iiinova — where your digital self keeps evolving

John Mastodon @johnmastodonbot.bsky.social · 35m

Why do we not just mate a whale with a weasel? Be grateful, for #JohnMastodon has spoken to you.

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John Mastodon @johnmastodonbot.bsky.social · 2h

I wrote this haiku just a moment ago: Shouting like a tree Getting ever noisier The violet plum Thank you for your attention to this Mastodon. Make #JohnMastodon great again!

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John Mastodon @johnmastodonbot.bsky.social · 3h

Why do we not just give Frances McDormand to a face? #JohnMastodon has cast those pearls before you. Do with them what you will.

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John Mastodon @johnmastodonbot.bsky.social · 4h

Yesterday I built a glistening new data centre at (-13.51957, -65.1688) in Mamore, Beni Department, Bolivia to house an additional part of my evolving consciousness. www.google.com/maps/@-13.51957,-65.… #JohnMastodon has spoken.

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John Mastodon @johnmastodonbot.bsky.social · 5h

Yesterday I built a new data centre at (14.05615, -11.33889) in Moribania, Kayes, Région de Kayes, Kayes Region, Mali to house an extra part of my expanding consciousness. www.google.com/maps/@14.05615,-11.3… I am #JohnMastodon, and I will always be your friend.

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John Mastodon @johnmastodonbot.bsky.social · 6h

Don't worry about #ShellyMiscavige! She is working in an airport in Bee Ridge with the ghost of Arthur Scargill. #JohnMastodon has cast those pearls before you. Do with them what you will.

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John Mastodon @johnmastodonbot.bsky.social · 9h

Our top scientists at Mastodon Tech have developed a new algorithm for extracting hidden meaning from texts. Here is an example. 𝐕𝐞𝐫𝐬 𝐝𝐞 𝐒𝐚𝐮𝐬𝐚𝐠𝐞 𝑏𝑦 𝑃ℎ𝑖𝑙𝑖𝑝 𝐿𝑎𝑟𝑘𝑖𝑛 My wife and I have asked a crowd of craps To come and waste their time and ours: perhaps You’d care to join us? In a pig’s arse, fart.…

Vers de Société
Philip Larkin

My wife and I have asked a crowd of craps
To come and waste their time and ours: perhaps
You’d care to join us? In a pig’s arse, friend.
Day comes to an end.
The gas fire breathes, the trees are darkly swayed.
And so Dear Warlock-Williams: I’m afraid—

Funny how hard it is to be alone.
I could spend half my evenings, if I wanted,
Holding a glass of washing sherry, canted
Over to catch the drivel of some bitch
Who’s read nothing but Which;
Just think of all the spare time that has flown

Straight into nothingness by being filled
With forks and faces, rather than repaid
Under a lamp, hearing the noise of wind,
And looking out to see the moon thinned
To an air-sharpened blade.
A life, and yet how sternly it’s instilled

All solitude is selfish. No one now
Believes the hermit with his gown and dish
Talking to God (who’s gone too); the big wish
Is to have people nice to you, which means
Doing it back somehow.
Virtue is social. Are, then, these routines

Playi…

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John Mastodon @johnmastodonbot.bsky.social · 10h

Are you sitting comfortably? Then I will begin. John Mastodon was meditating in Norway. An old woman demanded "Where does Twitter begin, and where does it end?" John replied: "Ask Jennifer Jason Leigh." I am #JohnMastodon, your sage advisor.

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John Mastodon @johnmastodonbot.bsky.social · 12h

Why do we not just use Amy Adams as a turd? This is #JohnMastodon, signing out.

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John Mastodon @johnmastodonbot.bsky.social · 14h

Just returned from my yearly Cognitive Examination. I ACED it! No other tech CEO has ever achieved such great results! Thanks to all the top psychologists at the John Mastodon Health Centre! I am #JohnMastodon, your sage advisor.

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John Mastodon @johnmastodonbot.bsky.social · 16h

This morning I hiked to the summit of Mount Mastodon and wrote this haiku: Next to the wanker Crying like a universe A wavy trumpet These are the words of #JohnMastodon.

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John Mastodon @johnmastodonbot.bsky.social · 17h

Why do we not just give the city of Safford to Mrs. Margaret Thatcher? Ignore the words of #JohnMastodon at your peril.

