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Pastor of Muppets

@king-goldfish.bsky.social
575 followers 448 following 339 posts

Im gay; read my books: tapas.io/series/Big-Dead-Energy/info, kingggoldfish.itch.io/the-gift-bear…

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Reposted by Pastor of Muppets
June Martin @theworldsgreatestwriter.com · 30/09/2026
elevated snuff films are on their way out, cozy snuff films are going to be the next hot thing. people want low-conflict murders they can watch without stressing out too much
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Pastor of Muppets @king-goldfish.bsky.social · 24/09/2026
All you internet slacktivists post, but how many of you actually vote in Fat Bear Week? I know electoralism isn't the be-all, end-all, but it's the least we can do. explore.org/fat-bear-week
explore.org
Fat Bear Week 2026 - Explore.org
Explore.org is the world's leading philanthropic live nature cam network and documentary film channel. Our mission is to champion the selfless acts of others, create a portal into the soul of humanity...
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Pastor of Muppets @king-goldfish.bsky.social · 24/09/2026
Any time I’m not actively eating, I am thinking about what I will eat next and planning how to make that happen. I have a lot in common with a coyote
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Pastor of Muppets @king-goldfish.bsky.social · 23/09/2026
Another year, another snub from the Booker Prize
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Pastor of Muppets @king-goldfish.bsky.social · 22/09/2026
Ah yes, the three diagnoses
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Pastor of Muppets @king-goldfish.bsky.social · 16/09/2026
Diet soda is humanity's greatest invention
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Pastor of Muppets @king-goldfish.bsky.social · 11/09/2026
Fred Warner must be god's favorite child
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Pastor of Muppets @king-goldfish.bsky.social · 05/09/2026
I feel better watching love is blind UK because they’re all just as unlikable as the American contestants
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Pastor of Muppets @king-goldfish.bsky.social · 02/09/2026
In Yellowstone, I learned that you should clap and make a lot of noise to alert nearby bears to your presence. I've been going up and down 6th Street all day, stomping and clapping, and I still don't have a date. :(
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Pastor of Muppets @king-goldfish.bsky.social · 02/09/2026
Take heart, uggos. I am riding to your defense: www.pillowfort.social/posts/8174515
pillowfort.social
kinggoldfish: Some Thoughts About Ugliness
Self-Portrait as Zeuxis Portraying an Ugly Old Woman (1685)Aert de Gelder (Dutch, 1645 - 1727)If you’re ugly, you’re probably more interesting than someone who is conventionally attractive. Sorry, hot...
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Pastor of Muppets @king-goldfish.bsky.social · 13/08/2026
Serious poll: Do you prefer ugly things or beautiful things? 👀 it’s for (made-up, social) science 1️⃣ Ugly things 2️⃣ Beautiful things 3️⃣ A third thing I will explain later 📊 Show results
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Reposted by Pastor of Muppets
Pastor of Muppets @king-goldfish.bsky.social · 01/08/2026
I published a new novella! kingggoldfish.itch.io/the-gift-bea... ~15k words, m/m, Ancient Greeks vs. aliens, lots of content warnings, 18+. Pay what you can, and "what you can" includes "nothing."
kingggoldfish.itch.io
The Gift-Bearers by kingggoldfish
athens + sparta + aliens
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Pastor of Muppets @king-goldfish.bsky.social · 12/08/2026
I noticed Reddit signed me out when it suddenly started showing me pictures of maple syrup and Prince Edward Island because my VPN is set to Canada
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Pastor of Muppets @king-goldfish.bsky.social · 08/08/2026
Do Wisconsin and Minnesota hate each other? Or do they love each other?
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Pastor of Muppets @king-goldfish.bsky.social · 05/08/2026
Preordered my copy 🥳
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Pastor of Muppets @king-goldfish.bsky.social · 04/08/2026
two-pixel image of Tom's soul leaving his body to ascend a glowing golden escalator with the caption "the descriptivism leaving my body when someone spells it 'woah'"
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Reposted by Pastor of Muppets
piamo🌸 @piamo.bsky.social · 02/08/2026
choose your fighter, minimalist or maximalist 💥 www.pillowfort.social/posts/8035789
pillowfort.social
piamo: Ain’t Got Time for This: A Void Opinion
Author note: Initially, I backed out of posting this because it turned out I'd written it while hypomanic. After a reread, I think it still functions as an interesting snapshot. An irritable, no-f...
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Pastor of Muppets @king-goldfish.bsky.social · 02/08/2026
www.pillowfort.social/posts/8035538 Today I've published a novella, sent a short story to a workshop, and finished a very long-term editing project (bittersweet), so I thought... why not also post some controversial-yet-brave opinions.
pillowfort.social
kinggoldfish: In Defense of the Meander
N/b: I wrote this as a companion piece to something my friend wrote advocating for the impatient reader and the virtue of getting to the point. Unforeseen circumstances have prevented them from postin...
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Pastor of Muppets @king-goldfish.bsky.social · 01/08/2026
