James @jamesgotjokes.bsky.social · 26/09/2025“yo ah you fuckin retahhdid???” - commonly asked question in Boston, MA 000 0
James @jamesgotjokes.bsky.social · 22/09/2025every day I open this app and I see some bomb-ass titties, so I just wanna thank all the bomb-ass titty havers that post those bomb-ass titties for me. rlly preciate it. 000 0
James @jamesgotjokes.bsky.social · 10/09/2025you’re in her DM’s, I’m bruising her cervix…we are not the same 000 0
James @jamesgotjokes.bsky.social · 02/09/2025you scratch my back I’ll suck your dick, or however that saying goes 000 0
James @jamesgotjokes.bsky.social · 28/08/2025all I need in this life is a dog that knows how to ride one of those electric unicycles, and two of those electric unicycles 000 0
James @jamesgotjokes.bsky.social · 25/07/2025“never needed anybody” gf 🤝 “here let me get that for you” bf 000 0
James @jamesgotjokes.bsky.social · 26/06/2025at work I act like a hard-ass but then I go home and sing Connie Francis songs to my cat 000 0
James @jamesgotjokes.bsky.social · 02/12/2024hello 911? my pee smells like asparagus but I didn’t eat any asparagus, please send Neil deGrasse Tyson immediately 000 0
James @jamesgotjokes.bsky.social · 16/07/2024Holding my cat just now and he shifted his weight in my arms and I accidentally touched his butthole. Does anyone know where I can go for a back-alley amputation? 000 0
James @jamesgotjokes.bsky.social · 14/07/2024the only way Biden stands a chance now is if he comes out as trans 000 0
James @jamesgotjokes.bsky.social · 11/07/2024High ponytail; totally fine. High heels; love ‘em. But, if you ever see a woman with a high ponytail in high heels coming your way, you turn and you RUN. This is information that could potentially save your life. 000 0
James @jamesgotjokes.bsky.social · 28/06/2024TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN (women on dating apps): stop putting “giving this one last try” or “let’s see how this goes” or “decided to try out ______” in your dating profile bio we’re all desperate here, you’re not fooling anyone 000 0
James @jamesgotjokes.bsky.social · 31/05/2024here he comes, your politician stage magician, little difference 000 0
James @jamesgotjokes.bsky.social · 08/05/2024it’s a short walk from the castle to the shithouse 000 0
James @jamesgotjokes.bsky.social · 27/04/2024I tell someone to go fuck themselves like 20 times a day but I only really mean it like 6 or 7 of those times 000 0
James @jamesgotjokes.bsky.social · 26/04/2024istfg if I see one more instagram “influencer” cooking a tomahawk steak in a cast iron skillet in the middle of the fkn woods I’m gonna lodge a tomahawk in their fkn forehead 000 0
James @jamesgotjokes.bsky.social · 25/04/2024Had a dream last night about the time in second grade when I called my teacher “mom” and everyone laughed at me. Gonna be a terrible day. 010 0
James @jamesgotjokes.bsky.social · 22/04/2024TIL this weekend: flame retardant and fireproof are not the same thing 000 0
James @jamesgotjokes.bsky.social · 19/04/2024the fact that you can walk into CVS and buy a dildo now is wildly hilarious to me 😆 000 0
James @jamesgotjokes.bsky.social · 10/04/2024I lasted 11 minutes in bed last night where’s my Nike sponsorship 000 0
James @jamesgotjokes.bsky.social · 09/04/2024Millennials, you ready to feel old? Jenna Jameson is 50 now. 000 0
James @jamesgotjokes.bsky.social · 06/04/2024(out to dinner) waiter: I’m sorry sir but we actually don’t serve Hawaiian Punch here 000 0
James @jamesgotjokes.bsky.social · 04/04/2024it’s time to put some mercury on these microchips, or whatever tf those startards have been saying this week 000 0
James @jamesgotjokes.bsky.social · 02/04/2024Just bought The Holy Bible by Donald James Trump. Cannot put it down. This Jesus guy is pretty interesting, I wonder if Donald based him on a real person. Thoughts???? 000 0
James @jamesgotjokes.bsky.social · 01/04/2024they called it an Easter Egg Hunt, but it was really a search for myself 100 0
James @jamesgotjokes.bsky.social · 23/03/2024If you’re already attracted to Timothée Chalamet, definitely do NOT watch Wonka, which is currently streaming on Max. Wanna bang that lil’ guy so bad rn. 000 0
James @jamesgotjokes.bsky.social · 23/03/2024If I ever told you, “Don’t worry, I got your back on this…” then you know I meant that shit, and that I’d be there until the bitter end. And if I ever told you, “go fuck yourself” then you know I meant that shit too, and I’ll be there at your bitter end. 000 0
Reposted by JamesJon Bois @jonbois.bsky.social · 17/03/2024making up excuses kicks ass. it can save you so much trouble and lots of work, plus it's just fun to do 1469180 0
James @jamesgotjokes.bsky.social · 11/03/2024I’ve never seen daylight do anything that warranted us “saving” it tbh…daylight can go eggplant emoji itself I want my hour of sleep back 100 0
James @jamesgotjokes.bsky.social · 10/03/2024you can either suffer the pain of discipline or you can suffer the pain of reliving your birth trauma in your bathtub on a Saturday night because your cat gave you too much acid 000 0
James @jamesgotjokes.bsky.social · 08/03/2024you’ll be lucky if I’m here monday, put it that way 010 0
James @jamesgotjokes.bsky.social · 08/03/2024I just freed up 12GB of storage on my phone simply by deleting all of the duplicate photos and accidental screenshots I’ve taken over the past 5 years AMA 000 0
James @jamesgotjokes.bsky.social · 06/03/2024stop calling it snail mail and start calling it vintage artisanal mail 000 0
James @jamesgotjokes.bsky.social · 06/03/2024there was a very dark period in my youth when my parents decided we were gonna be an I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter family…it didn’t last very long, but it took us YEARS to be a family again after that 000 0
James @jamesgotjokes.bsky.social · 06/03/2024sometimes in a work meeting I’ll say “mastrubate” instead of “masturbate” and when someone corrects me I go, “ohhhhh SO-RRY you fucking PERVERT” that’s usually my last day but it’s always worth it 000 0
James @jamesgotjokes.bsky.social · 05/03/2024if you had sex with me in 2023 you can claim me on your 2024 tax return under “charitable donations” 000 0
