Randal Hendrickson @hendrickson.bsky.social · 18/09/2026“Misunderstanding is the very basis of inter-human discourse.” —Lacan “Same with inter-species, bro. Trust.” —Kash Patel 120
Randal Hendrickson @hendrickson.bsky.social · 18/09/2026“So you fucked a dog. I get it, man. Humans are off the table for guys like us. It’s time we dog-fuckers had a turn. Do you want to be in the FBI?” 010
Randal Hendrickson @hendrickson.bsky.social · 17/09/2026“So let me get this straight” is a clause announcing that one certainly won’t get this straight. 120
Randal Hendrickson @hendrickson.bsky.social · 17/09/2026Braudel’s great “The Mediterranean and the Mediterranean World in the Age of Philip II” ends with Philip’s death on a September 13th, my bday. I take this to mean that the death of Philip II announces my birth and a New Mediterranean World. I need a boat. 010
Randal Hendrickson @hendrickson.bsky.social · 17/09/2026I feel bad for teaching Travis Kelce how to spell “squirrel.” I was just fucking with him. He’s huge. Huge men don’t feel, so you can fuck with them. Anyway, I believe misleading him set him up for Ponzi scheme and marriage victimhood. I am sorry. 010
Randal Hendrickson @hendrickson.bsky.social · 13/09/2026The good news: you are thinking outside the box! The bad news: you are in a sealed tank with limited oxygen. 021
Randal Hendrickson @hendrickson.bsky.social · 10/09/2026Dude I am going to live forever or die trying. And it all starts today with a test flight of my Where Eagles Dare wing set. 000
Randal Hendrickson @hendrickson.bsky.social · 08/09/2026I don’t even let students use paper. As Trithemius notes on behalf of the scribes, who the fuck knows how long paper will last? Vellum is where it’s at, you dipshits. 130
Randal Hendrickson @hendrickson.bsky.social · 01/09/2026“The boots stay on, baby. Now let’s fucking do this.” —me to Dr. Adam Harrington, who wants to measure my height 000
Randal Hendrickson @hendrickson.bsky.social · 01/09/2026A: “Power to the people!” B: “Which power? There isn’t just power. There are three sorts of power in the political world. So which of those to the people? You see, it’s not so simple.” A: shoots B 010
Randal Hendrickson @hendrickson.bsky.social · 31/08/2026A Seiju elm is not like a child. You have to nurture it for it to thrive. 040
Randal Hendrickson @hendrickson.bsky.social · 30/08/2026Somebody get Larry Arnn out from under his Churchill puppet. He’ll love this. 000
Randal Hendrickson @hendrickson.bsky.social · 30/08/2026I love feeding the worms the slop I slop together on the fly, but life is about more than just family. Sometimes I just want to tend to my worm bin. Composting is peace for me. 030
Randal Hendrickson @hendrickson.bsky.social · 29/08/2026I bet my marriage would be better if we got engagement photos near a fucking barn while we stared at each other’s faces, or if we held hands, smiled like idiots, and pretended walking is hard as we crossed railroad tracks. 120
Randal Hendrickson @hendrickson.bsky.social · 29/08/2026I do not read. Please note that I dictate my musings to a loser who types them on this device. I’m going to punch him in the chest at the end of this sentence. 020
Randal Hendrickson @hendrickson.bsky.social · 29/08/2026A grisly revenge flick where a would-be turducken become sick fucking killers with determination to see their oppressors dealt with, piece by piece. 010
Randal Hendrickson @hendrickson.bsky.social · 25/08/2026He returns to his frames, as the wise ones foretold! The prophecy is fulfilled! 000
Randal Hendrickson @hendrickson.bsky.social · 24/08/2026I came here to drink some beer and complete the system of German idealism, and it looks like we’re out of beer, motherfucker! [removes shirt, falls on face] 030
Randal Hendrickson @hendrickson.bsky.social · 20/08/2026I never had to teach Philip to find the most fucked up thing, jam your face in it, and take a big whiff. He just does it. That’s friendship. 010
Randal Hendrickson @hendrickson.bsky.social · 20/08/2026I’m going to make a demon try to possess me, but it’s a trap. I flip the script and possess his evil ass. Now I have a demon to go to the farmers market or Target in my stead. 020
Randal Hendrickson @hendrickson.bsky.social · 18/08/2026“The contemporary rejection of natural right leads to nihilism—nay, it is identical with nihilism.” 060
Randal Hendrickson @hendrickson.bsky.social · 16/08/2026You can train all you want, but it’s all about your father’s genetic make-up. That’s just science. Trust the science. 010
Randal Hendrickson @hendrickson.bsky.social · 12/08/2026If we don’t teach our children nihilism, we leave them defenseless against the natural right pushers. 000
Randal Hendrickson @hendrickson.bsky.social · 03/08/2026I do and don’t get why Rousseau turned to botany when he couldn’t get women to spank him anymore. 050
