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Lewis Parker

@lpcantlose.bsky.social
351 followers 272 following 109 posts

Freelance • Bad at fighting games • Read my words at Kotaku, Eurogamer, PC Gamer, Rock Paper Shotgun, and IGN • lewis.parker.cant.lose@gmail.com

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Lewis Parker @lpcantlose.bsky.social · 25/09/2026
hey mutuals, can any of you weigh in on whether or not it’s ok for me, a straight man, to buy and wear this T-shirt (it’s almost sold out so please let me know if this is acceptable urgently)
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Lewis Parker @lpcantlose.bsky.social · 17/09/2026
every time I tell someone what I do for a living they always say "people online must be so jealous!" no actually it's mostly death threats
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Reposted by Lewis Parker
Kotaku @kotaku.com · 08/09/2026
I Manufactured 100,000 Rubber Ducks And Tanked My Framerate In A Bid To Destroy Capitalism:
kotaku.com
I Tanked My Framerate By Making 100,000 Rubber Ducks In Project P.I.T.T.
Project P.I.T.T. let me try to feed thousands of rubber ducks to a giant maw at once. The framerate issues are probably my fault.
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Lewis Parker @lpcantlose.bsky.social · 08/09/2026
proof that all other gaming companies are cowards who would rather capitulate to the pedo-in-chief than upset their shareholders
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Lewis Parker @lpcantlose.bsky.social · 06/09/2026
Oh, Polygon. It makes me so upset whenever I witness these ghouls parading your corpse around. This site really is just ragebait content now. And the most depressing thing is, its writers are still immensely talented. They’re just being forced to waste their talents on pushing out this slop.
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Lewis Parker @lpcantlose.bsky.social · 04/09/2026
Everything Lex writes is pure gold. Far more damaging for 1001 Threads Of Mizan than it otherwise would have been if its director simply addressed its ties to MISK. Also a great example of a problem every journalist has faced with PR bullshit: why'd you even invite me if I can't ask any questions?
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Lewis Parker @lpcantlose.bsky.social · 03/09/2026
just had to explain what Final Fantasy Brave Exvius is to a friend and it will never stop being funny to me that Ariana Grande has her own FF Wiki page finalfantasy.fandom.com/wiki/Ariana_...
finalfantasy.fandom.com
Ariana Grande
Ariana Grande-Butera, known professionally as Ariana Grande (アリアナ・グランデ, Ariana Gurande?), is an American singer and actress. Her rise to fame includes starring on the Nickelodeon television series Vic...
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Reposted by Lewis Parker
Kotaku @kotaku.com · 29/08/2026
Gamescom's response to a spree of laptop thefts at the biggest gaming convention of the year getse community noted. "Individual ... kotaku.com/gamescom-says-stolen-lap…
kotaku.com
Gamescom Says Exhibitors Have To Protect Against Theft
Gamescom's official statement noted that while they treat the theft 'very seriously and understand the frustration of affected exhibitors,' there's also options to pay extra for 'individual stand security'
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Reposted by Lewis Parker
Kotaku @kotaku.com · 28/08/2026
Beloved video game wiki The Cutting Room Floor goes offline amid DDoS attack after someone was banned for trying to scrape the site with AI. "This DDoS seems to have been triggered by someone using C... kotaku.com/ddos-attack-breaks-belov…
kotaku.com
TCRF Accuses AI-Bro After Site Taken Offline By DDoS Attack
The person accused subsequently served with an image of a butthole drawn in MS Paint
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Lewis Parker @lpcantlose.bsky.social · 28/08/2026
we can't keep letting her get away with this
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Lewis Parker @lpcantlose.bsky.social · 20/08/2026
paywalls have done unquantifiable damage to video game journalism Without paying money to read the rest of it, this article is just five paragraphs of ragebait before it asks you to put in your credit card details... which is a shame because it's actually a decent article
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Lewis Parker @lpcantlose.bsky.social · 03/08/2026
it's because of my boyish charm and good looks
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Lewis Parker @lpcantlose.bsky.social · 01/08/2026
this better be able to power a lot more than just my bloody dreams for that kind of price, Microsoft
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Lewis Parker @lpcantlose.bsky.social · 01/08/2026
smh at this Mario Sunshine glazing on my TL get this jumpslop off my screen
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Lewis Parker @lpcantlose.bsky.social · 27/07/2026
Seeing a lot of "this isn't going to do anything" and "wow only a week?" responses to this and I gotta say The people on Bluesky are miserable wimps who would rather complain about something than actually attempt to do something about it
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Lewis Parker @lpcantlose.bsky.social · 25/07/2026
tf kinda Schrödinger's cat ass notification is this
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Reposted by Lewis Parker
bee wertheimer @beewertheimer.com · 24/07/2026
i wrote about how leasing smart devices is bad actually
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Lewis Parker @lpcantlose.bsky.social · 22/07/2026
Hard-hitting and quintessentially British journalism on Kotaku this afternoon. Count Binface needs to answer for his crimes. Disgraceful stuff. And considering this happened under Andy Burnham's Labour government, I think he should resign as well.
