Official Matt Account @mattofficial.bsky.social · 05/10/2026I neeeeeeeed to quit my job & become a benevolent small business owner. 000
Official Matt Account @mattofficial.bsky.social · 30/09/2026one trick to being recognized as a regular at any establishment is cultivating a specific look. for example, I am the only guy showing up to the vegan donut shop in a Yankees cap & KN95 mask on a consistent basis. yeah, just punch in a cold brew on the POS, you know I’m buyin one. 000
Official Matt Account @mattofficial.bsky.social · 24/09/2026the game made me participate in order 66………………. 000
Official Matt Account @mattofficial.bsky.social · 14/09/2026having STAR WARS: ZERO COMPANY withdrawal!! I miss my Glup Shittos… 001
Official Matt Account @mattofficial.bsky.social · 03/09/2026let the red twi’lek guy on my Star Wars: Zero Company squad die because I did not care for his negative attitude. This is a POSITIVE work environment and that kind of nonsense will not be tolerated. 100
Official Matt Account @mattofficial.bsky.social · 31/08/2026have to go back to work today after taking one (1) full week off… 000
Official Matt Account @mattofficial.bsky.social · 26/08/2026I have Kryptonian biology (sunlight cures all ailments) 000
Official Matt Account @mattofficial.bsky.social · 24/08/2026“can I use your ride cymbal” no man, you gotta bring your own instruments to the gig. that’s like if the guitarist forgot his guitar dude. Dumb fucker!! 000
Official Matt Account @mattofficial.bsky.social · 21/08/2026on my rockstar shit this weekend. I have barely any followers but if you enjoy #punk, #rock, or #music in general pull up to these gigs in #WashingtonDC and #Philadelphia. “Get shameless or stay fameless” - some guy on my college alumni Facebook group 020
Official Matt Account @mattofficial.bsky.social · 20/08/2026trying to decide if I want to die of old age in South Pasadena or Greenpoint. 000
Official Matt Account @mattofficial.bsky.social · 19/08/2026killing Amazon’s AI by only feeding it Northernlion twitch streams, forcing it to have an ethical quandary & ultimately delete itself. 010
Official Matt Account @mattofficial.bsky.social · 19/08/2026considering getting into hiking, idk man just been really enjoying my daily walks recently & want to level up… 000
Official Matt Account @mattofficial.bsky.social · 18/08/2026I will bring holy war across the entire imperium if I do not get my highly coveted DUNE 3 IMAX 70mm tickets today. Do not test my fury. 000
Official Matt Account @mattofficial.bsky.social · 17/08/2026saw a movie trailer the other day where Brad Pitt is an ex-marine & his fuckin dog has PTSD 000
Official Matt Account @mattofficial.bsky.social · 15/08/2026BREAKING: Nicolas Cage cast as Gordon Cole in TWIN PEAKS reboot. 000
Official Matt Account @mattofficial.bsky.social · 14/08/20262026 was the year I unironically came to love the Minions. 000
Official Matt Account @mattofficial.bsky.social · 13/08/2026my planet Bushwick is beautiful when the sun is low… 010
Official Matt Account @mattofficial.bsky.social · 11/08/2026I need my 3-piece band to make $400K/year so we can all live really comfortable lives :) 000
Official Matt Account @mattofficial.bsky.social · 10/08/2026they should make a classy spin-off of Chipotle called Chipotle+ 010
Official Matt Account @mattofficial.bsky.social · 10/08/2026been on a liquid diet today :) - 1 cold brew - 3 guinesses - 1 miller high life (had to duck into a bar on my walk home to urinate & would feel bad if I didn’t get anything) 000
Official Matt Account @mattofficial.bsky.social · 09/08/2026ignoring the Ricky Gervais nonsense here: why are we still greenlighting adult cartoons where the premise is “what if animals TALKED and were OFFENSIVE?” stupid ass genre fuck this shit man 010
Official Matt Account @mattofficial.bsky.social · 26/07/2026sure to be the best 2.5/5 film ever produced in the MCU 010
