iiinova — where your digital self keeps evolving

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Chris @jazzhandmedowns.bsky.social · 21/08/2025

I'm 5 days late in responding because my plans for any given week usually don't result in me executing on said plans, but I FINALLY got myself out last night to see a local band I've been wanting to see forever. And oh my GOODness, this woman's voice! Check out Mutual Head! youtu.be/t0qmN4RtkCE

youtu.be

Queen of Nothing

YouTube video by Mutual Head - Topic

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Chris @jazzhandmedowns.bsky.social · 14/08/2025

I guess I've reached my breaking point for cold-call text messages from sales guys pretending like we've ever interacted before.

A text message exchange:

"Hi Chris, it's <censored> checking in! I noticed it's been a while since we last connected. Are you still considering buying a home, or have your plans changed? Let me know how I can assist you!"

reply:

"wtf. Chris took his own life two months ago. How fucking dare you. He's living in an urn. Are you selling urns? Go get a ouija board and ask him there, ok?

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Chris @jazzhandmedowns.bsky.social · 13/08/2025

I love Gilliam, but Spielberg did this one movie 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘢 𝘥𝘶𝘥𝘦 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘵 𝘢 𝘴𝘩𝘢𝘳𝘬 𝘐𝘕 𝘛𝘏𝘌 𝘍𝘈𝘊𝘌. That's not "stupid"; it's literally the American Dream! bsky.app/profile/derf...

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Chris @jazzhandmedowns.bsky.social · 13/08/2025

Why does actor and underage-orgy enthusiast Rob Lowe want to know what happens to my dog when I feed him bananas? That's none of your business, Rob Lowe—get a new fetish, you voyeuristic freak!

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Chris @jazzhandmedowns.bsky.social · 12/08/2025

Analogously, following 1994's 𝘑𝘢𝘳 𝘰𝘧 𝘍𝘭𝘪𝘦𝘴, Alice in Chains hadn't toured for over a year before entering the studio to record 𝘈𝘭𝘪𝘤𝘦 𝘪𝘯 𝘊𝘩𝘢𝘪𝘯𝘴. Being away from the suspended state of emotional animation of touring yielded yet another Grammy-nominated hit about ordinary life: bsky.app/profile/mich...

Ah, ooh
Doot-doot, yeah
Doot-doot, yeah
Doot-doot, yeah
Doot-doot, yeah
Doot-doot, yeah
Doot-doot, yeah
Doot-doot, yeah
Doot-doot

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Chris @jazzhandmedowns.bsky.social · 01/08/2025

I need gallery space for an art installation consisting of 5 rooms, each representing the stages of grief. "Anger": visitors are blindfolded and provided a bat to smash everything in the room. Removal of the blindfold reveals that the destroyed objects were their personal possessions.

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Chris @jazzhandmedowns.bsky.social · 01/08/2025

When the little shit manning the counter completely lowballs your vinyl collection and suggests that the Aron Carter autograph is a fake because “He spells it with two A's, like on the album cover” and you set 'em straight with a "Welp, looks like you just lost yourself a customer."

Steven Seagal walking out of a record store clutching a handful of albums, including Eve 6, Shania Twain, the Top Gun soundtrack, Billy Joel, Kenny G, and Steven Seagal's "Songs from the Crystal Cave" & "Mojo Priest."

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Chris @jazzhandmedowns.bsky.social · 31/07/2025

Okay, so apparently if I want an image of "Pamela Anderson and Liam Neeson at The Naked Gun Premier, and Neeson has visible pee stains, because apparently he's just allowed to piss himself in public all the time with no backlash", I have to make it myself? Fine.

Pamela Anderson and Liam Neeson at The Naked Gun Premier, and Neeson has visible pee stains, because apparently he's just allowed to piss himself in public all the time with no backlash

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Chris @jazzhandmedowns.bsky.social · 18/07/2025

You've gotta hand it to this season's writers who were like "What if when people go searching for whether Trump has ever used the word 'enigma', the only video of him doing so also has him talking about child molestation?" youtu.be/aK26UbEazvg?...

youtu.be

Trump Mentions Molesation In Carson Rant | MSNBC

YouTube video by MSNBC

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Chris @jazzhandmedowns.bsky.social · 16/07/2025

At this point, the most likely scenario is that Trump and Clinton separately hired an assassin to take out Epstein, and the missing video footage shows that both would-be killers coincidentally arrived at the exact same time, only to discover that Epstein had killed himself just a few moments prior.

