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Jesse Maximum

@jmaq.bsky.social
249 followers 285 following 3.4K posts

Musician, writer, zinemeister, essayist…I just keep making stuff, whether I want to or not. he/them 🩷🤍💜🖤💙 linktr.ee/sharkuppercut

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Jesse Maximum @jmaq.bsky.social · 28/09/2026
It’s funny, I’ve never gotten deep into Star Trek but I was thinking recently about how refreshing it seems to make series after series that’s just “here’s a new starship full of dudes, let’s watch them at work”, compared to the inbred knot of characters that makes up mainline Star Wars.
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Jesse Maximum @jmaq.bsky.social · 26/09/2026
Not Like Us shuffled up the other day, and man that song hits like a truck now that it’s been gone for a minute. I felt a sense of pride and joy that I imagine is how “Real American” types feel on the 4th of July…like it’s intensely patriotic, but for hating. Hatriotic.
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Reposted by Jesse Maximum
boreian 🇨🇦 @boreian.bsky.social · 23/09/2026
Happy bisexual visibility day, or as I call it, AEW Dynamite
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Jesse Maximum @jmaq.bsky.social · 23/09/2026
Non-practicing over here, but really all that means is you have to leave the house and talk to people to get dick and that’s too much of a hassle these days. Hopefully someone invents DongDash (or, in a far less likely scenario, ChubHub) so I can deliver that thang right into my mouth.
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Jesse Maximum @jmaq.bsky.social · 21/09/2026
You’re either pro fascism or anti fascism. If you think you’re neither, guess what bud? … (It’s that you’re allowing the creeping spread of fascism and have ended up supporting that side through your inaction. Don’t think I have to explain it, but the internet can be dumb sometimes.)
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Jesse Maximum @jmaq.bsky.social · 21/09/2026
Aw crap. I’m never getting around to The Wolverine. The demo for this game scratched my Number Go Up itch so powerfully that I played through it multiple times. So simple but so good, and I can’t wait to see the rest of it!
IGTAP: an Incremental Game That's Also a Platformer is now available on Steam!

An item on your Steam Wishlist has just released!

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Amass an army of clones to follow your tightly-optimised path. Generate massive amounts of power to upgrade your production and movement abilities.
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Jesse Maximum @jmaq.bsky.social · 21/09/2026
Bad: I haven’t written more of my Nancy Drew pick-a-path book for like a month Rad: I’m ready for the thing to happen.
Goodbye, Mitch: A memorial EP event from JMaq

The cover has red text on black, and five slices of Mitch McConnell’s face misaligned in the center
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Jesse Maximum @jmaq.bsky.social · 21/09/2026
If you think about it, Rob Schneider was just the baby Pokémon version of Andrew Dice Clay. If you don’t think about it, you’ll be happier for it.
Rob Schneider, a slimy little weasel man with slick-backed poofy hair smiling like an idiotAndrew Dice Clay, a beefboy made of weasel meat with a greaser pompadour trying to exude cool so hard it makes him make weird noises
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Jesse Maximum @jmaq.bsky.social · 18/09/2026
R I P B E E F
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Jesse Maximum @jmaq.bsky.social · 18/09/2026
I made a short film after watching one too many Deuandra Brown movies and knowing I could do better. I didn’t do *much* better, but I made it and that’s what matters.
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Jesse Maximum @jmaq.bsky.social · 18/09/2026
“Write a short story using only the WERT keyboard” challenge.
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Jesse Maximum @jmaq.bsky.social · 17/09/2026
Get yourself something nasty.
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Jesse Maximum @jmaq.bsky.social · 14/09/2026
Nothing truer than the oddness of random bargain bin vinyl.
THOSE WERE THE DAYS by SWEET TOOTHERS

There is a picture of a vaudevillian man and a woman dressed like Little Orphan Annie dancing, with these songs listed at the bottom:

THOSE WERE THE DAYS • IDA • TAKE ME OUT TO THE BALLGAME • HINKY DINKY PARLEY VOO • GLOWORM • GOODBYE MY LADY LOVE •
WAITING AT THE CHURCH • TAKE IT OFF

