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Kelly

@kellynoonan.bsky.social
603 followers 288 following 661 posts

I used to write for @reductress @mcsweeneys and @belladonnacomedy and was Twitter famous for, like, a week in 2014. Now just a mere mortal. Thinking of joining a writing group if you know any.

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Kelly @kellynoonan.bsky.social · 11/10/2026
If we have access to “super intelligence” why isn’t it being used to reset all the episodes of a show to unwatched when you rewatch a show you last watched 6 years ago?
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Kelly @kellynoonan.bsky.social · 11/10/2026
Just watched a video where a creator making decorative gas lighter covers decided to purposefully edit a video to make it look like they put a gas lighter in the oven to bake. Parenting in the age of digital stupidity is so anxiety inducing.
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Kelly @kellynoonan.bsky.social · 09/10/2026
Watching my son do his spelling homework while watching Home Improvement really brings me back (he doesn’t really need the spelling practice, he’s known how to spell all of these words for, like, 3 years.)
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Kelly @kellynoonan.bsky.social · 07/10/2026
I’m only on Season 3 of The Americans and the most unbelievable thing I’ve seen is that they never have time to exercise, yet are just jumping out of cars at the age of 38 and they’re just fine afterwards? At least show them occasionally Sweatin' to the Oldies.
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Kelly @kellynoonan.bsky.social · 03/10/2026
I keep forgetting that I haven’t actually seen Practical Magic 2 yet, because I kind of feel like I did already.
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Kelly @kellynoonan.bsky.social · 03/10/2026
The algo pushed someone (a bot, maybe?) to me who claimed it was inappropriate for a 12 year old to see the movie Titanic and as someone born in 1985, I am proud of my restraint in not explaining that not only did I see Titanic once at 12, I saw it four times and so did every other girl I knew.
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Kelly @kellynoonan.bsky.social · 29/09/2026
I kind of get it. In the 90s Leno had fun uncle energy. I feel like the only talk show that could have possibly been better for a kid in the 90s would have been Rosie.
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Kelly @kellynoonan.bsky.social · 26/09/2026
Whole family about to head out so that my nine year old can play soccer in a Nor’Easter because how else do you become a Noah Kahan song lyric.
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Kelly @kellynoonan.bsky.social · 26/09/2026
Being 41 is getting excited that your kid is off at an impromptu sleepover, because if your cat happens to fall asleep, you can finally work on your next pressed flower craft.
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Kelly @kellynoonan.bsky.social · 23/09/2026
I miss late 90s TV when it was the norm for a character on The West Wing, ER or a WB show to just rattle off 5 different statistics they knew off the top of their head in casual conversation. You could really tell how excited writers rooms were to have the internet available to them.
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Kelly @kellynoonan.bsky.social · 22/09/2026
The Americans - a show about parenting that you can’t watch if you have kids.
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Kelly @kellynoonan.bsky.social · 20/09/2026
I miss when movies were releasing at home at the same time as in theaters. I just want to watch Practical Magic 2 in pajamas on my couch with a mug full of Celestial Seasonings, wrapped in my sun and moon knit blanket, with a candle that smells vaguely like Bath and Body Works Country Apple.
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Kelly @kellynoonan.bsky.social · 20/09/2026
Every shirt should have that corgi.
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Kelly @kellynoonan.bsky.social · 12/09/2026
My 9 year old while we’re talking about H.P. Lovecraft and his fictional towns in MA, not realizing he knew anything about H.P. Lovecraft “So Cthulhu has a Boston accent.”
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Kelly @kellynoonan.bsky.social · 09/09/2026
Every time I rewatch Practical Magic, I imagine someone going into a pitch meeting saying “It’ll be like a Disney movie, but way sexier.”
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Kelly @kellynoonan.bsky.social · 07/09/2026
Do you think psychics give themselves little treats so their past selves have something to look forward to?
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Kelly @kellynoonan.bsky.social · 06/09/2026
How I plan to spend my free time this autumn.
Photo from the point of view of a hammock inside a screened tent, looking at the sunset.
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Kelly @kellynoonan.bsky.social · 04/09/2026
Oh god, no.
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Kelly @kellynoonan.bsky.social · 04/09/2026
None! Although I did have 2 really bad canker sores at the time. I think my fasting and liquid diet for the colonoscopy prep actually somehow fixed them because they seem to be gone now?
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Kelly @kellynoonan.bsky.social · 04/09/2026
Oh no, free floating entity because all of these things actually happened. The idea of being 9 years pregnant is very horrifying though so I’m glad I read this right before bed.
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Kelly @kellynoonan.bsky.social · 04/09/2026
My TV freaked out and then somehow got stuck on a some channel that apparently only shows 7th Heaven episodes? Who is this channel for?Technology could have led us to having so many great things by 2026 and this is what we chose.
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Kelly @kellynoonan.bsky.social · 01/09/2026
Gotta keep ChatGPT going somehow!
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Kelly @kellynoonan.bsky.social · 01/09/2026
If anyone is trying to write a good stress dream, allow me to offer my day: home alone with my 9 year old after finding I’d been purged from the local voter rolls, while prepping for a colonoscopy, as a thunderstorm with thunder strong enough to rattle our windows with each strike moves overhead.
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Kelly @kellynoonan.bsky.social · 01/09/2026
I went to look at Goodreads for the first time in a really long time and while I never understand most of the things people will replace AI with, having AI write your book review for you seems unnecessary on so many levels. You can just…not post a review. It’s OK.
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Kelly @kellynoonan.bsky.social · 27/08/2026
Preparing for a colonoscopy is so hard when you grew up on Wonderbread and programmed yourself to appreciate wheat bread and then you’ve gotta undo all that for 5 days. What do you mean I can’t eat granola???
