iiinova — where your digital self keeps evolving

but damn it puts shit into perspective.

010

i also think it's a little silly that only leith and cin have checked in on me so far this month without me having to say something in advance and no one else has even bothered with like. a "hey how are you doing?" but immmm trying not to think about that bc i don't want to sound selfish.

out first as much or messaging people outside of a select few, stopped spending time with their family including going to dinner every night to instead stay alone. like kasper i am looking You in the eyes rn and i know we feel like april is our bitch this year but i fear not.

130

girl who is barely eating a meal a day, sleeping all day but then staying up until 6/7am, taking numerous naps despite never napping any other month, has absolutely no motivation and puts off everything of importance for weeks, is not stressed about finals, has no social media presence, not reaching

130

on odd occasions i realize how much april is beating my ass despite me not actively feeling anything and this is one of those moments where i am now incredibly self aware of all the bad habits that have reared their head this month and how in absence of feeling there are still Signs.

240

to be like "hey can you not come to with issues this month" bc that's a Long Time and they might have no one else. but i hardly want to talk to anyone as is right now, let alone sit there and give you advice. girl i am stopping myself from dying every day this month, i Cannot do the same for you.

050

also not to get a little. personal. but i also lowkey think im entering mild empathy burnout bc so many people have been coming to me with their problems Already this month and like. normally i'm fine with that, i like being there for people i care about and helping them and maybe it's selfish

360

pinches my nose. 7 more assignments to do, and 5 more classes .... by next friday i'm out of here 🫩

smokes a cigarette.! i have a final in 1.5 hrs and i literally could not care less. i spent this morning debating skipping it. it's joeover.

hi again world. sorry i haven't been active much, april is predictably beating my ass and i have 0 energy. finals week is Also beating my ass. and i fear ive now entered a stage where i could not care less about anything or anyone. #slay #fuckitweball #ihavetogetupbutihighkeydgaf

270

i feel like, people like me because of the me i am on the surface and then they fall in love and realize i might as well be a psych ward escapee and i just Feel Bad because no one signs up for that. yk!! most of the time idgaf but other times i look at those ideal relationships and think. fuck.

000

i come in with a long line of exes and a history of trauma that would make a lesser man mad. and sometimes it might show, sometimes i might want to talk about it like im talking about the weather and sometimes it might screw my perception of other things and it just Sucks.

100

you to, in fact you may never meet my birth parents and anything you hear about them in passing will be cruel. my sister might try and sabotage our relationship, my brothers might hate you, you get to be here on christmas when everyone starts fighting and no one is happy and half of us aren't there

100

kicks on sometimes and i just feel ... bad? like i need so much from a partner and a future relationship and i have so much baggage that yes ive sorted through myself and i have a pretty good handle on but its still There. and that sucks. like i dont have a big loving family to introduce

my thought of the night is that sometimes i kind of feel bad for people that like me. like i Know that i'm hot and im fun to be around and i'm caring, i'm good at communicating, i'm supportive and gentle and selfless and loving in my own way. and 90% of the time that's enough. but that 10%

210

ten days ... ten games ... it's only d2 🥹

000

okay i'm glad you are experiencing joy

thank you pls hurry. apparently he's gonna be out for TEN DAYS.

𝓚. ⋆ 🪼 @idiosynrsy.bsky.social · 07/04/2026

all i do is sleep. and sleep more. and keep sleeping.

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𝓚. ⋆ 🪼 @idiosynrsy.bsky.social · 07/04/2026

i miss my baseball man this game isn't the same without him.

010

bc u have been hanging out with w/ the others whaaaaa whaaaa. i come to u and we explore so u don't have to be with ur family ok.

000

suspicious squint. suspicious side-eye. spongebob meme.

shakes my finger, u r hanging out w/ the others i will not take u away from that. i am just ... going to print out a photo of my man and put it on the tv screen and act like he is there. and also a photo of rowan on my phone in mourning.

and rowan can't hang out sniff. i'm on the ledge lixie. today has unbuckled me from my safety vest.

the one time i decide i want to watch the ball game all the way through and my man is off the lineup bc of an injury wtf 🥹

140

i think i got 10 pounds of shampoo in my eyes but i also started thinking about how rubén Also has moments like this and now im taking it out on him. god bless.

130

chat i fear that being used for your body by a group of men for 3 years at least once a week if not more will like. Allegedly cause long-term psychological damage or smth that will always kick your ass during the month you finally got out. but like. Allegedly. bc i'm #normal .