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Keith Bergman

@keithbergman.bsky.social
271 followers 149 following 930 posts

Walter Mitty in an Incantation t-shirt linktr.ee/keithbergman

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Keith Bergman @keithbergman.bsky.social · 30/09/2026
Working on my little retro game more this week. You flip over dice, create hands to clear them, then move along the cleared spaces toward home. Imps come out and ambush you into playing mini-games with them. Water is impassible but you can terraform the shallow bits. Really enjoying making this one.
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Keith Bergman @keithbergman.bsky.social · 29/09/2026
Doctor Doctor Gimme the news I am the sad clown You referred me to
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Keith Bergman @keithbergman.bsky.social · 29/09/2026
Today in “simple breakfast that quickly got out of hand,” I present scrambled eggs, cheese grits, and conecuh sausage with sauteed onion, green pepper and mushrooms.
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Keith Bergman @keithbergman.bsky.social · 29/09/2026
Can Rahm Emmanuel and Gavin Newsom enter the same room and explode in a singularity of douchiness by end-of-year so we don't have to spend 2028 pretending either one of them's worth a shit in order to maybe sort of escape full-blown dipshit fascism?
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Keith Bergman @keithbergman.bsky.social · 26/09/2026
It's gotta be freeing to live with that little embarrassment
Meme of a man in a USA emblazoned jacket captioned 'thank you President Trump' below another caption that reads 'bootlickers when diesel goes from $7.27 to $6.93 at the truck stop"
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Keith Bergman @keithbergman.bsky.social · 26/09/2026
Wife's got a work friend over so I made pulled pork 'nachos' over home fries for everyone. Very much a "we're not going out later" meal.
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Keith Bergman @keithbergman.bsky.social · 25/09/2026
OHIO RADIO AD: every kid in the USA is a gay trans commie now and Sherrod Brown personally surgeried them with his own scalpel ME: no way anyone believes this cartoonish bullshit HALF OF OHIO: omg who knew, I better vote for Bribey McDatacenter, thanks for the info you selfless oligarchs
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Keith Bergman @keithbergman.bsky.social · 25/09/2026
They took away 'hide all from' as an option for shitty Facebook accounts in my feed. Now I get 'interested/not interested' and a chance to snooze the account for 30 days. This is like falling off the Titanic, being dragged onto a lifeboat, then having the captain steal your oar for kindling.
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Keith Bergman @keithbergman.bsky.social · 24/09/2026
Crazy slow day on my sales platforms, no new messages, fall is in the air and I feel melancholy and invisible. Better go post about it on the platform where I get zero engagement
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Keith Bergman @keithbergman.bsky.social · 23/09/2026
Wastin' away again with Tommy Tuberville Lookin' for some hot pics of your junk Some people claim that only furries fly planes But I know, that's how dumb coaches talk
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Keith Bergman @keithbergman.bsky.social · 23/09/2026
I'd rather not elaborate further, but you ever think maybe they got the wrong guy?
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Keith Bergman @keithbergman.bsky.social · 22/09/2026
I know he had funny social media for a minute there but we all know Gavin Newsom would absolutely try to kick the football every single time Lucy promised she wouldn't pull it back, right?
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Keith Bergman @keithbergman.bsky.social · 22/09/2026
Another day of breathtaking competence
The popular 'Trump yells at kid mowing White House lawn' meme, with the caption 'Does Mayor Mamdani have a live mic I can stand in front of?'