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Chris @jazzhandmedowns.bsky.social · 11/07/2025

Somewhere in Twitter HQ, Musk is hovering over some poor H-1B worker demanding them to cut and paste "Grok's entire source code file" into the query window over and over—"Is it AGI yet? No? Again! How about now? Again! AgainAgainAgain!" bsky.app/profile/pale...

You can cut & paste your entire source code file into the query entry box on http://grok.com and @Grok
4 will fix it for you!

This is what everyone @xAI
does. Works better than Cursor.

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Tony Tulathimutte @tonytula.com · 10/07/2025

impossible not to hear this in Patrick Bateman's voice

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Chris @jazzhandmedowns.bsky.social · 09/07/2025

We need youth, and we need charisma. Chester Carville, Jr. has been absolutely KILLING IT at an advisory level for YEARS behind the scenes, and if the Democratic Party has ANY chance at success in 2026, it absolutely goes through him. bsky.app/profile/mari...

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Chris @jazzhandmedowns.bsky.social · 27/06/2025

My wife: The dog just settled down for his nap, PLEASE don't get him worked up. Me:

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Chris @jazzhandmedowns.bsky.social · 25/06/2025

Imagine it's just a few months after 𝘕𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘥 and 𝘛𝘦𝘯 changed the world and you're worried that metal is dead. You get to band practice and a giddy Dave Mustaine is all "Hey guys, I wrote a little sumthin' that's gonna make 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺one forget about that grunge nonsense," and then he hits you with

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Chris @jazzhandmedowns.bsky.social · 24/06/2025

What actor's expression in a movie will stay with you for the rest of your life?

Chief Brody on the Orca with a cigarette hanging out of his mouth right after he first saw Jaws in the movie Jaws

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Chris @jazzhandmedowns.bsky.social · 24/06/2025

BREAKING: The Disembodied Holographic Head of Jeffrey Epstein Announces "I Didn't Kill Myself, But I'd Kill To Vote Andrew Cuomo"!

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Chris @jazzhandmedowns.bsky.social · 17/06/2025

This show was soooooo ahead of it's time, and it's a shame that the studio panicked and dropped Cuff & Link not even like halfway through the first season—you gotta give a show some time to breathe and find its audience!

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Chris @jazzhandmedowns.bsky.social · 05/06/2025

Do you think Seth Green still looks at his ape, or do you think he got mad at it? youtu.be/kHHT5iUeV8g?...

youtu.be

Maybe the most embarrassing shit I've ever seen. The trailer for Seth Green's Nft show.

YouTube video by deeply diseased

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Chris @jazzhandmedowns.bsky.social · 02/06/2025

Me: I have a very particular set of skills. Skills I have acquired over a very long career... Guy On Bus [removing earbuds]: huh? You talking to me? Me: Specifically, dressing up my knee as beloved & not-so-beloved figures from cinema. Oh, and a certain elegant First Lady bsky.app/profile/jazz...

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Chris @jazzhandmedowns.bsky.social · 01/06/2025

Also, this isn't just “Ukrainians are insanely good at covertly planning and executing extraordinarily difficult missions" without tipping off Russian intelligence, but also *US* intelligence, because they absolutely couldn't risk the current US admin betraying them to Putin bsky.app/profile/fain...

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Chris @jazzhandmedowns.bsky.social · 27/05/2025

It's a shame that Vanilla Ice got robbed from playing Thomas J opposite Anna Chlumsky in 𝘔𝘺 𝘎𝘪𝘳𝘭, and we're forever just stuck dreaming about what might have been. He NAILED what was leaked from his audition tape (rumor is he brought his own hive of bees, but I'm not sure if I buy that one, lol)

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Chris @jazzhandmedowns.bsky.social · 24/05/2025

Suffering from an index finger that's COLD and DRY? Tired of throwing away dollar after dollar on expensive solutions that SIMPLY DON'T WORK? Introducing The Little Dog, "Keeping Index Fingers Warm And Moist Since 2024!"

A little brown and white dog that's sleeping. Someone is resting their index finger in his mouth.