I proofread this—can attest it's fucked up in the best way possible!
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Pastor of Muppets @king-goldfish.bsky.social · 01/08/2026
I published a new novella! kingggoldfish.itch.io/the-gift-bea... ~15k words, m/m, Ancient Greeks vs. aliens, lots of content warnings, 18+. Pay what you can, and "what you can" includes "nothing."
kingggoldfish.itch.io
The Gift-Bearers by kingggoldfish
athens + sparta + aliens
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Pastor of Muppets @king-goldfish.bsky.social · 30/07/2026
Have you ever dry swallowed your Prozac then burped it up? It’s worse than the kick in the face you get when you snort ecstasy
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Pastor of Muppets @king-goldfish.bsky.social · 29/07/2026
Anti-editing. Gonna drive me out of business. Luckily, while I’m great at correcting other people’s typos, I’m even better at making my own
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Pastor of Muppets @king-goldfish.bsky.social · 28/07/2026
I don’t know how this happened, but I assume the cat was involved
Bottle of stain remover somehow balanced in its head by the washing machine
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Pastor of Muppets @king-goldfish.bsky.social · 27/07/2026
Jason Mantzoukas, the only Greek actor, should have played every role in The Odyssey
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Pastor of Muppets @king-goldfish.bsky.social · 22/07/2026
Played this with my friends today and then had a really good conversation about its themes. Definitely recommend (and love the title).
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Pastor of Muppets @king-goldfish.bsky.social · 21/07/2026
Serious question for New Yorkers: How is it that you adopted the worst Jay-Z song as your official anthem?
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Pastor of Muppets @king-goldfish.bsky.social · 19/07/2026
Messi about to go back in time and drown that baby
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Pastor of Muppets @king-goldfish.bsky.social · 15/07/2026
I don’t want to pull for England, but have you seen Djed Spence?
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Pastor of Muppets @king-goldfish.bsky.social · 08/07/2026
Just thinking about the white family I knew in elementary school who adopted a white kid and (re)named him Kobe.
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Pastor of Muppets @king-goldfish.bsky.social · 05/07/2026
How do we feel about Neymar again?
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Pastor of Muppets @king-goldfish.bsky.social · 01/07/2026
My god I’m going to lose my mind during Mexico vs England. Mexico, you cannot lose 🇲🇽
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Pastor of Muppets @king-goldfish.bsky.social · 01/07/2026
The great thing about the World Cup is that every game I watch, I have a new favorite team. I’m now a Congo fan
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Pastor of Muppets @king-goldfish.bsky.social · 30/06/2026
WHO asked for this AI image of Octavio Paz? I have to know who the audience for this is
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Pastor of Muppets @king-goldfish.bsky.social · 22/06/2026
I’m so emotionally invested in Cabo Verde’s continuing success. Give them the World Cup already
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Pastor of Muppets @king-goldfish.bsky.social · 21/06/2026
No one likes it when I post about sports. I don’t even like it when I post about sports. And yet, I will continue to post about sports.
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Pastor of Muppets @king-goldfish.bsky.social · 19/06/2026
Got my copy of Little Wolf in the Storm by @adikgraves.bsky.social today! I had the pleasure of beta reading and helping to edit this one, so I can safely say you should rush out to buy it rn! www.amazon.com/Little-Wolf-...
Paperback copy of Little Wolf in the Storm by adik graves
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Pastor of Muppets @king-goldfish.bsky.social · 17/06/2026
Justice for Croatia
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Pastor of Muppets @king-goldfish.bsky.social · 16/06/2026
Just heard an announcer say that France might be “too bad to be true,” so maybe the World Cup is worth watching after all
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Pastor of Muppets @king-goldfish.bsky.social · 01/06/2026
I’m going to be looking for an artist for some book illustrations soon. Anyone have any recommendations? Happy to pay money or trade for editing
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Pastor of Muppets @king-goldfish.bsky.social · 29/05/2026
We as a society would solve a lot of problems if we stopped following trends that originate in Utah. What has Mormonism given us but ugly leggings, expensive cups, and bad cookies? It’s a symptom of a sick culture that we participate in this delusion
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Pastor of Muppets @king-goldfish.bsky.social · 11/05/2026
New idea for a movie: instead of Like Mike it’s Like Ike and the ghost of Ike Eisenhower teaches a young boy how to play basketball
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Pastor of Muppets @king-goldfish.bsky.social · 22/04/2026
A kernel of quinoa just fell out of my beard
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Pastor of Muppets @king-goldfish.bsky.social · 22/04/2026
Does anyone speak Italian here?? What offensive thing did I say to the language-learning AI? Have I unknowingly sexually harassed the AI cameriere (or is it just wrong again like it’s wrong about everything)?
Busuu AI conversation:

