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Goth Bastila Shan

@gothbastilashan.bsky.social
11 followers 7 following 72 posts

I am no longer a pawn of the jedi council.

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Goth Bastila Shan @gothbastilashan.bsky.social · 10/10/2026
Lord Revan has backed canderous and zaalbar into a corner with her lightsaber and begun interrogating them on who drank the last faygo in the fridge and part of me says I should fess up but my master says I need to douse the light inside of me so I am going to hide the empty can under zaalbar's bed.
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Goth Bastila Shan @gothbastilashan.bsky.social · 10/10/2026
looked out the window on the ebon hawk and there were a bunch of yellow words flying up into the void of space that described in detail what Darth Revan was going to masturbate to today while loud orchestral music blared so loud it gave me a headache
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Goth Bastila Shan @gothbastilashan.bsky.social · 10/10/2026
hk-47 has been prefacing his sentences with shit like "ennui" and "apathetic disinterest" I asked him if he's considered therapy and he just said "Catty Objection: A badass killer robot like me does not need therapy." Okay man.
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Goth Bastila Shan @gothbastilashan.bsky.social · 10/10/2026
what if there was a lightsaber that was so fucked up and evil the blade was black and instead of light it was dark that would be pretty badass.
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Goth Bastila Shan @gothbastilashan.bsky.social · 10/10/2026
I spilled black dye all over the floor trying to DIY my old jedi robes but its ok because the floor was already black and if its not ok I will just blame it on zaalbar
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Goth Bastila Shan @gothbastilashan.bsky.social · 08/10/2026
Revan punched a hole through our TV and she said it's because while she was meditating she received a vision of "a ginger guy who can double jump"
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Goth Bastila Shan @gothbastilashan.bsky.social · 08/10/2026
Darth Revan is one of the most powerful force users I have ever bared witness to. I have yet to see anyone else- sith or jedi- with the unique ability to stop time and inject a bunch of drugs at the first sight of danger
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Goth Bastila Shan @gothbastilashan.bsky.social · 08/10/2026
Lord Revan is trying a sort of maverick approach to aligning with the force called being a "light sith" I asked her what that actually entails and she told me to shut up
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Goth Bastila Shan @gothbastilashan.bsky.social · 08/10/2026
I asked Lord Revan if she can use the star forge to make me some doc martens and she called me a "bougie-ass poser"
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Goth Bastila Shan @gothbastilashan.bsky.social · 07/10/2026
just came back from Whole Foods what the fuck is "white milk"
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Goth Bastila Shan @gothbastilashan.bsky.social · 07/10/2026
I fucking hate going to Batuu there's always a bunch of sunburnt guys in wrap around shades eating churros with their mouths open
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Goth Bastila Shan @gothbastilashan.bsky.social · 07/10/2026
As a former jedi I have to say force healing is probably one of the easiest powers to learn. Even someone who lives on a diet of instant falafel and green milk who just found out she was force sensitive could learn it from reading a musty heavily fire damaged book and trying it one time.
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Goth Bastila Shan @gothbastilashan.bsky.social · 07/10/2026
we found that secret planet where they make all the special money and they were doing some corny ass steven spielberg shit so we glassed them
000
Goth Bastila Shan @gothbastilashan.bsky.social · 07/10/2026
i think its Really Cool actually that the dark side makes your face age really fast. I'm not even a little bummed out about the very real possibility of having crow's feet before I'm 30. Maybe I want that. Maybe I want to try the milf look. Ever thought of that? Bitch?
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Goth Bastila Shan @gothbastilashan.bsky.social · 07/10/2026
Just used my Battle Meditation to make a bunch of ants crawl into Zaalbar's fur and it was only mildly funny.
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Goth Bastila Shan @gothbastilashan.bsky.social · 07/10/2026
Walked in on Lord Revan watching My Little Orbak videos in her room and she turned on her lightsaber and everything and actually I didn't see her doing that and in fact she was watching videos appropriate for a normal adult lord of the sith. Thank you Lord Revan's hand for clearing that up.