Several price tags of descending prices appear in the corner, ending at 50 cents
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Jesse Maximum @jmaq.bsky.social · 14/09/2026
It struck me that all of the “why don’t Democrats support their base?” mystery is solved the moment you realize that most blue voters have been in a separate party without representation for ages. Their base is someone else entirely, and they’d rather reach out to the right than the left to grow it.
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Jesse Maximum @jmaq.bsky.social · 14/09/2026
Love to help out a fellow genderfluid artist and add to my #GarFieldi collection. Maybe throw a few dollars their way, and get a piece of low-effort art to remind yourself of that time you actually did something instead of just wishing you could do more to help.
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Jesse Maximum @jmaq.bsky.social · 13/09/2026
Birthday Cake flavor is just spicy white chocolate.
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Jesse Maximum @jmaq.bsky.social · 13/09/2026
Today is football.
Today is football.
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Jesse Maximum @jmaq.bsky.social · 13/09/2026
Okay, I think I figured out what happened here. Rey is trying to do his “slide on his belly like a penguin” bump to the outside, but Omos thinks the spot is to toss him between the first and second ropes. He holds Rey’s waistband to aid his forward momentum, but Rey’s dropping down so… boop
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Jesse Maximum @jmaq.bsky.social · 11/09/2026
It’s much easier to make a stupid joke about tragedy than to face it head on, look it right in the eye, and reckon with the loss. Here’s to another year of being weak and avoiding pain.
FRIDAY THE SEPTEMBER 11TH

in the Friday the 13th font
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Jesse Maximum @jmaq.bsky.social · 09/09/2026
They named the next Metroid game Ravenous, so what else could I do but recut the trailer with that one awesome song from the 1999 movie of the same name?
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Jesse Maximum @jmaq.bsky.social · 09/09/2026
I’ve always been fairly forgiving of tech hiccups because all of this working at all is nothing short of a miracle, but once a company has trucked with AI I see every mistake as evidence of lazy vibe coding destroying the earth to replace human jobs. It sucks!
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Jesse Maximum @jmaq.bsky.social · 09/09/2026
Digging through myself to find the woman I saw looking back from the mirror that one time. Also, Magic cards.
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Jesse Maximum @jmaq.bsky.social · 09/09/2026
It would be funny if this is an escalation of the old Smash trailers that pretended to be a new game until the invitation shows up, and later we find out this is the story mode for Smash Bros 6. Be even funnier if the whole game is just Frog Fractions 4.
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Jesse Maximum @jmaq.bsky.social · 09/09/2026
TRANS RIGHTS ARE POKÉ RIGHTS
A screenshot from Pokopia where three characters are wearing bows with the trans flag colors
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Jesse Maximum @jmaq.bsky.social · 09/09/2026
My wife and I were talking about 9/11 and I did the 6-7 hands and now I’m worried that I can’t trust myself to be in public for a couple days.
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Reposted by Jesse Maximum
Mr. Skippy, If You're Nasty @mrskippy69.myatproto.social · 07/09/2026
"Say his name, he fights back tears Please don't cry, he's joe hendry 👏👏"
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Jesse Maximum @jmaq.bsky.social · 07/09/2026
A screencap of Joe Hendry’s boo boo face combined with a YouTube frame from Shawn Michaels Lost His Smile

It’s been changed to read Joe Hendry Lost His Smile
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Jesse Maximum @jmaq.bsky.social · 07/09/2026
Last four characters you saved on your phone are your D&D party. Gotta say, coast-to-coast Skye Blue and “does not know how to hold a guitar” Deuandra riding twin Smaugs is a wonderful fever dream. And Demi is a chaos mage running after them on foot, obviously.
Demi Lardner, host of So You Wanna Win a Penis Pump, against a purple background of her own face next to the words:

Snap that pic
‘cause we’re suckin
Chimp
pussySky Blue after an especially bloody match, her white top stained red by her own bloodDeuandra in front of an AI generated bedroom from her video for the song Liar

