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I am Jack's Cell Phone

@jackscellphone.bsky.social
1.5K followers 5.6K following 3.6K posts
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I am Jack's Cell Phone @jackscellphone.bsky.social · 9h
Define “Beer”…? 👍
A receipt showing my purchase of the following:

CHRIS

2 Seltzer

12.00

2 Seltzer

12.00

1 Malibu

10.50

1 Malibu

10.50

1 Malibu

10.50

1 Malibu

10.50

Malibu

10.50

ibu

10,50

on Drop Shot

14.00

on Drop Shot

14.00

otal

115.00

11.50

stal

126.50

Hems Purchased: 14

No Cash Fee

5.06

Card Price

131.56
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I am Jack's Cell Phone @jackscellphone.bsky.social · 10h
Our "Great Erroneous Conflation Era" continues apace unfortunately... 👍
A post on Bluesky with text as follows:

shauna
@goldengateblond.bsky.social
+ Follow
confusing "transgenic mice" with "transgender mice" is like how he thinks "asylum seekers" are from literal insane asylums and "migrants with visas" means they got free credit cards. very stable genius, though!
March 5, 2025 at 6:54 PM
229 reposts
13 quotes
1.1K likes
39
242
1.1K
...
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I am Jack's Cell Phone @jackscellphone.bsky.social · 16/10/2026
Y’all need some better knock-offs up thataway… 👍
2 liter Bottles of Dr. Wham soda on a shelf in a convenience store in lower VA
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I am Jack's Cell Phone @jackscellphone.bsky.social · 16/10/2026
To be fair, the original version was one and it had it going on…like a decade and a half ago before we knew better 👍
A blue Tesla Roadster in a parking lotA blue Tesla Roadster in a parking lot from the rear with the license plate NO OIL
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I am Jack's Cell Phone @jackscellphone.bsky.social · 16/10/2026
👍
A neon sign at a bar that says FREE SMELLS
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I am Jack's Cell Phone @jackscellphone.bsky.social · 16/10/2026
I agree, but in a slightly different direction… 👍
youtu.be
Pussy Liquor (From "House Of 1000 Corpses" Soundtrack)
YouTube video by Rob Zombie - Topic
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I am Jack's Cell Phone @jackscellphone.bsky.social · 16/10/2026
👍
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I am Jack's Cell Phone @jackscellphone.bsky.social · 16/10/2026
👍 youtu.be/VEzFK3lqlMA?...
A cinema poster for the film SORORITY BABES IN THE SLIMEBALL BOWL-O-RAMA
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I am Jack's Cell Phone @jackscellphone.bsky.social · 16/10/2026
👍
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I am Jack's Cell Phone @jackscellphone.bsky.social · 15/10/2026
Yeah, but have you really…? 👍
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I am Jack's Cell Phone @jackscellphone.bsky.social · 15/10/2026
Compare, contrast… 👍
A thermostat showing 68 degrees indoor tempA thermostat showing 69 degrees indoor tempA thermostat showing 68 degrees intern temp before ai could get the right picture
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I am Jack's Cell Phone @jackscellphone.bsky.social · 15/10/2026
Yeah sure, but these everyday bad jokes aren’t gonna make themselves… 👍
A temperature gun in my hand showing an ambient 68 degrees in an office space
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I am Jack's Cell Phone @jackscellphone.bsky.social · 15/10/2026
When our kids were young, I used to tell them to think about the poor forgotten unpopular numbers on the microwave that no one ever touched, and to give them some love. Then I would come back to this type of thing after some popcorn and decided maybe I was not so empathetic after all… 👍
A microwave in our kitchen with the time “57:73” dialed in by our kids to make some popcorn
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I am Jack's Cell Phone @jackscellphone.bsky.social · 15/10/2026
Parmesan ALL the things… 👍
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I am Jack's Cell Phone @jackscellphone.bsky.social · 14/10/2026
He’s gotta a Delmarva Doppelgänger though 👍
youtu.be
The Wire - Nickolas Andrew "Nicky" Sobotka Story 45 - Meeting with White Mike
YouTube video by D23
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I am Jack's Cell Phone @jackscellphone.bsky.social · 14/10/2026
I’m not *mad* at him, but after being on the consumer side for 30 years and seeing that there is no reciprocity from him loyalty-wise, I see no reason to support any of his current or future ventures… 👍
The first four books of George RR Martin’s ASOFAI series held in my left hand
