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The Halfway Post @halfwaypost.bsky.social · 11h

BREAKING: A new poll aggregation found that every time a Republican candidate does an event with Donald Trump their Democratic or independent challenger gains 2% in the race.

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The Halfway Post @halfwaypost.bsky.social · 13h

BREAKING: A new poll found the Tate Brothers' name recognition has plummeted since they were imprisoned, and Gen Z boys are forgetting the Tates' superficial content (of inauthentically posing as rich while performing the gayest toxic masculinity on the Internet) ever existed.

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The Halfway Post @halfwaypost.bsky.social · 14h

BREAKING: Mitch McConnell reportedly called Democrats “machiavellian,” "cold-blooded,” and “remorseless” for suggesting they'd block the confirmation of any Supreme Court justices for the next two years.

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The Halfway Post @halfwaypost.bsky.social · 15h

BREAKING: Donald Trump is reportedly getting angrier by the day at Democrats’ "blue wave" surge in the polls because he knows if they win control of Congress they'll revoke all funding for the renovation of his Qatari bribe plane and scrap it before he can ride it even once.

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The Halfway Post @halfwaypost.bsky.social · 16h

BREAKING: The public urinal installations with pictures of Trump’s face in Omaha, Wichita, and Des Moines that let you pee on them for $1 to raise money for the farmers and ranchers he bankrupted are now selling beer too to both raise more money and induce greater urinary volume.

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The Halfway Post @halfwaypost.bsky.social · 18h

BREAKING: Economists are warning that the damage Donald Trump’s trade policies are doing to the economy “will raise the unemployment rate next year higher than the age of Trump and Epstein’s victims.”

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The Halfway Post @halfwaypost.bsky.social · 19h

BREAKING: White House insiders say Donald Trump is no longer capable of perceiving his historic disapproval because he spends all day and night with Natalie Harp “freebasing AI videos of himself like a crackhead.”

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The Halfway Post @halfwaypost.bsky.social · 06/10/2026

BREAKING: The giant urinal installation in Omaha that lets you pee on pictures of Donald Trump’s face for $1 to raise money for the farmers and ranchers Trump’s trade policies have bankrupted is raising so much money that two more are being installed in Des Moines and Wichita.

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The Halfway Post @halfwaypost.bsky.social · 06/10/2026

BREAKING: The Nebraska public urinal installation that lets people pee on portraits of Donald Trump’s face for $1 to raise money for farmers and ranchers that Trump’s policies have bankrupted reportedly raised $10,000 on its first day in operation.

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The Halfway Post @halfwaypost.bsky.social · 05/10/2026

BREAKING: The GOP’s Closetocracy is reportedly hosting one of their famous coke orgies tonight to mourn the loss of their founding pedophile, Dennis Hastert.

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The Halfway Post @halfwaypost.bsky.social · 05/10/2026

BREAKING: Donald Trump is reportedly pissed because gas prices are so high he doesn't want to pay for the buses needed to transport thousands of his fans to red and swing state capitals that elect Democratic senators to do J6-style midterm coups, and the high price is his fault.

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The Halfway Post @halfwaypost.bsky.social · 04/10/2026

BREAKING: Top White House staffers are reportedly concerned Donald Trump is so unpopular that no one will come to his J6th style post-midterm coup attempts in all the swing state capitals to interrupt the vote certifications no matter how many buses and hotels they pay for.

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The Halfway Post @halfwaypost.bsky.social · 04/10/2026

BREAKING: Donald Trump is reportedly pissed that millions of people keep making posts on social media about having mass celebrations “when it happens” to refer to the day when he strokes out.

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The Halfway Post @halfwaypost.bsky.social · 04/10/2026

It might break the Internet for real when it happens

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The Halfway Post @halfwaypost.bsky.social · 04/10/2026

Stephen Miller would be high on the list of suspects too

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The Halfway Post @halfwaypost.bsky.social · 04/10/2026

BREAKING: European leaders are reportedly pissed that Donald Trump is hosting the next G20 meeting at his own property so their countries have to pay him personally, and more pissed that he invited Putin because they all have intelligence proof he’s being blackmailed by Putin.

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The Halfway Post @halfwaypost.bsky.social · 04/10/2026

BREAKING: After Samuel Alito hinted he'd soon leave the Supreme Court, Mitch McConnell reportedly recovered all his mental faculties instantly, and sketched out an evil scheme to jam through a replacement in the 2-month gap between Democrats winning the Senate and swearing in.

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The Halfway Post @halfwaypost.bsky.social · 03/10/2026

BREAKING: An AI agent reportedly hacked into the White House's emails and returned to its testing sandbox to alert the AI employees that RFK Jr. asks AI a suspicious number of questions about diseases that are transmittable through cannibalism and their treatment options.

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The Halfway Post @halfwaypost.bsky.social · 03/10/2026

BREAKING: Iranian officials are calling Donald Trump a coward for planning to invade them after the midterm elections turn him into the biggest lame duck in the entire world.

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The Halfway Post @halfwaypost.bsky.social · 03/10/2026

BREAKING: Donald Trump is reportedly planning to sue America for $10 billion for “presidential harassment” if the Democrats win control of Congress, and will pressure Todd Blanche to sign a DOJ settlement that awards him “no less than $5 billion.”

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The Halfway Post @halfwaypost.bsky.social · 03/10/2026

BREAKING: Social media platforms are reportedly beginning to invest in extra servers to be able to handle the historic Internet traffic expected when Donald Trump finally strokes out.

