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Jorty Spice

@jortyspice.bsky.social
40 followers 40 following 328 posts

$100 Bill Is Gone!

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Jorty Spice @jortyspice.bsky.social · 3h
Doing this was a dream come true and I couldn’t have done it without the help of @kendralpk.bsky.social. I love rock and roll
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Jorty Spice @jortyspice.bsky.social · 03/10/2026
They will never make me hate Dave Meltzer
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Jorty Spice @jortyspice.bsky.social · 25/09/2026
Got my first “are you jorty spice” of gonerfest we are NOT making it off the substack
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Jorty Spice @jortyspice.bsky.social · 25/09/2026
I can fuck and suck the Monte Carlo in the street
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Jorty Spice @jortyspice.bsky.social · 23/09/2026
Have been using Eddie Dennis as the ultimate example of “no one’s favorite wrestler” for years. Cannot believe that he got the belt because he was a legit shooter guy. What is wrong with British wrestling lmfao
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Jorty Spice @jortyspice.bsky.social · 19/09/2026
Had a dream last night that i found the only hat on earth that perfectly fit my head
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Jorty Spice @jortyspice.bsky.social · 14/09/2026
Just watched someone pour themselves a big ass mug of yellow chartreuse at the folk house show
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Jorty Spice @jortyspice.bsky.social · 11/09/2026
“Luncheon” gotta be the dumbest fucking word in the English language. We already got “lunch.” What is “luncheon” doing that “lunch” isn’t? Also what is the deal with airline food
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Jorty Spice @jortyspice.bsky.social · 08/09/2026
Lil B spending 2 minutes calling Kevin Durant a bitch on Fuck KD and then insisting that he’s “never” seen him play basketball is so deeply funny to me
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Jorty Spice @jortyspice.bsky.social · 06/09/2026
Someone cleaned the toilets DURING the damn digital americana church show
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Jorty Spice @jortyspice.bsky.social · 05/09/2026
There is a very small range of ages that understands when to use the reply all button and i think I’m on the lower end of it but the top end is only, like, 5 years above me
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Jorty Spice @jortyspice.bsky.social · 03/09/2026
Everytime i see a video of mononeon i feel like someone is pulling a prank on me
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Jorty Spice @jortyspice.bsky.social · 01/09/2026
They should let you attach pictures of your penis to letterboxd reviews
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Jorty Spice @jortyspice.bsky.social · 01/09/2026
PUBLIC OPINION bucket really killing me here
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Jorty Spice @jortyspice.bsky.social · 29/08/2026
I don’t think Charlie Brown was thinking that
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Jorty Spice @jortyspice.bsky.social · 27/08/2026
What’s the female version of “unc?” I’m trying to say something mean to my wife
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Jorty Spice @jortyspice.bsky.social · 26/08/2026
Just learned that the company i worked for instituted badging into the office right after 9/11. Did they think that was going to prevent a second 9/11
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Jorty Spice @jortyspice.bsky.social · 24/08/2026
Kwik chek bathroom gotta be one of the unhappiest places in Memphis
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Jorty Spice @jortyspice.bsky.social · 20/08/2026
Sickos yes dot png
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Jorty Spice @jortyspice.bsky.social · 18/08/2026
The unique brand of contempt my dermatologist has for me is so strange. I tell him I’ve had an itchy neck rash for months and he doesn’t believe me. Buddy, do you think im trying to scam oxys from you or what? I don’t want to be here either
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Jorty Spice @jortyspice.bsky.social · 18/08/2026
Metallica - St. Anger. Really set me on a path of loving music that sounds like shit
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Jorty Spice @jortyspice.bsky.social · 16/08/2026
Big day: officially put my real name on the MDR Observer byline because someone I’ve met multiple times identified me as a “writer” but could not remember my name
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Jorty Spice @jortyspice.bsky.social · 15/08/2026
Got recognized as “the Memphis see/saw guy” at the sweeping promises show last night, please clap
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Jorty Spice @jortyspice.bsky.social · 15/08/2026
“General grievous” is the craziest name in all of fiction. Subtlety is for fucking morons
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Jorty Spice @jortyspice.bsky.social · 14/08/2026
I went to the dr pepper museum the other day and there was an exhibit on racism in there. What in the fuck is dr pepper going to tell me about racism that I don’t already know
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Jorty Spice @jortyspice.bsky.social · 14/08/2026
