Matt Deres @mattderes.bsky.social · 31/05/2026This means blow jobs, BTW. There is no other meaning or connotation. 000
Matt Deres @mattderes.bsky.social · 03/04/2026Dear GRWM ladies: do whatever makes you happy, but after the blouse and skirt are on, you don't actually have to keep filming. 000
Matt Deres @mattderes.bsky.social · 27/03/2026Sartre said that hell was other people. Which seems harsh until you recall that most of the people he knew were French and/or philosophers. 000
Matt Deres @mattderes.bsky.social · 07/03/2026When watching a workplace sitcom, do you ever reflexively get annoyed at the shenanigans on behalf of the coworkers who aren't the leads? Like, you almost forget that Oscar doesn't *actually* have accounting to do? 000
Matt Deres @mattderes.bsky.social · 26/12/2025They said it never happened, but my dreams last night included me using a cell phone. It was actually more of a tablet and the Google Maps (yes, specifically) app I was trying to use was completely unlike the real one, but it was definitely mobile device usage in a dream. 000
Matt Deres @mattderes.bsky.social · 22/11/2025Getting both the flu shot and the COVID shot at the same time may have been a mistake. I'm getting my ass kicked today. 000
Matt Deres @mattderes.bsky.social · 17/10/2025Nature: "Pet? It's a vicious killer, a psychopath. It may not wait until you're dead before attempting to eat you. It will thoughtlessly hurt you every day you're near it." Cat lovers: "He's got lil toe beans!" 230
Matt Deres @mattderes.bsky.social · 09/10/2025Is there anything sweeter than the taste of Yankees fans' tears? 010
Matt Deres @mattderes.bsky.social · 30/09/2025While we were out the other day, our cat successfully warded off an attack of vampires. It was a very big deal, but he doesn't like us to make a fuss about it. 010
Matt Deres @mattderes.bsky.social · 01/09/2025Recently rewatched The Hateful Eight and I keep tallying up nine baddies, not eight. Is Mannix not supposed to be counted? I mean, he's maybe less hateful than the others, but he's still a virulent racist and southern apologist. 000
Matt Deres @mattderes.bsky.social · 27/06/2025Okay, so why do late night talk show hosts sit behind a desk? Is it to make guests feel like they're at a job interview with a hiring manager? 000
Matt Deres @mattderes.bsky.social · 28/04/2025A lot of people playing Oblivion Remastered have no idea how much *less* janky it is than the original. The jankiness it has now is merely a distant echo of what there was. 000
Matt Deres @mattderes.bsky.social · 30/12/2024Watching gothic horror movies as a kid gave me unrealistic expectations about the size of house I'd own as an adult. 010
Matt Deres @mattderes.bsky.social · 25/11/2024Know what I miss? Reading articles that have passed through an editor or proofreader. 030
Matt Deres @mattderes.bsky.social · 30/10/2024Why is the place where the river empties called the mouth? Clearly that's the asshole of the river. Or at least the cloaca. Who do I talk to about getting this changed? 010
Matt Deres @mattderes.bsky.social · 18/10/2024Whenever I hear about an animal - any animal,- attacking a person, I just automatically assume the person deserved it and root for the animal. 010
Matt Deres @mattderes.bsky.social · 15/09/2024A bellyache caused by drinking too much lime and coconut will be cured by drinking more lime and coconut? This is the kind of advice you get when you wake up your doctor. 000
Matt Deres @mattderes.bsky.social · 02/09/2024BIRT: The difference between horror and dark fantasy is that, in dark fantasy, the protagonist is not afraid. They may get startled, they may be concerned, but they're not afraid. Was Coraline afraid? Was Lydia Deetz afraid? No. I rest my case. 000
Matt Deres @mattderes.bsky.social · 17/06/2024People in my neighborhood: "Save wear and tear on your stop signs by never fucking using them." 000
Matt Deres @mattderes.bsky.social · 16/06/2024When O when will the Cartoon History of the Universe get reprinted in uniform size and on good paper? 000
Matt Deres @mattderes.bsky.social · 19/05/2024Does it look like this bonsai is hauling ass out of its pot? 010
Matt Deres @mattderes.bsky.social · 29/03/2024Dogs are always trying to improve themselves, to become a "better dog." That thought process is utterly alien to a cat. Each cat is enough cat for any situation. No cat could do more. No cat would do less. So give your kitty some food - no cat could be hungrier. 000
Matt Deres @mattderes.bsky.social · 21/03/2024Watching Bojack Horseman is bitter medicine, but it is strong. 000
Matt Deres @mattderes.bsky.social · 17/03/20241: Sony releases Morbius. 2: Everyone: "Haha, so bad it's funny. Let's trick Sony into re-releasing it!" 3: Sony releases Madame Web. 4: Everyone: "What have we wrought?" 020
