iiinova — where your digital self keeps evolving

kytalli @gena.bsky.social · 23/05/2026

self hate is a luxury. I suck it up, I live with myself. I hate myself, I love myself, I dream of myself, parading that long hallway of mirrors and every single beam of light is multiplied. I’m blinded by the promise of the future; I’m razed down by heat of being exposed.

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kytalli @gena.bsky.social · 23/05/2026

stupid and blind creature barging through the lab of shadows. that’s life in my mind.

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kytalli @gena.bsky.social · 23/05/2026

everyone who ever told me anything about me was entirely right, also entirely wrong. I could never have listened to them if I sensed a single grain of inaccuracy. they were screaming at me ahead of me and I was disappearing because they turned back.

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kytalli @gena.bsky.social · 23/05/2026

my potential means nothing; I’m already there riding that inevitable extrusion of my promise. it continues, the long gruelling road of work of handshakes and rejections and exhilaration and grief. it continues, it never ends. the pain and the necessity commingled permanently like cement.

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kytalli @gena.bsky.social · 23/05/2026

I’m older now so I tell myself calmly, that being disappointed during a period of hardship is normal. that it is okay to identify what i’m experiencing as hardship.

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kytalli @gena.bsky.social · 23/05/2026

what was it worth? what is it worth? my stubborn manifestation of hope.

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kytalli @gena.bsky.social · 23/05/2026

I can’t stop being abstract with these feelings because the years have compressed and hardened into round pearls.

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kytalli @gena.bsky.social · 23/05/2026

with my conviction, I sought to be gentle and pure in this world. i’m coming to that age where I must make a decision on what it was worth… what was it worth? free bird.

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kytalli @gena.bsky.social · 23/05/2026

recovering again that urge to spontaneously cry in the day. i’ve been with the people i love for so long, and it’s about time to retire some identities. we will never get them back, and some feelings we may chase forever.

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kytalli @gena.bsky.social · 23/05/2026

strangest in between year. everyone around me is sinking into domestic patterns even as we ascend into public roles. again, we’ve only got ourselves to rely on.

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kytalli @gena.bsky.social · 23/05/2026

at the advent of every decade is a dream………. i’m not yet 30 but I feel like I’m already there

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kytalli @gena.bsky.social · 18/05/2025

(Someone loves me, and it is messy, and it is not what I expected, but I love them too, I think)

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kytalli @gena.bsky.social · 09/03/2025

I am deeply ordinary but it is okay to be and still want to be king. I will spill out my life for it, and that’s what matters. even failure will be wine from the neck of a lamb.

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kytalli @gena.bsky.social · 03/03/2025

I guess I have lost (my attention is not large enough to contain the context) so the rest of the project of self sits somewhere murky and obscured, hidden by an angle of a table.

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kytalli @gena.bsky.social · 03/03/2025

the parts are easier to look at, I find, rubbing each lustrous bead, natural, pearly and irregular. these accumulations of sarira.

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kytalli @gena.bsky.social · 03/03/2025

I’ve collected a new bad habit this year of labour: of packing my schedule full of activities so that when I can allow a din to occupy what remains of that empty time. (Am I afraid of thinking alone? I thwack back a projectile of sound, returning me with echoes, a feeling decayed into parts)

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kytalli @gena.bsky.social · 03/03/2025

luckily for me, even in moments of doubt now I drift towards tall goal posts with fluttering flags in the distance. there is this raft of previously conceived and committed decisions, and that constantly running paddle wheel, shovelling water out of the way simplistically.

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kytalli @gena.bsky.social · 03/03/2025

all my beloveds are dead, i’m lying in bed a year after deciding to work very hard, and next week I will fly to japan to see an old lover. all things considered, i had done my best to diminish my bad qualities. so well, it left me questioning if i had erased my elemental self too.

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Reposted by kytalli

kytalli @gena.bsky.social · 14/09/2023

anyone can do it, but the fact of the matter is that they won’t. and I will not be a coward anymore, knowing I wield this capacity to ‘spill out my life’… i will not live moderately, I don’t want to.

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kytalli @gena.bsky.social · 20/11/2024

ok honestly why on earth is everyone literally moving to bsky. I mean the ui is much better from when I left, but it's making me sad - does this mean I need to rebuild networks. im so lazy

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kytalli @gena.bsky.social · 18/06/2024

me, you, rising from a batholith

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kytalli @gena.bsky.social · 16/02/2024

have to be honest, one day something good will happen, and I will have to meet it with my real face.

