Reposted by lemy
Ihr habt das alle mitbekommen, ich weiß. Nur zur Sicherheit, falls jemand das Wochenende offline war
steady.page/de/der-uuber...
steady.page
Klingbeils Griff nach dem Klimaschutzgeld
Ausgabe 40 – Wie schwarz-rot Klimaschutzgeld abzwacken will
![1
[Opens with a wide view of a city skyline, empty blue sky]
2
[same image but now a huge, light grey rectangular object has appeared in the sky, at such an angle that we can't quite see what it is]
3
[cut to the people going about their business on the ground. Slowly they start to realise something has appeared in the sky.]
4
PERSON 1 [squinting up at the sky]:
Is that...
5
[we now see the object from their point of view. It is a huge floating voice note, as you would get in WhatsApp, and it is from GOD. In the bit showing how long the voice note is, it says: 4m years.]
6
PERSON 2 [Close up of their face looking horrified]:
It's a four-million year long voice note.. from God.
7
PERSON 1 [closing their eyes in despair]:
We've got to listen to it, haven't we.
8
[cut to some time later, a huge crane has been erected next to the voice note, a person at the end of it, reaches out and presses the play button]
9
GOD [voice coming from the voice note]:
Hiyaaa
10
GOD:
Sorry babes I was gonna do another Testament but I'm sending a voice note instead
11
[Show the people below, shutting eyes, looking pained as they resign themselves to having to listen to the whole thing otherwise they will look rude]
GOD:
Thought I'd just, y'know... set you all right again... woah look at that pigeon... haha I'm on Heaven High Street right and I just saw a big pigeon... anyway where was I...
[In between panels, to indicate time passing]:
(...)
12
[the scene is now the same as panel one, except the city skyline is now degraded, long since dead, an apocalyptic scene of lifeless ruin, silent beneath a blood-red sun]
GOD:
...Aaanyway sorry for the long note babes love you all byyye
*Bip *
[Ends]](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:4m3we4apbjayclzcnhwe3pfp/bafkreie6ovbed3udymmcp7eqvr3dc63qr56ffd5ruukquqbnoisqii6fuq)
![Scene is WAITROSE CUSTOMER SERVICES DESK. Behind it is a staff member, whose name we will soon learn is BECKY. She is dealing with a customer, for now out of shot, while talking to her manager on the phone.
BECKY [on phone]:
Yeah, hiya...
2
BECKY:
Yes I have a customer here who wants to complain about the Easter eggs.
3
BECKY [putting hand over receiver while addressing the customer stood at the desk in front of her]:
Sorry what was your name again?
4
[Pull back to show the customer is a very tall, green-skinned, PAGAN GODDESS, festooned with flowers. Stood next to her is her son, a normal human teenager in a hoodie, who looks mortified by his mum.]
PAGAN GODDESS:
Eostre the Pagan Goddess of Fertility
5
BECKY
Sorry -
Your name is Easter…?
PAGAN GODDESS:
Eostre.
6
VICKY:
Your name is Easter and you want to complain about the Easter eggs.
7
PAGAN GODDESS:
Sorry love, what’s your name?
BECKY:
Becky
PAGAN GODDESS:
Well, Vicky -
8
PAGAN GODDESS:
If it was you who’d shagged the solar god of the Equinox to give birth to an actual living god - my son Darren here -
TEENAGE BOY:
Muuum…
9
PAGAN GODDESS:
….only to have all your efforts totally forgotten by history, you’d have a complaint too!
10
PAGAN GODDESS:
Aisle four is full of products, with no hint of the true meaning of the festival!
11
BECKY:
You mean… Jesus…?
PAGAN GODDESS:
I mean shagging, Vicky.
12
PAGAN GODDESS:
Is it too much to see just a little bit of pre-Christian sex in Aisle 4?
TEENAGE BOY:
MUUUUM](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:4m3we4apbjayclzcnhwe3pfp/bafkreiei7pigtocoghwiww3vhhm4lj2os2ifvc7yzggcj7jn6gresjpdkq)
![Cartoon by Stephen Collins for The Guardian. Script as follows:
[scene is Winston Churchill in a bbc studio, giving his 'finest hour' speech]
1
CHURCHILL:
The whole fury and might of the enemy must very soon be turned on us.
2
CHURCHILL:
Hitler knows that he will have to break us in this Island or lose the war.
3
CHURCHILL:
If we can stand up to him, all Europe may be free
and the life of the world may move forward into broad, sun-
BBC PRESENTER:
Thank you prime minister
4
BBC PRESENTER:
Mr hitler, your response?
5
HITLER [in the studio]:
Vell zis is hysterical woke nonsense as usual from mr Churchill
6
HITLER:
What we are proposing -
CHURCHILL:
Hang on
7
HITLER:
Let me finish - what we are proposing eez a simple power-sharing arrangement -
8
CHURCHILL:
What's he doing here
BBC PRESENTER:
It's important we hear both sides of the debate
9
CHURCHILL:
This isn't a debate
You don't debate fascists
10
HITLER:
Oh here we go with ze Godwins law!
11
HITLER:
Why must you people always compare ze things you don't like to 'fascists, Nazis, Hitler'...
CHURCHILL:
Because you are a fascist Nazi Hit-
12
HITLER [standing up, saluting]:
RAUSS!
BBC PRESENTER:
*Please* Mr Churchill let him speak
[ends]](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:4m3we4apbjayclzcnhwe3pfp/bafkreibw4ldc3fhslbvxgy2oqrof2oys5kpgh7zu6a5f3usmx3lf4547qm)