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Headlines McMuffin

@headlinesmc.bsky.social

9.6K followers 9.5K following 6.7K posts

Satire. Today’s headlines and opinion with a 1940’s tabloid look. Retired military; 2 campaign medals. Northridge earthquake survivor. Avi: CBS broadcaster Edward R. Murrow, London, WWII era. Slava Ukraini 🇺🇦

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Headlines McMuffin @headlinesmc.bsky.social · 4h

One day, Trump’s biography will be called, ‘Him Alone’.

Banner news headline - a report that Trump plans to reimburse the government for any ads that do not focus on him alone. Unfortunately, they all seem to focus on him alone.

Headlines McMuffin @headlinesmc.bsky.social · 19h

The Iran war, the heli-pad; he must be so busy.

Banner news headline - Trump, the Multi-Tasker in Chief, is so tied down by war that he hasn’t worked on the ballroom in a month.

Headlines McMuffin @headlinesmc.bsky.social · 06/10/2026

Trump, keeping his priorities straight.

Banner news headline - Trump, on the evacuation of the B1 bombers from Britain after the discovery of an Iranian plot: “Forget the B1’s; move my Qatari 747.”

Headlines McMuffin @headlinesmc.bsky.social · 06/10/2026

Everything he mentions brings up bad memories.

Banner news headline - at a rally Trump promises free oil changes, reminding all of the high price of oil.

Headlines McMuffin @headlinesmc.bsky.social · 05/10/2026

He earned this award - and that’s no lie.

Banner news headline - the Nobel Prize committee has awarded Donald Trump the Nobel Prize in pathological lying…a prize well deserved.

Headlines McMuffin @headlinesmc.bsky.social · 05/10/2026

Nothing to see here - just the Russian version of the Wuhan Wet Market…

Banner news headline - Trump calls ‘no worries’ of reports of a Russian plague, while inviting Putin to Florida - and while Kushner and Witkoff run around Moscow.

Headlines McMuffin @headlinesmc.bsky.social · 05/10/2026

“Hey, Siri, is there really a place called Moon, Pennsylvania?”

Banner news headline - a typo in an email between government agencies has a nuclear reactor being placed in Moon, Pennsylvania, and not on the Moon.

Headlines McMuffin @headlinesmc.bsky.social · 04/10/2026

Or weren’t filthy rich…

Banner news headline - a report that none of Pete Hegseth’s 3 advisors on the future of war have gone to war.

Headlines McMuffin @headlinesmc.bsky.social · 04/10/2026

An ATM card for the president; and Natalie holds his PIN number?

Banner news headline - a report that the Treasury Department has set up Trump with an ATM card, allowing him to withdraw a few million dollars at a time as he needs it.

Headlines McMuffin @headlinesmc.bsky.social · 03/10/2026

The less you trust it the more you abuse it.

Banner news headline - Trump on mail-in ballots: they can’t be trusted, so all the more reason to vote more than once.

Headlines McMuffin @headlinesmc.bsky.social · 03/10/2026

Kash Patel on the job, with an eye on our vandal-athletes.

Banner news headline - with the Summer Olympics two years away, the FBI is screening for possible vandal-athletes to avoid another reflecting pool fiasco.

Headlines McMuffin @headlinesmc.bsky.social · 03/10/2026

Thanks @j1j2.bsky.social This might be the Post of the Week. Thx @lordye.bsky.social

Headlines McMuffin @headlinesmc.bsky.social · 02/10/2026

Enjoy your 3 bedroom 2 bath data center 🙂

Banner news headline - the White House pushes a new take on jobs and homes with residential data centers.

Headlines McMuffin @headlinesmc.bsky.social · 02/10/2026

Thoughts and prayers to those not named Mel or Dee Dee.

Banner news headline - a report that the economy added just 7 jobs last month, and job gains were limited to those named Mel or Dee Dee.

Headlines McMuffin @headlinesmc.bsky.social · 02/10/2026

“Hello, New york? Buy all available shares of Ewing Oil!”

Banner news headline - Trump vows to lower the price of oil to $40 a barrel like it was on the tv show, ‘Dallas’.

Headlines McMuffin @headlinesmc.bsky.social · 01/10/2026

It’s beginning to feel like Hegseth’s days at the Pentagon are numbered.