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Kelly @kellynoonan.bsky.social · 25/08/2026
Full list of celebrities whose deaths made me cry: 1) Robin Williams 2) Dolly Parton
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Kelly @kellynoonan.bsky.social · 22/08/2026
It’s really a draw following my move from Salem to another town in MA, if I was more excited by the opportunity to vote for Kim Driscoll again or if I’m more excited to vote against Seth Moulton again.
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Kelly @kellynoonan.bsky.social · 21/08/2026
The best reward for sitting through 8 skits at my son’s camp tonight were the counselors who allowed the group of 11 year olds to put on Baking Bread, a story about a baker who started baking 99% pure sourdough because he needed the cash. The whole thing was amazing. No notes.
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Kelly @kellynoonan.bsky.social · 17/08/2026
This should have been a ridiculous dream, but I woke up in a panic right after swallowing all the delicious money and it took 2 or 3 minutes to convince myself it didn’t really happen.
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Kelly @kellynoonan.bsky.social · 17/08/2026
Afraid to go to bed lest I have a similar nightmare as I did last night, where I dreamt the government had started issuing money in gummy candy as legal tender. In the dream I let the intrusive thoughts win and couldn’t stop myself from eating 80% of my savings.
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Kelly @kellynoonan.bsky.social · 07/08/2026
So tired I almost responded to a comment farming AI and, man, along with everything else, what a ludicrous dystopia we live in. 2026 is such an embarrassing time to be alive.
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Kelly @kellynoonan.bsky.social · 28/07/2026
I was thinking about Dodge Neons the other day and googled it to remind myself of those days. The world needs more aqua Dodge Neons.
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Kelly @kellynoonan.bsky.social · 22/07/2026
This brought me back to being screamed at for 15 minutes by my 9th grade male history teacher in a supply closet because he was convinced a 14 year old girl couldn’t possibly have a collegiate level understanding of Ancient Egypt and I must have stolen my paper from the internet.
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Kelly @kellynoonan.bsky.social · 22/07/2026
Man, if you need someone to dress up like a swamp witch, that actually sounds like an amazing way to spend a Saturday.
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Kelly @kellynoonan.bsky.social · 20/07/2026
Watching as my kid falls in love with reading Hitchhiker’s Guide for the first time is really high up on the list of enjoyable parenting moments.
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Kelly @kellynoonan.bsky.social · 15/07/2026
If we’re posting are apocalyptic photos here.
A dark yellow sky with an orange sun.
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Kelly @kellynoonan.bsky.social · 14/07/2026
I’ve watched 6 episodes of the new Little House so far and this version of Pa is far too competent and fully clothed to be based on either of the previous versions of Charles Ingalls that came before him.
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Kelly @kellynoonan.bsky.social · 09/07/2026
No one adequately prepares you for looking at your 9 year old kid and realizing that you read your first Stephen King when you were his age (Carrie.)
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Kelly @kellynoonan.bsky.social · 08/07/2026
The internet lied to me! I would love to come around when we’re back from Kittery. Summer is such an easier time for me see people now that reunion season is over.
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Kelly @kellynoonan.bsky.social · 08/07/2026
Oh good, they seem to have finished their 4am to 4:45 utility work, but a rooster has now arisen. I’m mad about it mostly because I had to google it to find out roosters don’t count in the Merlin app.
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Kelly @kellynoonan.bsky.social · 08/07/2026
Had trouble sleeping while on vacation and now there’s road work taking place that started at 4am, just after I had given up on falling asleep naturally and had taken a sleeping pill. My cat could not be more excited about me being awake because maybe I’ll feed him breakfast early.
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Kelly @kellynoonan.bsky.social · 06/07/2026
I’m so much better at Merlin than I ever was at Pokemon GO.
Merlin App Screenshot: Your Bird of the Day! Northern House Wren. Small brownish wren, usually rather plain overall, with dark barring on the wings and tail. Lacks white eyebrow.
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Kelly @kellynoonan.bsky.social · 04/07/2026
I went outside and it was also too cloudy here. I’m tired and hot and cranky and am sad that I now take auroras for granted but my bedroom has A/C, so…
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Kelly @kellynoonan.bsky.social · 04/07/2026
You could set time by the frequency I’ve said “it’s too hot” every 10 minutes over the past 3 days. Sometimes, to switch things up, roughly once an hour everyone within earshot gets to hear “it’s just way too fucking hot!” I fear that I am now just a rapidly melting expletive dropping cuckoo clock.
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Kelly @kellynoonan.bsky.social · 03/07/2026
I feel like if I’m dealing with a heat index of 105 degrees, I shouldn’t also be having horrible allergies. This feels deeply unfair.
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Kelly @kellynoonan.bsky.social · 03/07/2026
It’s also not cold enough.
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Kelly @kellynoonan.bsky.social · 01/07/2026
The real feel 106 degrees and this $40 cold plunge is already shaping up to be the best decision I made this summer.
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Kelly @kellynoonan.bsky.social · 01/07/2026
Pa Ingalls if he lived in New England in current day: “A rich man gets his sauna in the winter, a poor man gets his sauna in the summer.”
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Kelly @kellynoonan.bsky.social · 01/07/2026
Reading Yesteryear and then learning who Ballerina Farm is and then reading an interview that came out after Yesteryear where she answers every question like the character from Yesteryear is such a bizarre immersive satire experience.
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Kelly @kellynoonan.bsky.social · 28/06/2026
The year was 2037. I finally got off the hold list for Yesteryear at the local library. Unfortunately, libraries no longer exist, having long ago been privatized, so all I got was a 20 minute AI summary riddled with errors from GoogleMeta’s audio library, paying $47 for the privilege.
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