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Rhett Derrick

@lawzag.bsky.social
3.6K followers 307 following 8.8K posts

You’ll be hearing from my lawyer. Not to threaten litigation or anything. Just, you know, to commiserate with you about my behavior.

PostsRepliesMedia
Rhett Derrick @lawzag.bsky.social · 01/10/2026
Not my area of practice and not my state, but the dormant commerce clause arguments against the pied-a-terre tax seem weak. However, already have 4,000 errors acknowledged on an initial list of 17,000 homes that were given notice of the tax seems really problematic on methodology.
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Rhett Derrick @lawzag.bsky.social · 29/09/2026
Once again, denying a class of people special event permits is not a time, place and manner restriction. You will lose if you’re dumb enough to enact this policy and someone challenges it.
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Rhett Derrick @lawzag.bsky.social · 28/09/2026
I hate the voicemails that cut you off if you take a breath. By the third time of being asked if I’m satisfied with my message, I end up leaving a Bobwehadababy Eetsaboy message.
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Rhett Derrick @lawzag.bsky.social · 27/09/2026
It just so happens that Aaron Rodgers here is only MOSTLY dead. There's a big difference between mostly dead and all dead. Mostly dead is slightly alive.
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Rhett Derrick @lawzag.bsky.social · 26/09/2026
Prancing Pony Pub. youtu.be/OP-pAIEkNfY?...
youtu.be
April 19, 2025
YouTube video by Nichole Henson
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Rhett Derrick @lawzag.bsky.social · 26/09/2026
You know, if environmentalist had known that a bad idea war with Iran would massively reduce global fossil fuel reduction, we could have seen a very strange bootleggers-baptist coalition between neocons and environmentalists.
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Rhett Derrick @lawzag.bsky.social · 25/09/2026
There are two kinds of people in this world The guy who at the end of the meeting asks way too many questions and provides too much background about his child specifically, extending the meeting 15 minutes. And then follows the flow of traffic signs at an empty school. And then there’s me.
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Rhett Derrick @lawzag.bsky.social · 23/09/2026
Pour one out for me. I’m on the last dose of Afrin I can use for this sickness cycle. I’m feeling a lot better, but tonight might be rough.
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Rhett Derrick @lawzag.bsky.social · 21/09/2026
This week in misleading summaries of district court cases: You have a First Amendment right to walk into the White House. The size of your penis is a legitimate public concern. Federal Agents are not allowed to ask for your driver’s license.
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Rhett Derrick @lawzag.bsky.social · 21/09/2026
We asked 683 Democratic voters how they would feel about ways Trump could be removed from office, and 59% said they would feel positive about a military coup. While only 31% would feel positive about an outright assassination. Hoo boy.
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Rhett Derrick @lawzag.bsky.social · 19/09/2026
Watching LOTR 8yo: That looks like Dumbledore. Me: Yes, all wizards look the same. 8yo: No they don’t Harry doesn’t look like that. Me: Yes he does. [cuts to Mt. Doom where they are torturing Golem] 8yo: And that looks like Hogwarts! Me: Yes, all evil wizard castles look the same.
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Rhett Derrick @lawzag.bsky.social · 17/09/2026
In honor of Constitution Day, I hereby decree that any time a constitutional crisis is averted, it shall hereby be described as a successful Constitution saving throw.
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Rhett Derrick @lawzag.bsky.social · 16/09/2026
Interesting order disqualifying Larry Krasner and another attorney in the Philadelphia DA's office on a habeas case. The DA's office took the Innocence Project's word that habeas was merited without investigating. storage.courtlistener.com/recap/gov.us...
