Marshall Scott @marshallscott.bsky.social · 15/11/2025Apologizing to my boss that I haven’t tweeted about him in awhile 5406
Marshall Scott @marshallscott.bsky.social · 05/11/2025Your honor, the prosecution has spent all their time taking about me, but more importantly, how are *you* 07215
Marshall Scott @marshallscott.bsky.social · 05/11/2025*holding up a 1,042 page document* Marshall Scott: your honor, I would like to submit this into evidence The Judge: this is just pictures of your lawyer’s dogs?? 0274
Marshall Scott @marshallscott.bsky.social · 05/11/2025Do you ever think about how there’s infinite different versions of you that exist in people’s minds cuz everyone perceives you differently and in some people’s minds you don’t exist at all 65411
Marshall Scott @marshallscott.bsky.social · 03/11/2025Bro I don’t think we saved the daylight bro 2525
Marshall Scott @marshallscott.bsky.social · 26/09/2025Calling the police cuz someone turned the escalator into stairs 28511
Marshall Scott @marshallscott.bsky.social · 24/09/2025Rubbing crushed Tylenol on my gums while easily walking up a broken escalator 1748
Marshall Scott @marshallscott.bsky.social · 24/09/2025Freebasing Tylenol in the office parking lot 1266
Marshall Scott @marshallscott.bsky.social · 24/09/2025I thought he got trapped in an elevator, are you telling me the escalator turned into stairs and he didn’t know what to do 😭 0224
Marshall Scott @marshallscott.bsky.social · 03/09/2025Getting escorted outta the bar cuz I won’t stop showing the bartender my old tweets 38713
Marshall Scott @marshallscott.bsky.social · 02/09/2025If I skeet here If I just skeet here Would you skeet with me And just skeet at the world 45310
Marshall Scott @marshallscott.bsky.social · 18/07/2025No I didn't see the Coldplay jumbotron thing I was busy looking at my wife 614715
Marshall Scott @marshallscott.bsky.social · 04/07/2025Still can’t believe we have a federal holiday to celebrate the 1996 hit movie Independence Day 512824
Marshall Scott @marshallscott.bsky.social · 22/06/2025No I didn't see Donald start WWIII I was busy looking at my wife 0292
Marshall Scott @marshallscott.bsky.social · 19/06/2025Racist coworkers be like “I’m going to work tomorrow” 3272
Marshall Scott @marshallscott.bsky.social · 18/06/2025And if I only could I'd make a deal with Grok And get him to be more racist -Elon Musk, alone in twitters headquarters shooting up ketamine 1324
Marshall Scott @marshallscott.bsky.social · 10/06/2025Asking my dentist a question then sticking my fingers in his mouth before he replies 27514
Marshall Scott @marshallscott.bsky.social · 07/06/2025Donald Trump EXONERATED by *checks notes*.. the guy whose also trying to convince people Jeffrey Epstein is innocent 1180
Marshall Scott @marshallscott.bsky.social · 05/06/2025Who the hell are Donald Trump and Elon Musk 8718
Marshall Scott @marshallscott.bsky.social · 02/06/2025Sitting on the curb explaining to the garbage man that four stickers should be more than enough for him to haul me away 192
Marshall Scott @marshallscott.bsky.social · 30/05/2025Everyone logging on to bluesky cuz twitter is down 2506
Marshall Scott @marshallscott.bsky.social · 30/05/2025Slipping the anesthesiologist a twenty and asking them to keep me under for a few weeks 516323
Marshall Scott @marshallscott.bsky.social · 17/05/2025First date idea: we make an entire bag of pizza rolls and cyber bully your boss 2383
Marshall Scott @marshallscott.bsky.social · 16/05/2025An ice bath but it's a shower that pelts you with golf ball sized ice cubes 2251
Marshall Scott @marshallscott.bsky.social · 15/05/2025Just ordered a forklift certification from the dark web 9689
Marshall Scott @marshallscott.bsky.social · 15/05/2025Still can’t believe the Cardinals elected the Pope with a rap battle and Leo won cuz he rhymed burial of Jesus with venereal diseases 410423
Marshall Scott @marshallscott.bsky.social · 11/05/2025Should I tweet again or should I hit myself in the head with a shovel 8525
Reposted by Marshall ScottMarshall Scott @marshallscott.bsky.social · 06/05/2025I showed up 37 minutes late 5433
Reposted by Marshall ScottMarshall Scott @marshallscott.bsky.social · 06/05/2025Ah yes, another day 06910
Marshall Scott @marshallscott.bsky.social · 06/05/2025Calling my boss to ask if he can get to work a little early tomorrow so we can get a head start on the day 1354
Marshall Scott @marshallscott.bsky.social · 04/05/2025Saturday night with the boys shotgunning Four Lokos and doing some arts and crafts 3314
Marshall Scott @marshallscott.bsky.social · 02/05/2025Driving around pointing at all the hills I’d die on 38120
Marshall Scott @marshallscott.bsky.social · 30/04/2025Tried wearing two hats in a meeting and my boss flipped me outta my chair and let everyone hit me with sticks 3414