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Keith Bergman @keithbergman.bsky.social · 21/09/2026
Fifth Third Bank: if we rename enough ballparks after ourselves, you might stop wondering why our name is so awkward and stupid (tm)
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Keith Bergman @keithbergman.bsky.social · 19/09/2026
"Keith, cards on the table here. "Dinnertime is still seven long hours away. "Yet thanks to special interests (that stupid other cat) my bowl is already EMPTY at a critical juncture. "Our deadline for zoomies and windowsill nap is fast approaching. "Can you rush a churu donation?" - DemoCat
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Keith Bergman @keithbergman.bsky.social · 18/09/2026
Dems pissing down their own legs about anti-trans attack ads are just honoring one of America's time-honored traditions: allowing the shittiest assholes in the country to completely set the narrative and lead them around by the nose in an endless game of stop-hitting-yourself
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Keith Bergman @keithbergman.bsky.social · 18/09/2026
If they're willing to treat Mitch McConnell, one of their own architects of evil, this badly at the end of his service to their nihilistic cause, imagine how little they give a shit what happens to you, a far less useful idiot
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Keith Bergman @keithbergman.bsky.social · 18/09/2026
"Hear me out... what if we let them win the midterms, but then gas gets so expensive they can't afford to run the equipment to tear down the Kennedy Center? Ehh? EHHHH???" - Democratic strategists probably
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Keith Bergman @keithbergman.bsky.social · 18/09/2026
Putting my own harm-reduction theories to a sore test by voting this fall for Marcy Kaptur, a 900-year-old do-nothing Republican-lite built for an era when the most strenuous thing she'd have to do was cut ribbons at the opening of new shopping plazas, because her opponents are so vehemently evil
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Keith Bergman @keithbergman.bsky.social · 18/09/2026
EXT: remote third world village KID: Hey everyone! New t-shirts are here! Someone must have lost a sports game in America! [opens BOX to reveal 75,000 pointing-Joe-Biden "I did that!" stickers] KID: what the fuck?
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Keith Bergman @keithbergman.bsky.social · 18/09/2026
Made a breakfast bowl with tater tots, spam, egg, mushroom, onion, green pepper and cheese. Did I garnish it with Texas Pete hot sauce and a slivered piece of pickled okra? Yes I did, and I demand a food truck immediately.
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Keith Bergman @keithbergman.bsky.social · 18/09/2026
Be it known that my 6,666th feedback on Discogs was a very nice comment about an evangelical praise and worship CD I sold to someone. Amen!
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Keith Bergman @keithbergman.bsky.social · 18/09/2026
New evidence exposes the Radio Star's checkered past and may exonerate Video altogether. Check out my 12-part podcast, BUGGLED.
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Keith Bergman @keithbergman.bsky.social · 17/09/2026
Guess if we didn't want the Kennedy Center bulldozed we shouldn't have burnt the pot roast
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Keith Bergman @keithbergman.bsky.social · 17/09/2026
Bill Hader is Will Forte's Wario
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Keith Bergman @keithbergman.bsky.social · 16/09/2026
"Where's Waldo?" she said, and smiled in her special way
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Keith Bergman @keithbergman.bsky.social · 16/09/2026
The rings granted them long life and wealth, but slowly consumed them. Their physical bodies faded until they became invisible spirits completely enslaved to the One Ring and Sauron's will.
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Keith Bergman @keithbergman.bsky.social · 16/09/2026
I saw this banner at a red light and reading it made my pants shit other pants
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Keith Bergman @keithbergman.bsky.social · 14/09/2026
I'm just a Juggalo And everywhere I go People know the pop I'm sprayin'
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Keith Bergman @keithbergman.bsky.social · 14/09/2026
Sat down to debug a 7-month-old game I thought was done, got an idea for yet another new one, sort of a roguelike where you clear a path by forming adjacent Yahtzee hands and occasionally uncovering monsters, traps or powerups. Let's see how far I get on this one.
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Keith Bergman @keithbergman.bsky.social · 13/09/2026
Listing $2 items on Vinted only to have people immediately offer $1.25, then favorite the item after I decline their offer, as if to say "I'll be here when you come to your senses and negotiate with a real shark."
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Keith Bergman @keithbergman.bsky.social · 13/09/2026
Noodles and Company equals Noodles and Tragedy plus Noodles and Time.
