Unhealthy perfectionism's preoccupation with infinitely increasing status and security misses the ingredient that makes perfecting a worthy pursuit: love.

Bipolar II disorder prevents me from experiencing joy a lot of the time, and when I do, it's because I'm hoping for something better.

The perfectionist aims to cultivate a love that's both safe and exciting, where the object of affection is attainable and unattainable, leading to a chronic state of desolation.

Perfectionism is at the heart of many misunderstandings, causing us to fear revealing too much about ourselves and even reject help when offered.

One of the more difficult aspects of being a therapist is watching a patient repeatedly harm themself without being able to persuade them to choose better. We don’t give advice, so we rely on our i…

Vulnerable narcissism is less showy and aggressive, yet it entails similar degrees of envy, shame, resentment, and entitlement as its grandiose counterpart.

Carl Jung defined narcissism as a preoccupation with how others see you, yet caring more, not less, about what they think can help.

Perfectionists want what they can't have and, more important, what can't exist. Their preoccupation with having it all contributes to their chronic state of unhappiness.

The "shoulds" may help us become better people, but they also contribute to us becoming worse at the same time.

Maladaptive daydreaming is a chronic and automatic retreat into one's fantasies when upset or bored. This pattern of being has the potential to completely upend one's life.

While reason tempers the excesses of our emotions, our emotions do the same for reason. Yet many of us seek out tools to suppress our feelings because we fear and hate them.

Decisions are self-defeating if the constant sacrifices and pain significantly outweigh positive outcomes.

When love is believed to be conditional, based on some form of performance, we may contribute to our mental health struggles in the constant pursuit of that conditional love.

Perfectionism often manifests in borderline personality disorder due, in part, to the tendency to anxiously search for clarity, security, and self-esteem.

We sometimes act out of a sense of duty, but moral perfectionism may unfairly cause us to chronically tolerate experiences beyond our limits and boundaries.

Perfectionists often use people-pleasing and perfectionism to manage their distress around external shame, yet they do so at a great cost.

A Personal Perspective: Perfectionism plagued me for most of my life, but a memorable relationship with my therapist helped me learn how to quiet my inner critic.

Perfectionism is an unhealthy way of addressing shame, implying the belief that, with enough effort, shame will someday cease.

D.W. Winnicott noted that being a "good enough" parent was better than being a good one. Here's why trying too hard may backfire.

Perfectionism is an unhealthy way of addressing shame, implying the belief that, with enough effort, shame will someday cease.

Maladaptive daydreaming is a chronic and automatic retreat into one's fantasies when upset or bored. This pattern of being has the potential to completely upend one's life.

YouTube video by Seize the Moment Podcast

Despite popular belief, patients resist change not only because they fear it, but also because they wish to remain authentic.

Perfectionism often involves a preoccupation with cultivating emotional security while trying to comprehend and make up for childhood trauma.

Perfectionism is a coping mechanism for the fear of uncertainty, existential emptiness, the prospect of regret, and a sense of insignificance, and it has long-term costs.

Some women believe significant others, especially the men in their lives, demand perfection of them and struggle to feel good about themselves without their approval.

Partners of perfectionists struggle with proving how much they love them. This post addresses how to manage feeling helpless when the proof provided isn't enough.

Moral perfectionism, the excessive preoccupation with being perceived as good, is often a significant barrier to meaningful change, causing denial and defensiveness.

Gifted children may be pressured by their parents to be great, yet they don't know that, for those parents, satisfaction may never be attainable.

One of the more difficult aspects of being a therapist is watching a patient repeatedly harm themself without being able to persuade them to choose better. We don’t give advice, so we rely on our i…

Moral perfectionism is associated with excessive pride, which often blinds us from others' needs while making us falsely believe that we're good and thoughtful people.

Perfectionists struggle to define what makes one lovable and worthy, so they search for external validation while also unfairly discounting it.

Perfectionists may attempt to embody an absolute and consistent goodness, yet morality often requires us to treat others differently, which can feel confusing and scary.

While rejection sensitivity may be strengthened by bad environments, good ones can help us learn to cope with rejection and build our self-esteem.

When love is believed to be conditional, based on some form of performance, we may contribute to our mental health struggles in the constant pursuit of that conditional love.

Obsession can resemble love through a process called limerence, which is more about the obsessive proving their lovability than cultivating love.

Personal Perspective: Perfectionists struggle with heartbreak because they struggle to make sense of how someone who said they loved them could have just stopped and left.

Perfectionists tend to catastrophize, personalize, disqualify their achievements, and have excessive standards. This guide helps them address those thinking habits.

Perfectionists tend to obsessively pursue their goals with the false hope that their achievements will extinguish their shame and fears.

One of the more difficult aspects of being a therapist is watching a patient repeatedly harm themself without being able to persuade them to choose better. We don’t give advice, so we rely on our i…

Perfectionism and the pursuit of more success, while apparently rational, are driven, in part, by an intense fear of one's emotions.

One of the more difficult aspects of being a therapist is watching a patient repeatedly harm themself without being able to persuade them to choose better. We don’t give advice, so we rely on our i…

One of the more difficult aspects of being a therapist is watching a patient repeatedly harm themself without being able to persuade them to choose better. We don’t give advice, so we rely on our i…

Personalizing, or believing that negative events that happen to you are your fault, leads to deep sadness and shame, even if it provides a sense of hope temporarily.

Some fear being held responsible because they fear being blamed and shamed. But responsibility, unlike blame or shame, is fair, just, compassionate, and unifying.

Personal Perspective: Whether to diagnose is a controversial topic. It masks three problems: people wishing to avoid criticism, therapist collusion, and therapists who shame.

We find it hard to forgive ourselves, in part, because we believe doing so is counter-productive. Yet, shame, when coupled with forgiveness, makes us better people.