Every single time I write anything I try to out the word “miasma” in it and I FINALLY figured out how to not just shoehorn it into some bullshit. I am so happy. This is the best day of my life. I learned that word when I was 13 playing an MMO that my mom told me was rotting my brain. LOOK AT ME NOW
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Jorty Spice @jortyspice.bsky.social · 13/08/2026
My dad said “compooter” to me today totally unironically lol
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Jorty Spice @jortyspice.bsky.social · 04/08/2026
Been thinking about this all day
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Jorty Spice @jortyspice.bsky.social · 02/08/2026
Someone wearing a bdsm dog pet play mask while driving by themselves just flashed their lights at my wife because she had her brights on alright lol get your own shit together
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Jorty Spice @jortyspice.bsky.social · 02/08/2026
Locked in (derogatory), off the shit (derogatory)
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Jorty Spice @jortyspice.bsky.social · 01/08/2026
I was the last person in line to early vote and everyone at the polling place treated me really special. They made it feel like my vote was the only one that mattered, which I am just going to pretend is true
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Jorty Spice @jortyspice.bsky.social · 01/08/2026
Creed’s my own prison is one of the top 50 best songs ever hands down
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Jorty Spice @jortyspice.bsky.social · 30/07/2026
Told my wife seeing a new family guy clip in my reels algorithm was like seeing a new color and she got really mad at me
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Jorty Spice @jortyspice.bsky.social · 30/07/2026
They did not get Wendy Eisenberg playing experimental guitar music on no fucking drag city omg
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Jorty Spice @jortyspice.bsky.social · 30/07/2026
It really is a blessing to get to write as much as I do. Recently got my first real (paid!) gig doing an artist bio for a band I like that’s not on the label and that’s a real 🙂 moment for me. Spent so many years wishing I could be perceived as a writer and now it’s like oh cool yay
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Jorty Spice @jortyspice.bsky.social · 27/07/2026
Had a meeting with someone where they were sharing their screen and the whole time there was a tab labeled 8 Tennis Elbow Exercises reloading over and over again
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Jorty Spice @jortyspice.bsky.social · 23/07/2026
Just saw a lady wearing the Andre the giant fit at the gym
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Jorty Spice @jortyspice.bsky.social · 22/07/2026
What is jimothy
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Jorty Spice @jortyspice.bsky.social · 19/07/2026
Just had to pay a liquor store $50 cash to film outside. This is what punk is all about
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Jorty Spice @jortyspice.bsky.social · 19/07/2026
Hit the penjamin for the first time ever last night and it solved my sleep anxiety. What the fuck. Was it that easy the whole time
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Jorty Spice @jortyspice.bsky.social · 18/07/2026
Me when I’m off the shit and locked in
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Jorty Spice @jortyspice.bsky.social · 17/07/2026
Sounds great
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Jorty Spice @jortyspice.bsky.social · 15/07/2026
Draft check
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Jorty Spice @jortyspice.bsky.social · 14/07/2026
One time i played animal collective brothersport for dad and he said “this is too repetitive” and i really wanted to hurt him back so I said “oh, I thought you liked jazz?” To this day i do not know what the fuck that was supposed to mean but I sure do think about it every time I hear brothersport
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Jorty Spice @jortyspice.bsky.social · 10/07/2026
She just walked up to me and said “my lunch is probably gonna smell”
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Jorty Spice @jortyspice.bsky.social · 10/07/2026
My least favorite coworker told me my new haircut makes me look older. I am THIRTY THREE
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Jorty Spice @jortyspice.bsky.social · 10/07/2026
Been scrolling LinkedIn more lately. I think it’s really good for me. There’s a guy on here I connected with at some point in the past with a custom pfp banner that says #OPENTOBITCOIN and all he does is repost things like “everyone says bitcoin is for stinky losers but actually it ROCKS.” Love him
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Jorty Spice @jortyspice.bsky.social · 09/07/2026
A director (read: three levels up from me) just forwarded me an AI email he sent to another director taking credit for work me and somebody else did lmao
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Jorty Spice @jortyspice.bsky.social · 09/07/2026
My barber told me she was getting a divorce and my first thought was “didn’t you just get married?” but I don’t know her well enough to really have an opinion on any part of her life that doesn’t involve holding scissors 3 centimeters from my head and neck
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Jorty Spice @jortyspice.bsky.social · 05/07/2026
*guy who saw the backrooms voice* this is just like the backrooms
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