Official Matt Account @mattofficial.bsky.social · 09/10/2026when someone says something so cenobite-phobic you gotta hit ‘em with the pinhead stare 000
Official Matt Account @mattofficial.bsky.social · 05/10/2026I neeeeeeeed to quit my job & become a benevolent small business owner. 000
Official Matt Account @mattofficial.bsky.social · 30/09/2026one trick to being recognized as a regular at any establishment is cultivating a specific look. for example, I am the only guy showing up to the vegan donut shop in a Yankees cap & KN95 mask on a consistent basis. yeah, just punch in a cold brew on the POS, you know I’m buyin one. 000
Official Matt Account @mattofficial.bsky.social · 24/09/2026the game made me participate in order 66………………. 000
Official Matt Account @mattofficial.bsky.social · 14/09/2026having STAR WARS: ZERO COMPANY withdrawal!! I miss my Glup Shittos… 001
Official Matt Account @mattofficial.bsky.social · 06/09/2026forgot to mention that he kept calling enemy battle droids slurs in his native language (a “taunt,” allegedly). I don’t care if we have to blow those folks up, we do NOT tolerate that language on this squad. 000
Official Matt Account @mattofficial.bsky.social · 03/09/2026let the red twi’lek guy on my Star Wars: Zero Company squad die because I did not care for his negative attitude. This is a POSITIVE work environment and that kind of nonsense will not be tolerated. 100
Official Matt Account @mattofficial.bsky.social · 31/08/2026have to go back to work today after taking one (1) full week off… 000
Official Matt Account @mattofficial.bsky.social · 26/08/2026I have Kryptonian biology (sunlight cures all ailments) 000
Official Matt Account @mattofficial.bsky.social · 26/08/2026just put whatever post-credits nonsense they’re plopping into this one on Disney+, this is true bullshit 000
Official Matt Account @mattofficial.bsky.social · 24/08/2026“can I use your ride cymbal” no man, you gotta bring your own instruments to the gig. that’s like if the guitarist forgot his guitar dude. Dumb fucker!! 000
Official Matt Account @mattofficial.bsky.social · 21/08/2026on my rockstar shit this weekend. I have barely any followers but if you enjoy #punk, #rock, or #music in general pull up to these gigs in #WashingtonDC and #Philadelphia. “Get shameless or stay fameless” - some guy on my college alumni Facebook group 020
Official Matt Account @mattofficial.bsky.social · 20/08/2026I have to lock-in & get my numbers up…. 010
Official Matt Account @mattofficial.bsky.social · 20/08/2026trying to decide if I want to die of old age in South Pasadena or Greenpoint. 000
Official Matt Account @mattofficial.bsky.social · 19/08/2026it’s GTA, I’m just gonna jump out of the car & steal another one when it runs out of gas :) 000
Official Matt Account @mattofficial.bsky.social · 19/08/2026killing Amazon’s AI by only feeding it Northernlion twitch streams, forcing it to have an ethical quandary & ultimately delete itself. 010
Official Matt Account @mattofficial.bsky.social · 19/08/2026considering getting into hiking, idk man just been really enjoying my daily walks recently & want to level up… 000
Official Matt Account @mattofficial.bsky.social · 18/08/2026I will bring holy war across the entire imperium if I do not get my highly coveted DUNE 3 IMAX 70mm tickets today. Do not test my fury. 000
Official Matt Account @mattofficial.bsky.social · 17/08/2026saw a movie trailer the other day where Brad Pitt is an ex-marine & his fuckin dog has PTSD 000
Official Matt Account @mattofficial.bsky.social · 15/08/2026BREAKING: Nicolas Cage cast as Gordon Cole in TWIN PEAKS reboot. 000
Official Matt Account @mattofficial.bsky.social · 14/08/20262026 was the year I unironically came to love the Minions. 000
Official Matt Account @mattofficial.bsky.social · 13/08/2026my planet Bushwick is beautiful when the sun is low… 010
Official Matt Account @mattofficial.bsky.social · 11/08/2026I need my 3-piece band to make $400K/year so we can all live really comfortable lives :) 000
Official Matt Account @mattofficial.bsky.social · 10/08/2026they should make a classy spin-off of Chipotle called Chipotle+ 010
Official Matt Account @mattofficial.bsky.social · 10/08/2026been on a liquid diet today :) - 1 cold brew - 3 guinesses - 1 miller high life (had to duck into a bar on my walk home to urinate & would feel bad if I didn’t get anything) 000
Official Matt Account @mattofficial.bsky.social · 10/08/2026no shade to Nick Dragotta: this is better than the official ABSOLUTE BATMAN art 010
Official Matt Account @mattofficial.bsky.social · 09/08/2026“world’s greatest detective” and yet Batman gets sleuthmogged by a fuckin chimp 010
Official Matt Account @mattofficial.bsky.social · 09/08/2026ignoring the Ricky Gervais nonsense here: why are we still greenlighting adult cartoons where the premise is “what if animals TALKED and were OFFENSIVE?” stupid ass genre fuck this shit man 010
Official Matt Account @mattofficial.bsky.social · 09/08/2026Danny Boyle is kind of an underrated GOAT 000
Official Matt Account @mattofficial.bsky.social · 09/08/2026this is really one of the more esoteric Heathcliff strips in recent memory. He’s in the ocean, which is salt water. So he’s balancing that out with pepper… it’s really rather beautiful. 000
Official Matt Account @mattofficial.bsky.social · 26/07/2026sure to be the best 2.5/5 film ever produced in the MCU 010
Official Matt Account @mattofficial.bsky.social · 20/07/2026none of you are ready for the insane fuckass “Latverian” accent RDJ is gonna whip out for this one. But I prepared years ago by seeing DOOLITTLE in theaters…. 020
Official Matt Account @mattofficial.bsky.social · 16/07/2026I am calling it NOW: when we get the next iteration of Batman (after Matt Reeves / Pattinson), ZACH CREGGER will be the director 🦇 000
Official Matt Account @mattofficial.bsky.social · 09/07/2026watching a lot of anime recently, it’s pretty good 000
Reposted by Official Matt Account journeyman folklorist @aniceburrito.bsky.social · 04/07/2024Like if you have achieved hot dog nirvana. Repost if you are still on the noble hot dog eightfold path 221267539
Official Matt Account @mattofficial.bsky.social · 01/07/2026haven’t had soda since May, I miss you….. 010
Official Matt Account @mattofficial.bsky.social · 22/06/2026don’t fuck with me here, I won’t be able to handle it if they drop a fucking turd again…………….. 000
Official Matt Account @mattofficial.bsky.social · 12/06/2026watched so many of these fuckin MCU movies while gf was out of town, I’m actually having withdrawal from NOT watching one in the last few days…. Avengers.. Assemble……………. 000
Official Matt Account @mattofficial.bsky.social · 10/06/2026one thing I really hate about artistic representations of “the burger” is that the default imagery is so consistently a CHEESEburger. Those of us who cannot indulge in dairy are constantly mocked by such depictions… 000
