iiinova — where your digital self keeps evolving

Handsome Bigfoot Lawyer @lighterfandango.bsky.social · 31/03/2026

His nipples look like Kitty Sanchez's eyes without her glasses

Handsome Bigfoot Lawyer @lighterfandango.bsky.social · 31/03/2026

The full article is behind a paywall but even if you don't pay, it's worth a click just to see his absolutely wonky nipples in this crossdressing photo

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Handsome Bigfoot Lawyer @lighterfandango.bsky.social · 25/03/2026

I should be asleep but instead I'm up waiting for dumplings that may never arrive 😔

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Handsome Bigfoot Lawyer @lighterfandango.bsky.social · 25/03/2026

It's gonna take a lot of flip fucking to to fix this, so we better get started

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Handsome Bigfoot Lawyer @lighterfandango.bsky.social · 25/03/2026

I don't like that this is how I have to find out you're cheating on me

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Handsome Bigfoot Lawyer @lighterfandango.bsky.social · 25/03/2026

One of the 3D Castlevania games explains that, since Dracula is immortal, he gets bored and scatters power-ups throughout his castle because he thinks it's more fun if the adventurers have a fighting chance, maybe Bowser is the same?

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Handsome Bigfoot Lawyer @lighterfandango.bsky.social · 25/03/2026

It probably lost me a lot of my... Uhhhhh... It's two letters but they don't spell a word... It'll come to me

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Handsome Bigfoot Lawyer @lighterfandango.bsky.social · 25/03/2026

It's how they said it that one semester she spent in Barthelona

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Handsome Bigfoot Lawyer @lighterfandango.bsky.social · 25/03/2026

*slap him in the face during. I have no explanation for that mistake, maybe I'm a little dyslexic. Maybe from the slap

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Handsome Bigfoot Lawyer @lighterfandango.bsky.social · 25/03/2026

One time a guy asked me to slap in the face him during, and I said "what?" (cause you wanna make extra sure you heard that right) and he said "like this!" and hit me so hard I lost a contact

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Handsome Bigfoot Lawyer @lighterfandango.bsky.social · 25/03/2026

Thank you, our family of rich cruising industrialists have been some of the ablest people in the country, and it's nice that you noticed that

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Handsome Bigfoot Lawyer @lighterfandango.bsky.social · 25/03/2026

My father was the guy who came up with the idea to make the scat color and the uncut color basically exactly the same color, just to mess with everyone

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Handsome Bigfoot Lawyer @lighterfandango.bsky.social · 25/03/2026

As the owner of the preeminent hanky factory in america, I will not stand for this

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Handsome Bigfoot Lawyer @lighterfandango.bsky.social · 24/03/2026

This all sounds totally fine to me, tbh, but the first bullet means it's definitely not going to happen

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Handsome Bigfoot Lawyer @lighterfandango.bsky.social · 24/03/2026

You'll turn your phone's screen off, and his face will still be in the reflection right behind you

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Handsome Bigfoot Lawyer @lighterfandango.bsky.social · 24/03/2026

I mean, I'm not totally clear on the details, but I went through the code and there's no way it could have worked for even a demo without massive deception

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Handsome Bigfoot Lawyer @lighterfandango.bsky.social · 24/03/2026

I used to work at a company that acquired a small startup that turned out to have no viable product and no concept for how the product would have made money if it existed in the first place, and I dunno I'm just thinking about that for some reason

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Handsome Bigfoot Lawyer @lighterfandango.bsky.social · 24/03/2026

Also, like, yeah, I guess you look alike in that you're both white dudes. Congrats or whatever

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Handsome Bigfoot Lawyer @lighterfandango.bsky.social · 24/03/2026

Just say you look like Christian Bale, dude. Patrick Bateman is a serial killer he played, but just pick something else he's been in, unless you WANT to look like the character and not the actor?

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Handsome Bigfoot Lawyer @lighterfandango.bsky.social · 24/03/2026

Me when I remember what year those commercials came out:

Old lady has fallen in the bathroom and needs help in a commercial from 1989. Apparently, this is actually a commercial for LifeCall, which predates Life Alert, but I think I mostly remember parodies of it more than I remember the commercial itself, and the parodies often conflated the two companies, so I never even knew about LifeCall. Much the way I watched the Tiny Toons parody of Sunset Boulevard like a decade before having any idea what they were parodying and then when I finally saw the original I said, "wait, this is just ripping off that Tiny Toons episode" and had to remind myself, "no, actually, things existed before you were aware of them them also." See what you learn when you start researching stuff for a dumb bit on the internet?

