iiinova — where your digital self keeps evolving

Rine Yan @ghostdadd.bsky.social · 08/10/2026

It was difficult to take responsibility for those things which lead to a lot self pitying behavior which to self enabling and more self pity, and I fear that if I don’t take responsibility for everything now that I will return to a worse version of myself. A myself that can’t find true happiness or

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Rine Yan @ghostdadd.bsky.social · 08/10/2026

Need to take responsibility for everything. So it’s difficult to not just feel like a problem child and a menace so I don’t know honestly. I wish I took responsibility at earlier age but I was just in over my head having sexually charged interaction and consuming pornography at such a young age.

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Rine Yan @ghostdadd.bsky.social · 08/10/2026

Have been having alot suicidal ideation as of late but I think I’ll be fine, I don’t want to think of myself as just having been a problem child and instead I just didn’t have the resources I needed to foster a high self esteem and good sense of responsibility (ironic I know). And that’s the trap I

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Rine Yan @ghostdadd.bsky.social · 08/10/2026

end? When would I have been satisfied, when it felt real? It was paradoxical in nature. I cannot feel accepted if I’m not able to be myself and any changes made will find me in that positive feedback loop. Those changes weren’t growth they marionette’d facsimiles of what I thought a “good boy” was.

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Rine Yan @ghostdadd.bsky.social · 08/10/2026

Guard down, letting those words show me the truth and it feels like I’m back at square one. Wanting to kill myself. There was no safe space for me to let my guard because I was never actually welcome in that space in the first place. Years and years and years of trying to get approval and to what

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Rine Yan @ghostdadd.bsky.social · 08/10/2026

tripping, the neediness, the approval seeking. I may be better about it now but I have long since missed my opportunity to do and be better. Even when I was alone I still had so many barriers up because the only thing I could think to do to make things better is kill myself and now I’m letting my

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Rine Yan @ghostdadd.bsky.social · 08/10/2026

Even if many mental health professionals and peers in therapy groups tell me I just need to move on. It’s just I want to make art again and I want it to mean something I want to have efffort and vulnerability but the things I have to show are just evil. It’s just all evil: the coercion, guilt

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Rine Yan @ghostdadd.bsky.social · 08/10/2026

Actions are just things that will keep me in this perpetual state of self hatred until something changes but nothing in the past changes it is what it is and it’s the present that matters, I just don’t know what to do next to satisfy the itch in my brain to take responsibility and accountability,

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Rine Yan @ghostdadd.bsky.social · 08/10/2026

Underhanded tactics to get the results I needed and stomping on their autonomy like I’ve done so many times with so many others. So now it feels like I can do anything because it’s just too huge, that I can’t do anything without being, deservingly, under a lot of scrutiny. I just feel like my past

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Rine Yan @ghostdadd.bsky.social · 08/10/2026

Accountability. That notion has disincentives me from putting all that much effort into seriously considering transitioning cause of the fear that even now I’m not holding myself accountable enough or responsible enough. A lot of that comes from the mistakes I made when working with kids.

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Rine Yan @ghostdadd.bsky.social · 08/10/2026

Very much so envious of trans women, not because they are women but because they seem so aware and empathetic like they always have been, like they were never a desperate loser. I come back to comment by a trans women I was conversation with that some trans women will transition and shirk

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Rine Yan @ghostdadd.bsky.social · 07/10/2026

Came off a bit strong but I don’t think the general sentiment would’ve been taken well regardless.

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Rine Yan @ghostdadd.bsky.social · 07/10/2026

It’s some kind of negative feeling that all the people I’d look up to and want to be in community with would have me shunned out of it due to my history. Oh well can’t be helped.

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Rine Yan @ghostdadd.bsky.social · 07/10/2026

The best thing I can do is say the wrong I’ve done to add to the conversation, I guess. It’s either that or just die in a hole alone and idk if that’s all that,,, productive?

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Rine Yan @ghostdadd.bsky.social · 07/10/2026

Bad example because I personally did not get this memo: I’d try to convince and coerce(?) people to hang out with me to the point that at the end of one of those relationships one person said they had trouble saying no and it just bounced right off of me

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Rine Yan @ghostdadd.bsky.social · 07/10/2026

Speaking from experience: it also comes from a sense of insecurity (not an excuse) that a game has to played in order to get what is wanted, instead of asking directly. Sexual frustration/repression develops and lashes out at any “given” opportunity.

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Reposted by Rine Yan

rax ‘levon honkers’ king @raxkingisdead.bsky.social · 06/10/2026

a little louder for the cheap seats in the back

One of the biggest myths is that men rape by mistake. Like, "Oh, they need consent training." But research is very clear: Sexual violence is not a mistake. It is an intentionally made decision by people who know they don't have consent. They just don't prioritize consent over things like status, power, domination, and sexual gratification.
For my research, I got a certificate of confidentiality from the National Institutes of Health, so my notes couldn't be subpoenaed. One of the reasons I call them perpetrators in my work is because every single person I interviewed confessed in that context. The first question I would ask them was, "When you received that email from Title IX that you were under investigation, did you know what it was about?" Every perpetrator I interviewed said "yes." If sexual assault were a miscommunication, you would be wondering, What have I possibly done wrong? That is not the way that any of them reacted because they knew.

