iiinova — where your digital self keeps evolving

HP Zoner @hpzoner.crashmania.net · 02/10/2026

The spine on the box looks like a cookie warning.

A promotional image showing the game box for Bubble Bobble 4 Friends: The Baron is Back! Nintendo Switch 2 Edition + Stardrop Mountain.

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HP Zoner @hpzoner.crashmania.net · 09/09/2026

Her visor keeps getting ANGRIER.

A 3D render of Samus Aran, as she is depicted in Metroid Prime. She is fully covered by the robotic sci-fi suit she's wearing, appearing closer to a robot than a human.

A 3D render of Samus Aran, as she is depicted in Metroid: Samus Returns. She is fully covered by the robotic sci-fi suit she's wearing, appearing closer to a robot than a human.

A 3D render of Samus Aran, as she is depicted in Metroid Dread. She is fully covered by the robotic sci-fi suit she's wearing, appearing closer to a robot than a human.

A 3D render of Samus Aran, as she is depicted in Metroid Ravenous. She is fully covered by the robotic sci-fi suit she's wearing, appearing closer to a robot than a human.

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HP Zoner @hpzoner.crashmania.net · 02/07/2026

It's impossible for me to play these games or see these characters without you coming to mind. Glad the wait is finally over for ya (in the meantime, my copy will continue to taunt me until the weekend)!

A physical copy of Rhythm Paradise Groove.

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HP Zoner @hpzoner.crashmania.net · 01/07/2026

It's so colorful, so sharp, so *clean*, especially compared to composite. And best of all, so much more fluid in motion compared to our crap LED. What a world of difference. Give me those big, juicy scanlines at 240p. I live for this stuff. (Phone cam is crap, but you get the idea.)

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HP Zoner @hpzoner.crashmania.net · 16/11/2025

Someone linked me to this: www.reddit.com/r/crashbandi... And yeah, it's funny, but have you seen N-Tranced's game over screen? It's an edit from Warped's, and they didn't realize those spikes are Cortex's hair, so they just left them in (Cortex isn't even in that game). Oopsie poopums.

The game over screen for Crash Bandicoot 2: N-Tranced. Uka Uka faces the viewer, and Cortex's hair is partially seen behind him.

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HP Zoner @hpzoner.crashmania.net · 14/11/2025

I can't believe they're adding jump to Metroid. We've come a long way.

A screenshot from an overview trailer for Metroid Prime 4, showcasing (per the narration) "the ability to jump".

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HP Zoner @hpzoner.crashmania.net · 14/11/2025

What you don't know yet is that Myles McKenzie will eventually become Sylux, hellbent on taking his revenge against Samus and the Galactic Federation, after they left him stranded in the past.

A Metroid Prime 4 screenshot of Myles McKenzie, a human who wears glasses and sci-fi armor.

A Metroid Prime 4 screenshot showing Sylux, an antagonist whose face is concealed behind a mostly featureless helmet with a green vertical line in the middle.

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HP Zoner @hpzoner.crashmania.net · 14/09/2025

Bikes aside, not enough people are talking about this moment from the Metroid Prime 4 trailer where you're attacked by this pack of alien wolves in the middle of a blizzard, and they run circles around and IT LOOKS SO COOL.

A screenshot of a Metroid Prime 4 cutscene where a pack of wolf-like aliens is on the prowl.

An in-game screenshot of Metroid Prime 4. Samus fends off alien wolves as they jump at her, as seen from her perspective.

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HP Zoner @hpzoner.crashmania.net · 13/09/2025

The screenshot is my original reaction to the Nintendo Direct. What I'm trying to say here is I'm not trying to guilt-trip anyone. I still get excited. It's just that a few years ago, that would happen without caveats or the lingering reminder of their anti-consumer and anti-competitor practices.

A screenshot of my unhinged reaction to the Mario and Metroid Prime 4 trailers in text form.

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HP Zoner @hpzoner.crashmania.net · 19/08/2025

So this picture from a few years ago is canon now.

