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Kris Ripper (ze/zir)

@krisripper.bsky.social

961 followers 161 following 352 posts

I write books.

Kris Ripper (ze/zir) @krisripper.bsky.social · 05/10/2025

The thing that most helps get me through this puppy life I'm currently living is the mantra "at least he's not a human baby, at least he's not a human baby". 😂 No shade to human babies or the people who love them! I'm good with babies. I just don't want to cohabitate with one.

Picture of my adorable puppy lying on his back, white fur, loads of face freckles, Stephen King's It harness, totally passed out... sprawled across my leg.

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Kris Ripper (ze/zir) @krisripper.bsky.social · 27/09/2025

I don't know who needs to know this, but if you look for synonyms for "asshole" on OneLook, the term "Mel Gibson" is number 79. YOU'RE WELCOME.

Screenshot of the results: 79. Mel Gibson

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Kris Ripper (ze/zir) @krisripper.bsky.social · 15/01/2025

Vehicle we followed on the way to school, which is so absurd we laughed and laughed. EAT YOUR HEART OUT, WOKIES might be my new tagline.

Pickup with hand-lettered sign that says "Eat your heart out WOKIES" "ARE you ready cat lady" and "MAGA-2025" as well as a sticker with a rainbow at the top which appears to be raining colors down on a presumably terrified straight family, in which the man and woman are hiding their children from the rainbow under an umbrella. 😂😂😂 Tbh, this is actually how I imagine a lot of straight people so.

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Kris Ripper (ze/zir) @krisripper.bsky.social · 21/12/2024

We had Jackson 5 records when I was growing up and "The Love You Save" (an *intensely* fucked up song) is still one of my favorites. Despite knowing this song since childhood, some literal genius on genius.com just blew my tiny little mind. (I'll put the lyrics in the alt text so this makes sense!)

Wildly sex-negative and slut-shaming lyrics sung by the actual literal child Michael Jackson:

Isaac said he kissed you
Beneath the apple tree
When Benji held your hand he felt
Electricity

When Alexander called you
He said he rang your chime
Christopher discovered
You're way ahead of your time

Genius.com annotation that blew my goddamn mind:
I don’t know where MJ was going to grade school, but his classmates apparently included such famous historical figures as Isaac Newton (who legendarily was inspired to develop his theory of gravity after watching an apple fall from a tree), Benjamin Franklin (who, among his many other accomplishments, performed extensive experiments with electricity), Alexander Graham Bell (inventor of the telephone), and Christopher Columbus (supposed “discoverer” of the Americas).

Y'all. WHAT.

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Kris Ripper (ze/zir) @krisripper.bsky.social · 16/11/2024

New covers! All seventeen SMU books now available through Kindle Unlimited!

New covers on some books, please note the handcuffs and ball gag (they're easy to miss, so chalk up another alt text win!). All now available in Kindle Unlimited!

New covers on CATALYSTS (red), UNEXPECTED GIFTS (green), TAKE THREE BREATHS (purple), BREAKING DOWN (orange).

New covers on ROLLER COASTERS (yellow), THE BOYFRIENDS TIE THE KNOT (tealish), THE HONEYMOON (pink), EXTREMES (blue)

New cover on UNTRUE (black), plus SMU the whole series is now available in Kindle Unlimited!

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Kris Ripper (ze/zir) @krisripper.bsky.social · 18/09/2024

... I mean. 😂

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Kris Ripper (ze/zir) @krisripper.bsky.social · 09/10/2023

Thing my kid just texted me at 6:28 am on a Monday morning: "Juxtaposition is such a bullshit word." 😂

Image of a text: "It's spelled with a uxt which I didn't know was even possible"

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