Stab Heartman 🔪🫀 @griefmachine.bsky.social · 3hhad a difficult but important conversation with my mom today: 000
Reposted by Stab Heartman 🔪🫀Sewzinski @sewzinski.bsky.social · 5hI sing Cinderelly Cinderelly when I clean the litter box for my cat so he feels guilty and lets me go to the Ball later. 1153
Stab Heartman 🔪🫀 @griefmachine.bsky.social · 9ha dopleganger that doesn't looks exactly like you but could be your brother is called a brothelganger 010
Stab Heartman 🔪🫀 @griefmachine.bsky.social · 14hhearing my grandpa say "fishing is the most fun you can have with your cloths on." and thinking hmm grandpa must really love showering. and then when I hit puberty I was like dang grandpa must really love jerking it in the shower. 010
Stab Heartman 🔪🫀 @griefmachine.bsky.social · 15hIF I GOT A MILLION DOLLARS EVERY TIME I KISSED MY CAT IT WOULD BE VERY SAD BECAUSE I WOULD SOON BECOME A BILLIONAIRE AND ALL BILLIONAIRES MUST DIE 010
Stab Heartman 🔪🫀 @griefmachine.bsky.social · 18hKen's Electrons! Come on down to Ken's for the latest electrons. Now with ionization. Don't delay, they're going fast... at Ken's Electrons 010
Stab Heartman 🔪🫀 @griefmachine.bsky.social · 23hI am enjoying End Times Fascism (the book, not the reality) 000
Stab Heartman 🔪🫀 @griefmachine.bsky.social · 02/10/2026[in staff lounge] Im sucking on my work phone because this morning i got some peach muffin in the charging port of my work phone. Now that I've answered your inane question i have one of my own: are you always this nosy? 000
Stab Heartman 🔪🫀 @griefmachine.bsky.social · 02/10/2026if you call piss wiz i hope you grow up one day 🤷♂️ 021
Stab Heartman 🔪🫀 @griefmachine.bsky.social · 02/10/2026yeah, sure. i just need to think it over for 10-15 years. let's circle back. 000
Stab Heartman 🔪🫀 @griefmachine.bsky.social · 01/10/2026when he's about to get grounded his mom calls him Wizzard Khalifa 010
Stab Heartman 🔪🫀 @griefmachine.bsky.social · 01/10/2026The Intellectual: "well, it pains me to say..." Me: "Oh it pains you does it? I'll show you pain!" I attempt a headlock but the intellectual has smartly pre-buttered their head. 000
Stab Heartman 🔪🫀 @griefmachine.bsky.social · 01/10/2026I call him King ANGRYmemnon. Not to his face, obviously. 000
Stab Heartman 🔪🫀 @griefmachine.bsky.social · 01/10/2026my mana is running out and luckily i know a witch who sells it like half the price of gas station mana 110
Stab Heartman 🔪🫀 @griefmachine.bsky.social · 01/10/2026hey Game, have you ever considered that im not ready to Meet Hanako at Embers yet? yeesh. 000
Stab Heartman 🔪🫀 @griefmachine.bsky.social · 01/10/2026my screen name is what Hideo Kojima would call me if I were in one of his games 000
Stab Heartman 🔪🫀 @griefmachine.bsky.social · 30/09/2026this is an early haloween tweet: 🤚my cat eats🕷s 😱 000
Stab Heartman 🔪🫀 @griefmachine.bsky.social · 30/09/2026#JesusBeef Beef from the son of god anyone? #BeefusChrist 010
Stab Heartman 🔪🫀 @griefmachine.bsky.social · 30/09/2026if my name were Max Payne, I would NOT be a cop with a murdered family hellbent on revenge. I'd probably just work at a garden center and keep to myself. 000
Stab Heartman 🔪🫀 @griefmachine.bsky.social · 30/09/2026cat fancier? how could they get any more fancy?!? 010
Stab Heartman 🔪🫀 @griefmachine.bsky.social · 30/09/2026[speaking through a bloodied mouth and chipped teeth as a geology museum staffer chases me] " teach me ow yo eat it then!" 010
Stab Heartman 🔪🫀 @griefmachine.bsky.social · 30/09/2026midlife crash out is what the kids will say i have 011
Stab Heartman 🔪🫀 @griefmachine.bsky.social · 29/09/2026i hate when the goo of the inside the planet escapes. Volcanos are a big part of this issue. 000
Stab Heartman 🔪🫀 @griefmachine.bsky.social · 29/09/2026The Big Man Punch show makes me cry now??? what the heck? [REACHER S4 FINALE REVIEW] 000
Stab Heartman 🔪🫀 @griefmachine.bsky.social · 27/09/2026scraming at the TV watching the Traitors like some folk do when watching sports 000
Stab Heartman 🔪🫀 @griefmachine.bsky.social · 27/09/2026they don't put windows in the bathrooms on planes because shitting whilst looking down at the globe would drive 5% of passengers mad with power 000