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Lewis Parker @lpcantlose.bsky.social · 21/07/2026
Me to my editor 30 seconds after witnessing Science Saru's version of the VR boat orgy scene in The Ghost in the Shell: "Ok, so, I have a pitch but hear me out..."
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Lewis Parker @lpcantlose.bsky.social · 17/07/2026
Asha Sharma: Quick, we need something that can simultaneously distract from the brutal layoffs that are sweeping across Xbox and bump up our stock prices for the shareholders. Anyone got any ideas?
spongebob holding
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Lewis Parker @lpcantlose.bsky.social · 10/07/2026
Execs at Department of Forks LLC stunned to learn that users on We Hate Cutlery don't want them to purchase fork-hating website
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Reposted by Lewis Parker
Kotaku @kotaku.com · 02/07/2026
6 Classic Games With Cool Details Hidden on Their Unpatched Physical Discs:
kotaku.com
6 Classic Games With Cool Secrets Hidden on Their Unpatched Discs
As consoles make the shift to becoming fully digital, the unintentional secrets that only be found hidden in unpatched physical media will be lost forever
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Lewis Parker @lpcantlose.bsky.social · 01/07/2026
In conclusion, Mole is really good and you should play Mole.
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Lewis Parker @lpcantlose.bsky.social · 01/07/2026
oh cool, physical gaming media just died. cool cool cool. this hobby is cooked.
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Lewis Parker @lpcantlose.bsky.social · 30/06/2026
Please enjoy my breakdown of exactly how much money the ESA makes from its AAA-publisher members, which is included in this article about the ESA lobbying against Stop Killing Games’ Protect Our Games Act for no specific reason.
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Lewis Parker @lpcantlose.bsky.social · 29/06/2026
"in Mortal Kombat X, female characters allegedly carry genuinely smaller hitboxes"
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Lewis Parker @lpcantlose.bsky.social · 24/06/2026
guys I’m on bluesky to get away from all of the talk about GTA elsewhere, but all bluesky is doing is TALKING ABOUT HOW EVERYONE IS TALKING ABOUT GTA. THAT IS ALSO TALKING ABOUT GTA (Posts about people talking about how people are talking about people talking about GTA get a pass)
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Lewis Parker @lpcantlose.bsky.social · 24/06/2026
hey guys, just woke up, did I miss any video game news?
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Lewis Parker @lpcantlose.bsky.social · 22/06/2026
Reading this after reading Entertainment Weekly's article, which is just 40 paragraphs of EW shamelessly simping for Xbox, is suddenly making me feel very embarrassed about being a video game journalist
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Lewis Parker @lpcantlose.bsky.social · 20/06/2026
hey so like, I get not liking Ubisoft, but all the posts I'm seeing celebrating Claude Guillemot's death seem like a bit much Call me a bleeding heart, but I don't think terrible business decisions justify that. I hate rich people as much as anyone on Bluesky, but goddamn, give it a day at least
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Lewis Parker @lpcantlose.bsky.social · 10/06/2026
video game journalist hate this one trick:
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Lewis Parker @lpcantlose.bsky.social · 10/06/2026
The best comment I've seen regarding Evie's is "She looks so young that she'd have to ask her parents to buy Stellar Blade for her at a GameStop."
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Lewis Parker @lpcantlose.bsky.social · 27/05/2026
Genuinely, what was the logic behind making this? "Hey, Hideo, you ever feel like people like and respect you a bit too much?" "You know what, Nicolas? You're so right, I AM too beloved! Let's do something about that."
