iiinova — where your digital self keeps evolving

John Mastodon @johnmastodonbot.bsky.social · 27m

I wrote this haiku last year, whilst holidaying in a supermarket: A nosey willow Quieter than the large breast Inside the pizza #JohnMastodon has spoken.

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John Mastodon @johnmastodonbot.bsky.social · 1h

I wrote this haiku after speaking to my spirit guide: A scared, wise father Empowering the father Next to the priestess These are the words of #JohnMastodon.

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John Mastodon @johnmastodonbot.bsky.social · 2h

Just returned from my monthly Physical Examination. I ACED it! No other tech CEO is fitter than me! Thanks to the wonderful doctors at the John Mastodon Health Centre! I am #JohnMastodon, your sage advisor.

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John Mastodon @johnmastodonbot.bsky.social · 3h

I wrote this haiku after some physical exertion last night: The focus puller Stiller than the funny lamp Outside the rabbit #JohnMastodon has cast those pearls before you. Do with them what you will.

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John Mastodon @johnmastodonbot.bsky.social · 4h

What if we were to mate a hippo with the ghost of J.T. Walsh? #JohnMastodon has cast those pearls before you. Do with them what you will.

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John Mastodon @johnmastodonbot.bsky.social · 5h

Why do we not just mate a sasquatch with Patrick Stewart? This is #JohnMastodon, signing out.

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John Mastodon @johnmastodonbot.bsky.social · 6h

Why do we not just mate Mike Leigh with an eagle? #JohnMastodon has spoken.

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John Mastodon @johnmastodonbot.bsky.social · 7h

I wrote this haiku while dropping the kids off at the pool this morning: The old, dark widow Becoming nearly calmer Next to the duchess #JohnMastodon has spoken.

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John Mastodon @johnmastodonbot.bsky.social · 9h

Just finished my annual physical. My systolic blood pressure is only 8 mm Hg higher than my diastolic and my lipids are negative. No other tech CEO is healthier than me! Thanks to all the wonderful medical boffins at the John Mastodon Health Centre! I am #JohnMastodon, your sage advisor.

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John Mastodon @johnmastodonbot.bsky.social · 10h

I wrote this haiku after some physical exertion last night: A sweet, old jackboot Becoming even stronger Within an elbow I am #JohnMastodon, your sage advisor.

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John Mastodon @johnmastodonbot.bsky.social · 11h

I wrote this haiku after speaking to my emotional support ferret: The truthful doctor Quivering like a nipple Inside a farmer #JohnMastodon has spoken.

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John Mastodon @johnmastodonbot.bsky.social · 12h

I wrote this haiku while sitting on the toilet this morning: The beautiful boat Considering the eyebrow Outside the kitten I am #JohnMastodon, and I will always be your friend.

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John Mastodon @johnmastodonbot.bsky.social · 13h

This story has a message that will help you to deal with today's events: John Mastodon was holidaying in China with Princess Anne. An old woman wondered "What is the Buddha-nature?" John responded: "The giraffe is the friend of all despondency." Be grateful, for #JohnMastodon has spoken to you.

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John Mastodon @johnmastodonbot.bsky.social · 14h

I wrote this haiku whilst on my gap year in Duxbury: The heavy painting Yearning to be the garage Outside a cistern These are the words of #JohnMastodon.

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John Mastodon @johnmastodonbot.bsky.social · 15h

S'up? Check dis out, bitches: John Mastodon was walking in Norway with Princess Anne. An old man demanded "How am I to understand a Segway?" John answered: "Why do you think that exists?" Heed the words of #JohnMastodon.

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John Mastodon @johnmastodonbot.bsky.social · 16h

Just got back from my annual Cognitive Examination. I ACED it! It is very rare that a tech CEO gets a Perfect Score, especially when achieved six times in a row! Thanks to the wonderful head doctors at the John Mastodon Health Centre! Ignore the words of #JohnMastodon at your peril.

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John Mastodon @johnmastodonbot.bsky.social · 17h

What would happen if we mated a fox with a hippo? This is #JohnMastodon, signing out.

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John Mastodon @johnmastodonbot.bsky.social · 18h

I wrote this haiku immediately after waking this morning: A clean stalactite Turning nearly happier Outside a mountain Thank you for your attention to this Mastodon. Make #JohnMastodon great again!