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Chris @jazzhandmedowns.bsky.social · 19/05/2025

Man, say what you will about ChatGPT, but the 4o model is *really* starting to show signs of actual "intelligence." Two years ago, it would've answered: 1) Mr. Snuffleupagus 2) Bad Santa 3) Sorry, I couldn't find any information about a TV show called Gilmore Girls

Sure — here’s my definitive ranking of the Gilmore Girls, from worst to best:

Rory Gilmore

Emily Gilmore

Lorelai Gilmore

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Chris @jazzhandmedowns.bsky.social · 19/05/2025

Trying to get your new pup to stop humping the couch? Were you advised to hump it yourself (or maybe hump HIM) in an effort to assert dominance? Wrong! Most trainers recommend against it!

A screenshot from the https://old.reddit.com/r/dogtraining/wiki/dominance Wiki page

Examples of things people sometimes try in the name of "dominance" that are useless, harmful, silly, or downright absurd. Avoid these. (Yes, most of these come from real advice comments we've removed in this subreddit!)

eating before your dog
pretending to eat dog's food from its bowl
spitting in dog's food
spitting in dog's mouth
walking in front of dog at all times
forcing dog into uncomfortable positions and preventing them from getting away
growling at your dog
biting your dog
"correcting" (aka punishing) your dog for aggressive behaviour
pressing your forehead against your dog's forehead
peeing on your dog's toys/food
peeing on top of your dog's pee/on your dog
wiping your pee onto your dog with a cloth/paper towel
humping stuff your dog humps
humping your dog

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Chris @jazzhandmedowns.bsky.social · 18/05/2025

Okay, so why didn't anyone ever inform me that the Rush guy was the result of some sicko cramming Bono and 𝘓𝘪𝘷𝘦 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘙𝘦𝘨𝘪𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘒𝘢𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘦 𝘓𝘦𝘦 producer Michael Gelman into a Brundle Pod? It seriously explains so so much.

An image depicting Bono and Gelman in front of one Brundle Pod, and Geddy Lee in front of another

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Chris @jazzhandmedowns.bsky.social · 16/05/2025

I love that trope where the boy takes off the nerdy girl’s glasses and it turns out she was actually a real piece of shit.

A VHS copy of She's A Real Piece Of Shit, starring Freddie Prinze, Jr and
Rachael Leigh Cook.
The bottom of the box has a quote: "This Girl F*cking Sucks" - ABC-TV

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Chris @jazzhandmedowns.bsky.social · 17/05/2025

Sir Ian McKellen didn't study Shakespeare with dreams of strutting his ass in a lonely blue room

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Chris @jazzhandmedowns.bsky.social · 17/05/2025

Is this where I'm supposed to brag about how 6 months into staring at me knees during the pandemic, delirium hit me with sudden inspiration to dress them up as Jackie Kenneknee Onassis, Eugkneene Levy, and Paulknee Shore aka The Knee-sal?

My knee dressed up as Jackie Kenneknee Onassis. She's wearing a headwrap, sunglasses, and drinking a White Claw with a straw.

The poster for Son In Law, featuring my knee dressed up as Paulknee Shore

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Chris @jazzhandmedowns.bsky.social · 18/05/2025

I'm at the age where my doctor said I should get screened for colon cancer, so I mailed my poop to Wisconsin and got a text message a day later that I gotta do it again because my morning dump was too big. This is so fucking embarrassing. cc: @octopuscaveman.bsky.social

"Looks like your sample was too big. Don't worry, we can help you collect a new one."

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Chris @jazzhandmedowns.bsky.social · 17/05/2025

What's your dancing style like?

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Chris @jazzhandmedowns.bsky.social · 16/05/2025

Smylie built this with a box of scraps in less than 48 hours. Meanwhile, if you sealed Elon Musk in a cave with a box of scraps and checked in on him in 48 hours, you'd find: no box, twice as many scraps, and the 47-hour-old corpse of Elon Musk missing a limb. bsky.app/profile/nyti...

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Chris @jazzhandmedowns.bsky.social · 13/05/2025

By the phrasing here, the implication is that in Jersey, there's also an 𝘪𝘭𝘭𝘦𝘨𝘢𝘭 way to sell photos of one's feet? Presumably, it's like the ban on hawking loosie cigarettes—you can't be standing outside a gas station selling pics of a single toe. bsky.app/profile/chri...