An image of Sonic and Pac-Man standing together. Pac-Man tries on some shoes that look identical to Sonic's, as the latter gives him a wink and a thumbs-up. There's an open gift box next to Pac-Man, implying the shoes are a present from Sonic. The text reads: "HAPPY BIRTHDAY PAC-MAN"

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HP Zoner @hpzoner.crashmania.net · 19/06/2025

I don't buy into the "Pauline is just cursed to be a child" theory. She doesn't know who DK is when they first meet in Bananza. We don't have enough info to know exactly what's going on, but we do know this is their first time meeting. Also kinda weird she'd have two curses?

A screenshot of Donkey Kong Bananza. Pauline (in Odd Rock form) reads the letters DK on Donkey Kong's tie.

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HP Zoner @hpzoner.crashmania.net · 18/06/2025

She's a singer who runs a city, and her best childhood friend was a tie-wearing gorilla. It's a pretty good resumé.

A comment I made 4 years ago that says Pauline is the best Mario girl.

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HP Zoner @hpzoner.crashmania.net · 18/06/2025

So... Donkey Kong Bananza. I have no idea when I'll ever get a Switch 2, but these things I typed on Discord a few months ago should give you a clue about how excited I am for this game, having just watched the Nintendo Direct.

So about the leak, I love whatever's going on in this picture. Pauline is one of my favorite supporting characters in this universe and my favorite female character in Mario, and I'm really interested in the implications here. General speculation mostly falls on either "she's a young Pauline" or "she's Pauline's daughter", and while I'm absolutely on board with either option, I'm much more intrigued by the first one.

If this is a prequel to Donkey Kong (the original arcade game) and the DK series as a whole, it would do something that I loved about Crash 4, namely the re-contextualization of certain things we always took for granted. DK never really had a reason to kidnap adult Pauline in the original game, but if they develop a friendship while she's a child, it makes that whole premise much less of a "haha funny dumb ape kidnap lady insert coin to play" and more of a "oh okay so he wants to steal her from Mario because he recognizes her from way back then". Of course that's assuming they don't follow Rare's route of "Cranky Kong is the character in the arcade game", which never really made sense to me, but I think they can still make both things work.

It also seems very clear that she's related to Odd Rock, given her bracelet. My bet is she was cursed into that rock form and transforms back during the course of the game.

ALSO SHE IS ADORABLE AND I LOVE HER DESIGN, IN CAPS EVEN. Beats all the other times they did something similar with other characters.

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HP Zoner @hpzoner.crashmania.net · 16/05/2025

Thanks to whoever decided this would be a good icon for AI and has made me wince whenever I find these.

Sonic the Hedgehog standing on an invincibility monitor.

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HP Zoner @hpzoner.crashmania.net · 14/05/2025

All I'm saying is if the Mario movie sequel doesn't have an acid trip scene ala Touch Fuzzy Get Dizzy, can we truly call it a worthwhile investment?

Screenshot of Yoshi's Island showing Yoshi and the level under the hallucinogenic effects of nearby Fuzzies.

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HP Zoner @hpzoner.crashmania.net · 10/05/2025

I'm pretty happy with the little retro corner I put together last year, but tonight is the first time I'm actually giving it a fair try. It's nice to sit back and unwind sometimes.

A photo of Puzzle Bobble being played on a CRT.

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HP Zoner @hpzoner.crashmania.net · 27/04/2025

We've officially reached Aperture Science levels of dystopian idiocy.

An in-game poster from Portal 2 showing a robot handling a number of tasks simultaneously. It reads: "Remember... Robots don't sleep. They can test AND do your job."

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HP Zoner @hpzoner.crashmania.net · 23/04/2025

First, we'll shoehorn AI into everything. Eventually, we might teach it basic math, maybe.

A screenshot of a question on quora.com: "How many toes does an alligator have?"

The unprompted AI assistant showcases its own uselessness by answering: "An alligator has a total of 20 toes. They have five toes on each of their front feet and four toes on each of their back feet."

