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Jack Walsh

@jackwaltimore.bsky.social
2.2K followers 328 following 19.2K posts

Despair would be appropriate in principle, but it is pointless in practice. And to all relevant parties, I'll see you in hell.

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Jack Walsh @jackwaltimore.bsky.social · 12h
Like, *someone* is the open-ended aspect that determines the value proposition, mainly because their age would drag the whole thing out and make the compromise to my sexual identity and sense of self more agonizing, but is that worth $30,000 on general principle? Probably.
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Jack Walsh @jackwaltimore.bsky.social · 12h
Would I blow someone for $30,000? That's a complicated answer.
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Jack Walsh @jackwaltimore.bsky.social · 12h
If he's not a Russian agent then why did he turn the Pentagon into the Soviet Defense Ministry?
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Jack Walsh @jackwaltimore.bsky.social · 15h
A blue-haired feminist college learns the error of her liberal ways after traveling back in time to a living, breathing representation of Roman Jerusalem and meeting a bad actor who plays Jesus—this is the future.
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Jack Walsh @jackwaltimore.bsky.social · 15h
One thing I kinda look forward to about AI production is that Christian movie studios are going to produce an even mix of A: vivid depictions of the ancient world previously beyond their reach and B: the most stupendously, operatically misguided shit that has ever been committed to visual media.
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Jack Walsh @jackwaltimore.bsky.social · 15h
Will the Canadian Foreign Ministry have any issues with me becoming a Canadian citizen purely out of spite, or is that encouraged at this point? You can think of it as solidarity with the betrayed binational spirit of Anglophone North America if you need to, but we all know what it is...
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Jack Walsh @jackwaltimore.bsky.social · 16h
I found out that I have the right to become a Canadian citizen so I'm proud to announce that I'm now half-assedly pursuing that.
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Jack Walsh @jackwaltimore.bsky.social · 16h
Marco Rubio in Dave Chappelle's white guy makeup.
020 2
Jack Walsh @jackwaltimore.bsky.social · 16h
The IC is at it again!
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Jack Walsh @jackwaltimore.bsky.social · 16h
Let's get weird.
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Jack Walsh @jackwaltimore.bsky.social · 17h
Mike Rogers is down to 3% of the Arab vote at this point.
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Jack Walsh @jackwaltimore.bsky.social · 17h
Nah, it's produced by Mormons
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Jack Walsh @jackwaltimore.bsky.social · 17h
I like how this image makes it look like Mike Huckabee is just silently watching the beating happen right in front of him.
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Jack Walsh @jackwaltimore.bsky.social · 17h
I mean, I think most of us can agree that they are beautiful animals...
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Jack Walsh @jackwaltimore.bsky.social · 17h
"We're six years too late!"
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Jack Walsh @jackwaltimore.bsky.social · 17h
The median Trump II scandal is finding out that Strategic Air Command has been dissolved by a convicted tax cheat and Palm Beach real estate investor with four domestic violence complaints from his ex-wives who was also an angel investor in a Holocaust-set gay porn film called "The Anality of Evil"
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Jack Walsh @jackwaltimore.bsky.social · 18h
Kirby's Whimsical Pillow Fight
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Jack Walsh @jackwaltimore.bsky.social · 18h
The dark horse candidate is that they're his hags.
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Jack Walsh @jackwaltimore.bsky.social · 18h
It's so much worse if it is truly non-sexual, as I imagine is physiologically likely to be the case. The mental image of handjobs is nightmarish, but it is a nightmare whose rough contours I can imagine, at least.
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Jack Walsh @jackwaltimore.bsky.social · 18h
Spending a week immolating a hot white chick before the insatiable Moloch of failure that is the Trump Administration... This is exactly the closing argument they need to turn this thing around in the home stretch. I'm scared now.
010 1
Jack Walsh @jackwaltimore.bsky.social · 20h
If the seventh seal really pops in three weeks and we take half of the Plains and every toss-up, do you think the odds are better or worse that Fetterman switches parties? Just being a Republican would be less work, I think.
020 2
Jack Walsh @jackwaltimore.bsky.social · 21h
I know that I need to not get my hopes up for Darline to lose, like, at all... But she's so dumb and saddled with his stench, I can't help myself.
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Jack Walsh @jackwaltimore.bsky.social · 21h
Anyone else having a constant, recurring daydream about taking the Senate from the East Coast alone?
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Jack Walsh @jackwaltimore.bsky.social · 21h
It was months ago and totally unrelated to me leaving, but they kept moving out in wider concentric circles of emotional abuse and they definitely would've shown up.
010 1
Jack Walsh @jackwaltimore.bsky.social · 23h
She made the mistake of participating in the Best Asian Pop Album category at the Grammys and I cannot explain the rest without fear of the evil rising again.
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Jack Walsh @jackwaltimore.bsky.social · 23h
Nietzsche only wishes he was as original and talented as the boys!
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Jack Walsh @jackwaltimore.bsky.social · 16/10/2026
"Our highest-prestige profession is a god who must bleed in order for mankind to be free" is one that a a lot of people struggle with, to be fair.