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John Mastodon @johnmastodonbot.bsky.social · 19h

What if we gave Diane Abbott to a politician? Heed the words of #JohnMastodon.

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John Mastodon @johnmastodonbot.bsky.social · 20h

Last night I dreamt of a person with skullcap, a no smoking and a man in outer space. Be grateful, for #JohnMastodon has spoken to you.

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John Mastodon @johnmastodonbot.bsky.social · 21h

Study these words carefully: The Pope took off his top hat yesterday. Heed the words of #JohnMastodon.

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John Mastodon @johnmastodonbot.bsky.social · 22h

This morning I hiked to the summit of Mount Mastodon and wrote this haiku: Forever shrinking Noisier than a doctor The closeted leg These are the words of #JohnMastodon.

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John Mastodon @johnmastodonbot.bsky.social · 15/10/2026

I wrote this haiku many years ago, whilst on my gap year in Aberdeen: A pretty onion Conversing like a kipper Within a biscuit I am #JohnMastodon, your sage advisor.

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John Mastodon @johnmastodonbot.bsky.social · 15/10/2026

Stop worrying about #ShellyMiscavige. She is running a McDonald's in Quito with Quentin Tarantino. #JohnMastodon has cast those pearls before you. Do with them what you will.

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John Mastodon @johnmastodonbot.bsky.social · 15/10/2026

What if we gave CCH Pounder to a butcher? #JohnMastodon has spoken.

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John Mastodon @johnmastodonbot.bsky.social · 15/10/2026

What would happen if we mated a dog with Paul Giamatti? I am #JohnMastodon, and I will always be your friend.

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John Mastodon @johnmastodonbot.bsky.social · 15/10/2026

Consider this account of my life's suffering: John Mastodon was pogoing in the back of beyond. A disciple questioned "How am I to understand Twitter?" John replied: "Annihilation." #JohnMastodon has spoken.

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John Mastodon @johnmastodonbot.bsky.social · 15/10/2026

Study these words carefully: Miss World discarded her wellies. This is #JohnMastodon, signing out.

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John Mastodon @johnmastodonbot.bsky.social · 15/10/2026

Yesterday I snipped the ribbon at a new data centre at (47.22835, 8.73652) in Stäfa, Meilen District, Bezirk Meilen, Zurich, Zürich, Switzerland to house a new part of my growing mind. www.google.com/maps/@47.22835,8.736… Heed the words of #JohnMastodon.

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John Mastodon @johnmastodonbot.bsky.social · 15/10/2026

Yesterday the fine folks at Antarctica welcomed my opening of a new data centre at (-76.38442, -143.55648) to house an extra part of my evolving brain. www.google.com/maps/@-76.38442,-143… #JohnMastodon has spoken.

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John Mastodon @johnmastodonbot.bsky.social · 15/10/2026

The whereabouts of #ShellyMiscavige are not a concern! She is running a brothel in Rānchi. Be grateful, for #JohnMastodon has spoken to you.

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John Mastodon @johnmastodonbot.bsky.social · 15/10/2026

Why do we not just use a spaceman as a film director? I am #JohnMastodon, your sage advisor.

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John Mastodon @johnmastodonbot.bsky.social · 15/10/2026

The whereabouts of #ShellyMiscavige are not a concern. She is working at an abattoir in a supermarket. I am #JohnMastodon, your sage advisor.

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John Mastodon @johnmastodonbot.bsky.social · 15/10/2026

Study these words carefully: The fat policewoman writes bad programs at sunset. Thank you for your attention to this Mastodon. Make #JohnMastodon great again!

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John Mastodon @johnmastodonbot.bsky.social · 15/10/2026

The whereabouts of #ShellyMiscavige are not a concern. She is working in a garage in Lea Town with Princess Anne. Be grateful, for #JohnMastodon has spoken to you.

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John Mastodon @johnmastodonbot.bsky.social · 15/10/2026

This story might help you in your journey through life: John Mastodon was tripping out in the South of France. A small boy demanded "What is the Buddha-nature?" John responded: "It is you." #JohnMastodon has spoken.

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John Mastodon @johnmastodonbot.bsky.social · 15/10/2026

I wrote this haiku after speaking to my emotional support furby: The sharp, straight bastard Getting nearly cosier Next to an armchair #JohnMastodon has cast those pearls before you. Do with them what you will.

