iiinova — where your digital self keeps evolving

Maxwell Faulk @maxwellfaulk.bsky.social · 14/10/2026

If you're not at least a little horny for several of the appraisers on Antiques Roadshow, we can't be friends.

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Maxwell Faulk @maxwellfaulk.bsky.social · 09/10/2026

He wishes he had that jawline. *any jawline

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Maxwell Faulk @maxwellfaulk.bsky.social · 08/10/2026

A fun response to somebody telling you their age is, "I think you forgot to carry the 1."

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Maxwell Faulk @maxwellfaulk.bsky.social · 07/10/2026

"Your honor, my client may be a pumpkin-eater, but he is no cheater, cheater." "Case dismissed."

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Maxwell Faulk @maxwellfaulk.bsky.social · 05/10/2026

Actually terrifying. This is what we'll wear when we do The Purge.

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Maxwell Faulk @maxwellfaulk.bsky.social · 29/09/2026

Not undocumented, not trans.... Wait..... Does that mean the *real* threat might be......... And always has been............

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Maxwell Faulk @maxwellfaulk.bsky.social · 27/09/2026

Call me Old Glory, the way my stars spangled her banner. *audible boos*

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Maxwell Faulk @maxwellfaulk.bsky.social · 24/09/2026

Hey, Harvey Weinstein got 15 years in his NY retrial and will likely die in prison. 🥳🍾🥂🎉

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Maxwell Faulk @maxwellfaulk.bsky.social · 24/09/2026

Schumer: The Senate's in play. Pollster: Our poll numbers have never been higher. Schumer: What's our top demographic? Pollster: *checks notes* Pollster: The desiccated remains of affluent Zionists.

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Maxwell Faulk @maxwellfaulk.bsky.social · 24/09/2026

The only democratic process left in America is Fat Bear Week. Update: The Supreme Court just ruled that the founders didn't intend for anybody's vote to count during FBW except Jeff Bezos'. FBW is now only available to Prime members.

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Maxwell Faulk @maxwellfaulk.bsky.social · 21/09/2026

Excellent comment I just read: "Boomers were all born on third base thinking they hit a triple."

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Maxwell Faulk @maxwellfaulk.bsky.social · 20/09/2026

Reader's Digest from the 1980s was premium af.

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Maxwell Faulk @maxwellfaulk.bsky.social · 17/09/2026

The most damning aspect of this whole thing is that he *must* know the majority of his base is millennial. Even if they're mostly milquetoast suburbanite crackers, there's no arithmetic by which his stance doesn't upset his key demographic.

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Maxwell Faulk @maxwellfaulk.bsky.social · 15/09/2026

Ed Sheeran music is the sonic equivalent of wine brunch at the "bad" Applebee's.

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Maxwell Faulk @maxwellfaulk.bsky.social · 15/09/2026

They would form a working group to generate policy suggestions as to the appropriate amount of poor people that might appeal to "independent" voters in rural Pennsylvania.

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Maxwell Faulk @maxwellfaulk.bsky.social · 15/09/2026

Sheeran is worth $400M, and even with all that money, he couldn't afford a spine.

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Maxwell Faulk @maxwellfaulk.bsky.social · 14/09/2026

Therapist: And what do you say to yourself after you complete a task or achieve a goal? Me: That'll do, pig. That'll do. Therapist: No.

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Maxwell Faulk @maxwellfaulk.bsky.social · 12/09/2026

Currently obsessed with the existence of this.

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Maxwell Faulk @maxwellfaulk.bsky.social · 11/09/2026

So the spiritual successor to GoldenEye 007 on N64 is Perfect Dark. We're all aware of this. Both games were made by Rare. But I was today years old when I learned that the Gameboy Color release of Perfect Dark had a GoldenEye easter egg that's hella obscure.

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Maxwell Faulk @maxwellfaulk.bsky.social · 10/09/2026

The Switch 2 remake we're *actually* waiting for.

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Maxwell Faulk @maxwellfaulk.bsky.social · 08/09/2026

"Did he use a condom?" "Yeah, but it was a little latex dunce cap. 🫤"

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Maxwell Faulk @maxwellfaulk.bsky.social · 07/09/2026

Me as President: In these trying times, let our trail mix become not trial mix. Person: You're not eloquent.

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Maxwell Faulk @maxwellfaulk.bsky.social · 07/09/2026

*joins Halloween FB group* *gets accepted by admin* *scrolls past almost entirely AI slop* *immediately leaves group*

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Maxwell Faulk @maxwellfaulk.bsky.social · 02/09/2026

Goodwill answers the question: "What if dirty garbage, like thrift store, but also literal Dollar Tree items marked up to $2.99? Oh, and we've barricaded the exit. You're welcome. We're *the* most concerned store on Earth regarding the potential theft of our free inventory."

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Maxwell Faulk @maxwellfaulk.bsky.social · 02/09/2026

I've determined that people are very cute when they're picking their ice cream flavor. Easily a top-tier human moment.

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Maxwell Faulk @maxwellfaulk.bsky.social · 31/08/2026

The only Israel I will *ever* support.

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Maxwell Faulk @maxwellfaulk.bsky.social · 31/08/2026

Google Maps: Surely your delicate human feet cannot traverse those train tracks. They're TRAIN. TRACKS. Also Google Maps: It's just a lil' Interstate. Quit being a pussy and walk in the ditch.

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Maxwell Faulk @maxwellfaulk.bsky.social · 30/08/2026

It's literally so mean of my tummy to hurt after I ate a half a pound of cheese and an entire tub of frosting. Like whose side are you on anyway?

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Maxwell Faulk @maxwellfaulk.bsky.social · 10/08/2026

But that's my emotional support 1300mg of caffeine.

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Maxwell Faulk @maxwellfaulk.bsky.social · 10/08/2026

Mirepoix sounds fancy until you realize celery is involved.

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Maxwell Faulk @maxwellfaulk.bsky.social · 09/08/2026

Campbell's: "New! High Quality Ingredients. Not like those salty ass crack sweepings we've been selling for the past several decades."

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Maxwell Faulk @maxwellfaulk.bsky.social · 11/07/2026

I talked to Mitch McConnell for about 20 minutes today, and he told me, "Your mother sucks cocks in Hell," so clearly his spirits are up.

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Maxwell Faulk @maxwellfaulk.bsky.social · 09/07/2026

Unfortunately, ACAB includes Officer Jenny. 😔

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Maxwell Faulk @maxwellfaulk.bsky.social · 05/07/2026

Fireworks are the pyrotechnic equivalent of jangling keys.

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Maxwell Faulk @maxwellfaulk.bsky.social · 05/07/2026

Emotionally-manipulative moms might've been onto something. Nothing lands quite like a timely, "Well, I'm sorry for loving you!"

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Maxwell Faulk @maxwellfaulk.bsky.social · 01/07/2026

"Under communism, you don't get to own your toothbrush!" Literally under capitalism:

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Maxwell Faulk @maxwellfaulk.bsky.social · 30/06/2026

Pff, blatant false advertising.

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Maxwell Faulk @maxwellfaulk.bsky.social · 29/06/2026

In hindsight, I might have overestimated the future marketable value of excelling at "Who's That Pokémon?"

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Maxwell Faulk @maxwellfaulk.bsky.social · 21/06/2026

"If anyone asks..." *cough* "My porno name..." *cough* *wheeze* "Would have been..." "Beef Swellington." *dies*

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