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Lachlan

@lachlanwatt.bsky.social
692 followers 1.1K following 798 posts

Horror author, sometimes musician, dirtbag. If you used to follow me, I promise I'm better now. No AI whatsoever.

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Lachlan @lachlanwatt.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
Thought the pair behind me were on the world's most poorly matched internet date until they said their goodbyes and the encounter was revealed to be a job interview. Lady, at the very least, you do not tell a prospective employer that you are on ecstasy.
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Lachlan @lachlanwatt.bsky.social · 04/10/2026
My mum came to visit and expressed an interest in my local bakery. "Oh," I said, "the gay bakery?" Bemused, my mum asked me how a bakery can be gay, then we went there and she ordered a large black coffee and the guy behind the counter winked at her and said, "I'm a bit of a size queen, too."
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Lachlan @lachlanwatt.bsky.social · 29/09/2026
I parked my car on the street and either I forgot to lock it or someone managed to open it without damaging it, because it had been thoroughly rummaged through when I went out to move it this afternoon. I really want to know what riches they thought I was hiding in my '04 Mazda.
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Lachlan @lachlanwatt.bsky.social · 21/09/2026
The Paul brothers are wild to me because they got right up to the door marked "mainstream success and celebrity" and turned and bolted for the passage labelled "crypto grifts" instead.
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Lachlan @lachlanwatt.bsky.social · 21/09/2026
Introduced my son to the Matrix. I told him it was made in 1999 and he couldn't stop marvelling over how "new" it all looked. In colour and everything!
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Lachlan @lachlanwatt.bsky.social · 17/09/2026
My four year old daughter is watching a Minecraft video in which the heroes taunt God into manifesting in the corporeal realm so they can blow him up with dynamite. I think one of the voice actors is also a My Little Pony.
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gwen 🌶️👹 @gwenpepperoni.myatproto.social · 11/09/2026
they're showing tom bombadil bulge on the jumbotron at the uruk hai convention
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Lachlan @lachlanwatt.bsky.social · 10/09/2026
lmao
Jumbotron at the Republican convention showing an Hasan Piker mirror selfie in which he looks extremely fit. They've blurred his briefs.
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Lachlan @lachlanwatt.bsky.social · 26/08/2026
The hijacking of TWA flight 847, particularly the footage of Robert Stethem's corpse hitting the tarmac.
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Gabino Iglesias @gabino.bsky.social · 25/08/2026
Here’s some Alberto Salinas Molina art to make your Monday a little better.
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Lachlan @lachlanwatt.bsky.social · 21/08/2026
Googled a question that I already vaguely knew the answer to in order to clarify my understanding. The first page of results contained nothing but AI-generated articles that were clearly all referring to the same information, because they were all wrong in exactly the same way.
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Lachlan @lachlanwatt.bsky.social · 19/08/2026
I'm a regular at Bob's Country Bunker. Sometimes some of the greatest session musicians ever come to play and I throw bottles at the chicken wire surrounding the stage to show both my approval and disapproval of the songs they choose.
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Lachlan @lachlanwatt.bsky.social · 17/08/2026
Hooked up all my guitar pedals. I bet I have a beetle-collecting homo erectus forebear who would have been extremely impressed.
Guitar pedals on the floor of a garage surrounded by cables running into an entirely too-loud amplifer.
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Lachlan @lachlanwatt.bsky.social · 16/08/2026
Amazing how much marketing I get today which boils down to "so you've decided to completely check out and live like some kind of mudbound crustacean. Boy, do we have the lineup of products and services for you!"
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Lachlan @lachlanwatt.bsky.social · 13/08/2026
My hot take for today is that Jet deserved that 0.0 from Pitchfork just as much as Tyga deserves his.
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Lachlan @lachlanwatt.bsky.social · 12/08/2026
If I were an X-Person my mutant ability would be noting the exact moment in any found footage movie where the script needs to acknowledge why somebody is still filming everything going down.
