iiinova — where your digital self keeps evolving

Jack Scholtz @jackscholtz.com · 10/09/2026

Cooking a parlay rn lmk thoughts: Jamarr Chase Anytime TD +150 Myles Garrett 2+ Sacks +350 Jaxson Dart Anytime concussion -100

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Jack Scholtz @jackscholtz.com · 03/09/2026

Last night she was “talking dirty” to me, but I had to tell her that I don’t speak dirty, only English.

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Jack Scholtz @jackscholtz.com · 24/08/2026

If you wanna do something next Thursday, my schedule is about as wide open as a woman's legs in Eastern Palestine OH for $140.

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Jack Scholtz @jackscholtz.com · 13/08/2026

As much as I’d never wanna end up with a prison sentence, I’d be a lot happier with that than a whole paragraph!

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Jack Scholtz @jackscholtz.com · 08/07/2026

Half the population will never know how awful of a feeling it is to be at a sporting event and when using the restroom having to peel your weiner off the scrotum because it’s so humid.

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Jack Scholtz @jackscholtz.com · 08/07/2026

We don’t give enough credit to big Netflix for giving us 2 Wet Hot American Summer tv shows.

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Jack Scholtz @jackscholtz.com · 28/06/2026

Are there any gears that aren’t metal? Or at the very least anything slightly less than solid?

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Jack Scholtz @jackscholtz.com · 27/06/2026

There weirdest part about being a millennial adult is anytime you are having a work level professional conversation with a peer, and exchange contact info, you inevitably have Snapchat tell you “your new contact is on Snap!” And you see their dumbass emoji guy.

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Jack Scholtz @jackscholtz.com · 25/06/2026

@woahitsrob.bsky.social it’s been 12 days. I’m in dire need of a new skeet to like.

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Jack Scholtz @jackscholtz.com · 14/05/2026

Gonna start selling t-shirts that say “TGIF: Thank God it’s a Fart!”

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Jack Scholtz @jackscholtz.com · 09/04/2026

Golf is the best sport because you get to drink and drive two different things.

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Jack Scholtz @jackscholtz.com · 03/04/2026

All these Hollywood trainers getting everyone all jacked to be superheroes. I'll be the Hollywood Fat trainer, and get everyone in shape to play their fat roles.

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Jack Scholtz @jackscholtz.com · 27/03/2026

My bro was giving me some lip last night. I asked him, "what's with the laditude?"

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Jack Scholtz @jackscholtz.com · 22/03/2026

I been wearing an Apple Watch for 2 years, but the only rings that are closing are my arteries.

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Jack Scholtz @jackscholtz.com · 04/03/2026

I don’t understand why when I use my phone’s calendar to set a location, it tells me when to leave, but then as I’m driving to the location it constantly pops up with “leave now to get there on time” and blocks the top of the navigation screen.

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Jack Scholtz @jackscholtz.com · 21/02/2026

Why is it called life insurance, and not outsurance?

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Jack Scholtz @jackscholtz.com · 19/02/2026

Everytime I wrap myself up in a blanket, as a Jack Burrito, that motha fucking tag is always up top by my hands and face. Without fail.

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Jack Scholtz @jackscholtz.com · 13/02/2026

Magnus is a boy name. Agnus is a girl name. But why isn’t it Womagmus?

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Jack Scholtz @jackscholtz.com · 05/02/2026

Why is it called ‘cargo’ when cars are like the only transportation method never used to make it ‘go’ from point A to Point B?

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Jack Scholtz @jackscholtz.com · 01/02/2026

No one ever says “I’m a shower, not a grower.”

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Jack Scholtz @jackscholtz.com · 08/01/2026

People on the internet always talk about barking at the movie theater, but they are all lip. Lying for internet clout. You can’t even pick up the phone to call in Chinese food, and you expect me to believe you’ll bark in a theater? Gen A had balls to scream “Chicken Jockey” during Minecraft.

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Reposted by Jack Scholtz

Ken Jennings @kenjennings.bsky.social · 07/01/2026

The “prosecute the former regime at every level” candidate has my vote in 2028.

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Jack Scholtz @jackscholtz.com · 27/12/2025

Gonna start a streaming service with only films starring nepo babies and call it Nepsflix.