She is holding a guitar wrong, fretting with her dominant hand and barely strumming along with her thumb while holding the bottom of the guitar with strained, outstretched fingersTwo copies of the Magic card Smaug the Magnificent
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Reposted by Jesse Maximum
FLUKE Small Press Explosion @flukeathens.bsky.social · 06/09/2026
Tell everyone you know.
A poster for FLUKE 2027, a small press festival happening on March 27, 2027. The poster says that the lottery for exhibitor spaces will open in January 2027 and that more information is available at flukeathens.com. The design is 100% ripped off from the cover of a book found in a Czech train station in one of those “little free library” boxes.
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Jesse Maximum @jmaq.bsky.social · 06/09/2026
The amount of times I’ve said “Hey guys. I’m Macarena Man. Oh dios mios.” It’s more than once. That’s weird.
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Jesse Maximum @jmaq.bsky.social · 06/09/2026
I briefly met the Butcher at an LVAC show and he was kinder and humbler than a man of his beefiness needed to be. He was super pumped that I’d heard of the team before that night and thanked me for caring. That’s so cool. I hate losing real ones. This sucks.
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Jesse Maximum @jmaq.bsky.social · 05/09/2026
Hi, I’m Jesse Mack, writer, musician, zinester, etc. I like in Destiny’s Child’s Say My Name when there’s a little *[boing?]* sound, right near the end of line three of the prechorus.
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Jesse Maximum @jmaq.bsky.social · 05/09/2026
I’ve never been a Frank Sinatra guy, but after hearing this moment I *might* be a Frank Sinatra guy *now*.
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Jesse Maximum @jmaq.bsky.social · 05/09/2026
Bad news: Iggy Azalea had a song where she says to “sip this pussy like it’s styrofoam”, and now you know about it.
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Jesse Maximum @jmaq.bsky.social · 05/09/2026
That’s my human horse!
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Jesse Maximum @jmaq.bsky.social · 05/09/2026
It’s still very weird that Rebecca Black is getting a second act. Even weirder that she’s doing real work. Between this and the Tom Hardy rap album, the last few weeks have been wild.
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Jesse Maximum @jmaq.bsky.social · 05/09/2026
“what about video games?” [LANA DEL REY INTENSIFIES]
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Jesse Maximum @jmaq.bsky.social · 01/09/2026
It's the first day of September, which means it's time for everyone's least favorite meme! #deuandrasky
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Jesse Maximum @jmaq.bsky.social · 31/08/2026
👏🏻LET 👏🏻MERCEDES 👏🏻PLAY 👏🏻THE JOKER
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Jesse Maximum @jmaq.bsky.social · 31/08/2026
This really makes me wonder how bad Lance Anoa’i was to be the only family member to not be brought into the Bloodline.
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Reposted by Jesse Maximum
Kyle Starks @thekylestarks.bsky.social · 30/08/2026
LOUISE SPROUSE STOLE MY HEART AND I HAVE TWO HOURS TO GET IT BACK is a coming-of-age hitman comic that goes live in *TWO DAYS*! Please follow to be notified of it's launch! www.kickstarter.com/projects/the... #kickstarter #kickstartercomics #comics #selfpublished
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Jesse Maximum @jmaq.bsky.social · 29/08/2026
This is just a regular Saturday in America. (It wasn’t always as obvious that being proud to be an American was ridiculous, but there were some clues.)
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Jesse Maximum @jmaq.bsky.social · 29/08/2026
Aw man. It’s pretty good. That’s weird.
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Jesse Maximum @jmaq.bsky.social · 27/08/2026
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Jesse Maximum @jmaq.bsky.social · 27/08/2026
Season one of So You Wanna Win A Penis Pump was so beautiful and anarchic and stupid and funny that I thought there’d never be a season two. Luckily for all of us, Grouse House is insane.
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Jesse Maximum @jmaq.bsky.social · 23/08/2026
Every time @maffewgregg.bsky.social puts out a new Botchamania, I remember I should be making more dumb little wrestling videos. Anyway, here’s The Wall.
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Jesse Maximum @jmaq.bsky.social · 22/08/2026
It works better than I possibly could have imagined.
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Jesse Maximum @jmaq.bsky.social · 20/08/2026
I ordered a tiny binder to hold my pricey Magic cards, and while I considered the one comnatible wth snortcards I ended up buying the one with the water resostamt sirface.
Hijvxk
Visit the Store
4.5 *

4 Pocket 400 Trading Card Binder, Pebbled Faux Leather, Black
Double sided pocket, top loading, wear-resistant and waterproof, with handle, for MTG, TCG, game cards, sport cards

COMNATIBLEWTH
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Card book with multiple colors to choose from
Pokemon Cards
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Visit the Store
4.7 *

GERMUN 4 Pocket Card Binder, Premium Zip Trading Card Binder, 400 Double Sided Pocket PU Card Collection Binder, Collector Card Album, Card Folder for MTG, TCG, Sports Cards, Game Cards (Black)

Overall Pick

WATER RESOSTAMT SIRFACE
WATERPROOF
Transparent Pages
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Jesse Maximum @jmaq.bsky.social · 18/08/2026
Easton is starving for the souls of men and the triumph of taking away another man’s dreams through violent combat
A picture of the Charles Chrin Community Center, a building that hosted multiple King of Trios tournaments and would lovingly be dubbed the Chikara Funplex, in front of a psychedelic background

Blocky text underneath reads THE FUNPLEX HUNGERS
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Jesse Maximum @jmaq.bsky.social · 18/08/2026
The porn version of Stone Cold Steve Austin would be Bone Cold Beave Bustin. This is a scientific fact.
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