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Kelly Oristano

@kellyo101.bsky.social

232 followers 314 following 1.8K posts

Haven't had to make a bio for an app profile in maybe a decade? I used to try to make them funny.

Posts Replies Media

Kelly Oristano @kellyo101.bsky.social · 20h

Michelle tafoya holding a microphone on the NFL sideline. My added text: 'I'm Humble.

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Kelly Oristano @kellyo101.bsky.social · 17/09/2026

trump:

Shot of the 'man you've really changed' guy from the early Mr Show ep with text: 'Man, the Supreme Court has really changed.'

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Kelly Oristano @kellyo101.bsky.social · 20/07/2026

Enzo Fernandez:

Fenster in the interrogation scene from Usual suspects, caption: I'll flip yah for real.

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Kelly Oristano @kellyo101.bsky.social · 07/07/2026

Everything

Balogun toting a 3.0 out of ten for the Belgium game

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Kelly Oristano @kellyo101.bsky.social · 07/07/2026

Everything. He. Touches. Dies.

USMNT player ratings for the Belgium game. They are bad.

Kelly Oristano @kellyo101.bsky.social · 27/05/2026

Ralph Wiggun with text: the rat symbolizes obviousness

Kelly Oristano @kellyo101.bsky.social · 23/05/2026

Another ds9 fake title! Profit and Loss (Tailor's Version)

Kelly Oristano @kellyo101.bsky.social · 23/05/2026

Used a ds9 title generator to make a title card for the fake ep: a Fery Fpecial Ferengi Filler Epifode. Haha.

Kelly Oristano @kellyo101.bsky.social · 27/04/2026

Vanity Smurf looking in a mirror. My added caption says 'I'm Smurf maxing! I mean smurfsmurfing!'

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Kelly Oristano @kellyo101.bsky.social · 16/04/2026

That's the kind of update I like to see. Up the Villa.

Screenshot from a football (soccer) app with a late update in the Villa Bologna game quote: Taking mercy on a broken Bologna side, the referee decides to dispense with stoppage time. Unquote. Up the Villa.

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Kelly Oristano @kellyo101.bsky.social · 30/03/2026

A screen grab from Last Crusade with the caption Indiana Jones and the letter j

Kelly Oristano @kellyo101.bsky.social · 30/03/2026

Attn NYT:

A shot from last crusade with a caption that says Indiana Jones and the letter j

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Kelly Oristano @kellyo101.bsky.social · 28/03/2026

Byline: Liz Estrada

WaPo tweet reading: Her husband started sleeping in a tent after his wife stopped having sex with him. Now she's worried about what the neighbors might think.

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Kelly Oristano @kellyo101.bsky.social · 22/03/2026

To wit:

Screen grab from the 80s arcade game Zaxxon.

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Kelly Oristano @kellyo101.bsky.social · 04/03/2026

What hegseth is looking at right now:

Clippy the paper clip saying 'looks like you're trying to globalize a regional conflict. Would you like some help with that?'

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Kelly Oristano @kellyo101.bsky.social · 28/02/2026

Everybody at Anthropic this morning:

Bruce McCullough and Will Ferrell as Woodward and Bernstein celebrating at the end of the wonderful film Dick.

Kelly Oristano @kellyo101.bsky.social · 18/02/2026

We must protect Michelle Williams at all costs. RIP Tom Noonan, the original Tilden in Buried Child, and the lynchpin of Synecdoche NY, an incomparable great.

Philip Seymour Hoffman, Michelle Williams, and Tom Noonan in Synecdoche NY

Kelly Oristano @kellyo101.bsky.social · 14/02/2026

A two image collage. Top: notes app: roses are red, violets are stunning. Bottom, a post that reads: breaking, department of homeland security shuts down due to lack of funding.

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Kelly Oristano @kellyo101.bsky.social · 08/02/2026

They really hate their own Olympic team:

A link to a post on threads from Washington Post saying JD Vance motorcade made Alysa Liu late to her skating comp.

Kelly Oristano @kellyo101.bsky.social · 07/02/2026

Tfw you're a trump intern:

Classic frame from Oops I did it again, my caption says 'oops I did a retweet...'

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Kelly Oristano @kellyo101.bsky.social · 05/02/2026

To wit:

Last second of the new Muppet show.

Kelly Oristano @kellyo101.bsky.social · 26/01/2026

Buttercup and Wesley at the end of the fire swamp. The caption says 'you mean you wish to de escalate to me?'

Kelly Oristano @kellyo101.bsky.social · 25/01/2026

Wesley and buttercup caught at the end of the fire swamp. Caption reads you mean you wish to de escalate to me?

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Kelly Oristano @kellyo101.bsky.social · 25/01/2026

Very well then, I accept.

Wesley and buttercup caught at the end of the fire swamp. The caption saya 'you mean you wish to de escalate to me?'

Kelly Oristano @kellyo101.bsky.social · 23/01/2026

Done fucked up so bad they got the Packer fans out in Minneapolis. Inconceivable.

Close up of the Minneapolis protest crowd shows many coats, including one GB Packers coat.

Kelly Oristano @kellyo101.bsky.social · 18/01/2026

Kelly Oristano @kellyo101.bsky.social · 14/01/2026

I just hope both teams go out there and don't have fun.

Google widget for the Chelsea Arsenal EFL cup game. Nil one Arsenal at the 12 minute mark.

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Kelly Oristano @kellyo101.bsky.social · 12/01/2026

A screenshot of the Motherboy dance photo of Lucille and Buster Bluth.

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Kelly Oristano @kellyo101.bsky.social · 22/12/2025

Collage of two headlines. Trump wants a new rush hour movie and Chris Tucker is in the Epstein files.