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Handsome Bigfoot Lawyer @lighterfandango.bsky.social · 24/03/2026

Fine, I'll just stay on the floor where I belong

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Handsome Bigfoot Lawyer @lighterfandango.bsky.social · 24/03/2026

I just miss when porn had incomprehensible and complicated plots with multiple characters who never even got naked

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Handsome Bigfoot Lawyer @lighterfandango.bsky.social · 24/03/2026

Her saying "they've signed my death warrant" is so camp

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Handsome Bigfoot Lawyer @lighterfandango.bsky.social · 24/03/2026

It's such a shame that the original song they produce a music video at the end isn't ever available at karaoke

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Handsome Bigfoot Lawyer @lighterfandango.bsky.social · 24/03/2026

If you want the context for all these clips, I just realized some dude uploaded the whole thing to YouTube, with all the sex taken out. I love this movie so much youtu.be/JrTu3k0RRK4?...

youtu.be

Boy Band Catalina Minus Gay Sex

YouTube video by rawrderder

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Handsome Bigfoot Lawyer @lighterfandango.bsky.social · 24/03/2026

Every now and then I think about this lady from a 2002 gay porno, and I hope she's living her absolute best life youtu.be/5-VdWTyYD1s?...

youtu.be

Boy Band - Just Nance

YouTube video by Chris Haigy

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Handsome Bigfoot Lawyer @lighterfandango.bsky.social · 24/03/2026

Also River Song in Doctor Who s6e7 when she's talking to Rory and he says "unless there's two of him" and River goes "that's a whole different birthday"

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Handsome Bigfoot Lawyer @lighterfandango.bsky.social · 24/03/2026

Oh no, he definitely is friends with Ryan Murphy too isn't he?

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Handsome Bigfoot Lawyer @lighterfandango.bsky.social · 24/03/2026

You're a supervillain and some day a hero will rise that can put you away

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Handsome Bigfoot Lawyer @lighterfandango.bsky.social · 24/03/2026

You can't keep doing this, someone needs to stop you

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Handsome Bigfoot Lawyer @lighterfandango.bsky.social · 24/03/2026

Okay, I'm sorry, but no I need to watch this whole thing

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Handsome Bigfoot Lawyer @lighterfandango.bsky.social · 24/03/2026

I put a little sticker on all their k bags that says "@liztruss.bsky.social is strong" and then I kissed their foreheads and let them keep sleeping, because they had a hard night and they deserve to rest

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Handsome Bigfoot Lawyer @lighterfandango.bsky.social · 24/03/2026

Cats have never once hid their anger in any way

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Handsome Bigfoot Lawyer @lighterfandango.bsky.social · 24/03/2026

Well, I'm a dainty slender twink so I was probably not that hard to carry, but yes I'll tell them how you managed to carry out those five heavy kids (one of whom, again, would become a notorious serial killer who would taunt the police, and also us specifically and by name, with his crimes)

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Handsome Bigfoot Lawyer @lighterfandango.bsky.social · 24/03/2026

The more outlandish and confusing, the better, for me. Can you have rescued me and also several orphans, one of which, unfortunately (and obviously unknown to you at the time), went on to be a notorious serial killer and we were both conflicted about your heroism for the rest of our lives?

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Handsome Bigfoot Lawyer @lighterfandango.bsky.social · 24/03/2026

The number of times I've gotten angry about not being in a skircle that I later realized I am, in fact, in

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Handsome Bigfoot Lawyer @lighterfandango.bsky.social · 24/03/2026

They're afraid you're just trying to do a Chuck and Larry

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Handsome Bigfoot Lawyer @lighterfandango.bsky.social · 24/03/2026

I may have told you this, but one of my biggest fears in life is that I'll die and my father, at the funeral, will ask a friend how we met and he'll say, "well, it certainly wasn't at a fourway when I was the only guy who helped him wash poppers out of his eye while the other two kept fucking..."

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Handsome Bigfoot Lawyer @lighterfandango.bsky.social · 24/03/2026

I've decided I won't rest until this guy gets a drink thrown in his face by the college dude he just tried to feel up at a Fire Island house party and he melts like the wicked witch

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Handsome Bigfoot Lawyer @lighterfandango.bsky.social · 24/03/2026

If this little bitch ever gets laid again, none of us have done our jobs

David Monn, the event planner who planned the second Trump inauguration and who just seems like he sucks so bad

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Handsome Bigfoot Lawyer @lighterfandango.bsky.social · 24/03/2026

It's kinda a shame that no one will see the Melania doc because there's a lot of detestable f-slurs who, like, dress her and plan her parties and stuff, and their faces should be known to all of us

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Handsome Bigfoot Lawyer @lighterfandango.bsky.social · 24/03/2026

Did he at least see where Jason uppercuts that guy's head clean off?

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Handsome Bigfoot Lawyer @lighterfandango.bsky.social · 24/03/2026

Creating a Paradox by Getting Pounded in the Butt By a Handsome Bigfoot Lawyer Time Traveler Who's Also Me from the Future

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Handsome Bigfoot Lawyer @lighterfandango.bsky.social · 24/03/2026

There's no wrong way to have perfectly serviceable sex with a guy who sometimes has to stop and remember if he's meeting friends at 7 or... no, now that I'm thinking about it my thing is at 8, we're good. We can keep going

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