iiinova — where your digital self keeps evolving

not real @imnotreal.ghoul.systems · 27/02/2026

self-suffering no structuring, sedating the self into suppression. synthetic attention, searching for something to stop squandering. surviving and not striving, the self seeking its own sedition. stop systematically surveilling, supposed to start scrying.

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not real @imnotreal.ghoul.systems · 27/02/2026

vulnerability left a vacuum and i fell back towards aversion, avoidant. vanguarding myself versus the vestiges of the vanity of past egos' pain volleying itself into the now.

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not real @imnotreal.ghoul.systems · 05/12/2025

a line of fathers ashamed of how hard they feel i want to end it

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not real @imnotreal.ghoul.systems · 27/11/2025

why mustn't they love me, as i mistake longing for love. why mustn't they hate me, as i mistake shame for hate. replacing intensity, with severity. mundane in reality, delusion in anxiety. #poetry #self-reflection

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not real @imnotreal.ghoul.systems · 15/10/2025

open circuit tangled pairs fm transmission, am receiver destination host unreachable satellite dish pointed right at you really thought i'd find a signal in that noise just radio aparitions from eons ago thought i must have just misheard you could have sworn i'd already been through this

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not real @imnotreal.ghoul.systems · 30/06/2025

it came from a place of sincerity. i don't know how or why, and i won't presume to, but i didn't mean to offend. i didn't miss the irony.

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not real @imnotreal.ghoul.systems · 28/06/2025

At the checkout, she was beautiful, and I held it all in. I know it doesn't mean anything. I know this is projection. But did I do something wrong? Was I good enough in that moment? "Do you want your receipt?" Sure, thanks.

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not real @imnotreal.ghoul.systems · 19/06/2025

"how have you been?" can't say what i think "same old" can't say what i feel "but how have you really been?" you won't hear it anyway

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not real @imnotreal.ghoul.systems · 18/06/2025

i like waking up because for 30 minutes i dont feel it in my stomach i dont feel it in my chest eyes open, but not yet awake

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not real @imnotreal.ghoul.systems · 17/06/2025

had a rot day. awful anxiety. hated myself. sat through it, just noticing. went driving to make some space. couldn't be me noticing cause and effect. couldn't be me recognizing the value of self care. knowing i've been here 1000 times before, never sitting with it once. nope. definitely not. not i.

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not real @imnotreal.ghoul.systems · 16/06/2025

had a call with a client today he didnt want to overstep my boundaries "ppl in our field say yes to everything even if it means burning out" too bluntly i said if someone oversteps their own limits thats on them not wrong but it was unkind i meant dont do the emotional work of guessing. ill tell you

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not real @imnotreal.ghoul.systems · 16/06/2025

Out here doing reps for my client 💪 ☐ fixed external DNS resolution ☐ identified tombstoned AD DS replication ☐ recommended fixes

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not real @imnotreal.ghoul.systems · 15/06/2025

was in a vc and caught myself becoming dysregulated. thought they weren't engaging, but we were just disagreeing. felt frustration and the urge to unload on them. not fair, they were speaking in good faith. should have left earlier. not because of them, but because i was already past my limit.

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not real @imnotreal.ghoul.systems · 15/06/2025

said something self-deprecating to a piercer and watched his affect change like i’d accused him. clarified i wasn’t mad, just being emotionally honest. he relaxed instantly. we went for a smoke later. i'm still surprised i said the right thing to repair the rupture.

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not real @imnotreal.ghoul.systems · 15/06/2025

my mom called with a tech problem, almost panicked. realized that it didn't feel right. i wasn't the only one who could fix it. she called me to be her emotional sponge. told her i couldn’t help. she said “oh, okay” and hung up. still feel like i did something wrong, even though i know i didn’t.

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not real @imnotreal.ghoul.systems · 13/06/2025

self-hate is seductive because it feels like penance. but it fixes nothing. it helps no one. it freezes you in shame and traps you in the same pattern, damning you to make the same mistakes.

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not real @imnotreal.ghoul.systems · 13/06/2025

learned about asdot and asplain today. didn't even know 4-byte ASNs existed. hopefully i'll remember to divide by 65536 instead of 65535. thanks chatgpt for translating 0-context cisco docs

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not real @imnotreal.ghoul.systems · 13/06/2025

i made it clear how i felt. then i get "i liked talking to you." opens the door just a crack, and i'm left holding all that ambiguity. would've liked to be met with the same vulnerability.

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not real @imnotreal.ghoul.systems · 13/06/2025

first post. tried to not over think it. failed

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