Official Matt Account @mattofficial.bsky.social · 20/07/2026none of you are ready for the insane fuckass “Latverian” accent RDJ is gonna whip out for this one. But I prepared years ago by seeing DOOLITTLE in theaters…. 020
Official Matt Account @mattofficial.bsky.social · 16/07/2026I am calling it NOW: when we get the next iteration of Batman (after Matt Reeves / Pattinson), ZACH CREGGER will be the director 🦇 000
Official Matt Account @mattofficial.bsky.social · 09/07/2026watching a lot of anime recently, it’s pretty good 000
Reposted by Official Matt Account journeyman folklorist @aniceburrito.bsky.social · 04/07/2024Like if you have achieved hot dog nirvana. Repost if you are still on the noble hot dog eightfold path 221267539
Official Matt Account @mattofficial.bsky.social · 01/07/2026haven’t had soda since May, I miss you….. 010
Official Matt Account @mattofficial.bsky.social · 22/06/2026don’t fuck with me here, I won’t be able to handle it if they drop a fucking turd again…………….. 000
Official Matt Account @mattofficial.bsky.social · 12/06/2026watched so many of these fuckin MCU movies while gf was out of town, I’m actually having withdrawal from NOT watching one in the last few days…. Avengers.. Assemble……………. 000
Official Matt Account @mattofficial.bsky.social · 10/06/2026one thing I really hate about artistic representations of “the burger” is that the default imagery is so consistently a CHEESEburger. Those of us who cannot indulge in dairy are constantly mocked by such depictions… 000
Official Matt Account @mattofficial.bsky.social · 06/06/2026tfw your girlfriend is out of the country for over one (1) full week. 000
Official Matt Account @mattofficial.bsky.social · 05/06/2026afraid of the new SCARY MOVIE as the parodies may spoil horror films I have yet to watch 000
Official Matt Account @mattofficial.bsky.social · 05/06/2026really enjoy re-reading my old Letterboxd reviews and being like “damn I’m smart” 🤓 010
Official Matt Account @mattofficial.bsky.social · 03/06/2026being a clown in the “I’m the biggest fucking doofus at the circus” way is much cooler than being a clown in the “Los Angeles Alt Comedy” way 🤡 000
Official Matt Account @mattofficial.bsky.social · 30/05/2026did a little podcast recorded via zoom with some of my boys about The Mandalorian & Grogu — need to remember to change my name from “Darth Icky” before work on Monday. 000
Official Matt Account @mattofficial.bsky.social · 30/05/2026Millennial Jane Campion be like: The Power of the Heckin’ Good Doggo 010
Official Matt Account @mattofficial.bsky.social · 28/05/2026smoking on that shit that made Glup Shitto 000
Official Matt Account @mattofficial.bsky.social · 24/05/2026one of my hobbies is looking up the allergen menu for regional fast food restaurants just to see if it’s remotely possible they could accommodate a severe dairy allergy. I like to keep these things in mind in case I’m ever permitted to take a vacation by my boss. 000
Official Matt Account @mattofficial.bsky.social · 19/05/2026just watched the DS9 where Odo loses his virginity. I didn’t even know that was possible….. 020
Official Matt Account @mattofficial.bsky.social · 13/05/2026sad to report that I feel a bit healthier having not drank Diet Coke for 2 weeks. 000
Official Matt Account @mattofficial.bsky.social · 29/04/2026not enough people are talking about how Todd McFarlane is halfway to EGOT status. I genuinely believe he could win the other awards if he wanted…. 020
Official Matt Account @mattofficial.bsky.social · 22/04/2026on first read I laughed at the group of frogs. On second read, I realized they were headed to FLY. greatest comic on the planet. 000
Official Matt Account @mattofficial.bsky.social · 01/04/2026I might be the only person on planet earth who read the entirety of A CHRISTMAS CAROL on March 31, 2026. God bless us, every one 🎄 000
Official Matt Account @mattofficial.bsky.social · 31/03/2026has anyone ever made Scrooge x Marley yaoi? 010