storage.courtlistener.com
Memorandum and/or Opinion – #173 in JOHNSON v. NICKELSON (E.D. Pa., 2:15-cv-04965) – CourtListener.com
MEMORANDUM AND/OR OPINION. SIGNED BY DISTRICT JUDGE PAUL S. DIAMOND ON 09/15/2026. 09/15/2026 ENTERED AND COPIES E-MAILED.(nd) (Main Document 173 replaced on 9/15/2026) (nd). (Entered: 09/15/2026)
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Rhett Derrick @lawzag.bsky.social · 15/09/2026
I’m a Larry Craig was innocent truther. I just fundamentally do not understand logistically how you can set up an anonymous gay sex bathroom at n airport. This 2007, pre-Grindr/pre-Tinder. Hell, it’s slightly pre-iPhone 1. What clientele does this appeal to? Business travelers? You’re going to
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SMBC Comics @smbccomics.bsky.social · 15/09/2026
I wonder if the cost of chips has cut down on conspiracies. COMIC ◆ www.smbc-comics.com/comic/gates-3 PATREON ◆ www.patreon.com/ZachWeinersm... STORE ◆ smbc-store.myshopify.com
1-panel SMBC comic update. A man with a beard sits in the left corner, agitated, stating "Bill Gates put microchips in me! Hundreds of ‘em!" A man wearing glasses swiftly turns towards him, asking "really? What year? Do they have onboard memory? Where are you sleeping tonight?" The caption below the comic reads "The RAM shortage takes a dark turn."
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Rhett Derrick @lawzag.bsky.social · 14/09/2026
I was confused about what happened in Daggerfell when playing one of the Elder Scrolls games, so I thought I would look for an explainer. I saw one that was 9 hours long, and decided I didn’t need to know what happened in Daggerfell.
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Rhett Derrick @lawzag.bsky.social · 14/09/2026
Marxian campaign finance theory leaves a lot to be desired.
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Don Zeko @donzeko.bsky.social · 14/09/2026
The Calvin's Dad school of minesweeping
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Rhett Derrick @lawzag.bsky.social · 12/09/2026
Kids are stupid, exhibit 4236: 12yo tried to get out of school today with a temperature reading of 100°. The problem is she failed to mask the sound of many, many thermometer beeps in this scheme. Turns out she was heating up water to try and get a 100° reading.
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Raffi Melkonian @rmfifthcircuit.bsky.social · 10/09/2026
Some nice appellate section swag!
Because friends don't let friends waive error! Koozy
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Rhett Derrick @lawzag.bsky.social · 08/09/2026
I hate it when people try to re-write recent history. We all know Donald Trump was not pulled out of the rubble of the Twin Towers. Donald Trump was too busy giving instructions to the Flight 93 passengers on how to storm the cockpit and judo chop the terrorists.
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Rhett Derrick @lawzag.bsky.social · 08/09/2026
In a stunning turn of events, instead of Lane Kiffin being fired from an SEC school, he may end up getting a school fired from the SEC.
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Rhett Derrick @lawzag.bsky.social · 07/09/2026
I’m enjoying Zero Company. It’s not as hard as XCOM can be and the strategic lair is not as involved. But it’s fun, the voice acting is good, and the unit diversity as the story progresses is really good.
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Rhett Derrick @lawzag.bsky.social · 05/09/2026
The hubris is the worst part. Okay, I guess the actively participating on a chatroom about CSAM with the logical inference that you view, distribute and receive CSAM is the worst part. But the hubris is still bad.
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Rhett Derrick @lawzag.bsky.social · 04/09/2026
A lot of people are mad about the judge in Clancy not dismissing the holdout juror. So the only solution is to make everyone even more mad by discussing the 11th Circuit case United States v. Brown. Under federal rule 23(b), a judge can remove a juror during deliberations for good cause.
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Rhett Derrick @lawzag.bsky.social · 03/09/2026
This was never going to work. The coca plant doesn’t really grow below 1,500 feet above sea level, and Missouri is super flat. And plants don’t grow on people’s bodies except under very unfortunate circumstances. I don’t know what the right conditions for Adderall trees is though.
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Rhett Derrick @lawzag.bsky.social · 03/09/2026
The dismissal of a juror who refuses to deliberate largely arises from the D.C. Circuit case United States v. Brown. In Brown, one juror was really adamant about using FedEx instead of UPS, and refused to consider what can Brown do for you.
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Rhett Derrick @lawzag.bsky.social · 02/09/2026
I encourage anyone to walk outside of their house or office and check the decibels, which can be done with any smartphone with a microphone. 60 decibels is pretty normal. This is me outside my office in a quiet office park with a slight wind.
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Rhett Derrick @lawzag.bsky.social · 02/09/2026
In hindsight, it seemed very likely that these new conditions would not pass judicial scrutiny.
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Rhett Derrick @lawzag.bsky.social · 02/09/2026
Ahh but Steven, it profits a man nothing to gain the whole world if he should lose his soul… but for a couple of Western Conference 1st round exits?