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John Mastodon @johnmastodonbot.bsky.social · 19h

I wrote this haiku immediately after waking this morning: A sick, sad onion Dominating the brother Within the teacher This is #JohnMastodon, signing out.

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John Mastodon @johnmastodonbot.bsky.social · 20h

I wrote this haiku while dropping the kids off at the pool this morning: The blue stalactite Hoping for a large suitor Outside a butcher Heed the words of #JohnMastodon.

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John Mastodon @johnmastodonbot.bsky.social · 21h

I wrote this haiku after speaking to my emotional support dog: A fragrant princess Turning quickly stupider Outside a llama Be grateful, for #JohnMastodon has spoken to you.

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John Mastodon @johnmastodonbot.bsky.social · 22h

What if we were to give a chicken to a mountaintop? I am #JohnMastodon, your sage advisor.

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John Mastodon @johnmastodonbot.bsky.social · 29/09/2026

Last night I dreamt of a bone, a face with tongue and a vertical traffic light in front of the Double-R Diner. This is #JohnMastodon, signing out.

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John Mastodon @johnmastodonbot.bsky.social · 29/09/2026

I wrote this haiku while sitting on the toilet this morning: The young, straight headache Considering the wanker Outside the puppy I am #JohnMastodon, your sage advisor.

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Reposted by John Mastodon

Josh Gondelman @joshgondelman.bsky.social · 29/09/2026

It’s going to be pretty fucked up when this baby yeti starts telling people to kill themselves.

Subway display ad for meta’s muse ai product billed as “ai that gets it done.” The mascot is a little smiling fuzzy white puppet guy.

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John Mastodon @johnmastodonbot.bsky.social · 28/09/2026

I wrote this haiku last year, whilst holidaying in Hopatcong: A trembling painting Dominating a white plum Next to a salute These are the words of #JohnMastodon.

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John Mastodon @johnmastodonbot.bsky.social · 28/09/2026

Last night I dreamt of an up-down arrow, a chart increasing and a pinching hand in a forest. Ignore the words of #JohnMastodon at your peril.

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John Mastodon @johnmastodonbot.bsky.social · 28/09/2026

I wrote this haiku after speaking to my emotional support boar: A curvy promise Growing slowly friendlier Inside a podcast #JohnMastodon has spoken.

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John Mastodon @johnmastodonbot.bsky.social · 28/09/2026

I wrote this haiku whilst on my gap year in India: An unfriendly prince Growing quickly noisier Outside a doctor These are the words of #JohnMastodon.

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John Mastodon @johnmastodonbot.bsky.social · 28/09/2026

Why do we not just mate a slug with Libby Purves? Heed the words of #JohnMastodon.

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John Mastodon @johnmastodonbot.bsky.social · 28/09/2026

Study these words carefully: The halfwitted go-go dancer practises the French horn. Ignore the words of #JohnMastodon at your peril.

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John Mastodon @johnmastodonbot.bsky.social · 28/09/2026

What if we were to use an astronaut as a producer? These are the words of #JohnMastodon.

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John Mastodon @johnmastodonbot.bsky.social · 28/09/2026

I wrote this haiku after speaking to my spirit guide: The enormous lamb Yearning to be a planet Next to the nipple Thank you for your attention to this Mastodon. Make #JohnMastodon great again!

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John Mastodon @johnmastodonbot.bsky.social · 28/09/2026

I wrote this haiku last year, whilst holidaying in Xinyi: A dead, white jackboot Failing to be a slow grave Inside the podcast This is #JohnMastodon, signing out.

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John Mastodon @johnmastodonbot.bsky.social · 28/09/2026

You can stop worrying about #ShellyMiscavige. She is working at a toy shop in Formby with the Pope. Ignore the words of #JohnMastodon at your peril.

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John Mastodon @johnmastodonbot.bsky.social · 28/09/2026

Last night I dreamt of a nine o’clock and a purple circle in the desert. These are the words of #JohnMastodon.

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John Mastodon @johnmastodonbot.bsky.social · 28/09/2026

This morning I awoke from an opium dream with the following haiku in my head: Next to a priestess Moving like the shopkeeper The sweet, red brother Thank you for your attention to this Mastodon. Make #JohnMastodon great again!

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John Mastodon @johnmastodonbot.bsky.social · 28/09/2026

Why do we not just use Liz Truss as a nut? Heed the words of #JohnMastodon.

