Stab Heartman 🔪🫀 @griefmachine.bsky.social · 11hOrdered 10,000 communion wafers online. now I find out I need a priest to do some trans stuff to them to make them into the body of christ again. Once that is done, we're just a little jolt of electricity away from Christ 2. Be ready. He'sa gunna be pissed. 010
Stab Heartman 🔪🫀 @griefmachine.bsky.social · 11hOh i thought you were saying hand me. i misheard. I shall unhand you now. 000
Stab Heartman 🔪🫀 @griefmachine.bsky.social · 11hi know the point of the show is that the Death Note would drive anyone mad with power and ultimately destroy everything in the user's life, but I think I would be a really good person to find the book since I would be immune to all those downsides personally 000
Stab Heartman 🔪🫀 @griefmachine.bsky.social · 14hon the stern advice of my brother I am watching Peep Show again from the start. My brother was right, just dont think he needed to yell about it. 000
Stab Heartman 🔪🫀 @griefmachine.bsky.social · 04/10/2026Dear Achilles, Figured email was best way to reach you, due to the war, etc. Anyway, was wondering if you could return my son Hector's body to us? It's just that for the funeral rites we need the body. So sorry again about the Patroclus mix up. Hope we can put it behind us. No worries if not! Priam 000
Stab Heartman 🔪🫀 @griefmachine.bsky.social · 04/10/2026I havent seen Digger but it looks like the type of film that will be critically reassessed in 10 years or so and I look forward to seeing where the wind blows and forming my opinion once a consensus is formed and then claiming I always had the right take. 010
Stab Heartman 🔪🫀 @griefmachine.bsky.social · 04/10/2026first thing that came to mind: Feelyat! youtu.be/lMEDVabmzmA?...youtu.beThe Kids in the Hall - Feelyat!YouTube video by ReptarOnIce 010
Stab Heartman 🔪🫀 @griefmachine.bsky.social · 03/10/2026*diving into my own bellybutton and creating a vacuum of empty space where I used to be that collapses with a satisfying POP! sound* 001
Stab Heartman 🔪🫀 @griefmachine.bsky.social · 03/10/2026had a difficult but important conversation with my mom today: 000
Reposted by Stab Heartman 🔪🫀Sewzinski @sewzinski.bsky.social · 03/10/2026I sing Cinderelly Cinderelly when I clean the litter box for my cat so he feels guilty and lets me go to the Ball later. 1173
Stab Heartman 🔪🫀 @griefmachine.bsky.social · 03/10/2026a dopleganger that doesn't looks exactly like you but could be your brother is called a brothelganger 010
Stab Heartman 🔪🫀 @griefmachine.bsky.social · 03/10/2026hearing my grandpa say "fishing is the most fun you can have with your cloths on." and thinking hmm grandpa must really love showering. and then when I hit puberty I was like dang grandpa must really love jerking it in the shower. 010
Stab Heartman 🔪🫀 @griefmachine.bsky.social · 03/10/2026IF I GOT A MILLION DOLLARS EVERY TIME I KISSED MY CAT IT WOULD BE VERY SAD BECAUSE I WOULD SOON BECOME A BILLIONAIRE AND ALL BILLIONAIRES MUST DIE 010
Stab Heartman 🔪🫀 @griefmachine.bsky.social · 03/10/2026Ken's Electrons! Come on down to Ken's for the latest electrons. Now with ionization. Don't delay, they're going fast... at Ken's Electrons 010
Stab Heartman 🔪🫀 @griefmachine.bsky.social · 02/10/2026I am enjoying End Times Fascism (the book, not the reality) 000
Stab Heartman 🔪🫀 @griefmachine.bsky.social · 02/10/2026[in staff lounge] Im sucking on my work phone because this morning i got some peach muffin in the charging port of my work phone. Now that I've answered your inane question i have one of my own: are you always this nosy? 000
Stab Heartman 🔪🫀 @griefmachine.bsky.social · 02/10/2026if you call piss wiz i hope you grow up one day 🤷♂️ 021
Stab Heartman 🔪🫀 @griefmachine.bsky.social · 02/10/2026yeah, sure. i just need to think it over for 10-15 years. let's circle back. 000