Randal Hendrickson @hendrickson.bsky.social · 30/07/2026He thinks if he doesn’t look at me I won’t notice that he won’t leave the car. 080
Randal Hendrickson @hendrickson.bsky.social · 29/07/2026“Our age, The Age of Terra Cotta, is dying.” —me dropping a pot on my porch 030
Randal Hendrickson @hendrickson.bsky.social · 29/07/2026I haven’t told the au pair that I have a child. 000
Randal Hendrickson @hendrickson.bsky.social · 23/07/2026“Thumos is contained in the balls.” —Socrates speaking to Plato 120
Randal Hendrickson @hendrickson.bsky.social · 23/07/2026Doing ape sounds near my blue suede sofa so the hood knows it’s mine. 010
Randal Hendrickson @hendrickson.bsky.social · 22/07/2026Did you know that Rome wasn’t always holy? Indeed. This summer Christopher Nolan brings you the tale of a man who wanted more holes in Rome. SATYRICON Summer 2027 120
Randal Hendrickson @hendrickson.bsky.social · 22/07/2026Nolan does “Great Expectations.” Mickey Rourke plays Pip and is taking matters into his own blood-drenched hands. 010
Randal Hendrickson @hendrickson.bsky.social · 21/07/2026“It strikes me that…” Academics are always being stricken. They have no reflexes. That’s why they only gave me postdocs. Shit doesn’t strike me. I slip it and strike back with force and focus. It strikes me that they don’t like that. NOOOO!!!!!! 020
Randal Hendrickson @hendrickson.bsky.social · 21/07/2026“Indiana Jones” is a travesty. Indiana Jones turns in his grave. Western Civilization weeps. 000
Randal Hendrickson @hendrickson.bsky.social · 19/07/2026The Irish of Drexel Hill have welcomed me as one of their own. I’d say I’m grateful, but I river danced so fucking hard they had to submit to my rule. But like Alexander, I wisely allow them to preserve their local customs. 000
Randal Hendrickson @hendrickson.bsky.social · 16/07/2026Weed is so cheap in Michigan. I bought 100 lbs and just threw quarter bags to the locals from my ride. They wanted to make me their king. I spoke of anarchy and left in a cloud of budget smoke. 010
Randal Hendrickson @hendrickson.bsky.social · 16/07/2026Explode your diarrhea with dignity and purpose. This is Western Civilization. 010
Randal Hendrickson @hendrickson.bsky.social · 15/07/2026Dude why didn’t you tell me it was an education befitting a free man? I wouldn’t have been doing little jerk off motions when you talked if I knew! 000
Randal Hendrickson @hendrickson.bsky.social · 12/07/2026You can tell a lot about a person who says you can tell a lot about a person from a thing. 010
Randal Hendrickson @hendrickson.bsky.social · 11/07/2026Now that I have a bat house coming, does anyone know how I get a bat colony to recognize me as its father and for its members to answer my call? 330
Randal Hendrickson @hendrickson.bsky.social · 09/07/2026When the men who wrote the Federalist Papers wanted to pretend to be Roman, they chose the name “Publius Valerius,” which translates “He Who Valorizes Pubes.” 010
Randal Hendrickson @hendrickson.bsky.social · 28/06/2026Young buck didn’t know I could Jean Claude Van Damme his ass. He probably won’t fight again. 010
Randal Hendrickson @hendrickson.bsky.social · 26/06/2026Me: “Dude make me a minopus. No. An octotaur, dude. Who would win in a fight between a minopus and octotaur?” Tattooer: “Don’t talk to me anymore.” 010
Randal Hendrickson @hendrickson.bsky.social · 23/06/2026Trump parted the Reflecting Pool, but we doubted the miracle. Now it’s all fucking green. Thanks a lot, everyone. 000
Randal Hendrickson @hendrickson.bsky.social · 20/06/2026What’s the Forbiddenest Great Book? The Bari Weiss bust won’t tell me. She’s mad because my Ben Franklin bust and I were cracking on her hard, and she’s just too fucking slow for what we bring to the freestyle scene. 051
Randal Hendrickson @hendrickson.bsky.social · 19/06/2026Repost if you can’t breathe underwater. I’m trying to figure something out. 010
Randal Hendrickson @hendrickson.bsky.social · 18/06/2026Trump made the reflecting pool not reflect. They sealed it. So the option is more algae or a flow filtration. Flowing water won’t reflect. So it’s algae or no, but the reflection is gone. Trump is deeply stupid. American conservative intellectuals welcomed this. At least you won in Iran. Huh? 000
Randal Hendrickson @hendrickson.bsky.social · 15/06/2026On our first date, we drive up to a spa. I go in for a Japanese scalp treatment (1h 10m) while you wait in the car so no one steals my sword. Then we head to Cracker Barrel for a dine and dash. See where it goes from there, baby. DMs open for five minutes starting now. 000
Randal Hendrickson @hendrickson.bsky.social · 14/06/2026I announced my prejudice against LG appliances at the store. “No. Fuck LG. I don’t trust an LG shitbag with anything. Life is Good? Who you talking to? You need to get out of my fucking space.” One guy agreed with my teaching, another was curious to hear more, a crowd formed. 040