Stab Heartman 🔪🫀 @griefmachine.bsky.social · 26/09/2026EMTs just wheeled in a man who looks remarkably like a wasp. said the bald guy who sprained my wrist beat him up. did i mention this beaten man is disabled? and people still think the wrist sprainer is a "good guy"? i still haven't been seen for my wrist btw. was told I'm "not a priority." wft? 010
Stab Heartman 🔪🫀 @griefmachine.bsky.social · 26/09/2026my crime? taking a job at a call center. the punishment? got my wrist sprained by a bald man. triage nurse at the ER said he hates spam callers and he is on the bald guy's side. NO ONE ASKED YOUU, SIR! GAH! 010
Stab Heartman 🔪🫀 @griefmachine.bsky.social · 26/09/2026ok dont judge me but I just started a job job at an outgoing call center and idk but I think this place is running a massive scam operation. A bald guy just came in and he's talking about bees. Shit. he just told me to "leave if you value your life." guess I'm back on the job hunt 🙄 010
Stab Heartman 🔪🫀 @griefmachine.bsky.social · 26/09/2026going on The Traitors just for the zip line 010
Stab Heartman 🔪🫀 @griefmachine.bsky.social · 26/09/2026if we are mutuals here I will have to marry and divorce each of you in the order you followed me. I'm sorry it has to be this way. we will stay friends after the divorce. 000
Stab Heartman 🔪🫀 @griefmachine.bsky.social · 26/09/2026every day on bsky, one HR person should post some of the awful kinds of things they think and we can all block them together 120
Stab Heartman 🔪🫀 @griefmachine.bsky.social · 26/09/2026Sorry for the ornithomancy posting, but I saw a whopper of a Bird Sign today. the portents? completely fucked. consulting with the augurs now. 000
Stab Heartman 🔪🫀 @griefmachine.bsky.social · 25/09/2026I keep meeting dudes called Steve, Mike and David. wish they knew that when starting a New Person or New Person+ you can input custom names and dont have to just pick from the defaults 100
Reposted by Stab Heartman 🔪🫀Elizabeth Bear @matociquala.bsky.social · 25/09/2026Advice for my younger friends: if you want to encourage yourself to stay healthy and functional, to exercise and eat well... ...pick a couple of motherfuckers you really want to outlive. 561851310
Stab Heartman 🔪🫀 @griefmachine.bsky.social · 24/09/2026I want to come up with a pithy and cruel name to mock Tammy Duckworth with but I got nothing. total blank. Tammy "the bad senator" Duckworth? Shit, her name is just iron clad against silly puns. 010
Stab Heartman 🔪🫀 @griefmachine.bsky.social · 24/09/2026i need new glasses soon and I'm thinking of going full Cooking Show Judge for the frames. I want them to match nothing i wear and make people say, "wow!" in place of a compliment when they see them. 110
Stab Heartman 🔪🫀 @griefmachine.bsky.social · 24/09/2026they say "the pen is mightier than the sword" but no one would say "the pen is mightier than the gun" because that is obviously wrong. 000
Stab Heartman 🔪🫀 @griefmachine.bsky.social · 23/09/2026I am enthralled by my cat. my cat has me in her thrall. dang cat thralled me! 000
Stab Heartman 🔪🫀 @griefmachine.bsky.social · 23/09/2026I believe all bee stings should be harmless to bee and person both. but if you manage to piss off and get stung by a Bumble Bee (manatee of the skies) it should be instant death for both. full on My Girl 011
Stab Heartman 🔪🫀 @griefmachine.bsky.social · 23/09/2026Every day in Philadelphia someone is putting cheese on the beef. Every. Damn. Day. In some world cities there is no one cheesin the Beef. but not philly. That one is a guarantee. Spare a thought for the beef cheesers across the earth today. 000
Stab Heartman 🔪🫀 @griefmachine.bsky.social · 23/09/2026Just when you thought I was done writing skeets about Longlegs you find out you've been reading one this whole time 😱 010
Stab Heartman 🔪🫀 @griefmachine.bsky.social · 23/09/2026all the people who come to wrbsite and write stupid bigotry and get ratioed and then hand blocked by thoudsands could INSTEAD just be like me and write stupid stuff about Longlegs and how much we hate Longlegs (the character) from Longlegs (2024 film). No one is going to ratio me for that. 000