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Kelly Oristano @kellyo101.bsky.social · 21/12/2025

Amorim here on the loss to Villa, and I'm hard pressed to say whether this is more delusional or more disrespectful. If we gave them Morgan Rogers they'd have been the better team.

"I think we were the better team today. We were
unlucky, even with the injury of Bruno, but during
the game even without him we were the better
team," Amorim said

"We blocked the transitions quite well and they
did really well. We did a very good job that no one
is going to remember tomorrow because what
matters is the result

'We already knew that Aston Villa play with
everybody inside and we needed to overload that
situation. We have been training like that. We did
different options, we can use different starting
elevens depending on the game, so we are
improving. Again I think we deserved so much
more today but the better team did not win."

Kelly Oristano @kellyo101.bsky.social · 14/09/2025

Bored. Thought this, made this.

Don Draper is yelling 'That's what the money is for!' at Peggy, but I've captioned it 'That's what the Lactaid is for!'

Kelly Oristano @kellyo101.bsky.social · 18/07/2025

Hey, the world's easiest shot/chaser!

Mike Schuur skeet reading: if you think for one second that this decision has nothing to do with Trump don't worry he will brag about it within the next 24 hours and disabuse you of that notion

Trump does what Mike Schuur said he would do, well under 24h.

Kelly Oristano @kellyo101.bsky.social · 18/07/2025

'Trump wouldn't sketch a naked lady!' This verified skyline sketch that looks like cartoon dicks says different.

trump's drawing of the NYC skyline that looks like a bunch of dicks and sold at auction for some ridiculous amount.

Kelly Oristano @kellyo101.bsky.social · 10/04/2025

A photo of the Criterion Closet, no people, with my added text, "Get me to God's country."

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Kelly Oristano @kellyo101.bsky.social · 02/04/2025

Far and away his best:

Val Kilmer and Derek Luke in Spartan

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Kelly Oristano @kellyo101.bsky.social · 29/03/2025

Got ahold of the menu for the white house correspondent dinner:

Center justified note app text reading, 'main course (line break) boot.'

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Kelly Oristano @kellyo101.bsky.social · 17/03/2025

When you go to your friends' house for dinner for 3 whole hours not but you leave your phone at home:

Luke Skywalker from the Star Wars flashes a shit eating grin after getting his battle of yavin medal.

Kelly Oristano @kellyo101.bsky.social · 10/03/2025

Why the most recent severance is the lowest rated to date:

Comic book guy telling Bart his 'main character is off model in every frame.'

But I used frinkiac to change 'model' to 'screen'for my home about Severance.

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Kelly Oristano @kellyo101.bsky.social · 09/03/2025

I was today years old when I learned that the whole time I was in college the NBA three point line was in a different place than at any other time.

A graph showing percentage of NBA shots that were threes. There's a notable bump between 1995 and 2000 labeled 'line moved closer' and 'line moved back' when it ends. Aside from the bump the trend is smooth and upward.

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Kelly Oristano @kellyo101.bsky.social · 09/01/2025

What a lovely visual aide this morning of what I was talking about here.

Obama and trump find something funny at the funeral of Jimmy Carter. Possibly the toil of the working man? Perhaps a Helen Keller joke? Your guess is as good as mine.

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Kelly Oristano @kellyo101.bsky.social · 03/01/2025

When it's January 2nd, 2025

Frame with caption from the end of the long oner at the end of The Royal Tenenbaums. Stiller cuddles the fire dog and says to Hackman 'I've had a rough year, dad.'

Kelly Oristano @kellyo101.bsky.social · 01/01/2025

When it's college football season and you're a messy bench who loves all the drama:

Eddie/Suzy Izzard mid stand up bit, with the words 'Do you have a flag?' superimposed in meme style.

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Kelly Oristano @kellyo101.bsky.social · 31/12/2024

When you realize, after hours, that two of the jigsaw pieces are in the wrong place:

Doctor Beverly Crusher, alone on the bridge of the Enterprise, reasoning aloud that "If there's nothing wrong with me, maybe there's something wrong with the universe."

Kelly Oristano @kellyo101.bsky.social · 25/12/2024

And everybody, but mostly Villa fans.

A greeting card style image from Aston Villa Football Club. Text reads Merry Christmas in team colors, below that the team shield, then the text To Villa Fans. Ornaments and seasonal flowers border the image.

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Kelly Oristano @kellyo101.bsky.social · 25/12/2024

Jim and Phil, but also:

Mitch Hedberg performing stand up. He is holding a microphone, wearing a denim jacket and stoner shades.

Kelly Oristano @kellyo101.bsky.social · 21/12/2024

Oof.

Rickey Henderson taking BP in an A's practice uniform fairly early in his career.

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Kelly Oristano @kellyo101.bsky.social · 28/11/2024

When I see your indoor turkey frying rig:

A frame from the training room exorcism ritual in season one of Ted Lasso. The caption is Coach Beard saying 'Maybe we should do this part outside!'

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Kelly Oristano @kellyo101.bsky.social · 28/11/2024

This is what you get when you give the thanks with @cyclopsmickey.bsky.social

A stormtrooper figure in an elaborate diorama wearing a turkey on its head a la Mr. Bean. The turkey is wearing large sunglasses and a fez.

Kelly Oristano @kellyo101.bsky.social · 15/11/2024

@hunterw.bsky.social I'm small potatoes, but I just made this my Facebook header image

A green wall with the text 'Bluesky has the juice' and my bsky handle added.

Kelly Oristano @kellyo101.bsky.social · 19/10/2024

Welcome to the Medium Place

Blank for the Medium Place meme from The Good Place.