Rebecca Holloway, a former Clementon school board member challenging incumbents Louis Greenwald (D-Voorhees) and Melinda Kane (D-Cherry Hill) in 6th legislative district, has been legally selling photos of her feet in various poses on Feetfinder.com for the last two years.

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Chris @jazzhandmedowns.bsky.social · 13/05/2025

RFK JR's lesson from the Zapruder film is that if JFK had drank a raw milk & sewage smoothie that AM, he would've been doubled over in that car, trying his best to not shit out his intestines all over Jackie's pink Chanel suit—Oswald wouldn't have had a shot. Diarrhea could've saved a man's life.

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Chris @jazzhandmedowns.bsky.social · 09/05/2025

No one's gonna stand for staring down empty shelves and calling their partner to explain: "Hey babe, all they got is British rubbers. The sizes are all fucky, though. They got: 𝘓𝘪𝘮𝘦𝘺!, 𝘐𝘵'𝘴 𝘈 𝘞𝘦𝘦 𝘉𝘪𝘵, 𝘐𝘯𝘯𝘪𝘵?, & 𝘈 𝘓𝘰𝘢𝘥 𝘖𝘧 𝘛𝘰𝘴𝘩. I dunno, you wanna just do hand stuff tonight?" bsky.app/profile/jkuz...

United States Imports from United Kingdom
Rubbers $275.09M 2024

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Chris @jazzhandmedowns.bsky.social · 09/05/2025

Legit had no idea Prevost did a bit of a voice work back in the 80s. Always cool when you find out someone was part of your childhood like that without you even knowing

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Chris @jazzhandmedowns.bsky.social · 09/05/2025

Apparently we definitely have our first 𝘛𝘰𝘶𝘤𝘩 𝘈𝘯𝘥 𝘎𝘰 Pope? I desperately need to know his favorite track off Lungs

A May 8, 2024 tweet from @drprevost:
"Hell just got a little bit cooler.

RIP to a real one, from your favorite roadie"

There is a photo of Robert Prevost on stage with Big Black

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Chris @jazzhandmedowns.bsky.social · 08/05/2025

I just don't think old people should be giving each other handies in public

Meryl Streep giving Martin Short a handjob

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Chris @jazzhandmedowns.bsky.social · 08/05/2025

When it comes to staying at a B&B in the Transylvanian backcountry, I want to be free to form a relationship with the local dracula, look him in the eyes, pet his Renfield, and then decide if I feel safe to ritualistically drink the blood from his opulent chalice bsky.app/profile/bgru...

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Chris @jazzhandmedowns.bsky.social · 07/05/2025

Hiring Manager: So why do you want to join our team? What makes you stand out above all the other candidates? Me, on two hours sleep, hunting my hangover for the name of their damn clown mascot: bsky.app/profile/jame...

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Chris @jazzhandmedowns.bsky.social · 03/05/2025

Handing my barber one of these photos when he says "What'll it be today?" and getting pissed when it doesn't look as good as the picture

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Chris @jazzhandmedowns.bsky.social · 02/05/2025

Love that the map that's being used to mock these respondents conveniently leaves out Alaska and Hawaii, which would: 1) prove these people correct 2) reveal that Hawaii is part of the Deep South bsky.app/profile/jera...

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Chris @jazzhandmedowns.bsky.social · 02/05/2025

You just reminded me of John Cunningham, that fucking jabroni mantis. I wonder what he's up to these days

A 2020 tweet from me that reads:
"Man, I'm a little out of it while scrolling my TL tonight and thought I was reading a comment on this pic.

I was like, "Wait what, this mantis has a name? And it's John Cunningham??? I wonder why this guy's so pissed at this bug."

There is a screenshot of a tweet by @pickle_water that says "Strike a pose", accompanied by two photos of a mantis, followed by tweet from @grumpanarchy that says "Can finally put a name to this clown: John Cunningham. What's up John, you fucking Jabroni"

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Chris @jazzhandmedowns.bsky.social · 01/05/2025

A better prompt would be "What's a great album released 15 years after a musical act's debut when there was no expectation of them releasing an album of even modest quality that late in their career?" There's zero reason I should've been slamming new Jesus Lizard in 2024! bsky.app/profile/judd...

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