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Goth Bastila Shan @gothbastilashan.bsky.social · 07/10/2026
got ordered to do hatred meditation in the corner for twenty minutes because I asked Lord Revan why I've never seen her jump before and honestly I think I deserve it.
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Goth Bastila Shan @gothbastilashan.bsky.social · 07/10/2026
revan force dominated someone while she was high again and now we're having a shipment of 400 crunchwrap supremes delivered to the ebon hawk and I'm trying to talk her out of trying to eat all of them.
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Goth Bastila Shan @gothbastilashan.bsky.social · 07/10/2026
Darth Revan just shared a vision she had with me of the distant future where a guy absorbs a giant floating holocron on Cato Neimoidia that gives him the power to look like the guy from monkey island
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Goth Bastila Shan @gothbastilashan.bsky.social · 07/10/2026
lord revan asked me "if you lost your hands or something and got robot hands but still had enough meat around the robot hands could you channel the force with them" and honestly I don't know that sounds kind of stupid but I will admit it does also sound a little badass
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Goth Bastila Shan @gothbastilashan.bsky.social · 07/10/2026
hk-47 showed me his fursona and its just him again but with boobs this time
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Goth Bastila Shan @gothbastilashan.bsky.social · 07/10/2026
Just gave a Rakatan a vape to see what would happen and he immediately started doing sick smoke tricks with it and its kind of hype
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Goth Bastila Shan @gothbastilashan.bsky.social · 07/10/2026
just found out the jedi order lifts the fuck ban if your species is endangered im literally a white girl with an ass that won't quit why didn't they make an exception for me
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Goth Bastila Shan @gothbastilashan.bsky.social · 07/10/2026
When Darth Malak was torturing me there was a solid eleven minutes where he tried tickling me with a big pink feather in various places. He even said "coochy coochy coo" a few times. It didn't phase me at all so he injected me with 400ccs of dragonsnake venom which was not as fun.
010
Goth Bastila Shan @gothbastilashan.bsky.social · 07/10/2026
Found a crumpled up piece of paper in the trash labeled "possible darth names for bastila" I am flattered that Lord Revan thinks I might be ready for such a title but... Darth Agoni?
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Goth Bastila Shan @gothbastilashan.bsky.social · 07/10/2026
In hindsight it is kind of weird that the jedi order only lets you dress like a desert-dwelling hobo or some kind of winter themed yoga instructor. hopefully they stop doing that.
010
Goth Bastila Shan @gothbastilashan.bsky.social · 07/10/2026
Revan just now tried to use the star forge to print out one hundred copies of hk-47 and they started sucking and fucking each other like crazy and its really loud.
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Goth Bastila Shan @gothbastilashan.bsky.social · 07/10/2026
I am not "easy to manipulate" I am simply a very kind and altruistic person. The reason I shoot lightning out of my fingers now is an altruistic one. Darth Revan told me.
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Goth Bastila Shan @gothbastilashan.bsky.social · 07/10/2026
reading over several sith holocrons right now to find the ancient force technique where you don't get your black lipstick all over the straw when you're drinking a slurpee I'm sure it must exist
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Goth Bastila Shan @gothbastilashan.bsky.social · 07/10/2026
I walked past Lord Revan's room during meditation hours and she was just saying Shadow the Hedgehog quotes to herself in a really bad Shadow the Hedgehog voice
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Goth Bastila Shan @gothbastilashan.bsky.social · 07/10/2026
sometimes when im eating hot chips zaalbar looks at me with his wet dog eyes because he wants some so I eat the whole bag in front of him so I can watch him suffer more
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Goth Bastila Shan @gothbastilashan.bsky.social · 06/10/2026
Darth Revan sometimes asks if killing a 14 year old was going a bit far but honestly I bet in the future there will be another jedi who turns to the dark side and kills like way more children who are like, way younger than 14 so honestly not that bad. And legally speaking Zaalbar did it, so like...