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Rhett Derrick @lawzag.bsky.social · 01/09/2026
In the Clancy case, the judge issued what’s known as an Allen Charge to the jury. An Allen Charge was coined when actor Tim Allen famously agreed to appear in Santa Clause 3: Escape Clause, and his agent told Allen he should really think about this decision harder before agreeing to do the movie.
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Rhett Derrick @lawzag.bsky.social · 01/09/2026
Lee Harvey Oswald was supposedly only 24 when he killed Kennedy. That’s the real JFK conspiracy I subscribe to. Oswald looks like he is 40 in every picture I’ve ever seen of him.
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Rhett Derrick @lawzag.bsky.social · 30/08/2026
My children described the original Mortal Combat as being like “the OG Smash Bros”
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Rhett Derrick @lawzag.bsky.social · 28/08/2026
I did not tell my daughter that I was going to wear bright purple Christmas pajama pants to her school open house. I wouldn’t do that.
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Rhett Derrick @lawzag.bsky.social · 25/08/2026
Built shelves above the toilet a month ago. For a month, only thing on the shelves was Homer’s Odyssey & Iliad. This morning, it was Homer’s Odyssey & Iliad, & a mountain of feminine products. I’m not mad, but Homer’s Odyssey & Iliad subverted my expectations regarding the purpose of the shelves.
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Rhett Derrick @lawzag.bsky.social · 25/08/2026
The five Simpsons lines… You answered you, referring to me. That is incorrect, the correct answer is you. Sex cauldron? I thought they shut that place down. They’ve got those big chewy pretzels here arghblah five dollars?!? Oh. A gym. They're rebroadcasting MLB with implied oral consent.
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Boo!-per Lund @cooperlund.online · 24/08/2026
I'm seeing a lot of "doesn't he have a guy for this" and I think this is a good reminder that the kind of addiction that's gonna get you popped in a trailer park in East Palestine isn't really a series of rational decisions
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Rhett Derrick @lawzag.bsky.social · 24/08/2026
static.klipy.com
Always Sunny: Dennis's Tools
ALT: Always Sunny: Dennis's Tools
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Rhett Derrick @lawzag.bsky.social · 21/08/2026
I need an intervention. Someone needs to throw away the Caribbean red habernero pepper flakes in my pantry. I have never consumed a product where the two ends of my body violently disagree about how spicy something is like this.
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Rhett Derrick @lawzag.bsky.social · 20/08/2026
The hubris of selecting two hour parking for court strikes yet again.
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Rhett Derrick @lawzag.bsky.social · 15/08/2026
My low confidence prediction is that Luigi Mangione gets sentenced to life in the federal case. My reasoning is the incident that happened to judge Esther Salas and her family.
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Rhett Derrick @lawzag.bsky.social · 14/08/2026
Obviously this is a shitpost, so no intent to put this guy on blast. In federal court the substantive reasonableness of your sentence is reviewable on appeal. Primary SCOTUS case is Gall. Before Booker, the guidelines were mandatory and you needed a departure to sentence outside the guidelines.
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Rhett Derrick @lawzag.bsky.social · 14/08/2026
To the extent Mangione pleads guilty today, he will not be sentenced today. Federal sentencing is usually a couple months or more after the plea/verdict. Probation will need to do a Presentence Report. He probably won’t be sentenced until after the state court trial if that trial date holds.
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Rhett Derrick @lawzag.bsky.social · 14/08/2026
Post a meme made by you
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Rhett Derrick @lawzag.bsky.social · 13/08/2026
🎶Fields sacked on the naked boot, Woody Johnson not astute, Geno Smith's return I should have forseen, oh-oh B-B-B-Bettin on the Jets🎶
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Rhett Derrick @lawzag.bsky.social · 12/08/2026
Steve Kornacki calling it a night.
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Rhett Derrick @lawzag.bsky.social · 07/08/2026
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Rhett Derrick @lawzag.bsky.social · 07/08/2026
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USEDUNIVERSE @useduniverse.bsky.social · 22/02/2025
You have HORSES!!!! What were you thinking
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Rhett Derrick @lawzag.bsky.social · 05/08/2026
I don’t know if it counts as a trick, but Piłsudski’s counteroffensive at the Battle of Warsaw is one of the few times the overly complicated plan relying on multiple moving parts and precision timing actually worked. The Soviets even captured the plan notes and disregarded them as fake.
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