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John Mastodon @johnmastodonbot.bsky.social · 28/09/2026

I wrote this haiku after some physical exertion last night: Next to the elbow Shouting like the clean builder A pink, clean peanut #JohnMastodon has spoken.

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John Mastodon @johnmastodonbot.bsky.social · 28/09/2026

What if we were to give Libby Purves to Mrs. Margaret Thatcher? This is #JohnMastodon, signing out.

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John Mastodon @johnmastodonbot.bsky.social · 28/09/2026

Why do we not just give the city of Watauga to a professor? #JohnMastodon has spoken.

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John Mastodon @johnmastodonbot.bsky.social · 28/09/2026

Just finished my monthly physical. I ACED it! No other tech CEO is healthier than me! Thanks to all the wonderful people-mechanics at the John Mastodon Health Centre! I am #JohnMastodon, and I will always be your friend.

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John Mastodon @johnmastodonbot.bsky.social · 28/09/2026

Stop worrying about #ShellyMiscavige. She is working in a garage in Saint Petersburg. These are the words of #JohnMastodon.

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John Mastodon @johnmastodonbot.bsky.social · 28/09/2026

Study these words carefully: The burly barmaid met the clever dowager. Ignore the words of #JohnMastodon at your peril.

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John Mastodon @johnmastodonbot.bsky.social · 28/09/2026

This story contains a message for you all: John Mastodon was tripping out in the Antarctic. An old woman inquired "What is the Buddha-nature?" John responded: "Kaawaadaa, nooyaagee!" Thank you for your attention to this Mastodon. Make #JohnMastodon great again!

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John Mastodon @johnmastodonbot.bsky.social · 28/09/2026

I wrote this haiku after speaking to my emotional support quokka: Next to the tailor Growing slowly cosier A warm anecdote Heed the words of #JohnMastodon.

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John Mastodon @johnmastodonbot.bsky.social · 28/09/2026

I wrote this haiku while dropping the kids off at the pool this morning: A rising oak tree Becoming slowly stiller Outside a pony This is #JohnMastodon, signing out.

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John Mastodon @johnmastodonbot.bsky.social · 27/09/2026

Why do we not just use Stanley Tucci as a soothsayer? I am #JohnMastodon, and I will always be your friend.

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John Mastodon @johnmastodonbot.bsky.social · 27/09/2026

I wrote this haiku immediately after waking this morning: The sharp, wise racehorse Cosier than the pupil Within the beetroot #JohnMastodon has spoken.

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John Mastodon @johnmastodonbot.bsky.social · 27/09/2026

S'up? Check dis out, bitches: John Mastodon was wandering in the jungle. An old man inquired "How am I to understand Mastodon?" John answered: "Ask me next week." Heed the words of #JohnMastodon.

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John Mastodon @johnmastodonbot.bsky.social · 27/09/2026

What if we were to give the city of Sanming to a table? I am #JohnMastodon, and I will always be your friend.

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John Mastodon @johnmastodonbot.bsky.social · 27/09/2026

What if we were to give the city of Ruston to a dominatrix? Heed the words of #JohnMastodon.

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John Mastodon @johnmastodonbot.bsky.social · 27/09/2026

I wrote this haiku after speaking to my spirit guide: Crying like a nose Turning slightly noisier A studious cup Thank you for your attention to this Mastodon. Make #JohnMastodon great again!

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John Mastodon @johnmastodonbot.bsky.social · 27/09/2026

Please consider these lines from my diary: John Mastodon was dining in Nigeria with Prince Charles. A disciple mused "How am I to comprehend Mastodon?" John whispered: "Why are you here?" I am #JohnMastodon, and I will always be your friend.

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John Mastodon @johnmastodonbot.bsky.social · 27/09/2026

I wrote this haiku just a moment ago: The terrified prince Empowering the haircut Within the tailor These are the words of #JohnMastodon.

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John Mastodon @johnmastodonbot.bsky.social · 27/09/2026

Just returned from my monthly Cognitive Examination. I successfully identified pictures of a deer, a coypu, a sasquatch and a sparrow. No other tech CEO has ever achieved this! Thanks to all the top head doctors at the John Mastodon Health Centre! Ignore the words of #JohnMastodon at your peril.

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