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Jasper J. Jaspers @jaspers47.bsky.social · 7h

(Votive featuring Mary Pickford burns solemnly in a darkened auditorium)

Jasper J. Jaspers @jaspers47.bsky.social · 06/10/2026

Flyboys is such a shit movie, I literally livetweeted a hatewatch of it on the Old Site. It was the only way I could get through it. These are the creative minds now in control of ~20% of Hollywood

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Jasper J. Jaspers @jaspers47.bsky.social · 06/10/2026

Step right up folks, see the human geek. Two bits a gander. God's cruelest mistake. So horrifying, you'll forget you're supposed to hate James Franco.

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Jasper J. Jaspers @jaspers47.bsky.social · 06/10/2026

A lot of people didn't understand why it was so funny when it was revealed Elon Musk paid somebody to play League of Legends on his behalf.

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Jasper J. Jaspers @jaspers47.bsky.social · 05/10/2026

The ghost of Pete Rose openly asking anyone around him: "Are you fucking kidding me with this shit?"

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Jasper J. Jaspers @jaspers47.bsky.social · 05/10/2026

Nominitive determinism led her to being an actress

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Jasper J. Jaspers @jaspers47.bsky.social · 04/10/2026

Not going to type it all out like it's a Norm MacDonald set, but it involves a dwarven psychic on run from the police, and the punchline is "We're looking for a small medium at large"

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Jasper J. Jaspers @jaspers47.bsky.social · 03/10/2026

The origin of the retitled paintings thread

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Jasper J. Jaspers @jaspers47.bsky.social · 03/10/2026

"Gentlemen, how do we kill the Batman?"

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Jasper J. Jaspers @jaspers47.bsky.social · 01/10/2026

Question one: Who won the 2020 Presidential Election?

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Jasper J. Jaspers @jaspers47.bsky.social · 01/10/2026

Throw ze preesonahrs eento zhe cells. Zhe leetle grey cells.

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Jasper J. Jaspers @jaspers47.bsky.social · 30/09/2026

Adult is purely honorific. He was more of a kid-and-a-half

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Jasper J. Jaspers @jaspers47.bsky.social · 30/09/2026

The guy talks with the naivety that anybody talks negatively about their boss after work

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Jasper J. Jaspers @jaspers47.bsky.social · 30/09/2026

I'm not going to spoil anything, but these complaints are not wrong, just in a way you haven't considered

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Jasper J. Jaspers @jaspers47.bsky.social · 30/09/2026

Down in the mouth, senator Eric Schmitt returns to Missouri, hoping to lift his spirits and downplay his tarnished reputation by arranging to see the Blues home opener

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Jasper J. Jaspers @jaspers47.bsky.social · 29/09/2026

I literally fucking laughed when they got to the actual Digger scenes. Just so shameless and desperate. "Pleeeeeease can I have an Oscar?"

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Jasper J. Jaspers @jaspers47.bsky.social · 28/09/2026

The same goes with American history, especially considering the Civil War, the Wild West, and 50s suburbia

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Jasper J. Jaspers @jaspers47.bsky.social · 28/09/2026

Step 1: Create a network of LLMs and Image Generators Step 2: Lobby congress for Kafkaesque roadblocks to adult websites Step 3: Convince the world data centers are a trillion dollar necessity Final step: Own a smut empire the likes of which Larry Flynt could never have dreamed of.

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Jasper J. Jaspers @jaspers47.bsky.social · 28/09/2026

Being the Token Adult on a kid-com is a thankless task. You're written to be an idiot or a curmudgeon, and what few plotlines you get concern how undignified your life is. But when you do the job well, the series is all the stronger for it. Glasses up for Kirk.

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Jasper J. Jaspers @jaspers47.bsky.social · 27/09/2026

Honestly, the longer people talk about it, the less I think "Oh, people must really like Choosin' Texas" and the more I think "It's 1999, stop doing the Macarena, it's getting embarrassing"

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Jasper J. Jaspers @jaspers47.bsky.social · 27/09/2026

I've heard the song, but that's because I work someplace that pumps in muzak 24/7. It plays alongside David Guetta and Bebe Rexha's (Cover? Remix? Homage?) variation of Eiffel 65's Blue. No one's calling that one a once-in-a-generation musical accomplishment.

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Jasper J. Jaspers @jaspers47.bsky.social · 27/09/2026

Down at the ol' general store, townfolk gather on the stoop after sundown, either resting a spell in a nice rocking chair, or circle 'round the pickle barrel for a game of checkers, all while listening to pop-country on Hank's bluetooth speaker.

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