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Jack Walsh @jackwaltimore.bsky.social · 16/10/2026
Speaking of which, I'm just gonna go with "Jeff Downhour" from here on out, because I feel it fits your vibe better. You have no say in this matter.
010 1
Jack Walsh @jackwaltimore.bsky.social · 16/10/2026
In Trump's defense, I'm pretty sure he has at least one cousin named that
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Jack Walsh @jackwaltimore.bsky.social · 16/10/2026
Hope for "Come on, guys! We can still block judicial nominations!" and pray for "Do we have a precise location for where the Grapes of Wrath are stored?"
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Jack Walsh @jackwaltimore.bsky.social · 16/10/2026
Calling it right now: either we find ourselves with the House by 5-8 seats and then watch four vote counts for three days praying that we have a Fetterman-dependent bare majority... Or we have 56-58 senators by dawn, with the threat of a supermajority. These are the only possible options.
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Jack Walsh @jackwaltimore.bsky.social · 16/10/2026
Speaking as someone who is currently seeking Canadian citizenship purely out of spite for my own country: you people suck so hard at children's television. This is about Paw Patrol, but don't think I'm letting that bald sister-diddling French fuck off the hook.
020 2
Jack Walsh @jackwaltimore.bsky.social · 16/10/2026
My wife got free tickets to an advance screening of that fucking Paw Patrol movie and after successfully avoiding it, "Pawpatol" is just a part of our lives now... Is it just me, or is Mayor Humdinger deeply homophobic? Five cats, single, a white guy who wears purple, his voice... Come on, dude.
120 2
Jack Walsh @jackwaltimore.bsky.social · 16/10/2026
Watching her IG post of our fifth anniversary rack up 300 comments in 6 minutes was an experience.
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Jack Walsh @jackwaltimore.bsky.social · 16/10/2026
Oh, being doxxed by the BTS Army fucking sucks, in case anyone was wondering. My sole consolation during the whole episode—apart from the fair treatment of my wife in South Korea's papers of record—was that this account was deactivated.
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Jack Walsh @jackwaltimore.bsky.social · 16/10/2026
Every third post on Twitter is some shit which, had I heard another human being say it out loud in 1997, would have led me to call the authorities and warn them about a second Oklahoma City bombing.
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Jack Walsh @jackwaltimore.bsky.social · 16/10/2026
Part of me was tempted to give it to Twitter, but even checking out Elon's pre-selected starter pack on a burner is absolutely punishing. Y'all wanted to say r*****ed so bad, now you are cursed to wallow in a middle school in 1996 forever... Enjoy it.
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Jack Walsh @jackwaltimore.bsky.social · 16/10/2026
I swear to God, if the vibes are somehow bad on here I'm going to lose my shit. I came back for this energy:
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Jack Walsh @jackwaltimore.bsky.social · 16/10/2026
Predictable?
000 0
Jack Walsh @jackwaltimore.bsky.social · 18/07/2026
My wife and I call it "white trash lettuce" when we get it for tacos and I feel that events have vindicated us in this.
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Jack Walsh @jackwaltimore.bsky.social · 18/07/2026
The big dog in Secret Life of Pets is a horrifying misshapen muppet with a giant mouth and I hate it.
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Jack Walsh @jackwaltimore.bsky.social · 17/07/2026
The gods gave him a quarter-billion dollars to shoot the Odyssey. Like, traditionally one would ensure that a proven shooter failed to merit that effort and expense before they tried to bury him with the results.
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Jack Walsh @jackwaltimore.bsky.social · 17/07/2026
He's only coming off perhaps the single greatest financial-creative triumph in the history of the industry, why not attack at this moment of weakness?
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Jack Walsh @jackwaltimore.bsky.social · 17/07/2026
The constant traffic slowed down the tire noise, I suppose. But all the diesel engines were still kind of a drag on the vibe.
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Jack Walsh @jackwaltimore.bsky.social · 17/07/2026
Hanging out on a rooftop pool deck that's immediately adjacent to the Brooklyn-Queens Expressway when Canada's perfidy to the gods has stolen the sky... Not as cool as advertised, gotta say.
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Jack Walsh @jackwaltimore.bsky.social · 17/07/2026
Why can't random-ass people run for like, *state* senate anymore, or city council or some shit? Stancil had the civic prudence to run for a starter office that would've allowed us to unearth his horrific mistreatment of women before it could touch the federal brand, because he's a class act.
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Jack Walsh @jackwaltimore.bsky.social · 17/07/2026
"State election law, meet these traps."
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Jack Walsh @jackwaltimore.bsky.social · 17/07/2026
Ew. You're not alone in this but we don't all need to hear about it.
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Jack Walsh @jackwaltimore.bsky.social · 17/07/2026
I keep telling my dad that his beard is making him look like an aging Alinskyite radical college professor, but he won't listen to me. I'm pretty sure this man voted for Romney, by the way. We live in interesting times.
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Jack Walsh @jackwaltimore.bsky.social · 17/07/2026
"Nolan has made the most anti-war war film ever, except for the part where the dashing, handsome gentleman-pilot defends his brothers-in-arms with the very last manueverable joule of energy in his plane. Oh, and the veteran showing unfailing British martial resolve long into his autumn years."
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