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Goth Bastila Shan @gothbastilashan.bsky.social · 06/10/2026
Lord Revan came to my quarters, pillow in arm saying she "had the nightmare about the red guy with the tentacle beard again" I think she's been drinking too much mountain dew after 9pm.
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Goth Bastila Shan @gothbastilashan.bsky.social · 06/10/2026
Revan just performed a Sith Chant she came up with where she just says the names of a bunch of sith lords including her own name in a foreboding whisper. I don't think it'll catch on, honestly.
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Goth Bastila Shan @gothbastilashan.bsky.social · 06/10/2026
it was lowkey funny watching Carth shoot his shot at the very last minute moments before his death. repubLICK my balls boot boy.
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Goth Bastila Shan @gothbastilashan.bsky.social · 06/10/2026
We passed Canderous the aux and that fucker started playing nickleback so we're dropping him off on tatooine with nothing but a rusty pipe until he can scrounge up the money for some noise canceling headphones
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Goth Bastila Shan @gothbastilashan.bsky.social · 06/10/2026
it is ragatha for the record but I lie and say zooble. I think Lord Revan has begun to detect my deceit which is why she keeps asking.
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Goth Bastila Shan @gothbastilashan.bsky.social · 06/10/2026
Darth Revan told me her favorite life day tradition is watching weird vr porn in her living room. Zaalbar called this "unc behavior" so as punishment Revan made him forget what his favorite color was.
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Goth Bastila Shan @gothbastilashan.bsky.social · 06/10/2026
usually it is my turn on tuesdays to pick the show we watch but darth revan made a good point when she waved her hand in front of my face so we are watching amazing digital circus again. she always asks me what character I think I'd be and hk-47 cuts me off to tell me he kins Jax whatever that means
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Goth Bastila Shan @gothbastilashan.bsky.social · 06/10/2026
Darth Revan and I just killed everyone in this failing furniture store so we can wait in the parking lot until it turns into a spirit hallowe'en but a bunch of police officers showed up instead for some reason
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Goth Bastila Shan @gothbastilashan.bsky.social · 06/10/2026
they sell lightsaber hilts at spencer's gifts you just have to look in the back
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Goth Bastila Shan @gothbastilashan.bsky.social · 06/10/2026
sometimes i use my battle meditation power to cut in line at the food court
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Goth Bastila Shan @gothbastilashan.bsky.social · 06/10/2026
had too many evil thoughts today so I had to wear sunglasses when I went to jersey mike's to use my jedi order discount. cashier definitely thought I was hung over. which I was.
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Goth Bastila Shan @gothbastilashan.bsky.social · 06/10/2026
hk-47 has been sulking in his supply closet again because he asked why we don't invite him to girl's night as the gay guy best friend and we said its because hes mean to us on purpose every day
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Goth Bastila Shan @gothbastilashan.bsky.social · 06/10/2026
id go to korriban to get my degree in killing people or maybe hatred but last time i went there it was full of reddit-ass business majors and maybe we killed everybody i dont really remember
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Goth Bastila Shan @gothbastilashan.bsky.social · 06/10/2026
sometimes when im eating peanut butter crackers I wipe the crumbs and peanut butter off my hands on zaalbar's fur and he can't do shit about it because of the life debt thing or whatever
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Goth Bastila Shan @gothbastilashan.bsky.social · 06/10/2026
sometimes when lord revan is feeling down i set course for a planet populated exclusively by low level goons so she can shoot at them with dual blasters and deal bonus sneak attack damage like old times and it really cheers her up.
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Goth Bastila Shan @gothbastilashan.bsky.social · 06/10/2026
i went to the gugan city and everyone there was talking normal
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Goth Bastila Shan @gothbastilashan.bsky.social · 06/10/2026
i can see the dialogue option box that appears under revan when she's about to say something but I just pretend not to.
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Goth Bastila Shan @gothbastilashan.bsky.social · 06/10/2026
i made lord revan in lego starwars: the complete saga and keep telling her to come look and she just keeps saying "what?" but I want it to be a surprise so I just repeat myself but she's glued to her phone making a kinemaster aura farming clip compilation of herself
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