Stab Heartman 🔪🫀 @griefmachine.bsky.social · 01/10/2026when he's about to get grounded his mom calls him Wizzard Khalifa 010
Stab Heartman 🔪🫀 @griefmachine.bsky.social · 01/10/2026The Intellectual: "well, it pains me to say..." Me: "Oh it pains you does it? I'll show you pain!" I attempt a headlock but the intellectual has smartly pre-buttered their head. 000
Stab Heartman 🔪🫀 @griefmachine.bsky.social · 01/10/2026I call him King ANGRYmemnon. Not to his face, obviously. 000
Stab Heartman 🔪🫀 @griefmachine.bsky.social · 01/10/2026maybe this will sound bougie but its gotta be home brewed! 110
Stab Heartman 🔪🫀 @griefmachine.bsky.social · 01/10/2026my mana is running out and luckily i know a witch who sells it like half the price of gas station mana 110
Stab Heartman 🔪🫀 @griefmachine.bsky.social · 01/10/2026hey Game, have you ever considered that im not ready to Meet Hanako at Embers yet? yeesh. 000
Stab Heartman 🔪🫀 @griefmachine.bsky.social · 01/10/2026my screen name is what Hideo Kojima would call me if I were in one of his games 000
Stab Heartman 🔪🫀 @griefmachine.bsky.social · 30/09/2026this is an early haloween tweet: 🤚my cat eats🕷s 😱 000
Stab Heartman 🔪🫀 @griefmachine.bsky.social · 30/09/2026#JesusBeef Beef from the son of god anyone? #BeefusChrist 010
Stab Heartman 🔪🫀 @griefmachine.bsky.social · 30/09/2026if my name were Max Payne, I would NOT be a cop with a murdered family hellbent on revenge. I'd probably just work at a garden center and keep to myself. 000
Stab Heartman 🔪🫀 @griefmachine.bsky.social · 30/09/2026cat fancier? how could they get any more fancy?!? 010
Stab Heartman 🔪🫀 @griefmachine.bsky.social · 30/09/2026[speaking through a bloodied mouth and chipped teeth as a geology museum staffer chases me] " teach me ow yo eat it then!" 010
Stab Heartman 🔪🫀 @griefmachine.bsky.social · 30/09/2026midlife crash out is what the kids will say i have 011
Stab Heartman 🔪🫀 @griefmachine.bsky.social · 29/09/2026i hate when the goo of the inside the planet escapes. Volcanos are a big part of this issue. 000
Stab Heartman 🔪🫀 @griefmachine.bsky.social · 29/09/2026The Big Man Punch show makes me cry now??? what the heck? [REACHER S4 FINALE REVIEW] 000
Stab Heartman 🔪🫀 @griefmachine.bsky.social · 27/09/2026scraming at the TV watching the Traitors like some folk do when watching sports 000
Stab Heartman 🔪🫀 @griefmachine.bsky.social · 27/09/2026they don't put windows in the bathrooms on planes because shitting whilst looking down at the globe would drive 5% of passengers mad with power 000
Stab Heartman 🔪🫀 @griefmachine.bsky.social · 26/09/2026EMTs just wheeled in a man who looks remarkably like a wasp. said the bald guy who sprained my wrist beat him up. did i mention this beaten man is disabled? and people still think the wrist sprainer is a "good guy"? i still haven't been seen for my wrist btw. was told I'm "not a priority." wft? 010
Stab Heartman 🔪🫀 @griefmachine.bsky.social · 26/09/2026my crime? taking a job at a call center. the punishment? got my wrist sprained by a bald man. triage nurse at the ER said he hates spam callers and he is on the bald guy's side. NO ONE ASKED YOUU, SIR! GAH! 010
Stab Heartman 🔪🫀 @griefmachine.bsky.social · 26/09/2026ok dont judge me but I just started a job job at an outgoing call center and idk but I think this place is running a massive scam operation. A bald guy just came in and he's talking about bees. Shit. he just told me to "leave if you value your life." guess I'm back on the job hunt 🙄 010
Stab Heartman 🔪🫀 @griefmachine.bsky.social · 26/09/2026going on The Traitors just for the zip line 010
Stab Heartman 🔪🫀 @griefmachine.bsky.social · 26/09/2026if we are mutuals here I will have to marry and divorce each of you in the order you followed me. I'm sorry it has to be this way. we will stay friends after the divorce. 000