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Ben Collins @bencollins.bsky.social · 22/06/2025

Donald Trump just unilaterally bombed Iran. A masked gang is terrorizing our streets. America has rapidly devolved into an authoritarian state. That's why, today, The Onion has purchased a full page ad in today's New York Times with a simple plea to Congress: Sit back and do absolutely nothing.

An Onion front page with the headline: Congress, Now More Than Ever, Our Nation Needs Your Cowardice

Who will stand up for our democracy? This
question, fraught in even the most peaceful
times, has only grown more pressing as our
country approaches its 250th anniversary.
Each passing day brings growing assaults on
essential liberties like freedom of speech and due process.
Meanwhile, our delicately assembled legal system faces
a constant barrage of threats. Even as this issue reaches
publication, the U.S. military has been deployed against
peaceful protesters. We teeter on the brink of collapse into
an authoritarian state. That is why, today, The Onion calls
upon our lawmakers to sit back and do absolutely nothing.
Members of Congress, now more than ever, our nation
desperately needs your cowardice.
Our republic is a birthright, an exceedingly rare treasure
passed down from generation to generation of Americans. It
was gained through hard years of bloody resistance and can
too easily be lost. Our Founding Fathers, in their abundant
wisdom, understood that all it would take was men and
women of little courage sitting in the corridors of power
and taking zero action as this precious inheritance was
stripped away—and that is where we have finally arrived.
Now is not the time for bravery or valor! This is the time
for protecting your own hide and lining your pocket. Now is
not the time for listening to your idiotic constituents drone
on about what’s happening to their precious democracy.
This is the time for getting down on all fours and grov-
eling. Now is not the time to say, “Enough is enough,” and
have the tough conversations about resisting the ongoing
assaults on American liberty. This is the time to let the wave
of apathy and indifference roll over you as you think about
getting a really nice renovation to your house in Kalorama.
But what can I, one coward, do alone? you might ask.

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Ben Collins @bencollins.bsky.social · 11/05/2025

It's 2015. President Barack Obama has accepted a "sky palace" jumbo jet from the Qatari government, which he'll own after he leaves office. "Everybody relax," he says in an interview with the New York Times. Everyone does. The networks then televise the military parade in his honor on his birthday.

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Chris Kluwe, adjudicated poaster @chriswarcraft.bsky.social · 16/04/2025

“this all reeks of Gender equity!” I holler as i kick over the constitution and turn the global economy into the Market of Shit

304338458 4.3K

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Hbomberguy @hbomberguy.bsky.social · 12/04/2025

We're almost out, we just have to hold on for a few more years and we can fix things

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