Banner news headline - after the fact, Hegseth’s military staff notes that his fly was down the entire speech. Did they not have the courage to tell him, or did no one have the desire to tell him?

Headlines McMuffin @headlinesmc.bsky.social · 01/10/2026

All aboard the Cancún Express where the goal is to avoid Trump!

Banner news headline - ‘Toxic Trump’ campaigns in Texas and fearful GOP candidates, seeking distance from Trump, move down to Mexico.

Headlines McMuffin @headlinesmc.bsky.social · 01/10/2026

Its a new day at the Kennedy Center ☹️

Banner news headline - over at the Kennedy Center, Trump eyes new events such as car and boat shows and UFC fights.

Headlines McMuffin @headlinesmc.bsky.social · 30/09/2026

Who needs peace when you’re at war?

Banner news headline - Hegseth sees the US troops in the middle east not as peacekeepers but as warkeepers.

Headlines McMuffin @headlinesmc.bsky.social · 30/09/2026

This might be the ‘big one’, Elizabeth.

Banner news headline - a report that Jack Smith attended a Red Sox game at Fenway Park, but was accused by a senator of visiting the grave of Redd Foxx in Las Vegas.

Headlines McMuffin @headlinesmc.bsky.social · 30/09/2026

The Trump version of pulling into a gas station when the check engine light comes on.

Banner news headline - a report that Army mechanics responded to the check engine light coming on in Trump’s limo.

Headlines McMuffin @headlinesmc.bsky.social · 29/09/2026

‘Military dictatorship’ meet ‘military democracy’.

Banner news headline - SecWar Hegseth reveals a ‘military democracy’ as he deploys intelligence and cyber troops to the site of US elections.

Headlines McMuffin @headlinesmc.bsky.social · 29/09/2026

If he’s not lying he’s exaggerating. Where did it start?

Banner news headline - the Senate Séance Committee will call Trump’s 3rd grade teacher through Sam Wheat to try to learn where the lying began.

Headlines McMuffin @headlinesmc.bsky.social · 29/09/2026

At this rate nobody will know what they are voting for.

Banner news headline - the White House considers holding elections to decide whether to hold elections.

Headlines McMuffin @headlinesmc.bsky.social · 28/09/2026

We’re talking fuel inefficiency like nobody’s seen before.

Banner news headline - the White House lowers fuel mileage standards put in place by Joe Biden, ensuring now that no one can afford to fill up.

Headlines McMuffin @headlinesmc.bsky.social · 28/09/2026

Payable in $5,000 Venezuelan oil vouchers.

Banner news headline - Trump throws a wrench in his $5,000 election giveaway: ‘If you vote against me you owe me $5,000’.

Headlines McMuffin @headlinesmc.bsky.social · 28/09/2026

Yes - a bake sale…like hummus for Hegseth.

Banner news headline - a report that Pete Hegseth eyes a bake sale to raise funds for Iran war weapons, like muffins for missiles and donuts for drones.

Headlines McMuffin @headlinesmc.bsky.social · 28/09/2026

Not that Trump ever reflects on anything…

Banner news headline - Trump, asked to reflect on the role of government says he really doesn’t see a need to have one.

Headlines McMuffin @headlinesmc.bsky.social · 27/09/2026

The highest gas and diesel prices; give this man the credit he demands.

Banner news headline - a report that Trump bumped his head in the Oval Office and began demanding credit for the highest gas and diesel prices.

Headlines McMuffin @headlinesmc.bsky.social · 26/09/2026

If you see an ice cream truck in your neighborhood, ask yourself, “Have I been vaccinated?”

Banner news headline - the CDC, faced with staff shortages, shows ice cream trucks as the main spread of disease in America.

Headlines McMuffin @headlinesmc.bsky.social · 26/09/2026

I draw a blank on naming even one accomplishment of this administration, too.

Trump, advised on naming one accomplishment of his administration this term, confuses “I draw a blank” with a person’s name.

Headlines McMuffin @headlinesmc.bsky.social · 26/09/2026

If Trump could train a Chinese panda to operate a camera, he would give it a press pass.

Banner news headline - CNN is readmitted to the press pool after Trump dismisses a 7th grade photography club he hired to take CNN’s place.

Headlines McMuffin @headlinesmc.bsky.social · 25/09/2026

Best not to share that with him, Natalie.

