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Maximilian Ximenez

@maxximenez.bsky.social
352 followers 677 following 4.6K posts

Born to chew bubblegum, forced to kick ass. Literary agent, Fortean psychonaut, freelance demiurge and self-defined "asexual libertine." The Eternal September and its consequences have been a disaster for the human race. All inquiries to email.

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Maximilian Ximenez @maxximenez.bsky.social · 14h
i was at a celiac wedding for the weekend and this slice of gluten-full pizza is hitting so perfectly right now
static.klipy.com
Oprah Winfrey: I Have Bread Every Day
ALT: Oprah Winfrey: I Have Bread Every Day
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Maximilian Ximenez @maxximenez.bsky.social · 14h
static.klipy.com
Gem Finding Gem
ALT: Gem Finding Gem
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Maximilian Ximenez @maxximenez.bsky.social · 15h
If I gave a shit about what people dumber than me thought I'd have killed myself decades ago
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Maximilian Ximenez @maxximenez.bsky.social · 17h
real kimchi and coffee hours who up
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Maximilian Ximenez @maxximenez.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
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Maximilian Ximenez @maxximenez.bsky.social · 04/10/2026
Your hair is too good to waste on electronic music. I gotta send you like a fretless bass or something.
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Maximilian Ximenez @maxximenez.bsky.social · 04/10/2026
Society (1989), dir. Brian Yuzna
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Reposted by Maximilian Ximenez
Maximilian Ximenez @maxximenez.bsky.social · 27/02/2026
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Maximilian Ximenez @maxximenez.bsky.social · 04/10/2026
hanging out with a disney imagineer this weekend so I'm asking him the only question worth asking; how long is the robot hog of the animatronic trump in the hall of presidents
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Maximilian Ximenez @maxximenez.bsky.social · 04/10/2026
and by "legitimate expert on the occult" I mean "I read Spectres of Marx in like ten sittings across four years"
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Maximilian Ximenez @maxximenez.bsky.social · 04/10/2026
So an entire wedding party, myself included, is set to stay at a historic mansion that my friend is getting married at tomorrow. Not only did I find out that it is EXTREMELY haunted, but I am unfortunately a legitimate expert on the occult so I will be killed first, otherwise there'd be no plot
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Maximilian Ximenez @maxximenez.bsky.social · 03/10/2026
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Maximilian Ximenez @maxximenez.bsky.social · 03/10/2026
there's an alternate universe where Quincey Morris gets consistently adapted into Dracula movies so pop culture just treats cowboys as the natural enemy of the vampire like mongooses and cobras
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Maximilian Ximenez @maxximenez.bsky.social · 03/10/2026
this is what happens when middle aged westerners try to write a shounen tournament arc
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Maximilian Ximenez @maxximenez.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
I was thinking less space opera and more viking holmgang but in business suits
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Maximilian Ximenez @maxximenez.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
alternate history setting where trial by champion remains legally binding
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Maximilian Ximenez @maxximenez.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
does the existence of a chicago pope imply the existence of an MLA antipope
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Maximilian Ximenez @maxximenez.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
we joke about mountain dew killing a medieval peasant but I legitimately think it would kill a poststructuralist
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Maximilian Ximenez @maxximenez.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
good luck colon cancer I'm behind 7 bean burritos
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Maximilian Ximenez @maxximenez.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
ever since John Wilson crashed the World of Concrete convention I knew there'd be innumerable copycats
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Maximilian Ximenez @maxximenez.bsky.social · 01/10/2026
Only time I've ever had someone refuse a free joint was when the cable installer had incredibly strong LOTR opinions based on my framed balrog art
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Maximilian Ximenez @maxximenez.bsky.social · 01/10/2026