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Keith Bergman @keithbergman.bsky.social · 12/09/2026
"We've gone from a president who couldn't stay awake to a president who refuses to sleep." - Scott Bessent
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Keith Bergman @keithbergman.bsky.social · 10/09/2026
ConCon is going great
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Keith Bergman @keithbergman.bsky.social · 09/09/2026
Sorry for all the posts into the void but as I empty out two decades of crap from the septic tank that is Facebook, I am reminded that occasionally I am funny as hell
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Keith Bergman @keithbergman.bsky.social · 08/09/2026
Me on the apps:
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Keith Bergman @keithbergman.bsky.social · 08/09/2026
I don't post fun stuff on other sites anymore so Bluesky gets the annual airing of this chestnut:
Former comedian Keith Bergman pictured next to the text of his joke: "Wasn't Labor Day great this year? I just love it when the kids scamper under the Labor Tree, finding all the Labor Day presents we've given them... like 70-hour work weeks and no pensions or job security."
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Keith Bergman @keithbergman.bsky.social · 07/09/2026
When your governor-to-be is attacked at an event and thanks to ten years of trauma your first reaction is "what stupid shit is Lord Bumblefuck gonna say about it later"
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Keith Bergman @keithbergman.bsky.social · 06/09/2026
Can't believe the mortician got as far as dyeing his hair before he woke up
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Keith Bergman @keithbergman.bsky.social · 05/09/2026
RIP The Disgruntled Clown, comedy road dog and one of the strangest dudes I ever worked with. Andy's bit explains him better than I ever could. It was always neat (sometimes in a car-wreck way) to work with survivors of a bygone era of two-lane road carny comedy. Grateful for the experience.
youtu.be
Disgruntled Clown In A Box - Andy Sandford
YouTube video by Comedy Dynamics
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Keith Bergman @keithbergman.bsky.social · 05/09/2026
Have to hope that this uptick in incels acting like women in makeup are scamming them somehow is just their natural reaction to their li'l era winding down, and their rabbit-like understanding that the winter is coming for the likes of them because we're all tired of their stupid bitch-ass bullshit.
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Keith Bergman @keithbergman.bsky.social · 04/09/2026
Every time Trump says crazy shit someone screenshots it and demands to know why the legacy media can't or won't report on how obviously senile he is. The most obvious answer, of course, is that their audience contains thousands of brain-rotted cultists who live to issue death threats on his behalf.
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Keith Bergman @keithbergman.bsky.social · 03/09/2026
Breakfast tacos with conecuh sausage for dinner. At 8:30 pm because I am old and thrifting today took a lot out of me
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Keith Bergman @keithbergman.bsky.social · 02/09/2026
Confession: I liked having a larger following on the shitty old app when it was less shitty, because I liked getting some reaction out of jokes like this. I know I don't do enough here to warrant a larger following, so you don't have to suggest that as an option.
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Keith Bergman @keithbergman.bsky.social · 01/09/2026
Lionel Richie's in the hospital while Dipshit Rasputin keeps merrily posting AI slop in a funk of his own excreta. I cooked dinner and it was fantastic, though.
Two oven baked chicken drumsticks, mashed potatoes with gravy, and buttered corn on a plate
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Keith Bergman @keithbergman.bsky.social · 31/08/2026
When you're interviewing Trump And you think you smell a lump Diarrhea cha cha cha
Trey Gowdy making an I-smell-shit face as he sits for a face-to-face interview with President Trump
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Keith Bergman @keithbergman.bsky.social · 31/08/2026
hey look i'm a prophet
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Keith Bergman @keithbergman.bsky.social · 30/08/2026
This reign will end; all reigns do. When it does, our job is to remind every shit-swilling get-along tech cuck at Google that they bent the knee to a diaper-wearing fabulist for no reason at the 11th hour of his decline and point and laugh at them for the rest of their stunted, humiliating lives
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Keith Bergman @keithbergman.bsky.social · 30/08/2026
"Let's Hear It For the Boy" is the most wholesome sounding song ever written about that good dick
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Keith Bergman @keithbergman.bsky.social · 30/08/2026
I drive past a house daily with a small bench out front that had produce on it, which I think was for sale, but there's no sign. Most of it's gone now, there's like four veggies left, and I wonder what'll happen if I pull in and leave money and take a zucchini. Don't really wanna end up on the news.
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