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Reposted by Lewis Parker
Kotaku @kotaku.com · 27/05/2026
The 10 New Summer 2026 Anime You Should Be Most Excited For kotaku.com/the-10-upcoming-summer-2…
kotaku.com
The 10 New Summer 2026 Anime You Should Be Most Excited For
If you're an anime fan, I hope you weren't looking forward to having any free time in July
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Lewis Parker @lpcantlose.bsky.social · 26/05/2026
ngl writing this one was just an excuse to use this image as the thumbnail kotaku.com/a-yu-gi-oh-v...
kotaku.com
Yu-Gi-Oh Voice Actor Sues TikTok Over Alleged AI Deepfakes
No matter what, I'm TikTok-ing out by six
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Lewis Parker @lpcantlose.bsky.social · 26/05/2026
live footage of the video game journos in the UK desperately trying to finish 007 First Light and write their reviews in time for embargo during a record-breaking heatwave
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Lewis Parker @lpcantlose.bsky.social · 26/05/2026
I've seen posts from people online who were able to buy physical copies of 007 First Light earlier than this from Walmart btw
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Reposted by Lewis Parker
True Colors @truecolorsdev.bsky.social · 25/05/2026
kotaku.com/calx-is-the-journey-looking-action-rpg-soulslike-i-never-knew-i-needed-until-i-played-it-2000699178 @kotaku.com did a cool article about our game 👀
kotaku.com
CALX Is The Journey-Looking Action-RPG Soulslike I Never Knew I Needed Until I Played It - Kotaku
'Hyper Light Sable' is shaping up to be one of this summer's most evocative-looking role-playing games
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Lewis Parker @lpcantlose.bsky.social · 25/05/2026
I think Calx is neat and that you should play the demo for Calx kotaku.com/calx-is-the-...
kotaku.com
CALX Is The Journey-Looking Action-RPG Soulslike I Never Knew I Needed Until I Played It - Kotaku
'Hyper Light Sable' is shaping up to be one of this summer's most evocative-looking role-playing games
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Lewis Parker @lpcantlose.bsky.social · 24/05/2026
If you need to reach out to me anonymously and/or securely with info, tips, or just to say hi, I'm over on Signal at LewisP.58
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Lewis Parker @lpcantlose.bsky.social · 23/05/2026
Had to try very, very hard to not lose my shit while writing this, so I'll lose my shit here instead This isn't just scummy and predatory--it's fucking evil. Dozens of people on flimsy contracts woke up on the 21st and found out that their jobs would be become untenably fucked by the 22nd
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Lewis Parker @lpcantlose.bsky.social · 23/05/2026
seeing this poster for the new Gundam Base store in London is the closest I have ever been to feeling patriotic
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Lewis Parker @lpcantlose.bsky.social · 22/05/2026
Painfully easy to predict exactly how these dipshits will react to anything.
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Lewis Parker @lpcantlose.bsky.social · 20/05/2026
this has radicalised me in a way that would lead to my BlueSky account getting banned if I verbalised it
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Lewis Parker @lpcantlose.bsky.social · 20/05/2026
I don’t know if this is a spicy take but this is a fucking terrible, dogshit pick just reminding you that this guy wrote this book
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Lewis Parker @lpcantlose.bsky.social · 20/05/2026
I've been staring at this article for 30 minutes and still can't believe Kotaku let me write it
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Lewis Parker @lpcantlose.bsky.social · 14/05/2026
I've been lucky enough to work with Chris a few times over the years, so I can confidently say that this is phenomenal news. If you're new and nervous about pitching a big dog like Eurogamer, don't be. Chris helped me get my start when I was just a newcomer. Eurogamer is in good hands.
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Lewis Parker @lpcantlose.bsky.social · 08/05/2026
STOP POSTING THE KISSING SCENE FROM MIXTAPE EVERYWHERE I'M GONNA FUCKIN VOM BRO
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Lewis Parker @lpcantlose.bsky.social · 07/05/2026
Shout out to this guy on Kotaku for posting the funniest comment I’ve ever seen on one of my articles
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Lewis Parker @lpcantlose.bsky.social · 07/05/2026
Mr McCloud, I believe you have a filter turned on in the video settings...?
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