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not real

@imnotreal.ghoul.systems

17 followers 55 following 33 posts

delusional emo posting and technobabble

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not real @imnotreal.ghoul.systems · 30/11/2025

#poetry #self-reflection

she looked down at me,
"i value that,"
hearing, "bring that up for me,"
i did, arriving tired and eager,
she wasn't there.
looking down, i saw her,
tending to herself.

looking down at her,
she looked up and said,
"that matters to me,"
hearing, "bring that down for me,"
i did, arriving hopeful and needy,
she wasn't there.

i looked across and saw her,
"i need that,"
why aren't you there when i bring it?
"i'm embarrased, i didn't care for you"

i walked away, looking back at her,
tending to herself.

not real @imnotreal.ghoul.systems · 26/10/2025

casing #poetry #spokenword

not real @imnotreal.ghoul.systems · 26/10/2025

attention, affection, your call,
you finally chose me.

nervous, anxiety,
is this finally happening?

words, innocuous, i thought.
no smoking barrel, a hole in my chest.

catch the casing as it falls,
i look up and you're gone.

pleading with myself,
that you'll come back and sew it shut.

grip the casing tighter,
till it burns a hole through my hand.

not real @imnotreal.ghoul.systems · 19/07/2025

a satire of self-worth

Satirization of self-worth:

Do you think that being human is acceptable or reasonable?
Who told you that? Who told you that it was ok to be human?
To have feelings? To experience pain?
To have thoughts and beliefs that others may not share?
To have needs?
Who told you that it’s ok to even think that you have value or worth in the world?
How dare you?
Everyone else is human. Everyone else has a right to exist.
Everyone else knows they have value and worth.
And It’s Implicit. But not for you.
Because you know that you don’t have worth.
You are always wrong. They are always right.
NO one will see you or meet you where you are.
And if they do, you will forget, and discount that occurance.
Because it is neglible in the scale of your own lived experience of self-devaluation and invalidation.
How dare you even consider telling yourself that you are worthy?
Of love, of life, of healing, of value.
To exist is to be seen. To be seen is to be known.
To be known is scary.
Because then they will know that you are not worthy.

not real @imnotreal.ghoul.systems · 24/06/2025

not anymore

Not anymore

For just one hour
Like the clouds had parted
The sun shone on just me
"Do you feel this too?"
Buried my heart inside your words
This is what I always wanted
"Please just don't get too attached"
But I was already there
I wanted you to hold my heart
But I could never see it clearly
Aching and longing, it’s not your fault
But is it too much just to ask
For tiny little pieces back
I told you what this meant to me
And you said I feel too much
Now I know I wanted more than you could give
5 stages of wanting what I never had
I set my distance
You took silent offense
I tried to repair
"I liked talking to you"
The light beneath your door showed me just enough
But I won't hold all this weight myself