Banner news headline - after receiving a tour of Trump’s reflecting pool and ballroom, Xi Jinping comments, “What a dump.”

Headlines McMuffin @headlinesmc.bsky.social · 25/09/2026

Trump is an un-American American.

Banner news headline - in the White House, Trump gloats over the Chinese media while banning American news media.

Headlines McMuffin @headlinesmc.bsky.social · 24/09/2026

If this keeps up, Trump can cancel the ballroom.

Banner news headline - Trump and Xi Jinping cancel the state dinner and will head out for Chinese food instead. After all, what could be more American than ordering Chinese food?

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Headlines McMuffin @headlinesmc.bsky.social · 24/09/2026

So the story line today is, let’s show America how pissy we can be.

Banner news headline - the White House bans staff from un-banning the banned reporters.

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Headlines McMuffin @headlinesmc.bsky.social · 24/09/2026

Man who craves reporting wonders why no one is reporting on him.

Banner news headline - the White House advises Trump that if he continues to ban so many news reporters, they cannot report on him.

Headlines McMuffin @headlinesmc.bsky.social · 23/09/2026

Trump pledging to not make any news is…news.

Banner news headline - Trump says the network news ban is nothing as he refuses to make any news.

Headlines McMuffin @headlinesmc.bsky.social · 23/09/2026

Maybe he hasn’t thought this all the way through 🤔

Banner news headline - an analyst notes that Trump annihilating Iran would *permanently* close the Strait of Hormuz, sending gas prices to, ohhh, $9.95 a gallon.

Headlines McMuffin @headlinesmc.bsky.social · 23/09/2026

Okay, so Trump filling up at the gas station is a stretch…

Banner news headline - a report that Trump filled up his limo with gas before threatening Iran with annihilation and driving up gas prices.

Headlines McMuffin @headlinesmc.bsky.social · 22/09/2026

What about a bowling alley - does the Ayatollah’s residence have a bowling alley?

Banner news headline - Trump threatens Iran at the UN: “When I’m done, Iran will look like my reflecting pool.”

Headlines McMuffin @headlinesmc.bsky.social · 22/09/2026

Yes, the quiet days of arresting an Olympic athlete on trumped up charges at the reflecting pool.

Banner news headline - the White House misses the ‘quiet days of vandalism’ at the reflecting pool compared to the noisy incompetence of the current news ban.

Headlines McMuffin @headlinesmc.bsky.social · 22/09/2026

Back to the 1950’s: “Its the Lucky Strike Hour, with Donald Trump!”

Banner news headline - shunned by the networks over his censorship, Trump signs broadcast deals with the 1950’s broadcaster, the Dumont Network, and DesiLu.

Headlines McMuffin @headlinesmc.bsky.social · 21/09/2026

Here’s breaking news - Trump has broken the news.

Banner news headline - Trump makes news by banning networks that cover him to make news.

Headlines McMuffin @headlinesmc.bsky.social · 21/09/2026

Trump and the Iranians will never get on the same page…

Banner news headline - there’s confusion as Iran agrees to placing their drones, snipers and ammunition in Trump’s arch.

Headlines McMuffin @headlinesmc.bsky.social · 20/09/2026

All Trump asks is praise him and pay your homeowner dues.

Banner news headline - Trump seeks approval of his arch by converting it to military condominiums. He gets a real estate deal and a Mussolini-style tribute.

Headlines McMuffin @headlinesmc.bsky.social · 20/09/2026

Continuing to bring you all the late breaking stories - even if they’re not late and not breaking.

Banner news headline - the White House rescinds our press credentials but we keep publishing!

Headlines McMuffin @headlinesmc.bsky.social · 19/09/2026

My good friend, Weegot NoChanse knows of what he speaks.

Banner news headline - Trump, in conversation on GOP midterm election chances, confuses the confession, “We got no chance” with an actual person, Weegot NoChanse.

Headlines McMuffin @headlinesmc.bsky.social · 19/09/2026

Puppet show, 3 nights…not sold out…

Banner news headline - a report that the Kennedy Center seeks to remain open with puppet shows and flea markets.

Headlines McMuffin @headlinesmc.bsky.social · 18/09/2026

Another week of accomplishment by Donald J. Trump.

With a week that included harassing Canada, the threatened demolition of the Kennedy Center, and sky-high diesel prices, the White House is feeling pretty good about itself.