iiinova — where your digital self keeps evolving

Cosmo Hawthorne @ivanstrakashusband.bsky.social · 9h

Turning into a ferret and cuddling against Ivan's chest.

010

Cosmo Hawthorne @ivanstrakashusband.bsky.social · 13/10/2026

Time can't move fast enough... I hate using this mask.

030

Cosmo Hawthorne @ivanstrakashusband.bsky.social · 11/10/2026

I drew my wife, N, for the first time in a long time. N is a trans woman and uses she/her. Doubles of my other no-shares, proship, comship, darkship, rpf shippers and supporters DO NOT INTERACT.

052

Reposted by Cosmo Hawthorne

Lee 🐓 @mahitosoulmate.bsky.social · 10/10/2026

"I know people say that you're a misfit, but that's the thing I like about you" The first RyoLee art I made last month #selfship

1156

Cosmo Hawthorne @ivanstrakashusband.bsky.social · 10/10/2026

Ivan's reaction to my anger/jealousy/possessiveness:

020

Cosmo Hawthorne @ivanstrakashusband.bsky.social · 10/10/2026

I hate hate hate needing reassurance...

000

Cosmo Hawthorne @ivanstrakashusband.bsky.social · 09/10/2026

I didn't ask for this shit. I wanna reach in my brain and shut off the RSD setting, but... only doctors can do that, it seems. So uh... expect self pity when I post drawings for my ships and my stupid brain doesn't let me remember that my friends have their own lives offline.

030

Cosmo Hawthorne @ivanstrakashusband.bsky.social · 09/10/2026

My RSD is never going to let me have a good day. Let me tell you that right now. There's no such thing as a good day when you go every day wondering if people hate you after they take longer than 5 minutes to respond, KNOWING they have a life of their own, and going through it anyway...

130

Cosmo Hawthorne @ivanstrakashusband.bsky.social · 09/10/2026

Avoiding Tumblr like the plague at this point. I don't feel happy posting there anymore.

000

Cosmo Hawthorne @ivanstrakashusband.bsky.social · 09/10/2026

Back to being unable to focus on a single F/O...

010

Cosmo Hawthorne @ivanstrakashusband.bsky.social · 09/10/2026

I will say, though, my self-consciousness with art is separate from this, but this did exacerbate it.

030

Cosmo Hawthorne @ivanstrakashusband.bsky.social · 09/10/2026

But it was confirmed last night, and thankfully the second wannabe double was already rejected a year ago. I just hope people stop trying to ship with him after this. :'D

110

Cosmo Hawthorne @ivanstrakashusband.bsky.social · 09/10/2026

So yeah, I drew my self-insert looking pissed over the idea of someone flirting with Ivan. Because I WAS pissed finding out about the second person. The person who told me didn't intend to piss me off, but it confirmed my suspicions about that person. Suspected it for a while, actually.

110

Cosmo Hawthorne @ivanstrakashusband.bsky.social · 09/10/2026

But seriously, I just... was hoping I can finally have a F/O who has absolutely no doubles. Every single one of my F/Os has at least 1. I'm nonsharing over most of them. I just... don't know what to do. I can't force myself to be okay with sharing, ESPECIALLY Ivan.

110

Cosmo Hawthorne @ivanstrakashusband.bsky.social · 09/10/2026

Not naming names, but his creator thankfully deterred them from shipping with him. But Ivan is my only F/O with absolutely no doubles, and the fact that there are people who even HUMORED the idea of having a crush on him breaks me. His creator says no doubles. BACK OFF.

110

Cosmo Hawthorne @ivanstrakashusband.bsky.social · 09/10/2026

I need to be transparent about what is actually bothering me. I'm sorry that I have barely been focusing on any of my canon F/Os, and I've been hyperfocused on Ivan Straka again, because he has no doubles. Come to find out, two people showed even just a SLIVER of interest in shipping with him.

110

Cosmo Hawthorne @ivanstrakashusband.bsky.social · 09/10/2026

I just... hate myself right now, and I might go offline. Sorry for being me. In that much of a bad mood where I can't write a coherent apology, so uh... yeah.

000

Cosmo Hawthorne @ivanstrakashusband.bsky.social · 09/10/2026

So... my drawings are bad. :) That's all I gathered.

100

Cosmo Hawthorne @ivanstrakashusband.bsky.social · 09/10/2026

It is at this time that Cosmo realizes that he may actually very well be hated by all.

100

Cosmo Hawthorne @ivanstrakashusband.bsky.social · 08/10/2026

I love my husband, Ivan Straka. I love him so much.

041

Cosmo Hawthorne @ivanstrakashusband.bsky.social · 06/10/2026

My mood dropped because I saw my reflection again. I keep looking worse and worse the more I see my real self...

020

Cosmo Hawthorne @ivanstrakashusband.bsky.social · 03/10/2026

A sweet good morning picture between us.