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kytalli @gena.bsky.social · 15/02/2024

Eating tiramisu at a friend’s house after being a total bitch. That is the way

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kytalli @gena.bsky.social · 15/02/2024

There is no confession I could not make.

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kytalli @gena.bsky.social · 15/02/2024

My self is so fractured by my lies.

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kytalli @gena.bsky.social · 15/02/2024

I enjoy suffering, I enjoy putting people through the trials of my wilfulness, i enjoy the opportunity when it comes. I enjoy stringing people along into fantasy lives, I enjoy lying, i enjoy being wicked. I enjoy it when I get to be. When I can.

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kytalli @gena.bsky.social · 15/02/2024

Shamelessly lying in your arms, shamelessly letting myself be eaten by you, shamelessly with your thumb up my sex. Shamelessly called by my named, shamelessly loved. Shamelessly told my story like it mattered.

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kytalli @gena.bsky.social · 15/02/2024

Purity is the result of letting too many actions remain a hypothetical. If you never hurt a single person how can you say you’ve lived.

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kytalli @gena.bsky.social · 15/02/2024

I don’t do things i dislike. I never have. So maybe i have to admit i enjoy the taste of being selfish and cruel. Then that makes me a bad person. The more i indulged in it the more my appetite grew. It became like an experiment, how much further could i push it

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kytalli @gena.bsky.social · 15/02/2024

Everything i have i owe to the kindness of others. All my memories in love happened because someone let themselves love me. I squander away my gifts.

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kytalli @gena.bsky.social · 15/02/2024

Shamelessly living a life as though consequences don’t exist. What i learnt from “everything heals” is “everyone heals”. Forgiveness happens automatically when you forget. Everyone forgets.

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kytalli @gena.bsky.social · 15/02/2024

Shamelessly evading you, shamelessly making you laugh, shamelessly coating your unhappiness with my humour.

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kytalli @gena.bsky.social · 21/12/2023

oh yeah i guess the banality of it is annoying. they should have been like "yo look at your top purchase of the year" or "look at your most expensive but least used rolling subscription" that would be pretty useful but would require more data

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kytalli @gena.bsky.social · 21/12/2023

sorry my desires are toxic but i conduct myself in a chaste, pious and principled way. that's what counts

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kytalli @gena.bsky.social · 21/12/2023

can someone fly over and let me enjoy them for approx 3 days

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kytalli @gena.bsky.social · 21/12/2023

now i know twitter was a load bearing pillar in helping me hold up against my otherwise unbearable desire to reunite with my ex(es)

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kytalli @gena.bsky.social · 21/12/2023

best case scenario they break twitter beyond fixing and they have no choice but to reinstate backup infrastructure and then we get circles back

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kytalli @gena.bsky.social · 21/12/2023

this actually seems cute to me but the replies tells me people hate it. is it because you guys are personal data security nuts or you guys actually keep track of your routines.

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kytalli @gena.bsky.social · 21/12/2023

feel like im on the first day of nicotine patches after smoking a pack a day

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kytalli @gena.bsky.social · 21/12/2023

honestly cautionary tale for twitter because if they keep breaking like this kids are just gonna use bsky because either 1) twitter tastes like shit 2) twitter is no longer the menthol cig and instead is the rollie cig and rollies are still worse than vapes

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kytalli @gena.bsky.social · 21/12/2023

bluesky is the vape of twitter

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kytalli @gena.bsky.social · 21/12/2023

i think my reaction to twitter breaking is addict behaviour

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kytalli @gena.bsky.social · 21/12/2023

i tweet with the function of a brain press release basically. its just so inefficient to communicate personally. i should create an actual channel but it's so embarrassing

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kytalli @gena.bsky.social · 21/12/2023

anyway this all happens because i don't reply to any of my text messages

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kytalli @gena.bsky.social · 21/12/2023

also i have 40 bsky codes lol i should distribute to my real friends so that i have contacts for radio communications or something. bsky is really becoming bunker infrastructure

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kytalli @gena.bsky.social · 21/12/2023

it doesn't affect my livelihood i.e food etc but it does make me very irritable and ready for a reichstag fire. something to think about

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kytalli @gena.bsky.social · 21/12/2023

everytime some dumb shit like this happens on twitter i rmb how many times i shit on web infrastructure beign like "thats not even real infrastructure it's literally just code" but then when it breaks im like. actually code is so important

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kytalli @gena.bsky.social · 21/12/2023

now im just going to be noisy on bluesky since im in the white room all alone anyway fuck

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