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Lachlan @lachlanwatt.bsky.social · 11/08/2026
Pentecostal church in the area has put an obviously AI-generated banner up by the side of the road. I don't subscribe to their particular set of ideas, but that seems like a really good way to damn your soul to hell for all of eternity.
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Lachlan @lachlanwatt.bsky.social · 31/07/2026
Celebrating the purchase of my nth analog delay pedal! I wonder where I will lose this one? Share house basement? Garage of a guy I jam with once? Inexplicably damp band room?Possibilities abound.
A very handsome Echo600 by PastFX.
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Lachlan @lachlanwatt.bsky.social · 29/07/2026
My hot take for today is that the difference in quality and feel between the last two seasons of Stranger Things is a perfect illustration of what the presence of generative AI does to creative processes.
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Rafael Moco @rafaelmoco.art · 27/07/2026
Hello everyone! Many of you likely saw this image recently with the Apple TV+ 'Neuromancer' promotion. Some know, others don't, but this artwork is mine, created alongside actor & post-production artist Milton Menezes, as a personal project and a homage to the original Neuromancer romance
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Lachlan @lachlanwatt.bsky.social · 23/07/2026
My daughter described her ideal father (long hair, tattoos, does not eat candy) and I thought it was funny, then I saw her waving to one of the other daycare dads who fit the description she gave and now I'm genuinely offended.
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Lachlan @lachlanwatt.bsky.social · 21/07/2026
I've been a One Nation hater for 30 goddamn years and I've seen them do a lot of dumb shit but nothing that has betrayed their abysmal political instincts like Barnaby Joyce did when he yelled at his pet dog during a live interview.
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Sara Century @saracentury.bsky.social · 19/07/2026
I understand that it sucks to have to read a book you didn't choose as a kid but when people are like 40 and still going, "well assigned reading turned me off from reading" it's like, ok but you're 40. No one has assigned you a book in like 20 years.
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Lachlan @lachlanwatt.bsky.social · 17/07/2026
Saw the Odyssey. Big, scary movie that takes some big, scary swings and mostly hits them out of the park. Ingeniously framed, darkly humorous, with a few career-best performances. Could have been nastier, but I'll say that about any movie that isn't French.
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Lachlan @lachlanwatt.bsky.social · 09/07/2026
I love those Tubi horror movies that are called something like "House of the Serpent" or "Book of the Damned" and have less houses or books in them than movies without those words in the title.
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Lachlan @lachlanwatt.bsky.social · 27/06/2026
Every now and then I rediscover this Polaroid my housemate took of me with Melbourne band the Exotics in the band room at the Gov after they supported the Scientists in 2002, and every time I get absolutely punched in the face by how skinny I used to be.
Me, posing with Melbourne band the Exotics.
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Lachlan @lachlanwatt.bsky.social · 26/06/2026
Probably serves me right for paying attention to Uwe Boll in 2026, but his movie with Armie Hammer sure does look alarmingly racist.
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Lachlan @lachlanwatt.bsky.social · 23/06/2026
Every now and then I'll be watching a movie from 10-15 years ago and Holly Valance will appear to remind me her Hollywood career flopped so hard she had no other option but to move to the UK and befriend Nigel Farage.
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Lachlan @lachlanwatt.bsky.social · 17/06/2026
Spent way too much money on a ridiculously cool guitar amp without a functioning guitar to play through it. Typical musician nonsense.
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Lachlan @lachlanwatt.bsky.social · 12/06/2026
Like a moth to the flame my wife is once again drawn to the QR code under our table number.
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Lachlan @lachlanwatt.bsky.social · 12/06/2026
It's a promotional image for UK gangster film Sexy Beast. Ray Winstone is getting his tan on under the Andalusian sun. Ben Kingsley's silhouette stretches ominously towards him.
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Lachlan @lachlanwatt.bsky.social · 11/06/2026
GG Allin would have loved nuisance livestreaming.
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Lachlan @lachlanwatt.bsky.social · 05/06/2026
I don't know if I am noticing this due to my age or if there is something else at work, but it is wild to me how difficult it is to get straight answers out of some people. I tell them I just need a yes or no, I ask them to read out one piece of information, and they just flat-out cannot do it.