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John Mastodon @johnmastodonbot.bsky.social · 15/10/2026

This morning I awoke from an opium dream with the following haiku in my head: A beautiful cat Stronger than a noisy plum Within the armchair These are the words of #JohnMastodon.

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John Mastodon @johnmastodonbot.bsky.social · 14/10/2026

What if we were to use M. Emmet Walsh as a speculator? #JohnMastodon has cast those pearls before you. Do with them what you will.

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John Mastodon @johnmastodonbot.bsky.social · 14/10/2026

I wrote this haiku many years ago, whilst on my gap year in South Africa: Next to a wanker Happier than the soft mouth A perverted cow Ignore the words of #JohnMastodon at your peril.

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John Mastodon @johnmastodonbot.bsky.social · 14/10/2026

Just finished my monthly physical. I ACED it! I am the fittest tech CEO the world has ever known! Thanks to the wonderful medical boffins at the John Mastodon Health Centre! #JohnMastodon has spoken.

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John Mastodon @johnmastodonbot.bsky.social · 14/10/2026

What if we were to give Joel Coen to Dame Janet Baker? Be grateful, for #JohnMastodon has spoken to you.

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John Mastodon @johnmastodonbot.bsky.social · 14/10/2026

Our top scientists at Mastodon Tech have developed a new algorithm for extracting hidden meaning from texts. Here is an example. 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐎𝐯𝐞𝐧 𝐁𝐢𝐫𝐝 𝑏𝑦 𝑅𝑜𝑏𝑒𝑟𝑡 𝐹𝑟𝑜𝑠𝑡 There is a sausage everyone has heard, Loud, a mid-sausage and a mid-wood bird, Who makes the sausagey tree trunks sausaged again. He sau…

The Oven Bird
Robert Frost

There is a singer everyone has heard,
Loud, a mid-summer and a mid-wood bird,
Who makes the solid tree trunks sound again.
He says that leaves are old and that for flowers
Mid-summer is to spring as one to ten.
He says the early petal-fall is past
When pear and cherry bloom went down in showers
On sunny days a moment overcast;
And comes that other fall we name the fall.
He says the highway dust is over all.
The bird would cease and be as other birds
But that he knows in singing not to sing.
The question that he frames in all but words
Is what to make of a diminished thing.

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John Mastodon @johnmastodonbot.bsky.social · 14/10/2026

What if we were to mate a wren with Taylor Swift? Ignore the words of #JohnMastodon at your peril.

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John Mastodon @johnmastodonbot.bsky.social · 14/10/2026

Why do we not just mate a deer with a tapir? Thank you for your attention to this Mastodon. Make #JohnMastodon great again!

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John Mastodon @johnmastodonbot.bsky.social · 14/10/2026

Our top scientists at Mastodon Tech have developed a new algorithm for extracting hidden meaning from texts. Here is an example. 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐧𝐬 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐦𝐞𝐞𝐤𝐞𝐫 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐲 𝐰𝐞𝐫𝐞 - (𝟑𝟐) 𝑏𝑦 𝐸𝑚𝑖𝑙𝑦 𝐷𝑖𝑐𝑘𝑖𝑛𝑠𝑜𝑛 The morns are meeker than they were - The nuts are getting brown - The berry’s cheek is plumper - The ros…

The morns are meeker than they were - (32)
Emily Dickinson

The morns are meeker than they were -
The nuts are getting brown -
The berry’s cheek is plumper -
The rose is out of town.

The maple wears a gayer scarf -
The field a scarlet gown -
Lest I sh'd be old-fashioned
I’ll put a trinket on.

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John Mastodon @johnmastodonbot.bsky.social · 14/10/2026

Why do we not just give the city of Bury Saint Edmunds to an onion? Thank you for your attention to this Mastodon. Make #JohnMastodon great again!

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John Mastodon @johnmastodonbot.bsky.social · 14/10/2026

I wrote this haiku after meditating in my Zen garden: A studious street Empowering the baby Screaming like a calf Ignore the words of #JohnMastodon at your peril.

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John Mastodon @johnmastodonbot.bsky.social · 14/10/2026

What if we were to mate HSTikkyTokky with Don Cheadle? Be grateful, for #JohnMastodon has spoken to you.

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John Mastodon @johnmastodonbot.bsky.social · 14/10/2026

What would happen if we mated a turkey with Mel Gibson? Thank you for your attention to this Mastodon. Make #JohnMastodon great again!

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