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HP Zoner @hpzoner.crashmania.net · 20/04/2025

Bowser had his shell surgically removed and re-attached just to wear a suit on his wedding day. Now that's commitment.

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HP Zoner @hpzoner.crashmania.net · 20/04/2025

This will never not baffle me.

Bowser somehow retracting into his body like it's a part of his shell.

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HP Zoner @hpzoner.crashmania.net · 04/10/2024

If you ask me about the sort of inconsequential details that I love in a game, chances are that I'll answer something like "can you take a nap on a cow for no reason".

A screenshot of Astro Bot, featuring the titular character resting on a sleeping cow.

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HP Zoner @hpzoner.crashmania.net · 18/09/2024

Very proud to be on this platform where I post once a year. As opposed to every other platform, where I post zero times a year. I miss forums.

Automatic celebratory BlueSky text that shows I was number 459,841 to join.

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HP Zoner @hpzoner.crashmania.net · 18/09/2024

I don't think I can overstate how much I'm loving this game. My only regret is not having a time machine to send it to my kid self, because I *feel* like that child again while playing it. It's just pure, unfiltered, joy, and everything about it makes me smile and forget about the rest of my day.

Some meme with a lady I don't know from a show I've never watched where she's holding a dog named Arlo, except I replaced his head and name with Astro from Astro Bot. The text reads: "I've only had Astro for a day and a half, but if anything happened to him, I would kill everyone in this room and then myself."

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HP Zoner @hpzoner.crashmania.net · 06/07/2024

If there's any consolation with my mom ordering stuff from Temu, it's the instructions.

The instructions for a toothpaste dispenser. They are written in peculiar (or downright incorrect) English, with text such as "method of erection" and "insert toothpaste into the top area south of the Great Wall".

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HP Zoner @hpzoner.crashmania.net · 27/05/2024

I can't tell if this description of Mario is disappointed, passive-aggressive, or a placeholder.

A scan of a page from Super Mario Bros. Deluxe. The description for Mario reads: "The hero of the game...." with four dots at the end.

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HP Zoner @hpzoner.crashmania.net · 24/05/2024

This spider's been completely immobile in our bathroom for over 2 weeks.

A photo of a tiny spider next to a hand-written sign that has an arrow pointing at it. The sign text reads "DUMBASS".

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HP Zoner @hpzoner.crashmania.net · 06/04/2024

Anyone who doesn't like chocolate milk can just

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HP Zoner @hpzoner.crashmania.net · 30/03/2024

Some sketches from last Summer. Her name is Bia.

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HP Zoner @hpzoner.crashmania.net · 18/12/2023

YouTube is not doing a very good job at making me want to turn off my ad blocker.

A screenshot of a mobile game depicting Super Mario with heinously rotund, oversized gluteus maximus.

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HP Zoner @hpzoner.crashmania.net · 14/10/2023

This was a day @teiranova.com and I will never forget. Our wedding was truly special, and we got to make a lot of amazing, silly, and amazingly silly memories with our wonderful family and friends. I love you all, with all my heart.

Our wedding cake on the beach, in front of a beautiful sunset. Thankfully, none of the millions of mosquitos ruined the shot.

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HP Zoner @hpzoner.crashmania.net · 13/10/2023

Come on... Could've added at least one.

A bag of potato chips labeled "zero chips".

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HP Zoner @hpzoner.crashmania.net · 17/09/2023

I started my first playthrough of Luigi's Mansion 3, and I feel so sorry for the dude. The intro has him going from happy and relaxed to absolutely mortified in the span of a few hours, and THERE IS NO BUTTON TO HUG HIM.

A scared Luigi holds a flashlight in the dark while rethinking his life choices.

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HP Zoner @hpzoner.crashmania.net · 17/09/2023

Why have dumb, boring, normal grapes when you can have WEENIE GRAPES

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HP Zoner @hpzoner.crashmania.net · 29/08/2023

They're plotting something...

Over 200 swallows perched on outdoor cables.

An unsettling number of swallows lined up on a cable.

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