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Joshua Tobias

@joshuatobias.bsky.social
266 followers 250 following 156 posts

Writer. Reader. Can come up with a dog joke to fit almost any situation. TheAmericanNight.substack.com

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Joshua Tobias @joshuatobias.bsky.social · 27/08/2026
Sushi is just Asian sausage.
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Joshua Tobias @joshuatobias.bsky.social · 04/08/2026
They make lidocaine roll-on, but they don't make long handled holders so that you can apply it where you most need it. This seems unnecessarily cruel to me.
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Joshua Tobias @joshuatobias.bsky.social · 02/08/2026
Is it safe to start eating lettuce again?
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Joshua Tobias @joshuatobias.bsky.social · 20/07/2026
Anyone can tell you they love you to the moon, but how many will tell you they love you all the way through Uranus?
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Joshua Tobias @joshuatobias.bsky.social · 14/07/2026
If they want to paywall the HR derby, they should have at least made sure to shoot it so that the ball is visible in the air. Netflix sucks at baseball.
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Joshua Tobias @joshuatobias.bsky.social · 13/07/2026
Weekend at Bernies 2: Cardiovascular Accident Boogaloo
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Joshua Tobias @joshuatobias.bsky.social · 11/07/2026
Mitch McConnell is like a sarcastic critique of quantum mechanics. Until you open the box, he is both alive and dead. Although that he is in a box in the first place is a big clue.
static.klipy.com
Playful Cat Traps Friend in Box
ALT: Playful Cat Traps Friend in Box
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Joshua Tobias @joshuatobias.bsky.social · 20/05/2026
The Boys finale has some real catharsis at the midway point.
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Joshua Tobias @joshuatobias.bsky.social · 28/03/2026
The fuck are they wearing? Combat fanny packs?
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Joshua Tobias @joshuatobias.bsky.social · 19/03/2026
The Graham Platner tattoo stuff sounds a lot like Hillary's emails.
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The Tennessee Holler @thetnholler.bsky.social · 15/03/2026
CONAN: “For the first time since 2012 no British people are nominated for Best actor or best Actress… a British spokesperson commented, ‘Yeah, well, at least we arrest our pedophiles.’" #Oscars
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Black Aziz Anansi @blackazizanansi.blacksky.app · 10/03/2026
Iran really followed America as it was trying tk storm out the room and said "We're done fighting when I say that we're done fighting!"
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Joshua Tobias @joshuatobias.bsky.social · 23/02/2026
Imagine a sequel where Forrest Gump became director of the FBI. That's Kash Patel. Dude's just out there Gumping his way through the world.
media.tenor.com
a man in a blue shirt says that he is not a smart man
ALT: a man in a blue shirt says that he is not a smart man
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The Tennessee Holler @thetnholler.bsky.social · 23/02/2026
🤷🏼
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🇨🇦 👊🇨🇦 @sorry-iamcanadian.bsky.social · 17/02/2026
How China is reporting on the Epstein case…. #Epstein
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NBC Sports Philadelphia @nbcsportsphiladelphia.com · 23/02/2026
Let 'em know Rese 😤
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Joshua Tobias @joshuatobias.bsky.social · 21/02/2026
Does this make sense or am I just getting high on my own farts? Reality is external. Even while you're reading this, you're wrong. I am too.
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Ben Collins @bencollins.bsky.social · 19/02/2026
look at my country man, we’re getting out-No Kings’d by the fuckin’ british
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Joshua Tobias @joshuatobias.bsky.social · 16/02/2026
I aspire to be the kind of smart where stupid people think you're crazy.
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Joshua Tobias @joshuatobias.bsky.social · 14/02/2026
I'm not much for reincarnation, but Hitler died in 1945, not long before Trump was conceived. Just saying.
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Joshua Tobias @joshuatobias.bsky.social · 12/02/2026
@governor.pa.gov
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Joshua Tobias @joshuatobias.bsky.social · 11/02/2026
If you wash off the makeup, Pam Bondi turns into Gollum.
media.tenor.com
gollum from the lord of the rings is smiling and looking at the camera while sitting on a rock .
ALT: gollum from the lord of the rings is smiling and looking at the camera while sitting on a rock .
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Joshua Tobias @joshuatobias.bsky.social · 11/02/2026
So first you pound a large stake into the ground. Then you gather a great big pile of wood and kindling. Now you're gonna need some sturdy rope...
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Joshua Tobias @joshuatobias.bsky.social · 11/02/2026
Look at that face. Mr. McClintock has definitely fondled children.
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Joshua Tobias @joshuatobias.bsky.social · 11/02/2026
Watching Bondi and Jordan stand up for pedophiles
media.tenor.com
a man in a superhero costume is sitting in a dark room .
ALT: a man in a superhero costume is sitting in a dark room .
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Joshua Tobias @joshuatobias.bsky.social · 11/02/2026
MAGA: like Nazis but with extra pedophilia.
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Joshua Tobias @joshuatobias.bsky.social · 11/02/2026
Dog's about to lose his bed privileges. Dude discovered that when his nose gets all cold in the middle of the night, he can warm it up by putting it it against my neck.
media.tenor.com