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Lachlan @lachlanwatt.bsky.social · 04/06/2026
Backrooms is the first movie in a while that I've wanted to see again as soon as possible. As everyone and their dog has fallen all over themselves to point out, it's not perfect, but I really haven't had a trip to the cinema stick with me like that in a long time.
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Lachlan @lachlanwatt.bsky.social · 04/06/2026
Bought BTS tickets for my wife. I've never bought tickets for a stadium gig like that before. Is the process always such a shitfight? My vision is blurring.
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Harry Turtledove @hntdove.bsky.social · 03/06/2026
Much of sf is still a continuation of what Campbell and Heinlein wrought. Much of what isn't is a reaction against it. They built the bottom floor of the house (except for Ted Sturgeon's strange little annex). The upper floors still have that down below.
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Lachlan @lachlanwatt.bsky.social · 03/06/2026
I went down the Bed Bath and Beyond conspiracy rabbit hole a while back and it was one of the few times I've had the self-awareness to say, "Okay, this is unfathomably bizarre and useless information that I do not need to fill my brain with." Now it turns out it was handy after all.
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Lachlan @lachlanwatt.bsky.social · 31/05/2026
Saw me some Backrooms. Enjoyed it a lot more than I expected to. Pretty rowdy crowd for an A24 movie, but they mostly behaved. Sustained a deep sense of dread and unease throughout, and Chiwetel Ejiofor absolutely killed it as "Pathetic Man."
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Simon Spanton @simonguy.bsky.social · 21/05/2026
Post of the week.
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Lachlan @lachlanwatt.bsky.social · 12/05/2026
What is the crime, officer?
A custom-art food token for Magic the Gathering, featuring Australia's favourite dine'n'dash artist. #mtg #magicthegathering
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Gabino Iglesias @gabino.bsky.social · 11/05/2026
Here’s some Savanna Judd art to make your Sunday a little better.
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Lachlan @lachlanwatt.bsky.social · 10/05/2026
Bookshop in town has a very high and ornate ceiling. Took me a while to realise that this is because it used to be a movie theatre. Specifically, the movie theatre my dad took me to see Return Of The Jedi in when I was maybe all of four years old.
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Lachlan @lachlanwatt.bsky.social · 08/05/2026
I wish I loved anything as much as my four-year-old daughter loves drawing pictures of me being menaced by centipedes.
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Lachlan @lachlanwatt.bsky.social · 30/04/2026
Junior Soprano, looking smug
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Lachlan @lachlanwatt.bsky.social · 20/04/2026
One thing watching a lot of low-budget movies has taught me is that it is apparently far, far harder to cast a convincing villain than it is to find a leading man or lady. Lots of people are likable. Genuine, magnetic menace is rare.
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Lachlan @lachlanwatt.bsky.social · 17/04/2026
Years ago there was a guy hanging out at a sharehouse I lived in who kept introducing himself as Bullfrog. I don't think I even had a conversation with him beyond "hey man, my name is Bullfrog" but I've never forgiven his egregious flouting of the rule that you can't give yourself a nickname.
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Lachlan @lachlanwatt.bsky.social · 14/04/2026
Listening to my wife and eight-year-old attempting to bake cupcakes together and being very glad indeed that I have no skin in that particular game.
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Lachlan @lachlanwatt.bsky.social · 11/04/2026
The funniest thing a public figure can do is to reveal to the world that who they think they are bears no resemblance to who they actually are. John Cleese thought he was a leading man. Prince Harry thought he could top the global A-list. Melania thinks she's a figure of grace and dignity.
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Lachlan @lachlanwatt.bsky.social · 06/04/2026
Mad Max with a head injury.
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Lachlan @lachlanwatt.bsky.social · 16/02/2026
Me after reading a funny skeet: remember that scene in Resident Evil where people get diced by lasers? My wife, not really listening: I've never seen Reservoir Dogs.
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