032

Cosmo Hawthorne @ivanstrakashusband.bsky.social · 02/10/2026

THEY MIRRORED A SPEEDWAGON QUOTE FROM PHANTOM BLOOD. "I want his guts for garters!"

000

Cosmo Hawthorne @ivanstrakashusband.bsky.social · 02/10/2026

Okay. The two Boomboom brothers are not cut out for being villains. If not for their dad, they'd be helpful allies to Johnny and Gyro after Gyro explains why they didn't trust André.

110

Cosmo Hawthorne @ivanstrakashusband.bsky.social · 02/10/2026

I'm tired... I'm tired... I'm tired... I'm tired... I'm tired... I'm tired... I'm tired... I'm tired... I'm tired... I'm tired... I'm tired... I'm tired... I'm tired... I'm tired... I'm tired... I'm tired... I'm tired... I'm tired... I'm tired... I'm tired... I'm tired... I'm tired... I'm tired...

030

Cosmo Hawthorne @ivanstrakashusband.bsky.social · 02/10/2026

Any of my F/Os listed as nonsharing or soulbonded are typically non-negotiable, but when it comes to Ivan Straka, it's to where even his creator is absolutely not okay with me having doubles because his creator views my relationship with him as canon. Bot accounts, leave me alone.

010

Cosmo Hawthorne @ivanstrakashusband.bsky.social · 02/10/2026

How do you know when a social media is overwhelming you?

010

Cosmo Hawthorne @ivanstrakashusband.bsky.social · 29/09/2026

On an entirely different note: My knee hurts. :c

020

Cosmo Hawthorne @ivanstrakashusband.bsky.social · 28/09/2026

I can't focus on a single F/O. Like... my head feels very scrambled, and I hate everything right now, but I am head over heels in love with the F/Os who are fighting over my attention.

020

Cosmo Hawthorne @ivanstrakashusband.bsky.social · 27/09/2026

I actually feel like shit... I was gonna type good but then my mood gave me a big "fuck you", so headaches all around, I guess...

020

Cosmo Hawthorne @ivanstrakashusband.bsky.social · 25/09/2026

I am losing my mind right now. I am really once again not motivated to be on Tumblr, once again. September isn't going to get better.

020

Cosmo Hawthorne @ivanstrakashusband.bsky.social · 23/09/2026

Tried to get better, tried to draw. Yeah, no, it's worse than I thought...

030

Cosmo Hawthorne @ivanstrakashusband.bsky.social · 23/09/2026

I still have Steel Ball Run to look forward to at least. Ivan and I can watch it together.

020

Cosmo Hawthorne @ivanstrakashusband.bsky.social · 23/09/2026

Curling up against Ivan while he's holding me close. Not doing good still. The days never get easier. September is getting harder.

120

Cosmo Hawthorne @ivanstrakashusband.bsky.social · 23/09/2026

Can't find any Kengan Ashura fan art without doubles or canon x canon ship art, so that sucks. Can't reblog shit. :'D I'll have to make my own fan art. And turn off reblogs so doubles and canon x canon shippers can't share my stuff around.

040

Cosmo Hawthorne @ivanstrakashusband.bsky.social · 23/09/2026

Given the type of abuse my mom also put me through, it pointed DIRECTLY to NPD.

010

Cosmo Hawthorne @ivanstrakashusband.bsky.social · 23/09/2026

I know nobody likes when the word "narcissist" gets thrown around, but my therapist even thinks my mom has NPD and refuses to get it diagnosed. We went over everything, and my mom checks all the boxes for NPD, in the absolute worst ways.

110

Cosmo Hawthorne @ivanstrakashusband.bsky.social · 23/09/2026

You'd think my therapist seeing the evidence would be enough. You'd think her validation would be enough. But I still feel like shit. I dunno... maybe it's just still too fresh to expect myself to get over it right now.

120

Cosmo Hawthorne @ivanstrakashusband.bsky.social · 23/09/2026

I want to lay in Ivan's lap right now. I feel like shit. September was a hard enough month for me, and my f@mily made it worse...

140

Cosmo Hawthorne @ivanstrakashusband.bsky.social · 23/09/2026

He's just as toxic as the bitch who had him. Good riddance to both of them. I am so glad my daughter is safe from their transphobia, homophobia, hateful, racist, bigoted, Bible thumping bullshit.

020

Cosmo Hawthorne @ivanstrakashusband.bsky.social · 23/09/2026

And yes, I am a trans man, I am a man, not his "Sis", but his "brother". And even then, I'm not that, because I refuse to be related to someone as hateful as him. He's poison, and I don't regret blocking him. I regret all the time I wasted trying to give him benefit of the doubt.

120

Cosmo Hawthorne @ivanstrakashusband.bsky.social · 23/09/2026

I mean, seriously, any praises I sang about my youngest brother? I take them all back. He's just like HIS mother (she's no mother of mine), and he can go fuck himself. I am not the one who disgraced the family; his mother and stepfather are.

110