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I am Jack's Cell Phone @jackscellphone.bsky.social · 14/10/2026
If not for high gas prices we would likely be looking at a very different outlook in a few weeks… 👍
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I am Jack's Cell Phone @jackscellphone.bsky.social · 14/10/2026
Looks like it’s time for an update… 👍
A poor picture of THE COMPLETE GREEK TRAGEDIES books on one of our bookshelves looking not so complete now
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I am Jack's Cell Phone @jackscellphone.bsky.social · 14/10/2026
Come embrace the sloth with us cauliflower folks… 👍
A plate of cauliflower “wings” on a bartop with a Mango White Claw in the background and my left hand extending the Middle Finger of Endearment their way
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I am Jack's Cell Phone @jackscellphone.bsky.social · 14/10/2026
I missed the first “-ing” in your post on an initial glance… 👍
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I am Jack's Cell Phone @jackscellphone.bsky.social · 14/10/2026
Absolutely. Who in the Dennis Dun role though, lowkey but the heart of the movie? Tough one without going too high profile and messing with the original movie’s balance… 👍
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I am Jack's Cell Phone @jackscellphone.bsky.social · 14/10/2026
See, “true” Gen X would know the very idea is heresy! The real problem is casting a believable anti-John Wayne type actor as Jack Burton. Which means you have to go with the most booked actor out there, clearly… 👍
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I am Jack's Cell Phone @jackscellphone.bsky.social · 14/10/2026
NOW we see your true Millennial roots show through the Gen X veneer… 👍
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I am Jack's Cell Phone @jackscellphone.bsky.social · 13/10/2026
There are two comedians there from Dropout, etc., so questions of doubt… 👍
youtube.com
Two Catty Teens Critique Josh's Performance
YouTube video by Make Some Noise
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I am Jack's Cell Phone @jackscellphone.bsky.social · 12/10/2026
That’s why you need an array of harmonicas… 👍
A case of Silver Creek harmonicas on a brown & black marble top showing around 8-9 harmonicas read to annoy many people at this bar; my left hand in the bottom corner
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I am Jack's Cell Phone @jackscellphone.bsky.social · 12/10/2026
Roger, Roger 👍
A restaurant sign in Virginia Beach that says : “ Rockefeller 
‘S Uii’re only young once but you can be immature forever “
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I am Jack's Cell Phone @jackscellphone.bsky.social · 10/10/2026
IveMadeATerribleMistake.gif 👍
Our oldest kid wearing a Tottenham Hotspur jersey while our other children making fun of him for it while at an airport bar
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I am Jack's Cell Phone @jackscellphone.bsky.social · 09/10/2026
Yes, come to the Pink Lemonsqueezy side...👍
A Buzzballz Boulder of Pink Lemonsqueezy flavored alcohol held in my left hand
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I am Jack's Cell Phone @jackscellphone.bsky.social · 09/10/2026
They have all your bases covered... 👍
A Buzzballz can of ELF themed maple syrup sundae flavored alcohol held in my left hand
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I am Jack's Cell Phone @jackscellphone.bsky.social · 09/10/2026
Not to bigfoot on Norm, but as background: they are generally available at most convenience stores that serve beer & wine, there are more awful flavors than you can imagine, they are terrible tasting, as in drinking rail vodka that someone has dumped colored sugar into & lightly swished to combine👍
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I am Jack's Cell Phone @jackscellphone.bsky.social · 09/10/2026
Let’s get ready to rumble 👍
A BuzzBallz can of Pop Tart flavored alcohol held in my left hand
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I am Jack's Cell Phone @jackscellphone.bsky.social · 09/10/2026
He came to one of our kid’s campuses for gameday a couple years back; it was so packed my wife & I had to decamp to a bar to watch him do his show a couple hundred yards away while the kids stayed to see him live. He’s like a roving frat party, which has a lot of draw among “certain” demographics 👍
The Pat McAfee show on a TV at a bar in Harrisonburg VA with future National Championship coach Curt Cignetti during his time at JMU
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I am Jack's Cell Phone @jackscellphone.bsky.social · 09/10/2026