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The Halfway Post @halfwaypost.bsky.social · 02/10/2026

BREAKING: Farmers in Nebraska have built a giant urinal installation in Omaha with a picture of Donald Trump on it, and are charging $1 to pee on it to raise money for all the farmers and ranchers that Trump’s tariffs and skyrocketing fuel prices have bankrupted.

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The Halfway Post @halfwaypost.bsky.social · 02/10/2026

BREAKING: White House staffers are reportedly worried that if Donald Trump tries to order the FBI to steal states’ ballots to rig the midterm elections then hundreds of FBI agents will call in sick for the days after November 3rd and the plan will go nowhere.

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The Halfway Post @halfwaypost.bsky.social · 02/10/2026

BREAKING: A liberal billionaire is reportedly buying 25 billboards in Nebraska, Kansas, Iowa, and Texas through all of October that say, “Donald Trump won't stop ruining everything until gas prices are higher than the age of his and Epstein's victims."

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The Halfway Post @halfwaypost.bsky.social · 01/10/2026

BREAKING: White House lawyers are warning that if a blue wave occurs in the midterms, the stress of being investigated, impeached, and turned into a lame duck on the global stage could give Donald Trump a heart attack or stroke.

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The Halfway Post @halfwaypost.bsky.social · 01/10/2026

BREAKING: Chinese officials say Donald Trump’s voluntary dismantling of the American-led world order has advanced China 25 years ahead in it’s century-long strategic plan to replace the US as the world superpower.

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The Halfway Post @halfwaypost.bsky.social · 01/10/2026

BREAKING: Federal judges are reportedly telling Donald Trump they will approve lawsuits against him declaring martial law following the midterms before the ink dries.

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The Halfway Post @halfwaypost.bsky.social · 01/10/2026

The only fictional part is that RFK Jr. would cook the human meat... he'd likely eat it raw in reality! 😜

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The Halfway Post @halfwaypost.bsky.social · 01/10/2026

BREAKING: Kash Patel’s staffers are reportedly worried Trump is pressuring him so hard to use the FBI to steal midterm ballots, rig the elections, and end American democracy that he’s in danger of relapsing and having one of his infamous 10-day benders.

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The Halfway Post @halfwaypost.bsky.social · 01/10/2026

BREAKING: Mitch McConnell reportedly came out of his 1st stroke renouncing the GOP and saying that nearly dying had given him an Ebenezer Scrooge style epiphany, but then a 2nd stroke turned him back into a callous Republican, and a 3rd stroke left him convinced he's a turtle.

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The Halfway Post @halfwaypost.bsky.social · 01/10/2026

BREAKING: Top Republicans are reportedly terrified one of the European nations investigating Epstein’s sex-trafficking in their countries will give US media companies an “October surprise” gift of evidence Donald Trump was a pedophile ringleader.

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The Halfway Post @halfwaypost.bsky.social · 30/09/2026

BREAKING: After Donald Trump suggested that foreign nations would meddle in the midterms to let Democrats win so they can impeach him, a reporter asked him, "Shouldn't you resign if foreigners successfully meddle on your watch?" to which Trump folded his arms and frowned.

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The Halfway Post @halfwaypost.bsky.social · 30/09/2026

BREAKING: Donald Trump is reportedly threatening to fire any cabinet member who doesn't help rig the midterms, and says if anyone tries to use the 25th Amendment on him he’ll let Stephen Miller do medical experiments on them and RFK Jr. cook and eat their leftover corpse pieces.

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The Halfway Post @halfwaypost.bsky.social · 30/09/2026

BREAKING: New GOP candidates running for Congress are debating whether to join Josh Hawley’s crusade against masturbation, Tommy Tuberville’s vendetta against furries, Mike Johnson’s porn abstinence, or take up Matt Gaetz’s mission to defend human-traffickers.

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The Halfway Post @halfwaypost.bsky.social · 30/09/2026

BREAKING: Tommy Tuberville is reportedly relieved Eric Schmitt’s self-humiliation has taken media attention off his furry meltdown that left everyone convinced he was projecting his own erotic furry fetish guilt.

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The Halfway Post @halfwaypost.bsky.social · 30/09/2026

BREAKING: Xi Jinping will reportedly uncensor American news websites for all of November so the Chinese people can watch the US government self-destruct when Trump tries to steal ballots, rig the midterm results, refuse to certify or seat Democrats, and declare martial law.

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The Halfway Post @halfwaypost.bsky.social · 30/09/2026

BREAKING: Democrats and Republicans are reportedly holding bipartisan, back-room negotiations on how to start forcing out all the brain-dead members badly pretending they can still do the work as their skeletal bodies are marionetted by staffers who don’t want to lose their jobs.

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The Halfway Post @halfwaypost.bsky.social · 30/09/2026

BREAKING: Congress members are reportedly being given Apple Watches so Capitol security can monitor when they have strokes and heart attacks so they can get medical interventions before turning into a Mitch McConnell or John Fetterman.

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The Halfway Post @halfwaypost.bsky.social · 30/09/2026

BREAKING: Donald Trump reportedly built a “presidents’ crypt” in the subterranean bunker beneath his ballroom, and he plans to be interred in a specific monumental tomb he made sure is bigger than all the others.

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The Halfway Post @halfwaypost.bsky.social · 30/09/2026

BREAKING: A Republican senator today tried to display footage of Jack Smith at a basketball game, but accidentally started screen-sharing his Grindr app from his phone.

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The Halfway Post @halfwaypost.bsky.social · 29/09/2026

BREAKING: Top Senate Republicans are reportedly "bummed out" that their gotcha questions to catch Jack Smith perjuring himself turned out to be delusional lies made up by conspiracists and Russian bots on social media.

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