columbine zap rowsdower
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Maximilian Ximenez @maxximenez.bsky.social · 01/10/2026
Columbine gateway tapes
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Reposted by Maximilian Ximenez
Jason, ex Inferis @benedictsred.bsky.social · 01/10/2026
September 30 October 1
Mike MyersMichael Myers
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Maximilian Ximenez @maxximenez.bsky.social · 01/10/2026
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Maximilian Ximenez @maxximenez.bsky.social · 30/09/2026
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Maximilian Ximenez @maxximenez.bsky.social · 29/09/2026
the vidal cut
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Maximilian Ximenez @maxximenez.bsky.social · 29/09/2026
Macklemore
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Maximilian Ximenez @maxximenez.bsky.social · 29/09/2026
what's the going rate on a cursed ventriloquist's dummy these days
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Maximilian Ximenez @maxximenez.bsky.social · 29/09/2026
my mom liked it
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Maximilian Ximenez @maxximenez.bsky.social · 27/09/2026
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Maximilian Ximenez @maxximenez.bsky.social · 27/09/2026
No one makes it to their early 30s without Losing Your Religion
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Maximilian Ximenez @maxximenez.bsky.social · 26/09/2026
i keep forgetting that baudrillard died in 2007 so the fact he never wrote about juggalos is honestly one of his most glaring oversights
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Maximilian Ximenez @maxximenez.bsky.social · 26/09/2026
as the monkey's paw curls, kevin feige sidles up to the araki residence with an oversized check and a stack of squirrel girl comic books
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Maximilian Ximenez @maxximenez.bsky.social · 26/09/2026
bsky.app/profile/pape...
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Maximilian Ximenez @maxximenez.bsky.social · 25/09/2026
Kurt Russel fighting replicants, just a few years earlier.
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Maximilian Ximenez @maxximenez.bsky.social · 24/09/2026
Editing a template is a type of reformation, when you think about it.
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Maximilian Ximenez @maxximenez.bsky.social · 24/09/2026
nice >:]
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Maximilian Ximenez @maxximenez.bsky.social · 24/09/2026
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Maximilian Ximenez @maxximenez.bsky.social · 24/09/2026
I'm pretty sure John Maynard Keynes beat you to the punch on gay money
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Maximilian Ximenez @maxximenez.bsky.social · 24/09/2026
HE QUOTED DEBORD
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Vince McMahon's Shocked Reaction
ALT: Vince McMahon's Shocked Reaction
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Maximilian Ximenez @maxximenez.bsky.social · 24/09/2026
Slow down and fuzz up some funk music play it like sludge metal is fudge music theoretically possible?
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Maximilian Ximenez @maxximenez.bsky.social · 24/09/2026
BRAVO WILSON R A V I W I L S O N
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Maximilian Ximenez @maxximenez.bsky.social · 24/09/2026
Would it be cultural appropriation to have a juggalo wedding if you were not raised in the faith?
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Maximilian Ximenez @maxximenez.bsky.social · 23/09/2026
Do you think the resist libs weren't cast out by Musk?
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Maximilian Ximenez @maxximenez.bsky.social · 23/09/2026
I gotta start saying "Migra" in front of sad-eyed white men
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Maximilian Ximenez @maxximenez.bsky.social · 23/09/2026
the thing about being a wizard is that it's about the fireballs you don't cast
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Maximilian Ximenez @maxximenez.bsky.social · 23/09/2026
Something Awful to 4chan, 4chan to 8chan and Digg to Reddit don't count?
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Maximilian Ximenez @maxximenez.bsky.social · 23/09/2026
I'm a second-generation comic nerd so re-watching the MCU movies in prep for the next Avengers film is a bonding experience for my family, but now it's got me thinking I need to rewatch "The Inventor" to catch up on the Elizabeth Holmes Cinematic Universe before her Nathan Fielder double-hander.
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Maximilian Ximenez @maxximenez.bsky.social · 23/09/2026
I'm not even being hyperbolic, is the role playing game the single greatest cultural export of the midwest? It's gotta be Dungeons and Dragons, Prince or Red Letter Media
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