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Rine Yan @ghostdadd.bsky.social · 07/10/2026

My therapist’s art fucking sucks on gof

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Rine Yan @ghostdadd.bsky.social · 06/10/2026

My therapists says I shouldn’t stress so much about the skeletons in my closet cause everyone has them, but the way people move makes me think otherwise

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Reposted by Rine Yan

Max Kay @maxkayart.bsky.social · 06/10/2026

EATING WITH YOUR HANDS IS UNLADYLIKE. #metroid #samus

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Rine Yan @ghostdadd.bsky.social · 05/10/2026

Sometimes you’re a lonely sexually frustrated young lad and you try to solve atleast one of those problems and the other kinda gets in the way

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Rine Yan @ghostdadd.bsky.social · 05/10/2026

8 year old me seeing this and deciding I’m gonna look at naked women online (this decision would cascade into worse ones)

static.klipy.com

Mewtwo's Gift of Life Quote

ALT: Mewtwo's Gift of Life Quote

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Rine Yan @ghostdadd.bsky.social · 05/10/2026

I could’ve seen angels egg in theaters I’m pissed the heck off

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Rine Yan @ghostdadd.bsky.social · 05/10/2026

Intellectualizing being drunk

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Rine Yan @ghostdadd.bsky.social · 05/10/2026

You just know Samus’s right tricep is built like a brick

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Rine Yan @ghostdadd.bsky.social · 05/10/2026

I feel my spirits lightened a bit but also feel lame as fuck lmao

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Rine Yan @ghostdadd.bsky.social · 04/10/2026

Having glasses is cool cause whenever I don’t want to make eye contact with someone I’m walking by I just push them up

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Rine Yan @ghostdadd.bsky.social · 03/10/2026

Now I just don’t talk to anyone unless I just so happen to see them in the wild

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Rine Yan @ghostdadd.bsky.social · 03/10/2026

I had a former friend call me a predator and say that no matter what I think will ever change me that and I really wanted to believe they weren’t right, of course I wouldn’t.

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Rine Yan @ghostdadd.bsky.social · 03/10/2026

Edge of falling into their own creation

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Rine Yan @ghostdadd.bsky.social · 03/10/2026

A personal consequence of this JG shit is that I no longer feel *as* inclined to 100% silksong, his prose about the beauty of its narrative fall flat when I just feel like he didn’t feel what he was saying with his whole ass. It feels formulaic when you are aware that someone isn’t riding that razor

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Rine Yan @ghostdadd.bsky.social · 03/10/2026

Themselves in reaction to me.

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Rine Yan @ghostdadd.bsky.social · 03/10/2026

Ownership of the things I’ve done despite my circumstances, cause then I can exist outside of those circumstances and find what was being blocked out by being in those circumstances. That notion is haunting since I know for others I was also that kind of circumstance, denying themselves a part of

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Rine Yan @ghostdadd.bsky.social · 03/10/2026

The solitude has been sobering. When you are getting like crumbs of validation you get used to letting yourself truly hate yourself and want something to change. But what I’m doing isn’t “changing” I’m just rediscovering the aspects of myself I sanded down and a lot of that comes down to taking

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Rine Yan @ghostdadd.bsky.social · 03/10/2026

My therapist mentions how the brain doesn’t fully develop until whatever age and I just think like yeah. I think I was just like giving up on being the person I thought people wanted me to be and it was at a very momentous time in my life and I just failed to do the right things

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Rine Yan @ghostdadd.bsky.social · 03/10/2026

I didn’t always objectify my friends but also definitely didn’t not objectify them and it sucks that by the end of the those relationships I had started to like actually get what I was doing or that I could just stop doing it but it took me along time. I just didn’t get it, like the fullness of my

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Rine Yan @ghostdadd.bsky.social · 03/10/2026

I was doing work I didn’t really care about enough to not put my ego into, thinking I could do something good and special but slowly because of weed and exhaustion my decision making was erratic and embarrassing

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Rine Yan @ghostdadd.bsky.social · 03/10/2026

I even failed at working with kids without being a fucking weirdo and I’m very grateful that that shit didn’t bite me two hard in the ass, besides loosing said job, but that’s alright in the grand scheme of things

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Rine Yan @ghostdadd.bsky.social · 03/10/2026

I spent so much time drowning out all my feelings in YouTube reruns that sleeping in silence is alien. It brings me back to those lonely nights where I couldn’t fool myself into thinking that the people I’d *decided* were my friends actually didn’t and had no reason to give a fuck about me

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Rine Yan @ghostdadd.bsky.social · 03/10/2026

Anytime I map out what caused me to deceive or harm people it is enlightening but ultimately after all the reflection and hurt from owning the truth of the whole matter I come back to this image

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Rine Yan @ghostdadd.bsky.social · 02/10/2026

I used valuable mental energy and conscious having good thought procurement on remembering my victims Bluesky handle, very cool, almost as cool as going into my ex girlfriends place of employement and staring at her for 5 seconds too long

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Rine Yan @ghostdadd.bsky.social · 02/10/2026

Cyber stalking is so hip and cool!

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