social · 09/04/2026For $1.50, I will text a blurry picture of my most recent bowel movement. Your move, Bezos. 021
Michael Delaporta @mdelaporta.bsky.social · 26/03/2026JD Vance instructing the CIA to start scouting for property in Avignon. 031