Quale carne desidera?

Abbiamo vitello, pollo, manzo, agnello e bistecca.
* Non mangio vitello. Avete il maiale?
Avete il maiale?

Per favore, niente linguaggio offensivo.
Continuiamo!
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Pastor of Muppets @king-goldfish.bsky.social · 20/04/2026
My dad sent me this message about Will Anderson's contract extension to my work email. It is a matter of professional import that I know how much my boy is getting paid ASAP.
Email from my father:

FTI (N.b. I assume he means FYI)

Will Anderson Jr. will be the highest-paid non-quarterback ever in the NFL after he agreed to a 3-year, $150 million extension with the Texans.
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Pastor of Muppets @king-goldfish.bsky.social · 16/04/2026
Is this what the British think? Is this why they are the way that they are?
Text from Graham Greene’s “The Power and the Glory”:

'Oh yes, yes. I'll be off.' But he didn't stir: it was the child who came to him.
She stood in the doorway watching them with a look of immense responsibility. Before her serious gaze they became a boy you couldn't trust and a ghost you could almost puff away, a piece of frightened air. She was very young - about thirteen - and at that age you are not afraid of many things, age and death, all the things which may turn up, snake-bite and fever and rats and a bad smell. Life hadn't got at her yet; she had a false air of impregnability. But she had been reduced already, as it were, to the smallest terms - everything was there but on the thinnest lines. That was what the sun did to a child, reduced it to a framework. The gold bangle on the bony wrist was like a padlock on a canvas door which a fist could break.
She said, 'I told the policeman you were home." old dad?'
'Oh yes, yes,' Captain Fellows said. 'Got a kiss for your She came solemnly across the room and kissed him formally upon the forehead - he could feel the lack of meaning. She had other things to think about. She said, I told cook that Mother wai
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Pastor of Muppets @king-goldfish.bsky.social · 16/04/2026
I’m thrilled to announce that I’m going to bed
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Pastor of Muppets @king-goldfish.bsky.social · 10/04/2026
Why do we treat people like they’re geniuses for being really good at chess? I’m really good at thumb wars and no one ever treats me like a genius.
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Pastor of Muppets @king-goldfish.bsky.social · 10/04/2026
Since the Church is obsessed with hierarchy, I feel that I should have the right to excommunicate at least one adult convert, over whom I have seniority as a cradle Catholic.
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Pastor of Muppets @king-goldfish.bsky.social · 02/04/2026
This is what gets Andre 3000 out of retirement?
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Pastor of Muppets @king-goldfish.bsky.social · 02/04/2026
Why are we naming space missions after gods no one even worships anymore? Where is Spaceship Vishnu? Lunar Lander Muhammad? A Rocket Called Jesus?
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