He’s calling her a drunk… 👍
youtu.be
'You can’t buy Ohio!': Amy Acton’s ‘drunk’ rant goes viral; internet erupts, 'girl, you need help'
YouTube video by The Economic Times
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I am Jack's Cell Phone @jackscellphone.bsky.social · 09/10/2026
“What about an extra large hoe with a phat ass…?” “Surprisingly…also yes.” 👍
An orange tracked Hitachi excavator, I.e. a hoe, on a job site with my left hand showing it the Middle Finger of Endearment
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I am Jack's Cell Phone @jackscellphone.bsky.social · 09/10/2026
You name it, they got it 👍
A listing for Tyson “Spooky Nuggets” aka frozen chicken tender shaped patties in Halloween shapes from ALDI for $6.09 for a 27 oz bag thru UberEats so price slightly up scaled
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I am Jack's Cell Phone @jackscellphone.bsky.social · 07/10/2026
Even the generics are in on the ruse...👍
A dark blue/purple case of Vista Bay non-alcoholic "Hard" Seltzer for sale at ALDI with my left hand in the corner giving it the Middle Finger of Endearment
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I am Jack's Cell Phone @jackscellphone.bsky.social · 03/10/2026
It has worked in the past somewhat, but it would likely take very narrow margins which hopefully will not be the case this year… 👍
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I am Jack's Cell Phone @jackscellphone.bsky.social · 03/10/2026
Just watch her *light* up a scene 👍
youtu.be
Grumpy Old Men - Maria - Walter Matthau x Jack Lemmon x Ann-Margret
YouTube video by Josh Busfield aka bitterphase
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I am Jack's Cell Phone @jackscellphone.bsky.social · 03/10/2026
“That’s what turns me on about you…” 👍
youtu.be
"Not ready for a relationship" Ace Ventura - Pet Detective
YouTube video by Joel Svensson
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I am Jack's Cell Phone @jackscellphone.bsky.social · 03/10/2026
Sure, but you probably need to set expectations slightly lower than…Ann-Margaret 👍 www.imdb.com/name/nm00002...
A picture of the actress Ann-Margaret as seen at the IMDB link above
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I am Jack's Cell Phone @jackscellphone.bsky.social · 03/10/2026
Counterpoint 👍
youtu.be
Arsenic and Old Lace (1944) CLIP: "Ach du lieber Gott!" Peter Lorre
YouTube video by Peter Lorre
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I am Jack's Cell Phone @jackscellphone.bsky.social · 03/10/2026
Wait, you like *lips* from Star Trek…?
youtu.be
Resurrecting the Salt Vampire
YouTube video by RedLetterMedia
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I am Jack's Cell Phone @jackscellphone.bsky.social · 03/10/2026
Well, gotta keep things aligned as best you can 👍
A TouchTunes screenshot from my playlist showing Marty Robbin’s, etc.
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I am Jack's Cell Phone @jackscellphone.bsky.social · 03/10/2026
Damn right 👍
Our Dog Stoli in the backseat with my Wife enjoying a restaurant outing; my attempt at something better to the right
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I am Jack's Cell Phone @jackscellphone.bsky.social · 03/10/2026
Hmmm…sure, sure… 🤔
Myself with some fishes on a dock
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I am Jack's Cell Phone @jackscellphone.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
That, good sir, is an insult to ALL right & upstanding socks… 👍
One of my wife’s socks that says “Bring Me A Glass of Wine” on my hand in front of an open clothes drawer
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I am Jack's Cell Phone @jackscellphone.bsky.social · 01/10/2026
👍
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I am Jack's Cell Phone @jackscellphone.bsky.social · 30/09/2026
I feel badly for any kids who read this book and think it’s an accurate reflection of human relationships… 👍
A copy of the Hannah Grace novel ICEBREAKER on a bed with my wife’s hand pointing to the title
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I am Jack's Cell Phone @jackscellphone.bsky.social · 30/09/2026
Always the correct answer… 👍
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I am Jack's Cell Phone @jackscellphone.bsky.social · 30/09/2026
So the person you quoted is generally correct and you wanted to add nuance to their comment. Cool. Seems likes an instance in which a non-black-and-white response was more justified…? 👍
A sticker in NYC that says “ITHACA IS FENCES”
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