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Jack Scholtz @jackscholtz.com · 16/12/2025

I was at a wedding one time and when the Cha Cha Slide came on, I naturally was going for it. Some 10 year old came up to me and said, “It’s Cha Cha real smooth. Not whatever this is. I haven’t hit a dance floor since.

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Jack Scholtz @jackscholtz.com · 07/12/2025

It’s messed up they called it Pokemon and then made one called Slowpoke, and the word ‘poke’ is pronounced different in the two words.

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Jack Scholtz @jackscholtz.com · 24/11/2025

What age do people decide what kinda not-wearing-sunglasses person they are? I’m still deciding if I’m an “in the shirt” or “on top of the head” guy. I could never be a “back if the head guy” personally.

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Jack Scholtz @jackscholtz.com · 20/11/2025

Hey guys, Jack here. If you set up a joke in one discord channel and then move it over to another for the pay-off without a single response, we’re the same kinda nasty.

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Jack Scholtz @jackscholtz.com · 19/11/2025

Hey guys, Jack here. I just looked at a door to make sure I pushed on the correct side of it to make it open before approaching it, it worked and I didn’t make a fool of myself.

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Jack Scholtz @jackscholtz.com · 11/11/2025

You wouldn’t push a tush.

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Jack Scholtz @jackscholtz.com · 16/10/2025

Every time someone blames an individual for the shutdown it sounds like a sports thing. Chuck Schumer is going into 2 weeks of total shutdown, generational performance.

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Jack Scholtz @jackscholtz.com · 08/10/2025

That Sherlock Holmes movie score still rips.

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Jack Scholtz @jackscholtz.com · 04/10/2025

How many times do you think you could go around in a roundabout before a cop would pull you over?

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Jack Scholtz @jackscholtz.com · 02/10/2025

If you buying Blue Shark gummies, I don’t trust you,

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Jack Scholtz @jackscholtz.com · 19/09/2025

You think in London then got double decker ambulances?

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Jack Scholtz @jackscholtz.com · 19/09/2025

Remember to clear your voicemail every now and then party people.

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Jack Scholtz @jackscholtz.com · 16/09/2025

There's a lot of last names that end in "-win" but ain't no one got a name that ends in "-lose".

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Jack Scholtz @jackscholtz.com · 12/09/2025

It would be wild to be on a gondola and you get chatting to the person next to you and it's the Nintendo Direct Voiceover guy.

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Jack Scholtz @jackscholtz.com · 11/09/2025

I haven’t met anyone that selects the power level on their microwave. Or if I have, they haven’t outed themselves. It should stay that way. I will go ape on that person.

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Jack Scholtz @jackscholtz.com · 06/09/2025

I want there to be a movie where the spies that somehow get themselves on the giant party guest list get called out by the host. Like “I know who I invited to my party, who the hell are you!?”

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Jack Scholtz @jackscholtz.com · 05/09/2025

When we find it, do you think we’ll call it Delahere?

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Jack Scholtz @jackscholtz.com · 05/09/2025

Bro everyone is saying these defenses suck, but I’m only seeing them spit.

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Jack Scholtz @jackscholtz.com · 10/08/2025

Imagine thinking you’re the main character and you don’t have a Wikipedia page.

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Jack Scholtz @jackscholtz.com · 10/08/2025

Bro it’s crazy Paul Walker died in a car accident. Like what if Robert Downey Jr. died getting into a Metal suit.

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Jack Scholtz @jackscholtz.com · 28/07/2025

They said, “don’t play with drugs.” Well, boy, are they gonna be shocked when they find me creating the greatest story of all time as my Superman figure, dragon Beanie Baby, and T-Rex are fighting a joint, bottle of perc, and baggie of coke.

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Jack Scholtz @jackscholtz.com · 27/07/2025

A cookbook that has accurate prep and cook times.

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Jack Scholtz @jackscholtz.com · 27/07/2025

Gonna open a bar called Double Bean. We serve expresso martinis with only 2 beans.

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Jack Scholtz @jackscholtz.com · 25/07/2025

I hate when I’m on FT with my girl and I say “show me them toes” and she flips her camera around to show me this.

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Jack Scholtz @jackscholtz.com · 24/07/2025

We don’t talk about how John Green is 100% the name of one of the jawns in Clue.

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