a man is sitting on a couch making a funny face with the words get outta heeaaa written on the bottom
ALT: a man is sitting on a couch making a funny face with the words get outta heeaaa written on the bottom
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Joshua Tobias @joshuatobias.bsky.social · 11/02/2026
McNamara's Moron Corps were the ostensible model for ICE's hiring surge.
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Acyn @acyn.bsky.social · 10/02/2026
Watters: I was walking in my street, a car drives by and I give him a wave. He rolls down the window and says, “F U fascist.” He doesn’t know I’m a fascist! Jessica: Yes, he does. You’re on TV.
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Joshua Tobias @joshuatobias.bsky.social · 09/02/2026
The litmus test for intelligence is whether one looks at multiculturalism as an opportunity to engage with new thoughts, ideas, people, customs, etc... or if one finds that prospect terrifying due to mental lethargy.
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Joshua Tobias @joshuatobias.bsky.social · 09/02/2026
Mike Vrabel looks like a child's drawing of Mike Vrabel. #SuperBowl
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Joshua Tobias @joshuatobias.bsky.social · 09/02/2026
Unless this gets exciting in a hurry, Bad Bunny is going to have the only touchdown in this Super Bowl.
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Joshua Tobias @joshuatobias.bsky.social · 09/02/2026
This game isn't even bad in an entertaining way. It's waiting room kinda bad. #SuperBowl
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Joshua Tobias @joshuatobias.bsky.social · 08/02/2026
What if gambling stayed legal, but advertising it was completely outlawed? #superbowl
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Jon Cooper @joncooper-us.bsky.social · 07/02/2026
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Max B 💙 🔶 🇺🇦 🇬🇧 🇪🇺 @maxbrockbank.com · 06/02/2026
Pam Bondi: “If we prosecute everyone in the Epstein files, the whole system collapses.” By Jove, I think she's got it!
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Joshua Tobias @joshuatobias.bsky.social · 04/02/2026
It's like a youth government experiment conducted at school for the clinically insane.
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Joshua Tobias @joshuatobias.bsky.social · 04/02/2026
One good thing about looking at comment sections is that the Nazis out themselves. Never forget who they are and don't let them forget either.
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Coach Finstock @coachfinstock.bsky.social · 04/02/2026
We're having conversations about whether going to pedo island is different than being invited to pedo island and whether the President has enough manpower to overthrow an election or if he can only hurt a few people because he doesn't have enough guys like these are normal things separated by nuance
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Joshua Tobias @joshuatobias.bsky.social · 04/02/2026
My philosophy is simple. When presented with history, always try to be on the right side of it. Bonus tip: if a vehicle with a confederate flag front plate is traveling in the opposite direction, a well timed application of the wiper spray might remind them who won that war.
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Joshua Tobias @joshuatobias.bsky.social · 04/02/2026
What if we abolished ICE and instead created CARE, which would make sure everyone was warm and fed.
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Joshua Tobias @joshuatobias.bsky.social · 03/02/2026
@governor.pa.gov
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Timothy Snyder @timothysnyder.bsky.social · 03/02/2026
A good thing happened today: Haitians in Springfield, Ohio and elsewhere are (for now) safe from the planned ethnic cleansing operation. This happened because people came together — organizers, reporters, and those who care — and made it happen. Let’s take the win and continue the work.
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DevinCow @devincow.bsky.social · 02/02/2026
Bahahahahaha
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Angelo Carusone @goangelo.bsky.social · 31/01/2026
The massive right-wing media and associated fever swamps, I think, play a bit part in why authoritarianism is able to blossom here faster than benchmarks. Emerging authoritarian regimes need to build out media and propaganda. We already had one for decades pickling people in grievance and deceit.
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Adam Serwer @adamserwer.bsky.social · 28/01/2026
We need to talk about the rise of "smol bean fascism" where you have all the guns and the immunity but the really scary people are the ones with whistles and phone cameras and they're giving you generational trauma and ptsd by filming you killing people for no reason
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Ron Filipkowski @ronfilipkowski.bsky.social · 27/01/2026
It is inconceivable to me that any Democrat would vote for a DHS funding bill that fails to include a mandate that requires these federal goons to take their masks off. No more Secret Police in America!
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Representative Seth Magaziner @magaziner.house.gov · 27/01/2026
Reminder that, as of the latest reports, Liam Ramos is still in prison in Texas - now for 5 days. His parents are legal asylum seekers with no criminal record.
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Meta Resistance @metaresistance.bsky.social · 26/01/2026
Rest in Peace Alex Jeffrey Pretti🙏🏾 The VA ICU Nurses send him off right 💔
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James Goodwin @jamesgoodwin.bsky.social · 25/01/2026
"We want [ICE] to be traumatically affected. When they wake up in the morning, we want them to not want to go to work, because they are increasingly viewed as the villains. We want their funding to be shut down … We want to put them in trauma.” ~ Me
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