A wild attempt at a “gotcha” moment resulted in the ass/hole-in-ground mix-up.

“Two and nine have treated me very unfairly," he said.

Also: Nevada checks DHS’s “noncitizens” and finds citizens, a judge throws out Trump’s lawsuit against a pollster, and Illinois writes the AI rules Washington won’t.

Your weekend reminder that the fight is working

Texas, Florida, Hong Kong, and A Bad Week for MAGA

The pictures that CNN, MS NOW, and Politico couldn't take.

A Republican effort to use a new congressional map that would eliminate one of the two Democratic-held districts in the state has again failed in court.

Many lawmakers, including some top Republicans, say the "pocket rescission" tactic is illegal.

Also: North Carolina’s ballot trap under fire, data centers get the grid upgrade bills in California, and 260,000 shorted DoorDash workers win more than $115 million

All three outlets had been turned away earlier Thursday despite a judge’s order that the White House temporarily reinstate their access.

“It is our duty as trustees of the Adolf Hitler Estate to ensure that the Fuhrer’s intellectual property rights are vigorously protected.”

Also: Trump tells the UN he’s keeping Venezuela’s oil, bans three newsrooms and loses in court, and Republicans can feel November coming.

The move comes after the Secret Service confiscated another POLITICO reporter’s White House pass Thursday morning, despite a judge ordering the Trump administration to restore access.

POLITICO, CNN and MS NOW are seeking a restraining order to restore reporters’ access

A new feature from The Borowitz Report

Also: Trump’s watchdog quit on 55,000 car buyers. Then Letitia James showed up. Plus the wind farm the regime tried to stop twice, and why a county’s Flock cameras are wearing trash bags.

Ooops! Too late!

His own judge killed his scheme, FEMA’s cuts stopped, the Kennedy Center still isn’t named after him—and five more.

TBR Midterms HQ

The announcement late Wednesday follows mounting public calls to slow the pace of the technology’s development, with U.S. tech bosses voicing grave safety concerns.

Also: a search-history ban, an insurance industry forced to pay, and 151 vetoes in one session

“These people are sick and evil!" Trump said in a post on Truth Social.

Plus: Whistleblower sounds alarm on agents posing as voters, a governor’s pen killed a Supreme Court case, and Letitia James is back for round two

House Republican leaders cancelled votes planned for Thursday. Members won’t return to Washington until Nov. 9.

In a leaked phone call with Justice Brett Kavanaugh, Trump said that the 7-2 decision meant “I just need to find three votes.”

The Congressional Budget Office said the prolonged military campaign will hit $2 billion to $3 billion a month.

Trump said a planned renovation won’t happen until the building is allowed to be renamed.

The Congressional Budget Office estimates that inflation will continue to rise in the first quarter of next year.

A Texas county admitted why it moved the lines. The Supreme Court refused to save Trump’s ballot rule. And FEMA’s head of personnel spent Christmas trying to save 303 jobs.

"Isn’t artificial intelligence better than none at all?”

Justices turn down administration’s bid to have Postal Service enforce new voting requirements before midterms.

A professor, a VA employee, and an attorney general who filed eleven times before a court answered

McConnell was applauded by other members of the Republican Party's brain-dead caucus

The Andy Borowitz Show

The regime can’t stop losing

$47 million in midterm ads, no Trump on the disclaimer, and one address that ties it all back to his super PAC

A top White House official suggested Congress would use a budget process to fund them. Vice President JD Vance had said tariff revenues.

“And to be clear, we’re talking American dollars, not Canadian.”

No one is buying it, Donnie.

City Hall’s lawyers made a list, then tracked who came looking for it. Plus: an HHS study that only asked about one side’s violence, and the clipboard that beat Trump.

Thousands are desperate to sound Canadian while abroad.

Honoring an intrepid journalist.

And: the machine that fed ICE 47,000 home addresses, the memo that sank the regime’s own lawsuit, and the state that fought Trump’s health care cuts one person at a time