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mattyselly.bsky.social

@mattyselly.bsky.social
500 followers 287 following 2.6K posts

✨Baller Review… Strengths: tentacular and skeletal, a giant, whip-fast, crab-scrambling nightmare vision of teeth and bone

PostsRepliesMedia
mattyselly.bsky.social @mattyselly.bsky.social · 2h
nw
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mattyselly.bsky.social @mattyselly.bsky.social · 8h
to be clear: I quit, I wasn’t fired. At the end of the week, I told the CDC I wasn’t coming back and I’d never work for the company again
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mattyselly.bsky.social @mattyselly.bsky.social · 9h
famously free floating acorns
040 4
mattyselly.bsky.social @mattyselly.bsky.social · 16/10/2026
one week as a second cook at the flagship restaurant / crown jewel of a major Toronto hospitality group.
100 1
mattyselly.bsky.social @mattyselly.bsky.social · 16/10/2026
“the essence of 𝑑𝑜𝑐ℎ” is contradiction
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mattyselly.bsky.social @mattyselly.bsky.social · 16/10/2026
now is not a time for ‘doch’
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mattyselly.bsky.social @mattyselly.bsky.social · 16/10/2026
the goopy corpse guy in your attic: “You have to heal me.”
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mattyselly.bsky.social @mattyselly.bsky.social · 16/10/2026
100% Muckproof
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mattyselly.bsky.social @mattyselly.bsky.social · 16/10/2026
nw
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mattyselly.bsky.social @mattyselly.bsky.social · 16/10/2026
Joe Versus the Meg Ryans of the World
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mattyselly.bsky.social @mattyselly.bsky.social · 16/10/2026
oil up, ointment down
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mattyselly.bsky.social @mattyselly.bsky.social · 16/10/2026
thank goodness I ordered the cream cheese
020 2
mattyselly.bsky.social @mattyselly.bsky.social · 16/10/2026
praise be to cream cheese 🙌
010 1
mattyselly.bsky.social @mattyselly.bsky.social · 16/10/2026
where would I be without cream cheese?
020 2
mattyselly.bsky.social @mattyselly.bsky.social · 16/10/2026
hail cream cheese 🙏
010 1
mattyselly.bsky.social @mattyselly.bsky.social · 14/10/2026
tfw u gotta saw off ur foot
static.klipy.com
Cary Elwes as Lawrence Gordon Turns Head
ALT: Cary Elwes as Lawrence Gordon Turns Head
110 1
mattyselly.bsky.social @mattyselly.bsky.social · 13/10/2026
had a dream last night in which I could reverse dunk at will
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mattyselly.bsky.social @mattyselly.bsky.social · 13/10/2026
anyone who says Lee Cronin directed their favourite / “the best” Evil Dead movie is not to be trusted.
020 2
mattyselly.bsky.social @mattyselly.bsky.social · 13/10/2026
dude, I hate Lee Cronin
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mattyselly.bsky.social @mattyselly.bsky.social · 13/10/2026
it’s 💩
010 1
mattyselly.bsky.social @mattyselly.bsky.social · 13/10/2026
nw
110 1
mattyselly.bsky.social @mattyselly.bsky.social · 12/10/2026
“Listen,”
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mattyselly.bsky.social @mattyselly.bsky.social · 12/10/2026
nw
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mattyselly.bsky.social @mattyselly.bsky.social · 12/10/2026
they tried to arrest me for making popcorn for lunch
110 1
mattyselly.bsky.social @mattyselly.bsky.social · 12/10/2026
nw
000 0
mattyselly.bsky.social @mattyselly.bsky.social · 12/10/2026
live cook fast slow
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mattyselly.bsky.social @mattyselly.bsky.social · 12/10/2026
pump-faking with a spatula like he’s got a gun
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mattyselly.bsky.social @mattyselly.bsky.social · 11/10/2026
nw
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mattyselly.bsky.social @mattyselly.bsky.social · 11/10/2026
I have peed on the ice cubes at the Chateau Marmont
020 2
mattyselly.bsky.social @mattyselly.bsky.social · 10/10/2026
congratulations on opening Girl Dinner, The Restaurant™️
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mattyselly.bsky.social @mattyselly.bsky.social · 10/10/2026
natürlich, nachdem hatte ich über Kimmichs Chip-Ball gelästert... er klappt.
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mattyselly.bsky.social @mattyselly.bsky.social · 10/10/2026
mfw Kimmich chips an errant ball into the box 😣
110 1
mattyselly.bsky.social @mattyselly.bsky.social · 10/10/2026
The Goddess of Moisture
110 1
mattyselly.bsky.social @mattyselly.bsky.social · 10/10/2026
r u kidding me
Michelle Pfeiffer, bespectacled babe
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mattyselly.bsky.social @mattyselly.bsky.social · 10/10/2026
they put glasses on Michelle Pfeiffer and try to tell us she’s some frump ass bitch
Michelle Pfeiffer as Selina Kyle in Batman Returns (1992)Michelle Pfeiffer as Sukie Ridgemont in The Witches of Eastwick (1987)
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mattyselly.bsky.social @mattyselly.bsky.social · 09/10/2026
Since ancient times, humans have been fascinated by bees.
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mattyselly.bsky.social @mattyselly.bsky.social · 09/10/2026
🌮 El Pastorcito, el mejor
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mattyselly.bsky.social @mattyselly.bsky.social · 09/10/2026
MAN: Man.
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mattyselly.bsky.social @mattyselly.bsky.social · 09/10/2026
👮‍♂️ “It’s not illegal to be rude to a police officer.”
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mattyselly.bsky.social @mattyselly.bsky.social · 09/10/2026
[FACT:] The things men most often fight about in bars include alcohol, women, money, and sports.
130 3
mattyselly.bsky.social @mattyselly.bsky.social · 08/10/2026
being able to speak English (L1) and German (B2) only makes Dutch seem even more fake
010 1
mattyselly.bsky.social @mattyselly.bsky.social · 07/10/2026
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mattyselly.bsky.social @mattyselly.bsky.social · 07/10/2026
that lentil soup from the shawarma shop
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mattyselly.bsky.social @mattyselly.bsky.social · 06/10/2026
yes
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mattyselly.bsky.social @mattyselly.bsky.social · 06/10/2026
expert dome builders
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mattyselly.bsky.social @mattyselly.bsky.social · 06/10/2026
don’t get me wrong; I am extremely pro Moon Game
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mattyselly.bsky.social @mattyselly.bsky.social · 06/10/2026
… a cage to enclose the game beyond: The Moon Game.
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mattyselly.bsky.social @mattyselly.bsky.social · 06/10/2026
they tried to arrest me for kidnapping Adam Silver and beating the brakes off him with a broomstick
110 1
mattyselly.bsky.social @mattyselly.bsky.social · 06/10/2026
NBA moon game 🔜
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mattyselly.bsky.social @mattyselly.bsky.social · 06/10/2026
I beat Adam Silver with a broom handle in order to get this information
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